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Old 02-19-2012, 09:17 PM   #1
Jeeshcristina
 
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Default Fish Out of Water

I need some advice, encouragement, or a good smack to the head. I didn't know a better place to come for honest answers.

I've been seeing a guy recently, and all is going well. We haven't really talked about my weight, and so it's something I'm a bit awkward about. I try to be as confident as I can be, and while he's assured me that he's quite alright with how I look, I just still have my reservations. The years of indoctrination being told that fat is undesirable sometimes rears its ugly head.

Anyways, I was being a little snoopy, and Facebook stalking him and his friends (I know, I know) and stumbled upon his ex. Who happens to be really pretty. She's rather petite and slender. She's also his best friends twin sister. Right away I started feeling all those feelings I've been working on for so long, and now I'm feeling more self conscious than ever.

So anyway, through my sleuth skills, I ended up finding the circle of friends he always talks about, and quickly realized I'd be the only chubbster in the group of mostly girls. Talk about awkward. I'm just not sure how to go about approaching him with my reservations, or how to deal with being the fattest person in the room all the time. I'm 6' tall already, so I'm used to sticking out like a sore thumb, but the people I usually hang out with are a little nerdy and we're not exactly the super model types. They all seem perfectly nice, but I just feel so anxious, self conscious, and out of place.

Is this a non issue that I'm blowing way out of proportion? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
Help!
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Old 02-19-2012, 09:46 PM   #2
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Maybe YOU are exactly the type of girl he has always wanted and hasn't had the stones to go for until now. Maybe he overcompensated by surrounding himself with society's standard paradigm of beauty and is now looking to be himself. I'm just playing devil's advocate here. I'd say try to be positive until having reason to think otherwise. What has failed for him in the past does not dictate his wants for the future. If he's going out with you then he is attracted to you. And why the hell shouldn't he be?
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Old 02-19-2012, 10:13 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeeshcristina View Post
I need some advice, encouragement, or a good smack to the head. I didn't know a better place to come for honest answers.

I've been seeing a guy recently, and all is going well. We haven't really talked about my weight, and so it's something I'm a bit awkward about. I try to be as confident as I can be, and while he's assured me that he's quite alright with how I look, I just still have my reservations. The years of indoctrination being told that fat is undesirable sometimes rears its ugly head.

Anyways, I was being a little snoopy, and Facebook stalking him and his friends (I know, I know) and stumbled upon his ex. Who happens to be really pretty. She's rather petite and slender. She's also his best friends twin sister. Right away I started feeling all those feelings I've been working on for so long, and now I'm feeling more self conscious than ever.

So anyway, through my sleuth skills, I ended up finding the circle of friends he always talks about, and quickly realized I'd be the only chubbster in the group of mostly girls. Talk about awkward. I'm just not sure how to go about approaching him with my reservations, or how to deal with being the fattest person in the room all the time. I'm 6' tall already, so I'm used to sticking out like a sore thumb, but the people I usually hang out with are a little nerdy and we're not exactly the super model types. They all seem perfectly nice, but I just feel so anxious, self conscious, and out of place.

Is this a non issue that I'm blowing way out of proportion? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
Help!
If he's with you it's because he wants to be. Nothing is sexier than a woman with confidence, right? He wants YOU! Do your best to embrace it.
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Old 02-20-2012, 12:03 PM   #4
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Everyone has insecurities. I am sure he and all his friends do too. Just be you and proud of that. I know it is easier said than done sometimes but maybe he feels YOU are an upgrade, eh?!? Prove him right. Now go listen to Beyonce's "Upgrade U", dance around the room and work it sister!!
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Old 02-20-2012, 01:47 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Oirish View Post
Maybe YOU are exactly the type of girl he has always wanted and hasn't had the stones to go for until now. Maybe he overcompensated by surrounding himself with society's standard paradigm of beauty and is now looking to be himself. I'm just playing devil's advocate here. I'd say try to be positive until having reason to think otherwise. What has failed for him in the past does not dictate his wants for the future. If he's going out with you then he is attracted to you. And why the hell shouldn't he be?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Surlysomething View Post
If he's with you it's because he wants to be. Nothing is sexier than a woman with confidence, right? He wants YOU! Do your best to embrace it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fat9276 View Post
Everyone has insecurities. I am sure he and all his friends do too. Just be you and proud of that. I know it is easier said than done sometimes but maybe he feels YOU are an upgrade, eh?!? Prove him right. Now go listen to Beyonce's "Upgrade U", dance around the room and work it sister!!
You're all right. I'm over thinking it again. I really appreciate the feedback. I'm just going to focus on the future and be secure with myself.
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Old 02-20-2012, 03:25 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeeshcristina View Post
I need some advice, encouragement, or a good smack to the head. I didn't know a better place to come for honest answers.

I've been seeing a guy recently, and all is going well. We haven't really talked about my weight, and so it's something I'm a bit awkward about. I try to be as confident as I can be, and while he's assured me that he's quite alright with how I look, I just still have my reservations. The years of indoctrination being told that fat is undesirable sometimes rears its ugly head.

Anyways, I was being a little snoopy, and Facebook stalking him and his friends (I know, I know) and stumbled upon his ex. Who happens to be really pretty. She's rather petite and slender. She's also his best friends twin sister. Right away I started feeling all those feelings I've been working on for so long, and now I'm feeling more self conscious than ever.

So anyway, through my sleuth skills, I ended up finding the circle of friends he always talks about, and quickly realized I'd be the only chubbster in the group of mostly girls. Talk about awkward. I'm just not sure how to go about approaching him with my reservations, or how to deal with being the fattest person in the room all the time. I'm 6' tall already, so I'm used to sticking out like a sore thumb, but the people I usually hang out with are a little nerdy and we're not exactly the super model types. They all seem perfectly nice, but I just feel so anxious, self conscious, and out of place.

Is this a non issue that I'm blowing way out of proportion? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
Help!
By the pic in your profile, you are FREAKING GORGEOUS!!!! - So quit your facebook stalking, and don't look for trouble where there isn't any.
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Old 02-20-2012, 04:32 PM   #7
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I totally understand how you feel, sometimes I wonder "why me" when I meet the people the guy I am seeing is friends with. And OMG when I saw his ex... this tiny little asian girl/woman I was pretty dumb founded. He had to reassure me several times that he much prefers my body type, but more than that, we just click and that doesn't really need an explanation.

I've had to remind myself that people, good people like the ones I surround myself with, don't generally pick their friends based on what they look like, especially in adulthood. It is usually based on common interests/hobbies/work etc. So if your guy is really into sports chances are his friends will be too, and chances are they will probably be more on the slender side, like my guys friends. But if they are his good friends, and being with you makes him happy they will be happy and welcoming to you. If they say anything negative about you, they aren't friends worth having and hopefully he will realize that and minimize time spent with that person(s).

I think the hardest part for me has been the initial meetings, anytime I walk in to a new group of people I brace myself for the stares. They always happen. Of course most of the time I am not actually sure if the stares are negative or positive or indifferent. Having fallen in to the "you have such a pretty face" category all of my life, sometimes people are honestly staring at my face which, having looked at your profile picture, I am sure you have had happen as well. My advice is to smile and also, if you are going to be meeting a large group of his friends at once, try to show up early so you can meet a couple at a time, it always does wonders for my comfort level. I like to play hostess, that also works really well. People tend to love you more when you are handing them drinks and delicious food while you smile warmly at them.

Good luck, I hope he is a keeper
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Old 02-20-2012, 10:09 PM   #8
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Jeesh, every photograph I see of you reflects not just your outer beauty but your inner beauty as well. You're radiant and have an amazing energy. This is what he wants, what any guy who saw you, with any sense, would want. Believe that you have it. Because you're the one he wants to be with, not them.

Yeah and stay away from the FB stalking. It's so bad for the spirit.
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Last edited by CastingPearls; 02-20-2012 at 10:12 PM.
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Old 02-22-2012, 08:56 AM   #9
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Jeeshcristina has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Jeeshcristina has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Jeeshcristina has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Jeeshcristina has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Jeeshcristina has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Jeeshcristina has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Jeeshcristina has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Jeeshcristina has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Jeeshcristina has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Jeeshcristina has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Jeeshcristina has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moongirl75 View Post
I totally understand how you feel, sometimes I wonder "why me" when I meet the people the guy I am seeing is friends with. And OMG when I saw his ex... this tiny little asian girl/woman I was pretty dumb founded. He had to reassure me several times that he much prefers my body type, but more than that, we just click and that doesn't really need an explanation.

I've had to remind myself that people, good people like the ones I surround myself with, don't generally pick their friends based on what they look like, especially in adulthood. It is usually based on common interests/hobbies/work etc. So if your guy is really into sports chances are his friends will be too, and chances are they will probably be more on the slender side, like my guys friends. But if they are his good friends, and being with you makes him happy they will be happy and welcoming to you. If they say anything negative about you, they aren't friends worth having and hopefully he will realize that and minimize time spent with that person(s).

I think the hardest part for me has been the initial meetings, anytime I walk in to a new group of people I brace myself for the stares. They always happen. Of course most of the time I am not actually sure if the stares are negative or positive or indifferent. Having fallen in to the "you have such a pretty face" category all of my life, sometimes people are honestly staring at my face which, having looked at your profile picture, I am sure you have had happen as well. My advice is to smile and also, if you are going to be meeting a large group of his friends at once, try to show up early so you can meet a couple at a time, it always does wonders for my comfort level. I like to play hostess, that also works really well. People tend to love you more when you are handing them drinks and delicious food while you smile warmly at them.

Good luck, I hope he is a keeper
Your post made me smile so big! You're so right, and I am taking your advice of doing the hosting so that I can be in control of the situation. Such good advice!!!! I finally talked to him and explained how I felt, and he really reassured me. Sometimes we women need that! Thanks again for the help!!


Quote:
Originally Posted by CastingPearls View Post
Jeesh, every photograph I see of you reflects not just your outer beauty but your inner beauty as well. You're radiant and have an amazing energy. This is what he wants, what any guy who saw you, with any sense, would want. Believe that you have it. Because you're the one he wants to be with, not them.

Yeah and stay away from the FB stalking. It's so bad for the spirit.
Yeah, I had to step away from the social networking sites. Who puts bad pictures of themselves up there anyway?! :P

You, along with so many of the other women have been such an inspiration to me. To see the happiness and warmth that radiates, and the genuine....goodness...it's just awesome.

Thanks for rockin'!
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Old 03-03-2012, 01:26 AM   #10
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I do exactly the same thing. I google my date's friends and exes. I think it's mainly out of curiosity. But you shouldn't do that. What if you might find something you can't accept. They're part of dangerous cult or something. Lol. I get kid of pissed of when I think of that we women need the approval of men. What if he don't like my butt and so on and so forth? I am exactly the same but I try not care about what he thinks. My advice is that you take it slow and easy and believe in what he says to you. He wouldn't spend all that time with you if he didn't like you.
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Old 03-10-2012, 04:25 PM   #11
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A chance to be the fattest girl in a group is one to embrace with open arms and hands full of cookies.
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