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Old 08-22-2012, 04:48 AM   #1
Join Date: Mar 2011
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cardshark_kt has said some nice things
Question Love: Does it matter if...?

A friend of mine recently went though a situation which has brought up a question to my mind I had been asked before: how do you know you're not straight, or how do you know you're gay, if you haven't had sex with intended target? See, my friend (a guy, let's call him J) was in a relationship with another guy (S). I wasn't around when they got together, but I did know both of them personally and was actually surprised (in a good way) later on when I found out they had hit it off. However, J suggested to S to find out whether he was straight or bisexual, and told him to have sex with a female. Now, S has, and admits to being straight now, but "always says he will love J".

I don't quite see why J would've suggested it in the first place; maybe as a sense of closure? It sounds more like he was waiting for an excuse to lose him and just wanted to throw it out there. Furthermore, how could S say that he would still love J if he was straight, and was just imagining the way he felt? I don't really get it... What I'm asking, to the general readers that may read this, is if you see sex as being a real excuse to labeling yourself? Personally, I can't speak too stable on any form of relationship, having a horrible track record despite my better wishes, but I can say that I've been attracted to them more on their personality and less on the idea of sex each time. Maybe I'm just weird... @_@
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Old 08-22-2012, 12:24 PM   #2
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I don't think sex should be used as an excuse to get labelled something. I have a gay friend who has had sex with women and with fellow men. He's greatly enjoyed both and when he's single, he sometimes gets a little too drunk and sleeps with a straight female and loves it. But still considers himself completely gay.

I don't think how you enjoy sex makes you gay, straight, or bi. I think it starts with the mind... what you find yourself naturally gravitating towards and attracted to, and then the sex just adds to that.
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Old 08-28-2012, 10:51 PM   #3
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I agree with CarlaSixx sex is one element in relationships, while very important it does not define us. Our partners are our own choice, so are our labels if we choose to wear them. I choose to wear the label lesbian because I am attracted only to women. But that doesnt mean I dont think some men are cute occassionally, and yes I will confess to having threesomes with men. But those things dont define me. I'm not quite sure why anyone would tell their partner to have sex with someone else unless they were indeed looking for a way out of the relationship, but I also think sometimes others see us for who we are we maybe we cannot. I think it would be entirely possible to 'always love' someone no matter their gender or our sexual identity. All things are fluid
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