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Old 02-23-2012, 04:52 PM   #1
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Default How do you deal with friends making fun of big girls?

Hey folks,
I think almost everyone on here has been/will be in that situation:
You're among friends and as soon as it comes to talking about big girls (e.g. one is shown on TV or walking by), somebody would start making fun of her or even insult her and everybody would laughing. How do you react?
As I'm a pretty shy guy, I usually don't say anything, but I'm the only one who would not laugh on these "jokes". Anyway, I think there are better ways to deal with situations like these so this is why I'm asking you that question.

Thanks for your answers
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Old 02-24-2012, 07:49 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by germanfa91 View Post
Hey folks,
I think almost everyone on here has been/will be in that situation:
You're among friends and as soon as it comes to talking about big girls (e.g. one is shown on TV or walking by), somebody would start making fun of her or even insult her and everybody would laughing. How do you react?
As I'm a pretty shy guy, I usually don't say anything, but I'm the only one who would not laugh on these "jokes". Anyway, I think there are better ways to deal with situations like these so this is why I'm asking you that question.

Thanks for your answers
It depends on the situation. If it's a frat house atmosphere and an inebriated crowd, it may be best to simply seek other circles to hang with. In more mature settings, a simple "I happen to like fat women" or some such may be enough to move things in a different direction. In some settings, a discussion or debate may ensue. As an FA, you eventually learn when its's time to speak up and make your preference an issue, and when taking a stand would serve no purpose. Kommt halt immer drauf an.
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Old 02-24-2012, 08:19 AM   #3
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I don't have shallow friends.

What would be the point in that?
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Old 02-26-2012, 04:53 PM   #4
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Unfortunately, I have a friend like that. Normally, I ignore him because... well, he's a asshole anyways. But I do step in and say something when he starts to take it too far.
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Old 02-26-2012, 09:05 PM   #5
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It depends on the joke and on the situation, really.

If I'm among friends (most of whom already know I'm an FA), if anything like that comes up in conversation, it tends to be lighthearted/joking rather than brutal or mean. I tend to insert something like "hey, I'd tap that. Just sayin'." which tends to lead to more laughter/etc.

However, there's a difference between "friends joking around" and people being just outright mean or rude. The line is also pretty blurry and easy to accidentally step over, and it's in a different spot for everyone. Obviously if you're mocking a stranger rather than poking fun at a friend or something on TV, you've almost guaranteedly crossed that line. In that situation, responding "hey, don't be a dick" tends to get the point across pretty firmly.
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Old 03-26-2012, 02:54 PM   #6
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Depending on the situation I usually respond with some like, "I don't know, I thought she was cute" or something like that, at least so they know I don't think their joke was funny.
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Old 03-27-2012, 06:12 AM   #7
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My friends know that I adore women of all sizes so if they ever felt a need to make a despairing comment they refrain. But if I am around someone of less intellect and they make a comment about women of size I usual say to them have you looked in the mirror lately, what makes you such a prize package. This always seems to work because the person usually shuts up and, everyone is self conscious of how they look and how other people see them.
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Old 03-27-2012, 09:35 AM   #8
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My usual response is; "why do you care" or "so what"
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Old 03-27-2012, 10:59 AM   #9
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Tons of people I know make fun of fat people all the time. I will sometimes say something like "That's mean." They don't care much.
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Old 03-27-2012, 04:35 PM   #10
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I agree that it's situational.

There are serious situations (a specific person, or a close friend talking to you privately) where it's appropriate to have a discussion about these issues, provided you're respectful of other people. I've talked to friends about it one-on-one where we really talked about the issue.

A situation like you describe, in a group that's making comments that they probably think are harmless, you can always say something like "I thought she was attractive/pretty/cute/whatever" or even "I prefer women like that." Your friends, provided they are really friends, will respect that.
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Old 03-28-2012, 12:42 AM   #11
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I had a freind that used to do it, i tore into him about it, he looked all surprised. There's a reason we are no longer freinds.
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Old 03-28-2012, 08:52 AM   #12
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My mother used to make them about a guy I was seeing and I told her to cut it out. Strangely enough the only jokes I can tolerate are the "Yo' Mama's so ____________," jokes because it's become it's own twisted artform that is widely recognized as being only in jest. REAL malicious talk generally irritates me though and I either speak up or cross them off my list of friends.
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Old 03-29-2012, 02:14 AM   #13
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Honestly I mostly just ignore it. Haters gonna hate. Short of "rearranging" their "perceptions", there isn't much I can do about it.
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Old 03-29-2012, 03:58 PM   #14
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People who make fun of fat don't get to have me as their friend.
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Old 04-03-2012, 07:44 AM   #15
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I would say "I am happy right now, you can't take that away from me, if you get girlfriend and I were to make fun of her you would kick the crap out of me, come on lets not get into a fight, we are friends right?"
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Old 04-03-2012, 02:34 PM   #16
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I will often say "There is nothing wrong with being fat. I'm fat. And 70% of American adults are overweight or obese so what's the big deal! And besides I love big, beautiful women!" That usually shuts them up.
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Old 04-06-2012, 04:20 AM   #17
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When I was much younger and dating often, guys I knew who said such things were usually spending a lot less time with the ladies than I was, so a sharp remark ("You dickbeatin bastards mad at me for being MIA this past weekend? HAHAHAHA!") was enough to derail that train of thought.

These days, as soon as I hear a juvenile twentysomething at work describe an attractive large woman in her forties as fat, old and ugly, I'll bluntly ask questions about her that don't leave a lot of room for misunderstanding my interest in her. It never pans out; she's usually married or otherwise unsuitable for my company, but they get the point: their aversion to the woman doesn't mean she's physically unattractive.
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Old 04-06-2012, 09:40 AM   #18
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I make people feel silly or stupid, I love the older ones who say well my dear your some fat aint ya... so I look at them and look up and down at myself and tell them OMG i didn't realize it thank you so much for bring it to my attention and I usually walk away laughing... you cannot stop the worlds ignorance but I choose not to let their opinions bother me, as the only opinions I care about are from the people I care about
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Old 04-12-2012, 09:25 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CastingPearls View Post
People who make fun of fat don't get to have me as their friend.
And that would be one hell of a loss!
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Old 04-21-2012, 07:36 PM   #20
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My friends used to say the girls I liked were "Hayes Specials" because of their size. Then I countered by saying "Yeah, if you want make fun of me for having sex with women be my guest they just happen to be larger than yours.....if you even have one." That pretty much put a stop to their taunting.

Even now if someone wants to make fun of my friends or Renee I bring up the fact they got nothing. Works everytime
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Old 04-30-2012, 11:45 PM   #21
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I don't have shallow friends.

What would be the point in that?
Word that.
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Old 05-01-2012, 12:37 AM   #22
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I either don't have friends who make fun of fat people, or don't have friends who are fool enough to make fun of fat people where I can find out about it. Mostly the former, I assume.

Seriously, it hasn't come up in years. A great way to avoid bigots is not to be friends with them.

The closest problem that does tend to happen is that I have had several female friends (and one male one) who suffered from body image issues because of society's well-known attitudes toward fat people. Sometimes their self-hatred could rise to the level of bigotry. I have usually tried to respond by just being a good friend, you know? Listening, being supportive, and encouraging them to build their self-esteem, pursue their ambitions, and confront their troubles. That sort of thing. The fat-hate was usually secondary and diminished in the face of a more positive self-image and worldview.
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Old 05-11-2012, 06:14 PM   #23
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I've been lucky. None of my friends have ever really made fun of big girls (or big guys, for that matter) other than a certain ex, whose weight was only ever brought up in contrast to mine. (Seeing as she was mid-sized when we dated and a legitimate BBW now, and I'm what you might call...sparse.) any fat jokes aimed at her were only meant in a "oh look how mismatched those two were, isn't it hilarious" kind of way.

If they did I'm not sure how I'd react to it. I've seen fat-shaming elsewhere (including from a different ex, aimed at the above ex. Misplaced jealousy is a wonderful thing, isn't it?) but I've never been in a position to confront the one responsible.
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:11 PM   #24
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A couple of years ago I was waiting for my BF to pick me up at work for a dinner date and the co-worker(always make snide fat comments) I was chatting with took notice of a guy walking down the street and said look at that big guy you two would look good together.
I said yeah he is kinda cute but not my style.I like taller guys.
She said I figured you are pretty big and thought big girls dated big guys.
I said I look for the person on the inside not whats on the outside.
She agreed personality was the most important thing.
My BF pulled and got out of his car and started walking thru the lot.
She said wow that older guy is soo handsome nice suit too very classy.
I said yeah he is gorgeous you ought to see him naked, well I gotta go TTYL.
The look on her face was priceless.

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Old 05-13-2012, 11:45 AM   #25
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My experience leads me to believe that your question is part of a larger spectrum.

I mean, if I just answered how I respond in that particular situation, I would smile and disagree with whomever said those comments. "Are you kidding? I like X. *Discussion*"

However, my anecdotal experiences on the other side of this question leads me to believe that its hard to address the question if it's only phrased as making fun of fat people.

The most drastic example I have is when a creative project I was modeling in was leaked and became a viral picture online. Many discussion boards put up the pictures as eyecandy and people would discuss the merits of every girl in the picture. Some folks derided every girl but the underweight one as being too fat. Other folks explained that they'd rather do everyone *but* the underweight girl. Everyone discussed the merits of the beauty and the possibly sexual pleasure and sexual positions you'd get with every girl.

I wasn't surprised. I've been getting objectified crap thrown at me often. But the men -- and I mean, particularly the men -- involved on the creative side of the project were shocked. They'd participated in that sort of discussion online before, but these were objectifying statements about the sexual merits and bodies of their friends.

Most of the people on the project were so shocked by seeing the connection between casual conversation and the dismissive, judgmental, objectifying comments about people they care about that they now often remember that when they get into those objectifying conversations. Remembering that you're talking about our friends and family doesn't stop the social push to objectify, but being a person that remembers and thinks before speaking is, I think, the first step to respecting the people around you. Doesn't matter if it's someone quickly deriding a stranger for their weight as if their mouth is on autopilot or if it's just a long discussion of someone as if they're only a body or sexual object. And as you can see from my first response to your question, even I find myself in positions where I'd naturally discuss people as objects. I just recognize it, try to point it out in myself and others, and try to mitigate the societal effects of it.

Thanks for caring about the people who are being called out and derided for their bodies.
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