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Old 03-01-2012, 08:03 AM   #1
LinathSuru
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Default Feeder/Feedee Thread

The title 'Feeder Thread' is what I originally read when I first saw the thread 'Feeder Threat'. Clearly I misread it... But... I think this is a thread worth having.

I get that there's a lot of stigma against 'secret Feeders' and I understand why, but I think a lot of people don't really know about the more open individuals in our fetish. Don't know, don't understand, don't care? Negative things are almost always easier to remember than positive... And on the other hand, I know plenty of Feeders and Feedees who are uncomfortable talking about their fetish on places where they know controversy exists.

I tried to kind of give some insight to it in the thread 'I don't understand feedism.', but there's a lot that I haven't said. A lot of small, wonderful things I don't think a single person would even think to share.

So the idea for this thread, if you haven't guessed, is to have a place for 'out' Feeders and Feedees to share their little delights in our particular kink of the Fat subculture.

I say 'out' because while some may not realize this, it's a big deal to go to the Fat community and say "Hey, I'm a feeder/feedee." It's 'coming out' in the sense that it's a point of controversy within our Fat loving subculture and that means it's not always met with acceptance... Sometimes not even tolerance.

Let's be open, folks. Communication and transparency are the best ways to help people that don't share our particular kink at least begin to understand it.... And in the meantime.. I'd love to read the opinions of others.

I'll kick it off with some of the things I love most about actively gaining and being a feedee.

~*~*~*~

Since I'm actively gaining there's this deep delight in having confirmation of growth.. Particularly from the lips of my Feeder. He notices most every change in my body... and nothing makes me quite as giggly as him telling me certain folds and rolls are getting deeper.

One of my favorite things to do is a 'feeding session' (are you shocked? you shouldn't be ). Not only is it sensual and intimate for me... but the taste of the food adds to my experience. He brings me those delightful flavors and encourages me to enjoy them as much as I'm inclined to... And all the while his hands are petting my tummy or sides, like I'm artwork he's privileged to enjoy.

We don't calorie count, though many feeders do.. But as guilty as it makes him, it's still arousing to him when I talk about 'empty calories' as I drink a soda. I love playing with him like that, even if sometimes I feel a tiny bit mean for it. Poor devil, he enjoys it though.
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Old 03-01-2012, 09:50 AM   #2
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That is so lovely to read :-), I will post later about my experience so far, yes I feel guilty too of enjoyment from my fiance's weightgain, but we both love it very much and enjoy mutual sexual pleasure from it too.
Hopefully there will be no negative posts here ( some killjoy will try & butt in)

Last edited by wreckless1967; 03-01-2012 at 09:53 AM.
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Old 03-01-2012, 10:15 AM   #3
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I’m not “out” in the sense of having ever made this part of my lifestyle or even played with this with anyone. But I am “out” in the sense that some years ago I came to accept that that I am a feeder/feedee in terms of what appeals to me, and a while after that I started being open about that in Dimensions and the like.

It feels ever so much better not to be trying to suppress that side of myself. Far more importantly, it lets me handle that side of myself in a more rational manner, like weighing it against all the other things I’m interested in life and deciding how it compares in priorities, or in simply recognizing impulses that stem from that, being able to label them as such, then decide if I should act on it.

It is ever so much better than having embarrassing, half-buried desires to try and suppress, but which would leach through into behaviour under various other guises. Being open about what I am actually makes it far easier to NOT act on those desires. It is kind of like being adult about any aspect of sexuality—ignoring any aspect of it doesn’t generally make it go away, it just makes it more random and risky IMO.

PS. And more power to those who do participate in well thought out, consensual, feeding relationships. I hope you'll be wise in where you go with it, but I'm glad you've found a space in your life for it.
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Old 03-01-2012, 10:36 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by LinathSuru View Post
Let's be open, folks. Communication and transparency are the best ways to help people that don't share our particular kink at least begin to understand it.... And in the meantime.. I'd love to read the opinions of others.
I enjoyed reading what you have written. We live in a very interesting world, interesting and confusing at the same time. I will confess to having a curiosity about the feeder/feedee relationship. While I've never actively participated in any such endeavor, my stepdaughter accused me of "making her mother fat"! That however is another story.

As I said, I've been curious about the entire dynamic between feeder and feedee, so perhaps someone such as yourself could indeed enlighten others on what to some is a "taboo" subject. I feel what goes on between two consenting adults should for the most part be their business. .The tricky part is "two consenting adults". as far as I can see it's the interaction between the two of you that involves both giving and receiving pleasure. I'm not really a voyeur, at least I don't think so. . Yet I would like to know exactly to what depths the desires and pleasures go, if only vicariously.

Perhaps I'm being too simplistic on the whole thing, however I do believe an open and civilized discussion on the topic has great merit. There will always be people who are pro/con certain things. . There are many things I support or oppose. I just don't for one minute believe I have the right to tell you what you can, or cannot do within the confines of a relationship you treasure.

Having said that. . I hope I made a little sense. . some days I'm not sure. .
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Old 03-01-2012, 12:34 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by wreckless1967 View Post
That is so lovely to read :-), I will post later about my experience so far, yes I feel guilty too of enjoyment from my fiance's weightgain, but we both love it very much and enjoy mutual sexual pleasure from it too.
Hopefully there will be no negative posts here ( some killjoy will try & butt in)
Awesome! I look forward to reading about your experiences so far.. And maybe a bit of detail on your conflicts? I know I have things to add about my own conflicts, but the conflict for feedee and feeder is often so different..

Also, one of the main things we can do to be sure that no killjoys come around is try to be sure we don't overreact if someone posts who doesn't understand us. Try and take responses in the best way and respond to them from a place of calm and logic. Not always easy, but usually best for the purpose of communication.

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...It feels ever so much better not to be trying to suppress that side of myself...
I'm so happy for you on this count. It's always hard trying to ignore or hide something that is natural for a person. I've had some hangups along the way to overcome in being true to myself. I definitely relate to the feeling of relief when you come to accept something you previously couldn't.

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...Far more importantly, it lets me handle that side of myself in a more rational manner, like weighing it against all the other things I’m interested in life and deciding how it compares in priorities, or in simply recognizing impulses that stem from that, being able to label them as such, then decide if I should act on it.

PS. And more power to those who do participate in well thought out, consensual, feeding relationships. I hope you'll be wise in where you go with it, but I'm glad you've found a space in your life for it...
This is one of those sticky areas I think. As a Feedee observing the FA community I find that a lot of people perceive Feeders and Feedees as having misplaced priorities. I admit, sometimes we do... But on the same token, so do many others who are into extremes when it comes to kinks or sports (best examples off the top of my head).

I know that in my particular dynamic with my Feeder we both want me to gain weight. It is something I would want if feasible even on my own. And the 'if feasible' does figure in. We balance our budget according to what I'm eating and the other things we want to do. I have a friend in Arizona that I'm dying to meet, but I also want to go to Scarborough Renaissance festival.. My budget for food could easily be higher so I could eat more and gain more, but I cut it back for those things...

Further, I cut it back for health. We want the weight I do gain to be gained under healthy means.. Not just ballooning up in a few months, but gradually taken on so my body can adjust to it.. So I can make sure I can still do the things I want to in my routine.

Yes, I still want to gain weight, and more than is 'healthy'. That's a personal choice I make... But my end goal is happiness. When I'm happy with my body, my abilities, my limitations, my balance of life.. That's when I'll stop trying to gain and we'll work on just maintaining the point I've reached.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LifeTraveller View Post
...I'm not really a voyeur, at least I don't think so. . Yet I would like to know exactly to what depths the desires and pleasures go, if only vicariously.

Perhaps I'm being too simplistic on the whole thing, however I do believe an open and civilized discussion on the topic has great merit. There will always be people who are pro/con certain things. . There are many things I support or oppose. I just don't for one minute believe I have the right to tell you what you can, or cannot do within the confines of a relationship you treasure.

Having said that. . I hope I made a little sense. . some days I'm not sure. .
What you say makes sense to me, LifeTraveller. I'm more than happy to share my insights into our niche. I'm not even necessarily considered a true feedee to some because the greatest part of my enjoyment comes from the food itself.. From the feeling of being full and content.. Not the weight gain. And when we do have a 'feeding session' I'm focused on that moment, that food coming to my lips, that taste, that intimacy.. Not the fact that those calories will be assimilated into the greater mass.

On the other hand, I do want to get bigger... I've written little notes about 'bodily comfort places'. Some people retreat to physical places, buildings, cars.. Rooms.. I have certain points of my body that I find bring me comfort. I used to fidget with my fingers when I was nervous. I still do, but now my hands rest on the top of my belly and the soft, warm, mass beneath them brings me comfort. Comfort in myself and from myself. It's a wonderful feeling.

Feederism figures in because I never would have reached this size or this level of comfort with my body without meeting and agreeing to date my Feeder. He's been so supportive of me. Through all my ups and downs. When I hated my body and told him every day I didn't know what he found beautiful he listened, frowned for my pain, and tried to shush and soothe me. When I wanted to lose weight for my mother's approval and because I thought it would make me happy he supported that.

We had our little bouts about my progress because I was so focused on the loss that I would talk about every few pounds or every inch and that pained him, but he never once asked me to stop losing the weight or exercising.

His love of my form led to my own. And my own is not dependent on him. I've come to realize that I'm beautiful as I am.. And in realizing that I've found a freedom that is more liberating than most anything I've known. It's freedom from judgment. People will still judge me, and do, but the 'damage' they do is so much less than it would have once been.

More than that, it's no longer this huge 'sin' to indulge in all these foods I love.. Though we do try to balance out my outrageous sweet tooth with decent vegetable, meat, and fruit intake. But there's this beautiful knowledge that I could spend a day eating and snuggling and eating some more, and he would love every moment of it. I love that. And I love his attraction to it, and how distracting he finds the sight of me eating.

I'm not sure if I've stayed entirely on topic or even really begun to help with your curiosity, LifeTraveller, but these are the things that sprang to mind as I read your response. Our dynamic is one of mutual indulgence and support. We both indulge in this thing that so many consider 'taboo', and we support each other. Funny thing is, I sometimes think he's his own worst critic... Certain extremes that arouse him in fantasy (like the ultimate taboo of 'immobility' - something I think I fantasize about more than he does) make him feel so guilty. I can't tell you how many times I've teased him affectionately about such things just to be met with him telling me he thinks he's a bad person.

I wish I knew how to help him with that.
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Old 03-01-2012, 09:17 PM   #6
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Hey Lin! FetLifers unite!

I am an active gainer, feedee, and part-time feeder. It used to be the other way around - I engaged in fattening a partner, afraid to dip my feet into the feedee pool of Nutella but desiring it with every jiggling fiber of my being.

I feared:
Outgrowing my clothes
What my family would say
Regretting this decision

The thing is, these fears are out of character for me. Outgrowing clothes? It's clothes. No big deal. I've never thought much about fashion. So I'll have to special order certain items, and I'm pleased to have found on my last thrift store outing a few cute blouses that fit like a dream. Ordering is an inconvenience, but you won't hear me cry over it. What my family thinks? Please. I've never lived for them. Regrets? Sure, regrets are possible with anything in life. All I know is I am happiest when engaging all domains of Fatness, both sexual and innocent, and I am healthy. Worrying about regrets will create regrets.

It took experimenting with what I've fantasized about for years to know I cannot repress this side of me any longer. It was like I dreamed of going to the circus for so long, and when I finally went, it wasn't just any show, it was the magnificent splendor of Cirque Du Soleil, artistic proficiency I never knew existed in this dimension. I couldn't pull away. I walked out knowing this must become an intricate part of my life.

My feeder provides all the warmth, intimacy, eroticism, and delicious foods that have proven to be even greater than my fantasies. I've been a big girl forever and I've always loved food but it was only until I dove into the pool of silky chocolate yumness that I anticipated any weight gain with joy and embraced it as my own presence filling up space in an extremely enticing way. Watching his hands gently place the food in my mouth is earning its way onto my list of favored expressions of Feedism. Belly rubs galore are another of his specialties. We both lay back in purring passion, me full and him knowing he helped me achieve it, like two unapologetic hedonists unable to focus on anything but pleasure.

He is more than my feeder, too. Our relationship is heavily revolved around our passion for the Fat Lifestyle but in no way is that all we have. I couldn't be in a Feedist relationship if that was all we had to offer each other. The connection is diverse and real, simple and complicated, many thought-processes and experiences that make when we indulge in this fascinating world even more intense. I don't need my feeder in order to feel happy with my body and enjoy gaining, but with him the dynamic becomes supersonic sexy and fulfilling on a greater, more durable scale.

Speaking of scales, I broke mine. 300 was its limit. It flirted with me up until 327, when it threw its arms up and said, "Fuck this shit!"

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Old 03-02-2012, 12:10 AM   #7
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Nice thread, Guys. While I'm around 450, far above what would be any reasonable limit for a 5'6", 57 year old, ol' dog like me, I still have delightful fantasies of what it would be like to be with a lady who is of the feeder/feedee persuasion.
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Old 03-02-2012, 12:23 AM   #8
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Default Definitely a worthwhile thread

-- Feeder checking in at the registration counter --
- Intensified love of food/fatness (Feedee) personality checking in at the secondary registration counter -

My life is filled with tremendous amounts of indulgent indicators. It's in the way I devour food. It's in the passionate way I desire meals/snacks when I am hungry. It's in the pleasant acquiescence to satisfying my cravings. It's in the way I treat myself to things that I want (food, nick-knacks, gadgets and more). It's in the way I provide for and give to others with unabashed zeal. It's in my encouragement for my family, my friends and especially my lovely girlfriend/Feedee(/and sometimes feeder) to enjoy what they have and what they can readily get. It's in my adoration for pleasing my Feedee: anatomically, emotionally, expressively and even fetishistically. (Do you see? Do you see, spell-checker and readers that I do not care about the red squiggly line underneath 'fetishistically'? Do you see you should leave me alone and let me be?!)
I aim to please; I encourage constantly. I'm a man with a deep desire to surround himself and others with indulgence. It is one of my major proclivities. That's happiness in my book; or, at least, it registers in my/our mind as happiness.

^^ This is what I'm more afraid of, above being found out as a Feeder/Feedee/Whatever: Misunderstanding is my nemesis. I dislike being misunderstood, especially when it's something I feel passionately about. Other than that, I am lenient as fuck, I would say. Live and let live.

I love to convert my lovely lady's weight into a BMI measurement. In my eyes, BMI is a far greater representation for fatness/sexiness than weight. It registers as size and shape rather than gravitational pull in measurement. When a new weight arrives (to both our intense delight), I'll find a way to convert that number into a BMI measurement. Of course the weight itself is a major turn-on with its own spell-binding sex-appeal, the BMI is a special indicator. So, Feeder nerd, in short, methinks.

Also, to note, in my world, Feedism is not contingent upon weight gain, nor is being a gainer contingent upon Feedism. They exist, in my view, as two separate entities with plenty of overlapping (read: folds and rolls). You can be a Feeder and not desire weight gain in your partner. You can be a Feedee and not desire weight gain in yourself. You can have a desire for weight gain and not eroticize food. You can desire your partner to gain weight without finding feeding erotic.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tad View Post
I’m not “out” in the sense of having ever made this part of my lifestyle or even played with this with anyone. But I am “out” in the sense that some years ago I came to accept that that I am a feeder/feedee in terms of what appeals to me, and a while after that I started being open about that in Dimensions and the like.

It feels ever so much better not to be trying to suppress that side of myself. Far more importantly, it lets me handle that side of myself in a more rational manner, like weighing it against all the other things I’m interested in life and deciding how it compares in priorities, or in simply recognizing impulses that stem from that, being able to label them as such, then decide if I should act on it.

It is ever so much better than having embarrassing, half-buried desires to try and suppress, but which would leach through into behaviour under various other guises. Being open about what I am actually makes it far easier to NOT act on those desires. It is kind of like being adult about any aspect of sexuality—ignoring any aspect of it doesn’t generally make it go away, it just makes it more random and risky IMO.
Tad, I totally understand what you mean. Open acknowledgement of an internal desire is a powerful liberation. If indulging in a particular lifestyle is not an easy solution nor something you wish to partake in, understanding where you stand on the subject can be just as fulfilling. It's good that you're able to represent yourself in a way that works for you.

For myself, the fat lifestyle is nothing I could repress, nor live without. It's a chosen lifestyle - for myself and for my Feedee/girlfriend. Naturally there are many other aspects to my character (and our relationship), but in direct correlation to this thread and subject-matter, fatness / fat eroticism / fat living is one of my most obese dispositions. As an Existentialist, I'm in favor of this choice, and I have no qualms with it nor have I really ever strayed far from the fat farm.

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Originally Posted by LinathSuru View Post
Yes, I still want to gain weight, and more than is 'healthy'. That's a personal choice I make... But my end goal is happiness. When I'm happy with my body, my abilities, my limitations, my balance of life.. That's when I'll stop trying to gain and we'll work on just maintaining the point I've reached.
This is an interesting little tidbit I wish to address. We place so much emphasis on physical health that I think plenty of people overlook mental health. It's normal, admirable, acceptable and worthwhile to focus on physical health. Who we are is encased in a body (whatever the size, shape, color or otherwise descriptive representation) that needs to live in order for us to exist as a living being. Naturally, we must survive in order to live our lives and find our place in life. However, it is my belief that we do not focus enough on mental health. People strive for happiness, sometimes fruitfully, other times wastefully. If being happy is something that allows you to lead a livelier/better life, then why should we not place as much value on that as physical health?
Personally, if I were the epitome of physical health (according to the doctors/experts and all those who believe they have a right to tell me what statistics my body should encompass) but lived a life I was not happy with or proud of or enjoyed having... then what the fuck? I do not see this as fruitful. If I were the epitome of happiness and mental health, then personally, if I had some setbacks in the physical realm, I'd be Oxygen-Potassium (booyah!) overall. I can be both happy or depressed with failing health. I cannot be happy with strictly perfect specified numbers in check-boxes if nothing else fulfills me. Just sayin'.

Good on you for following your heart, Linath. That's an admirable trait, at least in my eyes. Of course I'm enthusiastic over the unabashed weight gain. On top of that it's wondrous that you're dedicated to your worth (and girth) in your own self-image.


Yes, I love to idealize fatness on my partner. Yes, I love to eroticize my partners fatness. Yes, I love to feed and fatten. Yes, I love to watch my partner gorge on her beloved pleasures and tastes, gluttony abound. I also respect her as a human being and know that she is more than just a fat body or a greedy mouth (although both of those are inclusive to her entire dynamic person). I know there are limits, realistic limits. What's beautiful about an indulging lifestyle, an indulgent personality and an indulgent-centric relationship is there are vast amounts of ways to participate in gratifying that indulgence. The exciting part is the experimentation of working out what works best for you and your partner. At least that's what I'm thrilled about with my relationship (along with her ravishing smile, her intensely deep eyes, her expressiveness, her passionate personality, her hobbies and so much more).
The way I see it, we have a normal relationship - respect for one another, admiration for each other, sexual attraction, honesty and openness, friendship as well as romanticism, etc... except, we have this entire level of commonality on top of our relationship; something that brings us closer together, something that unites us more completely, something that both of us share a boundless enthusiasm for. It just provides a much more special uniqueness to what we already have together. I'm proud of that and I'm proud of her.
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Old 03-02-2012, 07:14 AM   #9
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Default Worthwhile indeed!

I have to confess I'm not really all that good at posting, what with multiple quotes and all. . but I'm going to get the hang of it. . eventually. .

I totally agree this is indeed a worthwhile thread. If nothing else, perhaps it will set aside the overall stereotype that all feeders, are "destructive control freaks" and all feedee's are " miserable victims of aforementioned control freaks". While those people do exist, as is often the case they are the example held up to represent the entirely of a particular "group", or "fetish". I can understand the feelings of someone who has been in a "bad" relationship and gotten free of it. That is not what we're discussing here. I am in fact learning a great deal from what I'm reading.

I remember the day I "outed" myself as being a total "FA". The "liberation", was one of taking a millstone off my back. I could stand up straight and admit to my preferences in women. I long ago stopped trying to "explain" my preferences. Most of us here understand this totally. I prefer a fat woman, due to my own set of personal attractions. Much as someone might find a disposition for blondes, brunettes, busty, or other physical attribute. It is what it is. Most outside our community circle will ever "get it". It's not in their best interest to ever understand, so they most likely will never give the effort. I'm ok with that until they criticize my preferences, or worse, the person I care for. . I believe in freedom. .I have mine, please don't trample on it. . It might get ugly. .but I digress. .

I've never really considered myself a “feeder” although I revel in the thought of someone “blossoming” from thin to curvy, from curvy to jiggly, or from jiggly to beyond. . I appreciate the changes which happen to someone's physique. Without actually being involved directly. . Perhaps I am a “feedist”? I think as time passes I'll understand even more about myself than I already do. I thank you all for your honesty. . .and thank you LinathSuru, for starting such an interesting thread. . I do believe we're all going to enjoy this. . Learn a bit more about life, ourselves and one another. . all wonderful things to imagine. .
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Old 03-02-2012, 07:54 AM   #10
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Meep. Thread got moved so I must have put it in the wrong board. My mistake there.

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Originally Posted by Deanna View Post
Hey Lin! FetLifers unite!

...

I feared:
Outgrowing my clothes
What my family would say
Regretting this decision

...

Speaking of scales, I broke mine. 300 was its limit. It flirted with me up until 327, when it threw its arms up and said, "Fuck this shit!"
Hiya Deanna! ^^ Glad to have you here.

As far as fears.... I share one with you.. What my family will say. Interestingly, I used to get the 'we're worried about your health' conversation relatively often. I haven't heard a peep about it since my full acceptance of my body. I really hope part of it is just that they can tell I'm so happy in my skin, but that's a naive outlook. I spend a lot of time musing over what to tell them when it does come up. I fully plan to tell them I love my body and my weight, but I'm working out the details on how.

And that last bit about your scale made me grin. Mine's supposed to have a capacity up to around 380, but it never gives the same reading twice anymore and when I step on it the creaks of protest it makes conjure images in my mind of splintered plastic assaulting my feet. I think it's time for a new one.

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Originally Posted by imfree View Post
Nice thread, Guys. While I'm around 450, far above what would be any reasonable limit for a 5'6", 57 year old, ol' dog like me, I still have delightful fantasies of what it would be like to be with a lady who is of the feeder/feedee persuasion.
I'm glad you're enjoying the thread, imfree. ^^ Feel free to share some of what appeals to you in your fantasies about it if you like. I'm really aiming for an embracing, open, and communicative thread so that we feeder/feedee types can share with one another and so that those not among our numbers can maybe understand us a bit better. ^^


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Originally Posted by Chimpi View Post
...This is what I'm more afraid of, above being found out as a Feeder/Feedee/Whatever: Misunderstanding is my nemesis. I dislike being misunderstood, especially when it's something I feel passionately about. Other than that, I am lenient as fuck, I would say. Live and let live.

...

Also, to note, in my world, Feedism is not contingent upon weight gain, nor is being a gainer contingent upon Feedism. They exist, in my view, as two separate entities with plenty of overlapping (read: folds and rolls). You can be a Feeder and not desire weight gain in your partner. You can be a Feedee and not desire weight gain in yourself. You can have a desire for weight gain and not eroticize food. You can desire your partner to gain weight without finding feeding erotic.

...

This is an interesting little tidbit I wish to address. We place so much emphasis on physical health that I think plenty of people overlook mental health... Naturally, we must survive in order to live our lives and find our place in life...
...I can be both happy or depressed with failing health. I cannot be happy with strictly perfect specified numbers in check-boxes if nothing else fulfills me. Just sayin'.

Good on you for following your heart, Linath. That's an admirable trait, at least in my eyes. Of course I'm enthusiastic over the unabashed weight gain. On top of that it's wondrous that you're dedicated to your worth (and girth) in your own self-image.

...I know there are limits, realistic limits.

...I'm proud of that and I'm proud of her.
Hiya Chimpi, and thank you for sharing.

I really like what you say there about being misunderstood. I think a lot of problems and negative views end up being formed based on assumptions about a large group of people from experience with a small few. An outsider's perspective is difficult for me to imagine in this particular case, and yet I can understand why there is such a concern about 'Feeders' in particular. I really imagine that most of the time it's misunderstandings or misconceptions about the 'Feeder' in question that lead to the concerns.

I love your definition of Feedism then as it seems more inline with my own feelings on it. I've been told before I don't really sound like a feedee simply because I'm not as enthusiastic about weight gain as some feedees are. I honestly don't usually like to sit there and talk about how fat I am or how fat I want to be.... Only with a certain, special few. But I still consider myself a feedee because I love to eat. I love to be encouraged to eat. I love food, the taste of it, the filling feeling.. I love being full. I love sweet whispered nothings about how much I've eaten... I just have to be in the right mood to focus more on weight and less on food. A mood my Feeder's very good at putting me in when he wants to.

I tend to agree with you about physical health versus mental health. In fact I would say in my case the pressure I put on myself to 'conform' physically prior to accepting my body compounded my mental health problems (I'm clinically depressed). The reason? I was always falling short. I was overweight. I was 'ugly' in what I perceived as the 'public eye'. And at that time that mattered to me. What happened to change me was realizing that I really can't live to please others when the others are people I don't even know. The public eye can be blinded by my fat for all I care now, I'm enjoying it and there's no reason for me to change my body when finally accepting it has relieved so much stress for me. ^^

In my opinion you capture my personal situation pretty well with this, "I can be both happy or depressed with failing health. I cannot be happy with strictly perfect specified numbers in check-boxes if nothing else fulfills me."

And thank you. ^^ It took a lot to get where I am on my road, but now not only do I find my body beautiful, I am able to try and help others find themselves beautiful. I've found a movement I really support, something I'm passionate about.. And that's been lacking in my entire life. (That movement/ideal being that ALL bodies are sexy. I would call myself a member of the 'Size Acceptance' movement, but I also think that's only one piece of the puzzle. Really I wish we were promoting a 'Body Acceptance' movement... Regardless of size, skin color, etc.. But that's going to get really off-topic if I keep going. )

I think one primary misconception about Feeders and Feedees is often that they don't perceive limits. The thread I linked to earlier.. 'Feeder threat' is a perfect example. Negative things are easier to remember so many people will remember horror stories about closet feeders secretly fattening their partners... But if you ask me the crime is not in the fattening, it's in the fact that they don't ask for consent. That's a limit. So too is a certain level of weightgain. The vast majority of Feeders aren't trying to feed their partners to immobility from my experience... Because they want to share their lives with their partners.

That's one of the chief things that come up with my partner and I. When I fantasize about immobility and start talking to him about it or teasing him with it if I sound at all serious it's a mood killer because he doesn't want to shave years off my life.. He wants me with him. ^^

And this, "...I'm proud of that and I'm proud of her." It made me smile very much.

Thank you again for sharing with us, Chimpi. I really enjoyed reading your thoughts. ^^

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I have to confess I'm not really all that good at posting, what with multiple quotes and all. . but I'm going to get the hang of it. . eventually. .
Want to know a secret? I'm a programmer and it took me months to realize how to use the multi-quote feature. I still prefer to quote each post individually and respond.. So what I do is right click the quote button, open it in a new tab, respond there, copy it, and then go right click the next quote button for the next post I want to respond to.. I paste in the original response above the new quote.. Respond to that new quote, copy the entire text and repeat until I've quoted all I want to.

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I totally agree this is indeed a worthwhile thread. If nothing else, perhaps it will set aside the overall stereotype that all feeders, are "destructive control freaks" and all feedee's are " miserable victims of aforementioned control freaks". While those people do exist, as is often the case they are the example held up to represent the entirely of a particular "group", or "fetish". I can understand the feelings of someone who has been in a "bad" relationship and gotten free of it. That is not what we're discussing here. I am in fact learning a great deal from what I'm reading.

I remember the day I "outed" myself as being a total "FA". The "liberation", was one of taking a millstone off my back. I could stand up straight and admit to my preferences in women. I long ago stopped trying to "explain" my preferences. Most of us here understand this totally. I prefer a fat woman, due to my own set of personal attractions. Much as someone might find a disposition for blondes, brunettes, busty, or other physical attribute. It is what it is. Most outside our community circle will ever "get it". It's not in their best interest to ever understand, so they most likely will never give the effort. I'm ok with that until they criticize my preferences, or worse, the person I care for. . I believe in freedom. .I have mine, please don't trample on it. . It might get ugly. .but I digress. .

I've never really considered myself a “feeder” although I revel in the thought of someone “blossoming” from thin to curvy, from curvy to jiggly, or from jiggly to beyond. . I appreciate the changes which happen to someone's physique. Without actually being involved directly. . Perhaps I am a “feedist”? I think as time passes I'll understand even more about myself than I already do. I thank you all for your honesty. . .and thank you LinathSuru, for starting such an interesting thread. . I do believe we're all going to enjoy this. . Learn a bit more about life, ourselves and one another. . all wonderful things to imagine. .
This is excellent! Really, it's what I'm aiming for. I know the stereotypes and why they exist, but I assure you, I'm no victim. I don't let myself be a victim. In fact I often have the final say in a feeding scene. Last night I stopped my grazing because I started to get an upset stomach. My Feeder fully accepted that. He took the milk chocolate butter cookies (the Aldi kind - warning, addictive!) and carrots I'd been munching on and put them up for me, then when my tummy got worse he went and kept me company while I took a bath (the heat helps with most of my tummy troubles).

Truth is though, I could have been perfectly fine and wanted to stop and he would have agreed.

I'm really very glad you're finding useful information here and learning about our little subculture. ^^
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Last edited by LinathSuru; 03-02-2012 at 08:09 AM. Reason: Responding to LifeTraveller's post. :)
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Old 03-02-2012, 09:42 AM   #11
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Hi there LinathSuru! So glad you started this thread. I wanted to post in it to show some support and put my two cents in but felt that I couldn't because of where it was posted. (I know you didn't know) Thanks to whoever moved it.

As for me I consider myself a delighted fattie. I find it difficult to talk about my feedee side because it is fantasy based only and directly connected to my sexuality. To talk about what I find pleasurable about it cuts a bit too close to my personal privacy line though I am not by any means living in a closet of some sort. I'm not certain if I'd feel differently about gaining if I were 109 pounds as opposed to 418. I love my body this way. I've gone through periods of intentional weight gain but it's more like a pleasurable detour rather than a life's goal. It's fun to do by myself but WAY more fun with a partner, I've discovered. Who knew?
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Old 03-02-2012, 09:58 AM   #12
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Hi there LinathSuru! So glad you started this thread. I wanted to post in it to show some support and put my two cents in but felt that I couldn't because of where it was posted. (I know you didn't know) Thanks to whoever moved it.

As for me I consider myself a delighted fattie. I find it difficult to talk about my feedee side because it is fantasy based only and directly connected to my sexuality. To talk about what I find pleasurable about it cuts a bit too close to my personal privacy line though I am not by any means living in a closet of some sort. I'm not certain if I'd feel differently about gaining if I were 109 pounds as opposed to 418. I love my body this way. I've gone through periods of intentional weight gain but it's more like a pleasurable detour rather than a life's goal. It's fun to do by myself but WAY more fun with a partner, I've discovered. Who knew?
Well thanks for adding your support now that the thread's been moved, LillyBBBW. I love your phrasing there, 'delighted fattie'.

And I do get where it can become difficult to talk about things so personal. We're each built differently, not just physically but emotionally, and to some personal or intimate details are a private affair.

I'm glad to read what you have shared though. It makes me happy to know you've found such harmony with your body and a way to be comfortable in enjoying it.

I hope you get to keep having fun expanding on your experiences as you enjoy it with your partner.
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Old 03-02-2012, 10:31 AM   #13
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Thumbs up A great thread!

This has to be one of the most intimate and interesting threads I've read here in years. Kudos for elevating the level of conversation to a higher intellectual plane and making good use of this forum for the purpose it was intended: an honest exchange of ideas and insights. It is a pleasure to read!
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Old 03-02-2012, 11:32 AM   #14
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I’m not “out” in the sense of having ever made this part of my lifestyle or even played with this with anyone. But I am “out” in the sense that some years ago I came to accept that that I am a feeder/feedee in terms of what appeals to me, and a while after that I started being open about that in Dimensions and the like.

It feels ever so much better not to be trying to suppress that side of myself. Far more importantly, it lets me handle that side of myself in a more rational manner, like weighing it against all the other things I’m interested in life and deciding how it compares in priorities, or in simply recognizing impulses that stem from that, being able to label them as such, then decide if I should act on it.

It is ever so much better than having embarrassing, half-buried desires to try and suppress, but which would leach through into behaviour under various other guises. Being open about what I am actually makes it far easier to NOT act on those desires. It is kind of like being adult about any aspect of sexuality—ignoring any aspect of it doesn’t generally make it go away, it just makes it more random and risky IMO.

PS. And more power to those who do participate in well thought out, consensual, feeding relationships. I hope you'll be wise in where you go with it, but I'm glad you've found a space in your life for it.
I'm not going to comment on feedism, but I did want to ask you whether or not you are "out" to your wife. If the answer is no, then how "out" can you truly be? It seems to me your life partner would be the most important person to be "out" to.
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Old 03-02-2012, 04:59 PM   #15
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Old 03-02-2012, 05:00 PM   #16
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I've always considered feeder/feedee relationships to be very natural and I think that everyone has this side to them a little bit. I've become so used to the idea that eating is sexual, that I'm kind of confused by people who DON'T think that.

When I "outed" myself to my fiance, she said it wasn't weird at all. She is not a feedee per se, but she does seem to "get it" and thinks that it's completely reasonable.

I've always been terrified of feeding my partner into "oblivion", but we have some simple rules:
-Healthy Diet
-Plenty of Exercise

I'm posting on Dims right now because my sweetheart is away in Houston running a marathon this weekend. Despite gaining 10lbs (mostly fat ) over the winter, she has been feeling stronger than ever.
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Old 03-02-2012, 11:13 PM   #17
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I'm not "out" myself, and I go to great lengths to support my partners decisions. Her body, her choice, right? But I digress. I don't quite understand what "feedism" is, though I've know that I am definitely a "feeder". It's been a confusing time for me, coming to terms with it.
Anyways, I've been thinking that there is a direct correlation between the feeder/feedee relationship and Dominant/submissive relationships within the BDSM world. Any thoughts?
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Old 03-03-2012, 03:23 AM   #18
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I've been "out" since I was 18. Had many good memories along the way. I miss it sometimes but for the most part I'm fine not doing it anymore. There's always bedroom talk tho ;-)
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Old 03-03-2012, 02:36 PM   #19
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The feedist relationships I have been in can be summarized as a mostly normal relationship in which mutual-foodies eat a bunch of food, the fat one (sometimes/slowly) gets fatter, and weight gain-related sexy talk happens in the bedroom...and sometimes outside of it.
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Old 03-03-2012, 02:38 PM   #20
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The feedist relationships I have been in can be summarized as a mostly normal relationship in which mutual-foodies eat a bunch of food, the fat one (sometimes/slowly) gets fatter, and weight gain-related sexy talk happens in the bedroom...and sometimes outside of it.
That's what I do. Fantasizing about it isn't the same as actually doing it. My fiancee knows that and doesn't have the problem with the fantasy as long as it doesn't become a reality (it won't).
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Old 03-03-2012, 09:49 PM   #21
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I'm not going to comment on feedism, but I did want to ask you whether or not you are "out" to your wife. If the answer is no, then how "out" can you truly be? It seems to me your life partner would be the most important person to be "out" to.
This.

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Old 03-04-2012, 11:07 AM   #22
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That's what I do. Fantasizing about it isn't the same as actually doing it. My fiancee knows that and doesn't have the problem with the fantasy as long as it doesn't become a reality (it won't).
I'm not certain it works the same for a feedee. I'm on a restricted diet due to health concerns and while that's perfectly fine I don't think I could live a life of staid unwavering compliance to the guidelines at all times. There would have to be moments off the beaten path where I sit and eat a whole bowl of cake batter in tight underwear whether my partner approved or not. No actually, if he doesn't approve he can get out. I don't want to hear no cryin.
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Old 03-04-2012, 01:50 PM   #23
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I'm not certain it works the same for a feedee. I'm on a restricted diet due to health concerns and while that's perfectly fine I don't think I could live a life of staid unwavering compliance to the guidelines at all times. There would have to be moments off the beaten path where I sit and eat a whole bowl of cake batter in tight underwear whether my partner approved or not. No actually, if he doesn't approve he can get out. I don't want to hear no cryin.
I have to admit that's one of the best things I've heard in some time. .I've been chuckling about it all afternoon. .
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Old 03-04-2012, 06:42 PM   #24
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Well Linathsuru I promised I would post a more detailed story of my experiences with lets call her Mrs Wreckless or mrs w, so here goes.
I first became aware of my FA ness back in the 90's during my first mariage when my then wife started gain a little as normal, then she became a diet obsessive =not fun. I also pre- dimensions, used to purchase the mag Buff, this was an awakening for me then, I never forgot the first weightgain story I read, a tale about a girl that had 2 lovers that where both feeders and the fine detail of how she grew to 600lbs, I was transfixed erotically and would dream about being with a woman that would gain to be fat & soft & luxurious just like those in the stories.
The mariage ended nearly 10 yrs ago and we moved on, I dated a skinny Irish girl for a year or so, we had a great time but that ran its course and again I was single, but not for long, for soon I met my current squeeze (soon to be wife 2). She was my first BBW around 170lbs I think roughly then, I was enthralled by the soft lushness of her, soon we where spending cosy nights in together sharing meals, wine and of course passion. I remember her starting to gain a little which I loved. Naturally we became closer then she became pregnant, a bit too soon for my liking then but we now have a beautifull 6yr old girl who is everything to me. During her pregnancy her weight shot up as she ate what she wanted, and eventually it came up in conversation that she had got up to about 270lbs at one point during her previous mariage , she explained that her ex hated this, called her ugly and all the negative stuff that fat haters do. This was the moment I supose came out to her of my FA ness, how I love larger girls and begged her not to stress about her growing waisline. I remember one night she asked me what I would do if she got to 20stone (280lbs) of course i don't need to explain my answer to that on this forum to much, hasten to say I told I would never leave the house and how she would have to fight me off her. The rest is just history.
And here we are today, 7yrs later, I think she must be around 310lbs now of glorious soft goodness, it has sort of just happened slowly has her gain, occasionally I have had the pleasure of feeding her eclairs in bed which I thought was so erotic stuffing her in several ways at once,although she still does not see what I get off on doing this, maybe I will ask her if I can have my way again sometime. I have never directly pushed her to gain, I see no need, we just let life/nature take its course. We have had conversations about her weight where I have asked her if she wants to lose weight offering support too, she loves her grub too much, she tried dieting last year but fell off the wagon, it was so funny, one night after 7 weeks of boring salads etc,she said she could murder an extra large mixed kebab and asked if I wouuld nip out and get her one, it was heaven for her to just enjoy the taste of real food, the following night we had Chinese of course I was'nt complaining anytime soon. Of course the weight soon piled on again. I always tell her how beautifull to me she is, I adore how her body gradually changes slowly overtime, the fullness of her belly, how when sitting her lap is getting smaller slowly, the soft rolls that cascade from her back, the dimpled marbled, cottage cheesed, cellulite lushness of her thighs, how her breasts have become full and heavy resting on her belly, how it jiggles n sways when she walk.
There is no need to be a feeder so to speak, just have patience, make her feel beautiful, understand her love her.
A typical weekend for us is to have italian on friday, usually an extra large pizza shared, a chinese banquet saturday night,last night she asked if I would get her an extra portion which gave me great delight to see her eat , some icecream later all washed down with loads of soda too, sunday we go breakfast rolls at the harbour then she cooks a family roast for us all, all wholesome good food.
Last night lovemaking she was showing me her belly apron and what did I think of it, I asked her what she was going to do about it, she said "nothing" I asked her "what will happen in the future, will it change ?" she said "its going to get bigger and hang lower", I asked "what about your boobies" she said " there going to get much bigger too", I said "what about controlling them" she said " there's nothing you can do about it, its your fate, your just going to have to put up with me, I'm going to get much bigger, there will be no room for you in bed. but will you still want to make love to me??". She knows it drives me wild, to feel all of her on top of me is one of the great pleasures of my life, of how she gradually changes, more of her soft silky luxurious feminine gloriousness. I remind her that she has changed so much in 7yrs and what will she be like in another 7yrs??.
I sometimes wonder if she would still be thinner if she was still single and had never met me, I tell her I am a bad influence and how being with me has caused her to become fat, she says she is'nt bothered about being fat and as long as she is relatively healthy she does not care what size she is, as she says "if other people don't like it they don't have to look". I really couldn't say what will happen in the future, she seems to gain around 16lbs a year on average, so hardly force feeding stuff is it. I predict she will level off around 360lbs of goodness.
One thing I must comment on here is whilst I enjoy having a look at the paysite pics ( nice eye candy) I often wonder if the young girls on there have found what we have in a loving relationship and gaining for love and contentedness ??
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Old 03-05-2012, 01:04 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by The Orange Mage View Post
The feedist relationships I have been in can be summarized as a mostly normal relationship in which mutual-foodies eat a bunch of food, the fat one (sometimes/slowly) gets fatter, and weight gain-related sexy talk happens in the bedroom...and sometimes outside of it.
Oh my that would be the kind of relationship i dream of ^^

sounds very sexy how you desribe yours hehe
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