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Old 11-21-2011, 02:31 PM   #1
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Default meeting a guy from a dating site for the first time!

So, I'm on POF. I met a guy on there, and we've been talking for about a week and a half. We're friends on facebook, so he's seen all of my good pictures, and my not so good pictures.

Not necessarily with him, but with any guy I meet online, I always have this fear of meeting him and him thinking I'm too fat. I can't seem to find ANY FA's in my area, so I'm 'stuck' (don't feel stuck, just couldn't think of an appropriate word) dating guys who are with me for my personality, and they seem to just overlook my size (about a 26).

Surely I'm not the only one who experiences this, right? Any words of wisdom for me? I'm fairly young (23), but every guy I've ever met (online and in person) tells me that they would be more attracted to me if I weren't so insecure, but I always have that insecurity that I'll be too big, and I definitely don't want to be a guys biggest girl ever.

Advice appreciated and welcomed with open arms!
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Old 11-21-2011, 04:57 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by bbwgatorgirl View Post
So, I'm on POF. I met a guy on there, and we've been talking for about a week and a half. We're friends on facebook, so he's seen all of my good pictures, and my not so good pictures.

Not necessarily with him, but with any guy I meet online, I always have this fear of meeting him and him thinking I'm too fat. I can't seem to find ANY FA's in my area, so I'm 'stuck' (don't feel stuck, just couldn't think of an appropriate word) dating guys who are with me for my personality, and they seem to just overlook my size (about a 26).

Surely I'm not the only one who experiences this, right? Any words of wisdom for me? I'm fairly young (23), but every guy I've ever met (online and in person) tells me that they would be more attracted to me if I weren't so insecure, but I always have that insecurity that I'll be too big, and I definitely don't want to be a guys biggest girl ever.

Advice appreciated and welcomed with open arms!
I think until YOU accept YOU and do not focus or worry that you are too big or whatever, that it would be better to take any relationships with a person on those sites very slow and not meet until you can do it without feeling so insecure.

Being a little nervous or apprehensive is normal in this situation but I think you should be able to walk in feeling confident and that you are a total catch! Instead of thinking "I don't want to be his biggest", hopefully you will think "he has never known anyone like me-- lucky guy"

*Plus if you are showing pics of how you really look and are laying it all out in the open to start with about your size, then you are probably attracting guys that find you physically attractive and pursue with that knowledge.

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Old 11-21-2011, 05:31 PM   #3
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I met the guy I live with on POF. There ARE men on there that like bigger ladies even if they don't scream it in their opening heading. (I'm about your same size, too, btw. I have had more luck on the "regular" dating circuits than on the bbw sites, to be totally honest.)

Just be honest about who you are- including your size. Who wants the nightmare of a guy telling you that you are bigger than he expected? I know that I don't so I recommend putting up a body shot or just say it on your page.

With all that being said, don't make all the focus to be about your size. I think elaborating more on what you do and what you like should be the main conversation/information on your page.

Good luck
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Old 11-21-2011, 11:46 PM   #4
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it's quite clear that he likes you and they way you look or else he wouldn't have been talking to you and asked to meet you in person . you are a beautiful woman and you have to see that before someone else has too !

may god be with always and stay beautiful !

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Old 11-22-2011, 09:38 AM   #5
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Default re: meeting a guy from a dating site for the first time!

Is it possible that the issue is not your insecurity, but the insecurity of the guys you're meeting? Maybe they are attracted to you, but have second thoughts when they consider close-minded friends or family. Just a thought. You are obviously very attractive (wish I was 20 years younger!), be patient and you will meet someone who cares about you as you are.
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Old 11-22-2011, 02:33 PM   #6
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This reminded me that I had a POF account that I made like 5 years ago. So I just went on, deleted the ancient pictures (omg I looked weird!) and did some updating... and ended up talking to a cute guy for the rest of the night!

Im used to hooking up with dudes on Facebook, but I think this guy is looking for something more serious (thats what his POF profile says)... and Im not sure how to go about it!
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Old 11-22-2011, 03:29 PM   #7
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I think some of it may also be that they're just meeting me to make fun of me. I had a rough childhood with bullying (as I'm sure many of us did), and that is always in the back of my mind as well. Like, he will show up with his buddies just to laugh at me.
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Old 11-22-2011, 03:56 PM   #8
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I think some of it may also be that they're just meeting me to make fun of me. I had a rough childhood with bullying (as I'm sure many of us did), and that is always in the back of my mind as well. Like, he will show up with his buddies just to laugh at me.
Yeah and people like that should be tortured in a embarrassing fashion, or i'd take aim for a headshot with a paintball gun if anyone did that to a lady..
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Old 11-22-2011, 04:51 PM   #9
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snipasauras be patient and you will meet someone who cares about you as you are.
Totally agree with this. Be honest to yourself, don't let fear or insecurity potentially sabotage what could be.

Last guy I met from the net, crazy connection, just from the first night, both of us talking shit stoned we both knew it was something full on. Not just on a sexual level because at first I was just thinking how I'd do him but then how ridiculous this is, the age thing and differences in life experiences etc.

He's 15 years my junior lol a hot lil surfer I told him my concerns of me being too old too fat and all that shit before we met, and then said at the very least when we meet we can get high & talk shit and we'll both have a new mate.

4 months later, I have a new best friend and lover, partner in crime! It may not be conventional, or forever, but its certainly the most beautiful relationship with a man I have ever encountered.

You just never know where the day may take you.
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Old 11-26-2011, 02:42 PM   #10
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Is it possible that the issue is not your insecurity, but the insecurity of the guys you're meeting? Maybe they are attracted to you, but have second thoughts when they consider close-minded friends or family. Just a thought. You are obviously very attractive (wish I was 20 years younger!), be patient and you will meet someone who cares about you as you are.
Seriously, listen to this guy. I am big myself and I get this from girls all the time. Insecurity is definitely a 2-way street.
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Old 11-27-2011, 05:18 AM   #11
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So, I'm on POF. I met a guy on there, and we've been talking for about a week and a half. We're friends on facebook, so he's seen all of my good pictures, and my not so good pictures.

Not necessarily with him, but with any guy I meet online, I always have this fear of meeting him and him thinking I'm too fat. I can't seem to find ANY FA's in my area, so I'm 'stuck' (don't feel stuck, just couldn't think of an appropriate word) dating guys who are with me for my personality, and they seem to just overlook my size (about a 26).

Surely I'm not the only one who experiences this, right? Any words of wisdom for me? I'm fairly young (23), but every guy I've ever met (online and in person) tells me that they would be more attracted to me if I weren't so insecure, but I always have that insecurity that I'll be too big, and I definitely don't want to be a guys biggest girl ever.

Advice appreciated and welcomed with open arms!
bbwgatorgirl. Never worry about you insecurity. It is what makes you the person you are. A man should never judge you or look at your insecurities. A man should look at who you are and see your personality and heart for who you are. See to me the most important thing in a relationship is to make a connection with the womens personality and heart. Those are the things I fall for. That and I am a sucker for beautiful eyes and a smile. You are a very storng independent woman and that there is the biggest attraction about you. I see your personality not your insecurities. My arms are open for you if you ever want to talk. You have a good friend here. I was raised a woman should be treated with the upmost respect that they deserve and to except them for who they are. You have been and always will be very beautiful in my book. Me being a true FA, I find more beauty in bigger woman then a skinny little twig.
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Old 11-27-2011, 06:45 AM   #12
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I can definetely relate to being insecure. I'm about the same size as you too and once was average size and back than I was as insecure as I am now. I just can't understand how someone could ever be interested in me!! I think you have to focus on the guy, do you really want to meet him? What about him is attractive and so on? Then when you think about it how you feel it is easier to ímagine why he likes you. And believe it!
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Old 01-03-2012, 12:26 AM   #13
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I think some of it may also be that they're just meeting me to make fun of me. I had a rough childhood with bullying (as I'm sure many of us did), and that is always in the back of my mind as well. Like, he will show up with his buddies just to laugh at me.
Oh pumpkin!! God can I relate!! In junior high I was bullied so viciously. High school got a little better but there would always be some hot shot guy who would come over to me and try and be all sweet and ask me out. Meanwhile I stare at them and then pointedly look over their shoulder to see their douchebag friends chortling because they think it was funny to dare their friend to ask out "the fat girl." I hate to say it but it still leaves me with a little voice in the back of my head.

Even now at 27 years old, whenever I'm out and some good looking guy comes over and starts talking to me or straight out asks me on a date. I'm always, without a doubt, searching the room for their cronies somewhere in the room chortling because they bet their friend he couldn't get the fat girl to go on a date with him.

It's really hard to adjust I know, but I have to say, I'm agreeing with the men who have posted that tell you the guys are either insecure or they should be looking past your insecurities. I think it's logical for men to understand in our society; there is weight intolerance and most, if not all, bigger women have been made to feel bad about themselves at some point. And because they know this, they should definitely be overlooking your insecurities and instead be offering you reassurance physically and verbally that you are what they want!!
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Old 01-05-2012, 06:48 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by bbwgatorgirl View Post
So, I'm on POF. I met a guy on there, and we've been talking for about a week and a half. We're friends on facebook, so he's seen all of my good pictures, and my not so good pictures.

Not necessarily with him, but with any guy I meet online, I always have this fear of meeting him and him thinking I'm too fat. I can't seem to find ANY FA's in my area, so I'm 'stuck' (don't feel stuck, just couldn't think of an appropriate word) dating guys who are with me for my personality, and they seem to just overlook my size (about a 26).

Surely I'm not the only one who experiences this, right? Any words of wisdom for me? I'm fairly young (23), but every guy I've ever met (online and in person) tells me that they would be more attracted to me if I weren't so insecure, but I always have that insecurity that I'll be too big, and I definitely don't want to be a guys biggest girl ever.

Advice appreciated and welcomed with open arms!
So how did it go?
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Old 01-11-2012, 05:48 PM   #15
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So, I'm on POF. I met a guy on there, and we've been talking for about a week and a half. We're friends on facebook, so he's seen all of my good pictures, and my not so good pictures.

Not necessarily with him, but with any guy I meet online, I always have this fear of meeting him and him thinking I'm too fat. I can't seem to find ANY FA's in my area, so I'm 'stuck' (don't feel stuck, just couldn't think of an appropriate word) dating guys who are with me for my personality, and they seem to just overlook my size (about a 26).

Surely I'm not the only one who experiences this, right? Any words of wisdom for me? I'm fairly young (23), but every guy I've ever met (online and in person) tells me that they would be more attracted to me if I weren't so insecure, but I always have that insecurity that I'll be too big, and I definitely don't want to be a guys biggest girl ever.

Advice appreciated and welcomed with open arms!

I was the same way as you! I live in a smaller city of 25,000people and meeting guys online was hard. But I met my b'f of over 2 years on POF. I had met other guys on there and talked for weeks and once we met it didn't go anywhere. There are all kinds of crazies on there. I was thinking POF was not the place for me when a cute man messaged me. He didn't live in the same city as me but was in town working for a few months so I got to know him and fell in love! He ended up moving here and we live together.
I think you have to know what you are really looking for when you go on there. Be proud of who you are!! There is the perfect man out there for you. I used to worry about what others thought of me but now I don't give a crap. People can stare and all that but I am who I am and I love me!
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Old 02-10-2012, 01:46 PM   #16
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I chuckled to myself as I read your post cause I could see myself writing the same thing... I think it is always more unnerving meeting people when they come from cyber space... I have always been honest about myself and how I look and how I am and when you meet someone in person first you can gage their reaction but getting to know someone online first and then meeting I think is nerve racking, so many things run through my mind, I don't think it is so much an esteem issue its the building up to this point issue and being afraid of being disappointed or disappointing someone you have come to know and like... but it might be the best thing ever so I guess sometimes its worth the nerves right???
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Old 02-11-2012, 10:33 AM   #17
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Who wants the nightmare of a guy telling you that you are bigger than he expected?
Why is that such a "nightmare"?
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Old 02-11-2012, 10:58 AM   #18
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Why is that such a "nightmare"?
Most guys are assholes about that sort of thing. Unless you plainly state how big you are, which I find is much easier
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Old 02-11-2012, 11:05 AM   #19
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Most guys are assholes about that sort of thing. Unless you plainly state how big you are, which I find is much easier
I was just curious because every time I've met a woman from online and she was bigger than I expected I found it to be a pleasant surprise and I would hope that I'm not the only one. That being said I never gave any indication that I felt this way
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Old 02-12-2012, 03:09 PM   #20
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Why is that such a "nightmare"?
Because not all men are FAs and some of us attract them some of the time (or hell, most of the time, in my case).
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Old 02-15-2012, 05:52 PM   #21
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Why is that such a "nightmare"?
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Originally Posted by FatAndProud View Post
Most guys are assholes about that sort of thing. Unless you plainly state how big you are, which I find is much easier
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I was just curious because every time I've met a woman from online and she was bigger than I expected I found it to be a pleasant surprise and I would hope that I'm not the only one. That being said I never gave any indication that I felt this way
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Because not all men are FAs and some of us attract them some of the time (or hell, most of the time, in my case).
What they said....not all guys (matter of fact....I dare say the majority) don't react nicely. I can tell when one dislikes my size/weight without him even saying so.
There is a big difference in a how a man that digs you and one that doesn't look at you. Even the ones that are a gentleman about it.

Oh and let me add this: I tend to have much better results on the non bbw specific sites because a lot FAs simply don't find me attractive either and prefer much bigger. The "bi-sizuals" or guys that tend to find me physically attractive don't fall under the term FA.
Either way- it's no fun for a woman when she realizes it boils down to her weight/size with all other factors out the window.
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Old 02-15-2012, 09:16 PM   #22
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I wish I could meet all of the awesome people here in person, I think it would be a great time, its nice to get to know people first sometimes, and I have met some cool people here, I think it might be the only time I meet someone for the first time and not be nervous or shy(yes I can be shy LOL)... hmm anyone smart enough to make a teleporter yet, would make travelling to meet everyone so much easier
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Old 02-17-2012, 06:09 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by Diana_Prince245 View Post
Because not all men are FAs and some of us attract them some of the time (or hell, most of the time, in my case).
Well it was probably never going to work to date someone who isnt attracted to your body. Sure guys are terrible at relaying this information in a respectable manner but at least you find out he's an ass before a lot of time is invested.
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Old 02-17-2012, 10:54 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by LordQuas View Post
Well it was probably never going to work to date someone who isnt attracted to your body. Sure guys are terrible at relaying this information in a respectable manner but at least you find out he's an ass before a lot of time is invested.
Since a decent amount of men who are attracted to larger bodies are in the closet, afraid of what their family and friends will think, afraid of what society will think or just afraid of their own damn shadows in general, sometimes a woman has to take a chance on non a FA. It doesn't always work out but every now and then it does, making the end result worth the possible heartache.
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Old 02-18-2012, 06:23 AM   #25
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Not to mention that some of us are kinda inbetween -- not big enough for FAs, not small enough for the rest. We date who acts interested, even if it doesn't work out.

And the only guy who has openly expressed disappointment in my size was an FA. I'm sure there have been others, but they kept it to themselves.
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