MidLife Crisis

[one2one]

Lately, I've been feeling really restless and wondering if I might be on the verge of the notorious midlife crisis. I just haven't figured out what it is that I want to do about it, but I have such a pervasive sense that there's something else that comes next. Does anyone else feel this way?

[Dromond]

Not really. I never experienced a mid-life crisis, so I can't advise you on it.

[Still a Skye fan]

Hmmm...I'm going to hit my 46th birthday on January 12 and I don't feel any different.

I have a job I actually like which pays decently and lets me use my two college degrees. I have a dipshit boss but then whose boss is "perfect"?

I live in a mortgage free house.

My car will be paid off in April 2012 and I'll get to experience life free of car payments for the first time in YEARS.

I'm ridiculously healthy and feel fine.

I've been seeing a nice gal for the past year or so.

So...I currently have no urge to find a 20-something trophy wife or buy a sports car or whatever one does during a mid-life crisis. My life actually isn't all that bad right now.

Dennis

[LillyBBBW]

Originally Posted by one2one

Lately, I've been feeling really restless and wondering if I might be on the verge of the notorious midlife crisis. I just haven't figured out what it is that I want to do about it, but I have such a pervasive sense that there's something else that comes next. Does anyone else feel this way?

I've kinda been in that place for a while now. I've gotten bored with my life -- which has been good, no cmpliants -- but felt like it was time for a change. I've done some small things that have been good for me so far but I see even bigger things on the horizon. The job I'm in now looks like it will be ending/outsourced soon and I'm going to have to figure out what I'm going to do with that circumstance. It's scary but I'm excited too. I might have to start all over again and that actually doesn't look so bad to me. Maybe my band will take off and I'll be traveling. Maybe I'll have a new career. Maybe I'll be homeless and destitute. It's exciting.

[Webmaster]

Having already gone through my 40s and left them behind, I can tell you that a midlife crisis in one's 40s is not an inevitability. I never had one in my 40s, or 50s. In fact, my 40s probably were the time in my life where I accomplished most.

And the other good news: you have many, many good years ahead of you. I know. :-)

[Tracyarts]

I've been having a lot of thoughts lately about where I want to go with the rest of my life. I missed out on a lot of things in my 30's because I was in such a bad place health, mobility, and energy-wise. While most of my peers spent those years building careers, raising families, saving a nest egg, working on personal endeavors, etc... I just coasted along and did what I could, when I could without any real plan.

Now that I am able to do more, I'm having a very hard time deciding what exactly it is that I should do.

A lot of my friends are having similar thoughts though. Is there something better? More fulfilling? More meaningful? The only real difference between us is that for me is that I'm just starting out, while they are making a turnaround mid-stream. But this whole "what next?" feeling seems to be fairly common among people I know who are around the mid-30's to late 40's age range.

Tracy

[Ruffie]

I don't think mine qualifies as the stereotypical mid life crisis, I don't want to drop the hubby for a younger man or drive a sports car. Rather mine is stress related where I would just like some me time. I feel like I have lost a lot of myself this past year. Work changed for me after I changed positions in the organization due to stress, a photography business that took a huge hit in this economy and my 80 year old mom still living in her home and the responsibilities there. Add to it that my son has recently bought a house with his girlfriend who has two children from a previous relationship and we have become instant grandparents there as well as trying to keep up with my heart children and grandchildren I am exhausted. In October I hot a deer on the hiway at night and had whiplash and a low grade back injury as well as totalling off my jeep. So its been recovery with occupational therapy, massages, doctor visits and having to work through the process. Then there was shopping for a new vehicle o the little amount insurance gave me for the settlement and then added debt to obtain a new one. Have not made time for hobbies and interests and I think with year of adjustments and challenges its going to take this old girl time to find herself again.

[Fuzzy]

I think the mid-life crises of the past 30s and 40s doesn't apply to us because we don't consider them as mid-life. I'm think we'll hit that in our 50s..

(mainly because "they" keep raising the retirement age.. )

[one2one]

Originally Posted by Webmaster

you have many, many good years ahead of you. I know. :-)

This is good to know!

Perhaps crisis was the wrong word to use because I'm not at a crisis point. More like a turning point. As Dennis mentioned, things are relatively stable in my life, and for the first time in a few years I can sit back and think about what I want to do instead of just what I need to do. And it is exciting, Lilly.

Maybe the opportunity aspect of it is the way to discover what direction it will go. Something more purposeful than the way life has far too often changed the course of things for me, without being the one to make the choices.

My profession has always been meaningful for me and still is, but I think I'm realizing that much of my life away from work is about taking care of details and doesn't include enough of the things I'm passionate about or that are fulfilling and give back to me in some way. I would like to create a life that fits me better in those ways.

Originally Posted by Ruffie

I don't think mine qualifies as the stereotypical mid life crisis, I don't want to drop the hubby for a younger man or drive a sports car. Rather mine is stress related where I would just like some me time. I feel like I have lost a lot of myself this past year. Work changed for me after I changed positions in the organization due to stress, a photography business that took a huge hit in this economy and my 80 year old mom still living in her home and the responsibilities there. Add to it that my son has recently bought a house with his girlfriend who has two children from a previous relationship and we have become instant grandparents there as well as trying to keep up with my heart children and grandchildren I am exhausted. In October I hot a deer on the hiway at night and had whiplash and a low grade back injury as well as totalling off my jeep. So its been recovery with occupational therapy, massages, doctor visits and having to work through the process. Then there was shopping for a new vehicle o the little amount insurance gave me for the settlement and then added debt to obtain a new one. Have not made time for hobbies and interests and I think with year of adjustments and challenges its going to take this old girl time to find herself again.

My heart really goes out to you, Ruffie. You're going through so much right now, and at least in regard to your injuries, I know how hard it is. I've been there, too. I know you didn't ask for advise, but please try and put yourself first. Let it be OK to say 'no' to other people and 'yes' to what you need.

p.s. About the sports car: I am probably going to shop for a new car this year, and I am craving an Audi. In a big way. I don't know why; it's totally out of my price range.

[Ruffie]

Thank you one2one for Taking the time to post your kind words and advice. I am working on trying to put myself first and take care of what I need to in order to heal. Need to just take things as they come and take steps to get to where I need to go physically and spiritually. Healing on both fronts in the coming year is the goal!!

[LillyBBBW]

Originally Posted by Ruffie

I don't think mine qualifies as the stereotypical mid life crisis, I don't want to drop the hubby for a younger man or drive a sports car. Rather mine is stress related where I would just like some me time. I feel like I have lost a lot of myself this past year. Work changed for me after I changed positions in the organization due to stress, a photography business that took a huge hit in this economy and my 80 year old mom still living in her home and the responsibilities there. Add to it that my son has recently bought a house with his girlfriend who has two children from a previous relationship and we have become instant grandparents there as well as trying to keep up with my heart children and grandchildren I am exhausted. In October I hot a deer on the hiway at night and had whiplash and a low grade back injury as well as totalling off my jeep. So its been recovery with occupational therapy, massages, doctor visits and having to work through the process. Then there was shopping for a new vehicle o the little amount insurance gave me for the settlement and then added debt to obtain a new one. Have not made time for hobbies and interests and I think with year of adjustments and challenges its going to take this old girl time to find herself again.

Ruffie not everyone is comfortable doing this but I would highly recommend an hour every other week at a spa for a massage. When I was going through something similar I was desperate to try anything to ease some real fatigue I was experiencing and went in for a relaxation massage. It really was the turning point for me as far as getting back on my feet again. I saw it as a frivolous thing at first but it turned out to be the most responsible thing I could have done. That hour really helped to put me in a state of mind to put things into perspective and clear away the things that were stopping me from moving forward. I would highly recommend it.

You too one2one. I'm actually thinking of going back myself. It really was helpful in ways that were unexpected.

[Ruffie]

Thanks Lilly I do currently go for weekly massages that the insurance company is paying for. Starting next month I will be paying for them on my own so will be as you said every second week because it does help so much. I am also getting back into exercise slowly as it was just enough to get through a work day and household chores when first injured. Husband and I starting an exercise room in the house with some equipment, some aquacise if there is room in the post holiday class and maybe a little aerobics will help with stress management too.

[one2one]

Originally Posted by LillyBBBW

You too one2one.

Thank you, Lilly. This is a really good idea.

[Lamia]

I think for some of us a mid-life crisis doesn't happen because we've never grown up. *that would be me*

[bigmac]

Thinking its about time for another midlife crisis -- which usually involves a U-haul truck, a cross country trip, and a new career. Seattle's looking good.

[QuasimodoQT]

Originally Posted by bigmac

Thinking its about time for another midlife crisis -- which usually involves a U-haul truck, a cross country trip, and a new career. Seattle's looking good.

Had to laugh at this.

I had a crisis, and I'm in my mid-life, but I don't put the two together. I think most people would assume it, though, as I moved from Manhattan back to OR, and now am "currently without career path." Now getting my confidence back, and with it, my creative energies, so things are definitely percolating.

[BBW Betty]

Well, I have to buy a new car. Repairs on mine are starting to equal car payments, so I might as well, right? Well, keeping in mind a price range, and narrowed down to two. Plus keeping in mind what we really need, (sigh).

Looks like I may have to pass up this:

http://www.chevrolet.com/colorado-mi...ruck/pictures/

and instead get something like this:

http://www.dodge.com/en/2012/grand_caravan/

the van just seems so, I dunno, "mature."

[StretchII]

BBW Betty, I had to go through the same thing. I just gave up my 79'Vette and have to find something more fuel efficient. On the plus side, I found out it's much cheaper to live in beautifull Myrtle Beach SC, than up here in Chicago. Sometimes things work out.

[sobie18]

My own personal opinion of mid-life crisis was the idea that since I am 40+ that I wondered if I "still had game." Furthest from my mind, as I don't care to be out in the clubs wearing those dorky tight shirts trying to pick up younger chicks and battling through all of those alpha-males retards. Just not for me.

I ended up buying a minivan for my musical needs and I continue to rock out with my life, my USAF career, and the fact that I'll do the best I can wherever I can.

Plus, I still have my fun/play side, which is the secret to staying young. When people ask me how old I am, I always want to answer 28 or 29, instead of 41...

However, please disregard the grey hairs that are trying to blossom...

[BBW Betty]

Originally Posted by BBW Betty

Well, I have to buy a new car. Repairs on mine are starting to equal car payments, so I might as well, right? Well, keeping in mind a price range, and narrowed down to two. Plus keeping in mind what we really need, (sigh).

Looks like I may have to pass up this:

http://www.chevrolet.com/colorado-mi...ruck/pictures/

and instead get something like this:

http://www.dodge.com/en/2012/grand_caravan/

the van just seems so, I dunno, "mature."

AHA! The best of both worlds. Last weekend, we found a good deal on a used one of these:

http://www.chevrolet.com/traverse-crossover-suv/

It's red and is roomy enough for me. It's the car I've been wanting but never thought I could have. Win!

[mybluice]

Well as much as I hate to admit I am in my 40's, I am. For the first time in my adult life I started doing something for myself (I am a single mom of 2, one is 20 "gulp" and the other 10), so it's always been them first.

No, I didn't go chase down a 20 something stud, nor did I buy a new sports car. I decided over my Christmas break to remodel my master bedroom and bath. I tore out all the walls and insulation. I learned how to hang drywall, tape and mud, cut and install baseboard, crown moulding, door and window casings. I wanted to learn how to lay ceramic tile, but due to a hand injury, had to have my dad do it. I helped install a new vanity light and ceiling fan and am finally in the final stages of touching up paint. I am ready to decorate my new space. Was this a mini-midlife crisis? Maybe, maybe not. I do feel better about myself now for doing it instead of always settling for the way things look or what I feel I can afford. The best part of it all was I never paid full price for anything (I love a good bargain) and yet I feel like my "new" me space is the richest most extravagant room I've ever been in.

What's next for me? I don't know, but I know what makes me feel better and happy and it is remodeling/decorating/organizing. Several of my friends tell me I need to think about doing this on the side. I don't know we will see. Guess this being in my 40's isn't so bad after all.

[Stefanydiwilmette]

Midlife crisis? I'm 44. I've been married to the same woman for 21 years. I feel lonely and unfulfilled. I don't want another woman. I don't want any woman (or man). Women my age are not so appealing. Younger women are needy, text all the time, and will eventually want kids. I'm too old to care for a newborn again. I've been down that road. I want to completely leave civilization and become a recluse.

[CastingPearls]

Originally Posted by Stefanydiwilmette

Midlife crisis? I'm 44. I've been married to the same woman for 21 years. I feel lonely and unfulfilled. I don't want another woman. I don't want any woman (or man). Women my age are not so appealing. Younger women are needy, text all the time, and will eventually want kids. I'm too old to care for a newborn again. I've been down that road. I want to completely leave civilization and become a recluse.

You could always consider a retreat at a monastery and see how you like it.

[Stefanydiwilmette]

Originally Posted by CastingPearls

You could always consider a retreat at a monastery and see how you like it.

I believe in God, not organized religion. Besides, nobody in a monastery is away from anybody. Give me the great outdoors.

[Big Beautiful Dreamer]

Whenever I feel the need, which is usually once a year or so, I go to a retreat center run by the Sisters of Mercy for a couple of days. When I get there, I pin on a nametag-like badge that reads, "Please respect my silence."

For the next couple of days, I have as much solitude and silence as I could desire.

I'm an extrovert, and it takes me at least the first eight or twelve hours just to quiet the yammering in my head, and I feed my extraversion by opting for the "silence table" (a one- or two-person table in the corner, looking out the window) in the dining room -- but you can also request that someone prepare a takeout box of the meal and leave it by your room door, if you want total solitude.

In general, when I was in my early 30s and thought I was fulfilled, but also felt restless, I did a lot of reading, thinking, and journal-keeping (which I'm lousy at, and it's the only time I did it). All that eventually let me know where my passions were, and that helped guide me toward a career change and the place I am now.

Most monasteries offer a choice of living in a guest room in the main building or in one of their hermitage houses/cottages on the grounds, the latter being for total solitude.