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|07-05-2006, 09:52 PM||#1|
Join Date: Oct 2005
Simply Me - by Lghshortstay (BBW, self-realization essay, ~XWG)
BBW, self-realization essay, ~XWG - a quick biography of an insightful woman
She was here again last night. That beautiful fat lady, sitting in the chair in the front room, so gloriously fat that she filled Dad's chair with a chin that sits on her chest and legs that are so wide even with them closed. I can sit at her feet, and her soft rolling tummy makes me want to go to sleep on it. As she fades away, I realise I have been dreaming again.
I am 8 years old and this is my favorite dream. It always comes when Mom has been mean to me. Last night after supper I got the same lecture that I've had since I was six. “You're getting very fat, Jane. No one will want you when you grow up; you're not sticking to the diet are you? Why can't you be more like your sister blah blah blah…..”
I always switch off at this point. My so-called perfect sister is skinny, has lots of friends, and Mom and Dad think she is fantastic.
I, however, am the plump daughter my Mother doesn't want - mainly as I remind her of her. She used to be skinny and now she is plump. Don't get me wrong; I love my Mom, and I think she is beautiful with her soft round belly. She is the one who hates it. We only have old pictures of her on the wall when she had a 21” waist. She was 18 then; she's 36 now. Why can't she accept it?
Yet again the glorious fat lady was back. This time she is so fat she fills our couch; when she talks, she breathes very heavy and she can't get out of the couch without two men lifting her. One, I note, is my Dad; the other is a very handsome bald headed chap, with a little belly himself who looks at this lady with such love in his eyes that, when I wake up, it's that look I remember as much as how beautiful the lady had become - so sensuous, with all the fat quivering when she walks.
I'm now 16, and yet again Mom and I had a fight. Yet again about my weight: she told me to take my fat ass out of her house and do something with my life. I actually already have a job, working in a supermarket, stocking shelves - not great but, hey, it gives me candy money.
I'm now wearing a size 16. I don't think I'm fat. I think I'm curvy, but living at home is getting me down, I don't eat at home anymore, as I can't cope with the comments. My sister has left home now so I visit her at lunchtime. She is great and Mom and Dad don't see her as perfect since they caught her stealing out of Mom's purse - yet again I was even brought into that argument because of my size.
“We thought it was Jane stealing so she could buy candy as she is getting so fat….”
Little did they know the money I have was was coming from friends. I was doing their homework, and they were paying me for it. I will always find a way of getting candy, but without stealing though.
Denise lives with her fella, who is kinda cute. He keeps pinching my bum. LOL, I think he likes curvy girls, but Denise would never allow herself to gain. She lives on coffee and cigarettes, a shame as I think she is too thin…
Last night I met a boy. I'm now 18 and work in a restaurant in the kitchen. Pure heaven for me, but, to be fair, I have lost a little. Not ffrom any dieting, mind you. I'm so busy at work,plus running around and then going out with my friends.
But, as I said, last night I met a boy; he is 24 and very cute, always paying me complements, I have known him for a while as he is the bar man in the restaurant, but last night I MET him. He's my first real date: all through high school I was the fat chick who had loads of mates but no boy friends, so it was fantastic. He took me out for a meal and then back to his place where I had my first proper kiss - ummmmmm heaven. I think he likes my curves, too, as he kept running his hands over me in a nice way. I hope to see him again soon.
It's three months since I have been seeing Chas. I thought it was great, but last night he told me I was getting fat!! What did he expect? He takes me out every other night for a meal. I'm really upset; maybe I should diet. Oh, man, I so don't want to - why do people always criticise me? I feel happy about my size and then, bang, there's another person telling me I'm fat,
She was here again last night. She's been here every night for the last four weeks since I started my diet for Chas; as I've lost weight, she seems to have grown. I have lost 14lb and now thinner than when we first met. I am down to a size 12/14. But I'm haunted by my dreams. I think about her all day as I'm trying not to eat. Again, in my dream, the lovely man is there with the lady, still very sexy, his tummy slightly bigger each dream, too. But not as big as the lady - she is truly immense now, and I always dream of her in a different house, no longer ours as she doesn't fit through normal door widths now. And yet I still find her beautiful; she has a special chair which helps her up by pressing a button. She also sleeps in this as she is too fat to go upstairs. I long for these dreams, as I wake up very aroused and happy. Then reality hits……..
It's been eight weeks of dieting, and I have just seen Chas with another girl, and to make matters worse she is fatter than me. I'm now a 8/10; my Mom thinks I'm beautiful finally and hasstrted showing me off to her friends as a trophy daughter. She tells them she knew once I was thin I would get a man; little does she know what I have just seen inmy dreams. I'm going to Shz's Café for a cake!
I'm now 25 and no longer live at home. Mom made me leave when I was 19 as once Chas and I split up, I regained all I'd lost and then some. I'm a size 20 now and still feel sexy. I had to move out as Mom told me she was embarrassed to be seen with me as I was hideous, and she didn't want her friends to see her with me. That was enough for me to move cities and make a life of my own. My sister came with me as she spilt up with her boyfriend, as he wanted her to get fat - a shame he didn't meet me first, LOL.
I work as a health care worker now and all my clients love me, and I have two ladies who used to work in the catering trade, hence the gain. Even Denise has gained 10lb with all the food I take home. She looks better now, not so skeletal, thank goodness. I haven't had another boyfriend since Chas as he hurt me so much that when I date I think they are going to ask me to diet; that's why I don't go on more than two dates with any man.
My lady dreams continue after troubled times. She is bedbound now. Her partner, as I now realise he is, looks after her; he remains plump, but he doesn't get any fatter. She, however, remains beautiful, with her immense arms that look like my thighs. Her chest is fantastic with nipples as big as side plates, and then there is her glorious belly. It fills the bed, overflowing her frame tenfold. She has to sleep sitting up so always she can see the ripples of fat as she tries to move. She can only just see her toes as her belly covers her legs, but in my dreams I'm at the foot of the bed and I can see, with awe, the size of her thighs. They have folds of skin that reach below her knees; her calves have four folds. If she attempted to stand, these would prevent her as they are below her feet. She, as always, is very happy and content with her life; I'm sure this is why I love these dreams. I always have to play with myself after this dream as the thought of her and what she has eaten to become that size turns me on. I'm always very wet after this dream.
I go out with friends most weekends, and we dance drink and eat lots and I'm very content with my life……..but, one by one, they are pairing up and talking marriage. Even Denise has met a new man called Guy; he seems nice, and she is talking about moving in with him. Maybe I need to loosen up where men are concerned.
I haven't dreamt of my lady for a while. Why? Because my life is content at last; I'm now 36.
Denise is married, with two children, to Guy. Sue still resists the temptation to become fat. But her life is so stressful: Guy has had some affairs, so has she - but they continue to live together. I stopped worrying about her a few years ago. It's her life; she has to live it.
Most of my friends are married with children: some have gained; some haven't.
Mom now talks to me again. Dad became poorly and I looked after him and nursed him back to health. She is now proud of me for the work I do and never mentions my weight. LOL, she's a size 20 herself now, still not happy with it but realises life is too short to worry too much about it, and as for me………………………………..
Well, I met the man of my dreams, literally. He is bald with a little potbelly that I have helped him grow. We have two children, and I grow weekly. When we met, I was thinner by a long shot, LOL, size 20 - that seems so long ago. With his love and nurturing, I regained my faith in men. He's never told me I am fat; he brings me treats daily and he gets as much pleasure as I do when I go up a size. I'm now a size 40 and weigh in at 436lb, aiming for 500 now.
As for my dream lady, well, at last I've realised she was me. And I'm well on the way to living my dreams, being simply me.