annoyed by how im treated because of my age

[lordbo]

ive been trying to find ssbbws and bbws near me to hang out with and have fun with only to be shot down literally everytime as soon as they find out im 19

they dont know me

they dont even see a pic of me usually
i simply say my age is 19
and BAM! they say 'oh...sorry youre too young'

what if i enjoy a certain type of jazz only appreciated by the generation in their 30's such as one bbw who may have said no actually really enjoys too? (lol i dont but it could be something similar)

does anyone else find this annoying?

[Gingembre]

Well, what age are you trying to hang out with? Also, I don't want this to sound mean, but perhaps you're getting shot down because of how you're acting (/wording things, if you're online) which aren't going down too well and people are attributing to your age? Just a thought.

[LillyBBBW]

I voted no. I'm 45 and lets say I wanted to hang out with 19 year old college students because I think they are more fun and won't sit around all day talking about children and houses. And lets say these people don't want to hang with me because I'm too old. It's disappointing but that's just the way it is. You can't ram it down people's throats. Just start living your life and you'll find the right people.

[BigBeautifulMe]

There are plenty of young BBWs in Massachusetts. Look for the Heavenly Bodies dances and attend a few. I guarantee you'll find people your age there.

Now, I'm going to answer why you're being shot down... or at least some potential reasons... even though I doubt you're going to want to hear them.

Surely there are women my age (I'm in my early thirties) who truly believe that age is just a number. I'm not one of them, though. Personally, I did a lot of learning about myself, figuring out what I wanted, and changed and matured quite a bit, around the age of 25. It has been my experience, over and over, that men your age just aren't quite there yet.

Additionally, and most importantly, some (of course, not all, but some) women my age are ready to settle down, get married, and have kids. Some of us are looking for stability. Men your age tend not to be ready for that level of commitment, nor should you be! You still have a lot of learning to do about who you are and what you want out of life. Yes, you could get lucky and pick the right person, but many people who settle down so young find five years in (or sometimes even less) that they aren't the same any more, or their partner isn't the same anymore, and they want out. Women my age can sometimes be tired of "wasting time" on relationships that will likely lead nowhere permanent.

And, I hate to say this as it's the least important factor in my view, but it has to be said - men your age are often not in a place in your lives YET where you can afford the same standard of living to which women my age are accustomed. That may NOT be a big deal if the woman makes enough, but for someone who makes just enough to support herself, the idea of trying to date someone who can't afford to really hold up his half financially may be off-putting.

The good news for you is that every woman is different, and there are bound to be those out there who are looking for NO relationship, and want the freedom (and sex drive) that only someone so young can offer. Don't give up hope entirely. Just understand that, when you get rejected, it might not be anything you're personally doing, but could be for reasons I listed above.

I know, I know, I'm old and crotchety. I feel like I should conclude this with "Get off my damn lawn, you kids!" haha.

[lordbo]

thank you for your input so far


i guess its just that i wasnt the popular person in lower grade school which led to less social interaction with my peers, which led to me not having as much social skills with speaking in public, which is why i am much better at communicating electronically lol

but also because of my school life im not very good with rejection... which is what i expect from my peers at my age much more than more mature people who would logically be older

the whole reason that i made the thread was that recently a friend, who is a ssbbw had to stop hanging out with me, and ive been trying to find someone to hang out with instead of her, hence i have been trying yahoo chat and other ways of finding friends, where recently i have been getting shot down

so there is a bbw in one of my classes, freshmen in college as well, but i havent approached her yet, should i try talking to her? see if she'd like to hang out and go from there?

[BigBeautifulMe]

Originally Posted by lordbo

but also because of my school life im not very good with rejection... which is what i expect from my peers at my age much more than more mature people who would logically be older

Right here, you're equating maturity with not rejecting you. It would perhaps be reasonable to expect older women to at least be more polite in the WAY they reject you (some might not be) but it seems backward to me to expect older women to reject you LESS than women your own age. Logically, when you're dating a significantly different age group, you should actually expect there will be fewer people interested, thus more rejection. It sucks, but it's the way it works. Again, that doesn't mean NO ONE will be interested, it just means you can't take rejections to heart so much. Just tell the person thank you for their time, and move on. The worst someone can say to you is no, and then you're no better or worse off than you were before you asked them.

Originally Posted by lordbo

so there is a bbw in one of my classes, freshmen in college as well, but i havent approached her yet, should i try talking to her? see if she'd like to hang out and go from there?

Well, sure, if you think she might be interested. Ask her to coffee or something. But, again, realize there is a risk to asking, and that if she rejects you, there are other fish in the sea. I know it's cliche, but it's true.

[lordbo]

Originally Posted by BigBeautifulMe

Just tell the person thank you for their time, and move on. The worst someone can say to you is no, and then you're no better or worse off than you were before you asked them.

very true

Originally Posted by BigBeautifulMe

Well, sure, if you think she might be interested. Ask her to coffee or something. But, again, realize there is a risk to asking, and that if she rejects you, there are other fish in the sea. I know it's cliche, but it's true.

ok yes very true

its just i think the reason i havent talked to her yet is because of the elusiveness of bbws on my campus that id be sad that there'd be one less possiblity among so many few already

but i will ask her to hang out

[BBWHearts]

You wi11 find that peop1e treat you annoying1y because of your age no mater what age you are!

[lordbo]

Originally Posted by BBWHearts

You wi11 find that peop1e treat you annoying1y because of your age no mater what age you are!

Lol very true

[KHayes666]

I too found myself rejected, mocked and ridiculed when I was 18 around these parts. My social background in school appears to be the opposite of yours but the point is I'm no stranger to not being taken seriously.

7 1/2 years later I'm engaged to a wonderful, sweet and caring woman and I can gladly put up my middle finger to all my detractors (that haven't already been banned). Don't give up, be yourself and eventually you'll be accepted by people who care. Sure there's going to be much needed behavioral changes but if your hobbies are what you enjoy, eventually you'll find someone who enjoys them too. I never thought I'd find someone to watch M*A*S*H* with and my fiancee enjoys it maybe even more than I.

Also, try not to take the criticisms and mocking to heart. Besides, why would you even listen to mocking criticism from people who are collecting social security checks and think Lady Gaga is a new brand of baby formula? Not saying they don't know what they're talking about but some of them wouldn't know happiness if it smacked them in the face.

Take it from me. I've been there, survived and thrived.

[lordbo]

Glad to know that I'm not the only one to have/had this dilemma happen

[Diana_Prince245]

I'm involved with a pretty young kid right now (21), but we wouldn't be if I hadn't gone back to school and kind of regressed a bit. We're in the same place -- trying to balance full-time school with nearly full-time work. If all of these dynamics weren't what they are, I probably woulda said, "Sorry, you're way too young."

I guess my point is similar to Big Beautiful Dreamer's. Most women hit about 25 and we get into the nesting phase, and guys younger than 25 or so just aren't in the same place emotionally.

[KHayes666]

Originally Posted by Diana_Prince245

I'm involved with a pretty young kid right now (21), but we wouldn't be if I hadn't gone back to school and kind of regressed a bit. We're in the same place -- trying to balance full-time school with nearly full-time work. If all of these dynamics weren't what they are, I probably woulda said, "Sorry, you're way too young."

I guess my point is similar to Big Beautiful Dreamer's. Most women hit about 25 and we get into the nesting phase, and guys younger than 25 or so just aren't in the same place emotionally.

That is a very valid point that I forgot to mention, kudos to you.

Most guys in their late teens and early 20's are mostly worrying about when the next party is, when the hottest new game is coming out or getting to class on time. Being a father, husband and paying for homeowner's insurance isn't exactly something they should be thinking about at that age.

I was in a relationship with a single mother when I was 20 years old and I wasn't ready to be all that I mentioned earlier. She knew it and I knew it and it didn't work out.

That's one of the reasons why an age gap doesn't vote well for either party member. One wants to settle down and start a family and the other's not ready to.

[Saoirse]

Im pretty sure I'll never, ever date anyone younger than me.

[willowmoon]

Originally Posted by lordbo

the whole reason that i made the thread was that recently a friend, who is a ssbbw had to stop hanging out with me, and ive been trying to find someone to hang out with instead of her, hence i have been trying yahoo chat and other ways of finding friends, where recently i have been getting shot down

I'm almost afraid to ask, but why is it that the SSBBW that you mentioned earlier can't hang out with you anymore?

[lordbo]

Originally Posted by willowmoon

I'm almost afraid to ask, but why is it that the SSBBW that you mentioned earlier can't hang out with you anymore?

well stuff had come up and she had become too busy for any more meetups

[Gingembre]

Originally Posted by Saoirse

Im pretty sure I'll never, ever date anyone younger than me.

Heh, me neither. Have tried going a year younger on 2 occasions and it hasn't worked out. I have dated up to 15 years older than myself, though, with more success! Generally (obviously this doesnt apply to everyone), girls do mature earlier than guys, which is why I think it's more difficult to find an older woman to want to be with a younger guy.

Originally Posted by lordbo

also because of my school life im not very good with rejection...

See, I think also because of your age you're not very good with rejection. Getting better at rejection is part of life experience - the more people who knock you back, the times you get dumped, the jobs/promotions you don't get, schools you don't get accepted to etc etc...you'll deal better with rejection the older you get.

[Saoirse]

Originally Posted by Gingembre

Heh, me neither. Have tried going a year younger on 2 occasions and it hasn't worked out. I have dated up to 15 years older than myself, though, with more success! Generally (obviously this doesnt apply to everyone), girls do mature earlier than guys, which is why I think it's more difficult to find an older woman to want to be with a younger guy.

omg the guy twice my age was the best! Although, it was only a few weeks and we both knew it wasn't going past that as he was only in town for a little while, we had the best time together! He was so knowledgeable and intelligent and mature (but he had an immature side as well, hehe) Honestly, I was more into him than I was with my first (and only) bf, who I was with for 2 years. And he's gonna be in my area this summer and we're gonna have so much fun!!! AND HOT SEX. Older men are better at sex!!!

[lordbo]

Originally Posted by Saoirse

omg the guy twice my age was the best! Although, it was only a few weeks and we both knew it wasn't going past that as he was only in town for a little while, we had the best time together! He was so knowledgeable and intelligent and mature (but he had an immature side as well, hehe) Honestly, I was more into him than I was with my first (and only) bf, who I was with for 2 years. And he's gonna be in my area this summer and we're gonna have so much fun!!! AND HOT SEX. Older men are better at sex!!!

lol that last part my friend who i used to see would say the opposite....

[KHayes666]

Originally Posted by lordbo

lol that last part my friend who i used to see would say the opposite....

Don't pay any attention. I posted a rant on another thread about how most guys 18-21 are totally fucked because most women want maturity, independence, stability and dating experience which most males that age don't really have.

How does that make you feel knowing most females who posted on the two threads prefer older men because of circumstances out of your control? Angry? Resentful? Yeah, that was me 6-8 years ago.

I know what its like to be rejected in favor of older men and "bad boys". One girl told me she likes going out with assholes because she "liked the challenge" and it made me sick.

I really have no advice to offer at this point because for the most part girls here are admitting they like older guys, what the hell are 18-21 year olds supposed to do about it? Snap their fingers and suddenly gain 5 years of dating experience, a 50 thousand dollar a year job and their own house?

It sucks

[Gingembre]

OK, well, sorry if i made anyone feel worse, I was just trying to shed some light on why the OP is experiencing what he is. Unfortunately, people do mature at different rates. Obviously there are exceptions to the rule...most girls I know are dating people pretty much the same age. Also, where I work, most of the guys in the 18-21 age bracket are taken by girls in the 16-18 group, so it's not like they just don't date until they're 25.

[LillyBBBW]

Originally Posted by KHayes666

Don't pay any attention. I posted a rant on another thread about how most guys 18-21 are totally fucked because most women want maturity, independence, stability and dating experience which most males that age don't really have.

How does that make you feel knowing most females who posted on the two threads prefer older men because of circumstances out of your control? Angry? Resentful? Yeah, that was me 6-8 years ago.

I know what its like to be rejected in favor of older men and "bad boys". One girl told me she likes going out with assholes because she "liked the challenge" and it made me sick.

I really have no advice to offer at this point because for the most part girls here are admitting they like older guys, what the hell are 18-21 year olds supposed to do about it? Snap their fingers and suddenly gain 5 years of dating experience, a 50 thousand dollar a year job and their own house?

It sucks

It does but that's the way of the world I guess. If I want to date Kanye West I'd have to lose about 385 pounds and get an $800 weave. Generally I find that young guys who say, "Why would old ladies date me," will sputter on in a confused fashion when you say, "Look! Here's a 18 year old girl who's interested." They don't want to be bothered with her because she's immature or doesn't have the goods they're looking for. What are they supposed to do? When I was 18 guys my age wouldn't ever talk to me. I'm 45 and now I'm running from them. It's a crazy world where no one is ever satisfied.

[Diana_Prince245]

Originally Posted by LillyBBBW

It does but that's the way of the world I guess. If I want to date Kanye West I'd have to lose about 385 pounds and get an $800 weave. Generally I find that young guys who say, "Why would old ladies date me," will sputter on in a confused fashion when you say, "Look! Here's a 18 year old girl who's interested." They don't want to be bothered with her because she's immature or doesn't have the goods they're looking for. What are they supposed to do? When I was 18 guys my age wouldn't ever talk to me. I'm 45 and now I'm running from them. It's a crazy world where no one is ever satisfied.

You too, huh? Course I find a lot of the younger guys who are interested really just want somebody to support them and wash their underwear like their mother. When I do date really young, I tend to get involved with the ones who are really self-sufficient, and I see no reason to apologize for that.

[KHayes666]

Originally Posted by Diana_Prince245

You too, huh? Course I find a lot of the younger guys who are interested really just want somebody to support them and wash their underwear like their mother. When I do date really young, I tend to get involved with the ones who are really self-sufficient, and I see no reason to apologize for that.

That's the first time I've ever heard that. If someone had told me that years ago it would make more sense why I was rejected back in the day.

I never realized we gave off the impression we wanted to date someone like our mothers. I sure as hell didn't but that's just me though lol