Dimensions Forums  
Home Register Premium Membership Stories Ye Olde Library Health Issues Market Place Big Fashion

Go Back   Dimensions Forums > Discussion > Fat sexuality



Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 02-21-2012, 09:59 AM   #1
GoldenDelicious
It's the naughty step 4U!
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: scotland by the sea side
Posts: 403
GoldenDelicious makes people happy simply by logging inGoldenDelicious makes people happy simply by logging inGoldenDelicious makes people happy simply by logging inGoldenDelicious makes people happy simply by logging inGoldenDelicious makes people happy simply by logging inGoldenDelicious makes people happy simply by logging inGoldenDelicious makes people happy simply by logging inGoldenDelicious makes people happy simply by logging inGoldenDelicious makes people happy simply by logging inGoldenDelicious makes people happy simply by logging in
Default Feeder threat

I haven't posted in a while but I felt I had to say something about an issue which I am noticing more and more as I become friends with more big women via FB/Size acceptance sites etc.
There have been at least 4 women I know of who have had really bad experiences with 'closet feeders'. 'Closet feeder' has been the term they have chosen to use and in this context has basically been men who don't let on about the fact they like to see women get fatter, then when the woman is involved in the relationship they have tried to manipulate them to get fatter and used tactics to make this happen, for example buying in foods the women can't resist, urging them to eat just a bit more and so on.
I wanted to know if any woman has experienced anything like this and If so what measures can be taken so that you are not taken in by these secret feeder types?
Just to add I couldn't care less about a persons sexual proclivity but I think they should be open about it before entering a relationship. I say this because I have now seen more than enough friends hurt. I also think that closet feeders zone in on people who are vulnerable and especially those with eating disorders.
What red flags are there so we can avoid these people?. I think it's a bigger problem that we care to admit in the fat community.
GoldenDelicious is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2012, 10:34 AM   #2
cinnamitch
nope
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 3,004
cinnamitch keeps pushing the rep limit!cinnamitch keeps pushing the rep limit!cinnamitch keeps pushing the rep limit!cinnamitch keeps pushing the rep limit!cinnamitch keeps pushing the rep limit!cinnamitch keeps pushing the rep limit!cinnamitch keeps pushing the rep limit!cinnamitch keeps pushing the rep limit!cinnamitch keeps pushing the rep limit!cinnamitch keeps pushing the rep limit!cinnamitch keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

I've been approached by a few over the years, mainly from dating sites. These were not sites geared to feeders, feedees or fetishes. I have never been taken in as of yet because I look for certain things. One red flag is if they say they like women the bigger the better. That can be harmless but anyone i talked to that had that in their profile turned out to be into feeding and gaining. If they talk constantly about food, particularly what you eat every day then its a red flag. Wanting to talk weight all the time, asking if you would like to gain more etc.. that has all come up in chats I have had with "closet" feeders. They will deny they are feeders yet you getting fatter is all they have on their mind. Not every man is like this and there's nothing wrong with anyone like this as long as they are honest. There's a lid for every pot.
cinnamitch is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2012, 10:16 AM   #3
Jes
is oddly aroused
 
Jes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 12,553
Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenDelicious View Post
I also think that closet feeders zone in on people who are vulnerable and especially those with eating disorders.
.
Hey GD!

I think you've touched on an important thing, above. I personally think a lot of gainers have eating disorders and so that's already a bad mix. It's like going to an AA meeting and finding a partner whose turn on is getting someone drunk. You have to hope that if not both, at least one, of the members of the couple is going to be strong enough to avoid temptation. But, frankly, avoiding temptation is not a strong suit of the human race.

What I can say for my own experience is that I feel that once a person goes all the way down the preference/fetish road, looks online, finds pictures, does research, learns all of the lingo and acronyms (FA, gainer, SSBBW tight squeeze, and all of the other flavors of fat) and ends up at a site (or in a community) devoted to those things, s/he is usually too far gone for my tastes. If you're identifying yourself with all of those things, if you're finding yourself being that specific, then you're already too far down a road that I'm not on.

I don't know if this really gets exactly to the heart of your post, but it's what I know to be true for myself.
Jes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2012, 02:51 PM   #4
truebebeblue
Balls,I kicks em.
 
truebebeblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Pittsburgh,PA
Posts: 436
truebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions community
Default

There really is no protecting anyone from anyone. Women need to fix themselves (emotionally,mentally) and then they will be less likely to get involved with undesirables by ignoring the signs and this goes for manipulation of ALL types.
They will also be less likely to stay with someone who is treating them badly.
truebebeblue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2012, 05:04 PM   #5
AnnMarie
✰cuddly and terrifying✰
 
AnnMarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Twirly Girl
Posts: 16,296
AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.AnnMarie has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

No one can make me eat anything I don't want. Period. So "secret feeder" or not - I'm the one in control.
__________________
So ... yeah.
AnnMarie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2012, 05:15 PM   #6
CastingPearls
Go Big Or Go Home
 
CastingPearls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Possum Grape, AR
Posts: 15,178
CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

I was married to one. He was absolutely secret, sneaky and insidious. He would add extra sticks of butter to pots of soup or stew or chili I was making and no he didn't hold a gun to my head or force me to do anything blatant. Instead, he withheld all love and meaningful touch. If we went out, and he suggested we go to a restaurant, he was a loving attentive prince if I agreed but would sulk miserably and not speak to me for days if I demurred. If I didn't finish a plate of food, things in the kitchen that belonged to me like collectors plates and pottery would magically fall and break while he was in there. I didn't even know what was going on because half my family died in a short period of time, I was working twelve hour days and being a caregiver for my dying mother after work and ate whatever I could whenever I could and missed my family, missed the husband I married, and my health was getting progressively worse the more I gained.

The moment I said, That's it, I have to lose some weight, I want to live, he became blatantly hostile which ended with a physical assault and my leaving everything to get away from him. He'd already driven me away emotionally. My body was the last thing to leave and everything he said about me never being able to take care of myself, no one else wanting me, that if I was so big and immobile I could never leave him, I've been able to do. I take care of myself, am regaining my health and am happier than I've been in years. Every step I take, no matter how tiny is a huge accomplishment for someone who almost died believing that she was unloved and unwanted.

He was no feeding a girl cupcakes in bed erotic feeder. He was a control freak who wanted me to be in a position to never leave or need him even if it cost me my life. There were no signs, and I've got a good eye for signs and red flags. The only thing that was different was that he proudly said he was an FA and I'd never heard the term before him. I knew of BBWs because of the magazine which I used to subscribe to and fat empowerment websites that didn't emphasize dating, sex, etc. It was self-empowerment so I wasn't some ticking timebomb waiting for someone to feed me dynamite and a match.

If a person wants to be in a feeder relationship then caveat emptor but if they didn't sign up for that, then it qualifies (legally and psychologically) as outright abuse and mine does, did and will be a factor in the divorce.

Anyone who denies that this is impossible has never experienced it or has their head up their ass because I wasn't the first case my therapist or the advocates at the shelter I went to heard of. Not even close.
__________________
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]http://castingpearls-blowingbubbles.blogspot.com/

Free me, free yourself
A life of sacrifice controlled me
But those promises I made
No longer hold me
Mercurial more wayward by the hour
The shackles fall away I'm in your power



People throw rocks at things that shine.

Last edited by CastingPearls; 02-22-2012 at 05:27 PM.
CastingPearls is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2012, 05:58 PM   #7
Tina
Older and wiser now
 
Tina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: location, location.
Posts: 15,215
Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

I'm sorry, Lainey. It's one thing to be in a feeding relationship by choice, and quite another to have someone slipping things into your food that will give the person control over you. You're not in control then; the other person is. One is only in control if one is aware of exactly what one is eating. You want to eat a whole cake? Fine. But if you're receiving an extra pound of butter in your soup or weight gain powder in your drink on the sly, not even close to fine. And in my mind, criminal.
__________________
"I'm really tired of a fat woman's sexuality being just another fat joke." -- Felicia/Supero

"It's my belief that these sheep are laborin' under the misapprehension that they're birds. Observe their be'avior. Take for a start the sheeps' tendency to 'op about the field on their back legs. Now witness their attmpts to fly from tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as... plummet." -- Monty Python's Flying Circus
Tina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2012, 07:23 PM   #8
truebebeblue
Balls,I kicks em.
 
truebebeblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Pittsburgh,PA
Posts: 436
truebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions community
Default

I am sorry you were married to such a person, I am glad you are away from him now. I don't want to question you because I don't want to blame you as the victim.
However, I think there are always signs when dealing with this kind of person. The withholding,pouting etc but we are not always in the position to see them because of other circumstances. You probably remember things now that seemed like nothing of note at the time but give you AHA! moments now because you are in a clearer headspace.
Good luck in regaining your life!

Quote:
Originally Posted by CastingPearls View Post
I was married to one. He was absolutely secret, sneaky and insidious. He would add extra sticks of butter to pots of soup or stew or chili I was making and no he didn't hold a gun to my head or force me to do anything blatant. Instead, he withheld all love and meaningful touch. If we went out, and he suggested we go to a restaurant, he was a loving attentive prince if I agreed but would sulk miserably and not speak to me for days if I demurred. If I didn't finish a plate of food, things in the kitchen that belonged to me like collectors plates and pottery would magically fall and break while he was in there. I didn't even know what was going on because half my family died in a short period of time, I was working twelve hour days and being a caregiver for my dying mother after work and ate whatever I could whenever I could and missed my family, missed the husband I married, and my health was getting progressively worse the more I gained.

The moment I said, That's it, I have to lose some weight, I want to live, he became blatantly hostile which ended with a physical assault and my leaving everything to get away from him. He'd already driven me away emotionally. My body was the last thing to leave and everything he said about me never being able to take care of myself, no one else wanting me, that if I was so big and immobile I could never leave him, I've been able to do. I take care of myself, am regaining my health and am happier than I've been in years. Every step I take, no matter how tiny is a huge accomplishment for someone who almost died believing that she was unloved and unwanted.

He was no feeding a girl cupcakes in bed erotic feeder. He was a control freak who wanted me to be in a position to never leave or need him even if it cost me my life. There were no signs, and I've got a good eye for signs and red flags. The only thing that was different was that he proudly said he was an FA and I'd never heard the term before him. I knew of BBWs because of the magazine which I used to subscribe to and fat empowerment websites that didn't emphasize dating, sex, etc. It was self-empowerment so I wasn't some ticking timebomb waiting for someone to feed me dynamite and a match.

If a person wants to be in a feeder relationship then caveat emptor but if they didn't sign up for that, then it qualifies (legally and psychologically) as outright abuse and mine does, did and will be a factor in the divorce.

Anyone who denies that this is impossible has never experienced it or has their head up their ass because I wasn't the first case my therapist or the advocates at the shelter I went to heard of. Not even close.
truebebeblue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2012, 08:35 PM   #9
Emma
On Timeout
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,865
Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

I didn't read the whole of your message. I didn't want. It seemed pretty stupid.


I don't think there is a HUGE feeder threat. There are men who like fat women, there are men who like to feed women. There are fat women, there are fat women who like to eat. There are fat man, who the ladies like to feed. There are fat women that like to eat and eat and eat and eat and like to blame others.

There are no rogue feeders, only those who won't take responsibly for themselves.
Emma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2012, 08:44 PM   #10
Tina
Older and wiser now
 
Tina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: location, location.
Posts: 15,215
Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Aren't these rogue feeders of which you speak the very same ones who won't take responsibility for themselves? I'm not sure how many of them are out there and won't pretend to know, but I'm also not about to try to invalidate the experience of someone like Ms. Pearl or others who have been the victim of such abuse.
__________________
"I'm really tired of a fat woman's sexuality being just another fat joke." -- Felicia/Supero

"It's my belief that these sheep are laborin' under the misapprehension that they're birds. Observe their be'avior. Take for a start the sheeps' tendency to 'op about the field on their back legs. Now witness their attmpts to fly from tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as... plummet." -- Monty Python's Flying Circus
Tina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2012, 09:21 PM   #11
Jes
is oddly aroused
 
Jes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 12,553
Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina View Post
, but I'm also not about to try to invalidate the experience of someone like Ms. Pearl or others who have been the victim of such abuse.
Well I think CP's case is different from what the OP meant (though still heinous, of course). There's totally behind the back, and then there's the feeder who preys on weakness. "Here, have another. Here, have another. Here, have another." Are those bites forced? Technically, no. But willingly exploiting another's weakness is not a healthy relationship, we can all agree on that. I hope. Oh, lordy, I really do hope.
Jes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2012, 09:31 PM   #12
Tina
Older and wiser now
 
Tina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: location, location.
Posts: 15,215
Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

I agree that it is, Jes. But since CP's post is part of this thread, and Em's post basically invalidates it, it just didn't feel right to me.

Are those bites forced? Well, there can be coercion, but beyond that, if you are trying to lose or maintain your weight, or eat for health or a medical condition, and you've got someone putting crap in your food to undermine that behind your back... It's not forced, but it's kind of in the neighborhood (the bad part of the neighborhood) of a lie of omission, IMO.
__________________
"I'm really tired of a fat woman's sexuality being just another fat joke." -- Felicia/Supero

"It's my belief that these sheep are laborin' under the misapprehension that they're birds. Observe their be'avior. Take for a start the sheeps' tendency to 'op about the field on their back legs. Now witness their attmpts to fly from tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as... plummet." -- Monty Python's Flying Circus
Tina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2012, 09:40 PM   #13
Emma
On Timeout
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,865
Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina View Post
Aren't these rogue feeders of which you speak the very same ones who won't take responsibility for themselves? I'm not sure how many of them are out there and won't pretend to know, but I'm also not about to try to invalidate the experience of someone like Ms. Pearl or others who have been the victim of such abuse.
I absolutely am not able to speak for spouse abuse and I do not claim to be able to be able to. CP has had her issues, and I am well aware of them and how well she is doing so i REALLY don't want to bring that into it this.

Honestly though Tina, the way the OP is speaking really seems to shit ALL over most of the men here. It makes me feel ill. Yes there are men who are abusive, but the majority ARE NOT.
Emma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2012, 09:56 PM   #14
CastingPearls
Go Big Or Go Home
 
CastingPearls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Possum Grape, AR
Posts: 15,178
CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

When I was in school, I was called out of a class to go to the guidance counselors' office and found myself in a room with about six other girls. I didn't know any of them personally, only saw them around school but we all found out quickly that we had one thing in common; we were bullied brutally (physically too) because we were fat and our parents had complained to the school, most had appeared at the school, and also tried to appeal to the parents of the bullies, all in vain.

A counselor I didn't know walked in and tried to convince all of us that were were to blame for the abuse because we wanted the attention. We asked for it, basically. We provoked it. It didn't matter that we talked to our teachers, our parents, and even our parents took up for us and we wanted it to stop...in the end, the bullies were just responding to us 'asking for it' and that relieved them of all responsibility for their actions.

Over most of the day she had half the girls believing that they were to blame for the abuse. And the rest of us said no way in hell and left unconvinced. The school sent a letter to our parents saying the matter was taken care of and that the session was a success.

Two of us started to hang out together and began to cut ourselves. When my mother found words carved into my arm, my parents arranged for outside counseling, briefly, (because that's all they could afford and insurance would allow) but it helped immeasurably. He explained that victim-blaming is an ideology, the idea that victims deserved what they got because they were considered less-than, inferior, weak etc., that the blamer used it to mask defending their own contempt for the powerless and defenseless for whatever reason. There are opposing viewpoints, as evidenced by the counselor who tried to force us to accept guilt for our abuse.

In the end, I know this: Bullies (and their supporters) of every stripe can legitimize and justify their behavior until the end of time. Better people than that have dismissed me and I've stood up to it, so the contemptuous and compassionless here are small potatoes by comparison . I'm not a victim anymore but a survivor and while my ex lives in misery, I'm building a new healthier happier life, day by day.
__________________
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]http://castingpearls-blowingbubbles.blogspot.com/

Free me, free yourself
A life of sacrifice controlled me
But those promises I made
No longer hold me
Mercurial more wayward by the hour
The shackles fall away I'm in your power



People throw rocks at things that shine.

Last edited by CastingPearls; 02-22-2012 at 10:04 PM.
CastingPearls is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2012, 10:21 PM   #15
BigBeautifulMe
That was a heart.
 
BigBeautifulMe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Sydney, Australia as of January 2014!
Posts: 7,503
BigBeautifulMe has ascended what used to be the highest level.BigBeautifulMe has ascended what used to be the highest level.BigBeautifulMe has ascended what used to be the highest level.BigBeautifulMe has ascended what used to be the highest level.BigBeautifulMe has ascended what used to be the highest level.BigBeautifulMe has ascended what used to be the highest level.BigBeautifulMe has ascended what used to be the highest level.BigBeautifulMe has ascended what used to be the highest level.BigBeautifulMe has ascended what used to be the highest level.BigBeautifulMe has ascended what used to be the highest level.BigBeautifulMe has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by truebebeblue View Post
I am sorry you were married to such a person, I am glad you are away from him now. I don't want to question you because I don't want to blame you as the victim.

However, I think there are always signs when dealing with this kind of person. The withholding,pouting etc but we are not always in the position to see them because of other circumstances. You probably remember things now that seemed like nothing of note at the time but give you AHA! moments now because you are in a clearer headspace.
Good luck in regaining your life!
True, I always enjoy your posts, but this one is off. You said what you did in bold, but then you did exactly that (blame the victim) in your next paragraph. Telling someone who is a victim of abuse that they should have known better is ludicrous. Abusers are by their very nature very adept at manipulating their victims and hiding the truth until it is too late to safely escape the relationship. Blaming a victim for not seeing the signs does nothing but cause emotional harm to that person all over again, since it can take years to get over the self-loathing that comes from thinking (incorrectly) that one has "allowed" oneself to be abused.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CurvyEm View Post
I didn't read the whole of your message. I didn't want. It seemed pretty stupid.

I don't think there is a HUGE feeder threat. There are men who like fat women, there are men who like to feed women. There are fat women, there are fat women who like to eat. There are fat man, who the ladies like to feed. There are fat women that like to eat and eat and eat and eat and like to blame others.

There are no rogue feeders, only those who won't take responsibly for themselves.
Em, I think having not read the whole of the first post you may have missed a critical component - the OP sees nothing wrong with consensual feeder/feedee relationships. There definitely are men who are deceptive about their preferences. That being said, I agree with you that they are not at all the majority. I am lucky enough to have had to deal with very few and I have never gotten as far as meeting someone deceptive in that way in person, much less dating them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CurvyEm View Post
I absolutely am not able to speak for spouse abuse and I do not claim to be able to be able to. CP has had her issues, and I am well aware of them and how well she is doing so i REALLY don't want to bring that into it this.

Honestly though Tina, the way the OP is speaking really seems to shit ALL over most of the men here. It makes me feel ill. Yes there are men who are abusive, but the majority ARE NOT.
Again, I think the OP is disparaging men who are intentionally DECEPTIVE about their preferences, and it has been my experience, anyway, that those are few and far between. I fully agree with you that THOSE men are not the majority. Not at all. Every feeder I have ever gotten close enough to to consider dating has been honest, and we always discuss acceptable boundaries, etc. to see if we're compatible. Some feeders need actual gain and others only need the fantasy... and there are as many variations as there are people.
__________________
"I am a size 0 if you multiply my current size by 0." - liz (di-va)

"I just think your culinary choices could use more death of sentient creatures. Is that so wrong?" - Mini

-Rosebud- I am imagining how lovely it would be to see your golden hair rising up over my belly when you are between my thighs
-Rosebud- Like a cunnilingus sunrise

Last edited by BigBeautifulMe; 02-22-2012 at 10:23 PM.
BigBeautifulMe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2012, 10:27 PM   #16
Emma
On Timeout
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,865
Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!Emma keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BigBeautifulMe View Post


Em, I think having not read the whole of the first post you may have missed a critical component - the OP sees nothing wrong with consensual feeder/feedee relationships. There definitely are men who are deceptive about their preferences. That being said, I agree with you that they are not at all the majority. I am lucky enough to have had to deal with very few and I have never gotten as far as meeting someone deceptive in that way in person, much less dating them.



Again, I think the OP is disparaging men who are intentionally DECEPTIVE about their preferences, and it has been my experience, anyway, that those are few and far between. I fully agree with you that THOSE men are not the majority. Not at all. Every feeder I have ever gotten close enough to to consider dating has been honest, and we always discuss acceptable boundaries, etc. to see if we're compatible. Some feeders need actual gain and others only need the fantasy... and there are as many variations as there are people.
I absolutely do think I missed a critical component by the time I'd gobbed off I had missed a lot. So I would like to take that back, if I am able?

I read the first post, took offence, went off on one and upset everyone.
Emma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2012, 10:34 PM   #17
BigBeautifulMe
That was a heart.
 
BigBeautifulMe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Sydney, Australia as of January 2014!
Posts: 7,503
BigBeautifulMe has ascended what used to be the highest level.BigBeautifulMe has ascended what used to be the highest level.BigBeautifulMe has ascended what used to be the highest level.BigBeautifulMe has ascended what used to be the highest level.BigBeautifulMe has ascended what used to be the highest level.BigBeautifulMe has ascended what used to be the highest level.BigBeautifulMe has ascended what used to be the highest level.BigBeautifulMe has ascended what used to be the highest level.BigBeautifulMe has ascended what used to be the highest level.BigBeautifulMe has ascended what used to be the highest level.BigBeautifulMe has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

We all make mistakes, Em. No worries (at least not on my part).
__________________
"I am a size 0 if you multiply my current size by 0." - liz (di-va)

"I just think your culinary choices could use more death of sentient creatures. Is that so wrong?" - Mini

-Rosebud- I am imagining how lovely it would be to see your golden hair rising up over my belly when you are between my thighs
-Rosebud- Like a cunnilingus sunrise
BigBeautifulMe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2012, 11:15 PM   #18
Miss Vickie
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 5,988
Miss Vickie has ascended what used to be the highest level.Miss Vickie has ascended what used to be the highest level.Miss Vickie has ascended what used to be the highest level.Miss Vickie has ascended what used to be the highest level.Miss Vickie has ascended what used to be the highest level.Miss Vickie has ascended what used to be the highest level.Miss Vickie has ascended what used to be the highest level.Miss Vickie has ascended what used to be the highest level.Miss Vickie has ascended what used to be the highest level.Miss Vickie has ascended what used to be the highest level.Miss Vickie has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Eh, Em, it's all good. Of course, it wasn't my post you were dissing.

First of all, Lainey, you have my admiration for having survived and gotten out of such an awful experience. I know personally how hard it is when an environment of abuse and control has been created around you to feel that you could in any way get out. Those who haven't had that experience can't really understand just how very real and tenacious it is. It's like pulling yourself out of quick sand. That you were able to do it and rebuild your life is remarkable and a testament that it can be done.

As for the OP's original topic and secret feeding, it's not something I have personal experience with, though I have been in relationships where manipulation has been used to control me. So I can only imagine how it can happen with food and eating. I guess the red flags as I see them are the same as for any relationship: when someone is "too good to be true", they often are. We ALL have faults, and some of these guys come off as Mr. Wonderful, overly solicitous, and it's only later that you find out that it's not real, since nobody can maintain perfection for any length of time.

Being suspicious of time you spend with friends, and wanting to monopolize your time, are also red flags. If someone tries to separate you from your friends, it's a huge concern. It just makes it that much easier for them to control you, and you won't have your friends around for a reality check.

And obviously if they repeatedly say things like you'd look better with more weight on you, I'd be concerned. Because they may just take it upon themselves to make that happen. Obviously that's not something that should be assumed, but it is a topic that bears honest discussion. I wouldn't want to be with someone who wanted to change something about me -- whether it be weight gain or loss. Wanting to change your appearance, particularly against your will, it can be argued, is certainly very controlling behavior. In fact, it doesn't get much more controlling than that.

Another red flag would be lots of questions about what you're eating, how much, and also how much you weigh (and I mean constantly asking, which is something most guys never dare do ONCE, let alone repeatedly!)

Sometimes, though, there are no red flags. Sometimes this behavior develops during the relationship and people who have no history of abuse or controlling behavior start doing it with you. I don't know if it's the unique chemistry between the two people or whatever, but having experienced it, it's a very strange -- and real -- thing. The important thing, though, is to listen to those warning bells that go off, and not blow them off. Far too often, we know the person is wrong for us but we let our need for romance trump our good sense and intuition.
Miss Vickie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2012, 11:31 PM   #19
CastingPearls
Go Big Or Go Home
 
CastingPearls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Possum Grape, AR
Posts: 15,178
CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.CastingPearls has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Everything is fine, Em. Really.
__________________
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]http://castingpearls-blowingbubbles.blogspot.com/

Free me, free yourself
A life of sacrifice controlled me
But those promises I made
No longer hold me
Mercurial more wayward by the hour
The shackles fall away I'm in your power



People throw rocks at things that shine.
CastingPearls is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2012, 11:43 PM   #20
truebebeblue
Balls,I kicks em.
 
truebebeblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Pittsburgh,PA
Posts: 436
truebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions community
Default

I very possibly did a bad job of getting my original point across because none of what you said here was my intention or wording.


"True, I always enjoy your posts, but this one is off. You said what you did in bold, but then you did exactly that (blame the victim) in your next paragraph. Telling someone who is a victim of abuse that they should have known better is ludicrous. Abusers are by their very nature very adept at manipulating their victims and hiding the truth until it is too late to safely escape the relationship. Blaming a victim for not seeing the signs does nothing but cause emotional harm to that person all over again, since it can take years to get over the self-loathing that comes from thinking (incorrectly) that one has "allowed" oneself to be abused."

Last edited by truebebeblue; 02-23-2012 at 12:07 AM.
truebebeblue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2012, 11:46 PM   #21
Jes
is oddly aroused
 
Jes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 12,553
Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

...now i'm confused. was this post moved? thread, i mean? I don't normally hang on the sex boards (at least not at Dims, ifyouknowwhatImeanandIthinkyoudo). Did i post on the sex board? how long have i been posting on the sex board?
Jes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2012, 12:17 AM   #22
truebebeblue
Balls,I kicks em.
 
truebebeblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Pittsburgh,PA
Posts: 436
truebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions communitytruebebeblue is a pillar of the Dimensions community
Default

IKR? WTF! nothing to do with sex.
truebebeblue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2012, 12:30 AM   #23
Dromond
Old school
 
Dromond's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: In the past.
Posts: 7,365
Dromond has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dromond has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dromond has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dromond has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dromond has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dromond has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dromond has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dromond has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dromond has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dromond has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dromond has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

This thread is pretty much the antithesis of sexuality. Epic mod fail.
__________________
I hate Illinois Nazis.
Dromond is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2012, 12:45 AM   #24
Wagimawr
 
Wagimawr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Posts: 4,674
Wagimawr keeps pushing the rep limit!Wagimawr keeps pushing the rep limit!Wagimawr keeps pushing the rep limit!Wagimawr keeps pushing the rep limit!Wagimawr keeps pushing the rep limit!Wagimawr keeps pushing the rep limit!Wagimawr keeps pushing the rep limit!Wagimawr keeps pushing the rep limit!Wagimawr keeps pushing the rep limit!Wagimawr keeps pushing the rep limit!Wagimawr keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

It couldn't possibly have anything to do with moving a topic at least in part about feederism to a board where feederism is protected from having bad things said about it.
__________________
hehe executive member
professional wang.
you said member.
Wagimawr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2012, 12:46 AM   #25
Tina
Older and wiser now
 
Tina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: location, location.
Posts: 15,215
Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tina has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

It was originally posted to the BBW board, if I recall correctly. Why it was moved I do not know, as it is a post from a fat woman, to fat women. And IMO this thread isn't about sexuality at all. I can only think this was a mod mistake, otherwise it makes no sense at all.
__________________
"I'm really tired of a fat woman's sexuality being just another fat joke." -- Felicia/Supero

"It's my belief that these sheep are laborin' under the misapprehension that they're birds. Observe their be'avior. Take for a start the sheeps' tendency to 'op about the field on their back legs. Now witness their attmpts to fly from tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as... plummet." -- Monty Python's Flying Circus
Tina is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:36 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright Dimensions Magazine. All rights reserved worldwide.