Repressed masculinity?

[mathlete]

There's probably different reasons for different people, but this struck a chord with me. When I thought of it, I felt like it was something I always knew. I think there's a link between me wanting to gain and repressed masculinity. When I was younger, I felt embarrassed about being boyish.

[Tad]

I'm not quite clear on what you are trying to say....are you saying that getting fat is to repress your masculinity? Or that having repressed your masculinity, you are now expressing it by getting fat?

[mathlete]

Originally Posted by Tad

I'm not quite clear on what you are trying to say....are you saying that getting fat is to repress your masculinity? Or that having repressed your masculinity, you are now expressing it by getting fat?

I'm on my phone and it times out quickly, so I had to keep it short. I think wanting to put on weight is my way of compensating for neglecting my masculinity. I felt like maybe I wasn't as male as other boys when I was younger, and I was embarrassed to do male things.

[Tad]

I'm sure this is totally clear from within your head, but I'm afraid I can still read this a couple of different ways:

"I felt like maybe I wasn't as male as other boys when I was younger, and I was embarrassed to do male things." and therefore.....

1) you want to get bigger, to have more bulk, take up more space, and that will make you feel more masculine, and help compensate for that un-masculine feeling.

-or-

2) you just don't feel masculine and don't think you ever will (or at this point don't really want to), and by getting fat--softer and rounder--you'll look less masculine, so your outside will better match your inside.

Most likely one of these is completely wrong, but believe it or not I've heard people saying variations on both of those. You'll see it amongst BHM and FFA, too, where some people view being fat as associated with being big (and perhaps tough and powerful), and see it as intensely masculine, while some see it as being soft and perhaps less physically capable, and so decidedly un-masculine.

Either way, I'm glad you are exploring your feelings and drives. In the end, it is good for you to understand the twists and turns of your mind, whether or not anyone else quite understands them!

[mathlete]

1) is the one I meant. I never embraced those desires to be big and strong and repressed them a bit, and it transformed into a desire to get fat maybe. I'm overthinking it a bit now, but I'm sure I'm onto something.

[analikesyourface]

I have often had people say to me that either

a) I prefer fat men because I am boyish (I am female) and I want to feel smaller and more lady-like

b) I prefer fat men because I am boyish, and I am a "repressed lesbian", so I want a soft dude.


I think it's neither, I just like fat men. If you want to gain, just do it! You don't really need a reason if it feels right ^_^

[fritzi]

Originally Posted by mathlete

I think there's a link between me wanting to gain and repressed masculinity. When I was younger, I felt embarrassed about being boyish.

I strongly doubt this link exists, on the contrary.

For the vast majority of men the equation is fat/ter = big/ger = more masculin. This is also how society and most women respond to a big guy, not only FFAs.

If you felt embarrassed by being too boyish, gaining weight to appear more masculin is almost a logical move.

The issue of appearing less masculin and thus maybe of repressed masculinity might apply to the small segment of men who combine being short and very fat, soft with a decided pear shape (= more common with women).
But it really has to be the combination of all those factors to get the vibe across.