2012 Singles Thread

[CarlaSixx]

Originally Posted by aocutiepi

Story of my life. Why aren't smart guys into me?

There's a lack of genuinely smart guys in the world, lol. But yours will come

I can get with the guys I want... but only sexually... Which won't help me shake off that "groupie" status I acquired in high school.

[metabliss]

Originally Posted by CarlaSixx

I'm back to being frustrated about being single.

The problem is that the ones I find attractive will only approach me for sex... And not meet me in public (so I decline) but the ones looking for a relationship are already obviously not compatible with me, and they aren't what I find attractive, either.

I'm kinda hating 2012 so far. I don't want the year to end that way.

Oh, have you been reading my diary? haha. Story of my life too. Don't know how much comfort it brings you to know that you aren't alone, but I'm right there with you. Personally, I've been through and entire cycle of being sad about how shallow men are>being mad about men>losing respect for men>downright hating men> and now I'm back to thinking that they aren't so bad. I have come through a full man-hating circle. But I swore to myself that I would rather die single then to "just settle" for what I can get.

I am still waiting to see if it pays off or if I should start knitting cat sweaters and drinking vodka for breakfast now.

[Sweetie]

Technically, my significant other and I are together again (I'm giving him a chance to undo some major damage he's done to my faith in him) so I guess I'm not single but I certainly don't feel committed. Right now I would be perfectly happy to be left alone to do my volunteer work and hang out with my dog. I guess I'm just emotionally exhausted.

[aocutiepi]

Originally Posted by CarlaSixx

There's a lack of genuinely smart guys in the world, lol. But yours will come

I can get with the guys I want... but only sexually... Which won't help me shake off that "groupie" status I acquired in high school.

Haha, well... academically inclined guys.

Seriously, though. Those guys are more than willing to sleep with me... but won't date me. It's SO frustrating.

[penguin]

I don't think there's a lack of smart guys or girls at all, or whatever it is you're interested in. I think people often mistake standards with expectations and lower the wrong one. It's good to have standards, and I don't think we should lower them or settle. But we often have unrealistic expectations about what's out there and what we bring to the table. I know I certainly have them at times.

I know how it can be suck being single (I broke up with my ex in 2003 and have dated since then, but none of them went anywhere), but I also know how good it can be. Putting your expectations too high is a very dangerous activity. Waiting around for the perfect person to ask you on a date means you'll be sitting around for a while. It's important to get out there and keep living and keep enjoying being you. We all have to bring something to the table in a relationship, and it can be very easy to forget that. We tend to focus mostly on what we want in a partner, and not what we have to offer.

We can also get too caught up in checking all the boxes, and might be passing up wonderful people because they don't have absolutely everything we want. Expecting another person to have everything you want and to be everything just puts a lot of pressure on them, and that's not fair. I think re-evaluating our expectations can make a big difference to the dating experience.

[aocutiepi]

Originally Posted by penguin

I don't think there's a lack of smart guys or girls at all, or whatever it is you're interested in. I think people often mistake standards with expectations and lower the wrong one. It's good to have standards, and I don't think we should lower them or settle. But we often have unrealistic expectations about what's out there and what we bring to the table. I know I certainly have them at times.

I know how it can be suck being single (I broke up with my ex in 2003 and have dated since then, but none of them went anywhere), but I also know how good it can be. Putting your expectations too high is a very dangerous activity. Waiting around for the perfect person to ask you on a date means you'll be sitting around for a while. It's important to get out there and keep living and keep enjoying being you. We all have to bring something to the table in a relationship, and it can be very easy to forget that. We tend to focus mostly on what we want in a partner, and not what we have to offer.

We can also get too caught up in checking all the boxes, and might be passing up wonderful people because they don't have absolutely everything we want. Expecting another person to have everything you want and to be everything just puts a lot of pressure on them, and that's not fair. I think re-evaluating our expectations can make a big difference to the dating experience.

I'm actually okay with being single 95% of the time. I've only been in a relationship for circa two months of my life. I'm used to it. I'm very fulfilled with school and my friends and family. However, my books don't call just to ask how my day is going or cuddle with me at night (though I've fallen asleep next to an organic chemistry book a few times). So that's the only time I wish I weren't single.

I'm going to have a doctorate in about four years, and I want someone who can at least try to keep up with me intellectually. I've lowered that standard at the behest of several people in my life before and were it not for learning from the many times I've done it, I'd rather have not gone through it.

I've also never dated someone I met in real life. I guess it's a shallow dating pool where I live. I've been doing the online dating thing for about four years, the land where tick box checks can get sussed out much more quickly than in person. I've dated tall men, men shorter than me (and I'm 5'6"), men of different religious backgrounds, different races, different education history, fat men, skinny men, republicans, democrats... Learning from this, the only tick box I have to check is intellect, an interest in learning for learning's sake, specifically. Bring on the chubby 5'4" atheist guy who actually puts down books in the "likes to read" section.

Sure, I have preferences like everyone else on these boards, the topic of preferences is done to death here. But at the end of the day, I carry no other standard (aside from realistic ones like getting treated well by him and that he isn't into shady dealings).

I thought I'd explain myself, penguin. I agree with what you said (and tried to rep you for it but need to spread around some love) about having so many tick boxes that no human on Earth can live up to what you're looking for. You're bound to keep getting disappointed by mere mortals if that's the case. And I only pity the people who set themselves up for that kind of failure if they haven't been told by someone that they're being just a little bit naive. Otherwise, we need posts and explanations like yours to wipe the fairy tale stars out of some eyes. We can't always get "Prince Charming" with every little detail our perfect ideal... but we can get "Lord Sort-of-Charming" whose particular brand of sort-of charming becomes quite endearing after spending some quality time with him.

I just wanted to state that I don't think I have that problem. In case anyone thought I did. In a land where so many people pursue dating like a laundry list of requirements, I get told I'm picky on a regular basis for having one real standard.

The good news is, I'm actually talking to someone right now and he's so intelligent it's kind of intimidating... and HOT. Maybe I'll be checking out of here soon to get some good, good nerd love.

[rg770Ibanez]

Checking in for 2012.

[Scorsese86]

Goodbye single thread.

[Aust99]

Yay!!!



I'm checking in here for the first time in 2012...

[Blackhawk2293]

Originally Posted by Aust99

Yay!!!



I'm checking in here for the first time in 2012...

Does this mean that you weren't single until now or that you just didn't get around to checking in until now?

[succubus_dxb]

Nervous and excited..... I might be leaving this thread!

[spiritangel]

Originally Posted by Scorsese86

Goodbye single thread.

woo hoo congratulations Ivan may your stay away be a very very long one or permanent

[rellis10]

Originally Posted by Scorsese86

Goodbye single thread.

Woohoo! Congrats Ivan

[succubus_dxb]

Originally Posted by Scorsese86

Goodbye single thread.

Happy for you babe!!! Hope she deserves you!

[Aust99]

Originally Posted by Blackhawk2293

Does this mean that you weren't single until now or that you just didn't get around to checking in until now?

Didn't get around to it.. lol

Originally Posted by succubus_dxb

Nervous and excited..... I might be leaving this thread!

Spill!!! PM

[spiritangel]

Originally Posted by succubus_dxb

Nervous and excited..... I might be leaving this thread!

I missed this first read through congrats gl hope the same as you said for Ivan that they are worthy of you!!!

[Diana_Prince245]

I'm keeping one foot in this thread. The other is planted in kinda sorta coupledom.

[imfree]

Originally Posted by Scorsese86

Goodbye single thread.

Woo-hoo!!! Congratulations, kind sir!!!

[Mishty]

Annnnnnnnnnnd I'm back.

Ready to enjoy the singledom.

[Aust99]

Say what?? Sorry to hear that Mishty! Time for some fun though... am I right??? lol

[Mishty]

YES, you're very right! Time for some fun!

[shinyapple]

I don't know if I've checked in on past threads, but yep. I'm here.

[Amatrix]

Sorry... been busy this year.

Single.

[mimosa]

Hello beautiful people. :-)

[BigBeautifulMe]

Checking in, but interested in someone who seems to be interested on me.... only one date so far, but regular phone/text conversations... I'm cautiously optimistic.