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Old 09-02-2012, 07:53 AM   #1
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Default First Date and Issues?

I have been on two first dates with different women, or first evaluations as I call them , and nothing happened after those, either I had gotten a "No Interested" or no reply back.

I think my conversation wasn't that great but I already know how to fix that, but what I am worried about is what to do when the conversation stops, and becomes awkward? How does one deal with that, without making it more displeasing?
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Old 09-02-2012, 09:54 AM   #2
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My first thought is to maybe try to do a date that is more of an activity so you can comment on whatever you guys are doing or what is around you..so less need to force conversation than sitting at a restaurant.

But other than that.. I think conversation is a two way street..so it's not all on you to fill the void. If you're having a date with someone where conversation is stilted, maybe that's just not a good match. I havent dated much, so maybe that is too harsh..i dunno. I went on one date within recent history and we had flowing conversation and ended not being interested in each other enough to do a 2nd date..so flowing conversation may or may not change the outcome either.

I suppose if it gets quiet you can ask a creative open-ended question like what their fave thing to do as a child was or what their fave place they have ever visited is. Then expand by asking questions about that thing or place "how was that?" "what was so cool about it?" etc.

Last edited by PrettyOne1; 09-02-2012 at 09:55 AM. Reason: Typo fix
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Old 09-04-2012, 11:10 PM   #3
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First dates are tuff unless you are don fucking juan.

Personally, alcohol in moderate amounts has always broken the ice and smoothed over those socially awkward moments where there is a pause in the conversation.

Whatever you do DO NOT say, "I WANT TO DO YOU" during those pauses.

Also, don't breath out your mouth.

Oh & smile when you talk & make eye contact otherwise you are a creep.

Make jokes.

Give compliments.

AH HELL JUST READ THIS

GOOD LUCK, GOD SPEED, WEAR A RUBBER
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Old 09-05-2012, 12:07 AM   #4
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If the girl thinks you're hot you'll get a second date. If not it won't matter what you say or do.
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Old 09-05-2012, 12:44 AM   #5
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Ask about them. What their favourite shows/music/books are, their favourite holiday, vacation, etc. Questions where you can find out more about them but in a friendly way, not an interrogation.
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Old 09-07-2012, 01:16 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by PrettyOne1 View Post
My first thought is to maybe try to do a date that is more of an activity so you can comment on whatever you guys are doing or what is around you..so less need to force conversation than sitting at a restaurant.

But other than that.. I think conversation is a two way street..so it's not all on you to fill the void. If you're having a date with someone where conversation is stilted, maybe that's just not a good match. I haven't dated much, so maybe that is too harsh..i dunno. I went on one date within recent history and we had flowing conversation and ended not being interested in each other enough to do a 2nd date..so flowing conversation may or may not change the outcome either.
YES do an activity. Go to an Art Museum. Go to a Music Festival. Go to a Farmer's Market. Go to a Flea Market or Craft Bazaar. Take an Underwater Basket Weaving Class together. So you're walking around, and even if you don't buy anything or like anything, you can DISCUSS things, and you're both active so you're not stuck there until the meal finishes. Most art museums have free days, as well, and never underestimate how good some food truck grub can be after a night at a music festival.

And YES conversation. If she's talking a lot, do add your own experiences in. Find some way to connect her love of camping, like say you've only been car camping, there's still other outdoor activities. If you're not outdoorsy, you can always steer it to another discussion that you both have in common/have done things. The best example I have is honestly my book nerd guy friends. I would date any one of them if they were closer, because we have epically long conversations about stories from every medium. I love talking to them, and I talk with them almost every day. What makes the chemistry so good is their willingness to talk back, to contribute back.
The worst friendships/relationships are always with guys that I talk to, and then I either get the "OMG YOU TALK TO MUCH SHUT UPPPPP" 5 minutes into our first conversation or he doesn't talk at all. and I get "Lol" or "yeah" about once every 9 sentences, but he's not really saying anything back. And I try to coax more talking out of them, but they don't really seem to get how communication works. I'm not comfortable with spilling my life to them while they share none of theirs with me.

And I've had good conversation and the guy just didn't like me. Shit happens. But communication can be worked on, so focus on that and then gauge the chemistry afterwards.
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Old 09-07-2012, 02:30 PM   #7
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You have the responsibility to make the conversation fluid, don't avoid that, a good advice is avoid the to personal subjects, like religion or politics, ask abouth her, what she like, music, party... try to make a conection betwen the subjects, when you had something in common show that to her, don't change your oppinion because her, and the most important thing is do NOT talk to her thinking you will fuck her. I hope i help you a litle.
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Old 09-08-2012, 02:34 AM   #8
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First dates are all about having fun, being casual and getting to know one another. I am going to agree wholeheartedly with the people here who have said that you should ask her all about herself, and I am going to go a step further and say that it is your responsibility as the man to ask anything and everything about her.

I have had the good fortune to know some real ladies-men in my day who schooled me and gave me some good advice: Ask her about her job, ask her what kind of music she likes, ask her what her father does, ask what her favorite color is, ask what her favorite subject in school is or was, ask what the last book she read was, tell her you like her outfit and ask where she bought it, ask what she did for her sixteenth birthday.....

It totally doesn't matter what you ask, just ask! Let her know you are interested in getting to know her. Have fun with it. It will make her feel special and make her feel at ease, and it shouldn't be long before she starts asking you questions too.

And no, it should not be an interrogation, nor should it be a one-sided female-worshipping session. If it feels forced and she just isn't being receptive then yeah, you probably won't have a second date and maybe you'll need to check the kind of women you're asking out.

The thing to remember too is that there is nothing wrong with having a bad first date. We've all been there, we've all had them; it's how we learn who we like and who we don't like. It's how we learn what we really need in a partner and want in a potential relationship.

So you've had a couple first dates, that's good! Two ladies thought you were interesting enough to spend some time with you. So now have a third first date, and a fourth first date... and a fifth, and a sixth, a seventh....

You seem like a nice thoughtful young fella, there's no rush. Take your time and enjoy life. Meet people and have fun. The one you're looking for will find you when the time is right.
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Old 09-08-2012, 09:37 AM   #9
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I don't do a first date until after a first meeting. I know it's odd and some might call it a date, but I don't see it as that.
I usually will meet someone somewhere that little money is required, like coffee or something. I prefer to get a person away from a super social area and head for a park or the beach or something.
I have a real good read on people, so I tend to just act like myself and see where they are. I am a really goofy laid back person and for me I generally find that puts people at ease.
If all goes well and there is some interest there, then a real date can take place.

Example:
Last night I met a man at the beach, we talked for two hours, didn't spend any money and laughed and shared stories and so on. We shared many interests and now we have a date this coming week.

Point being whether you do a meeting or a date or whatever, just be yourself. You'll know when it's right when you are totally at ease and comfortable with the person you are meeting. It all comes naturally
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:27 AM   #10
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AH HELL JUST READ THIS
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Old 09-08-2012, 01:55 PM   #11
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I agree with doing an activity. My current girlfriend loves playing video games, in our initial meeting with friends all of us were gamers. So it was easy to begin a random convo, talking about which genre of games she played, what systems she has etc etc.... usually what happens I find is that when you have that connection, the conversation can trail off into something else. Also, I let them do most the talking usually, asking questions periodically and then interjecting... but I've been with that girl for 4 years this October.

Thats the best tip I can give. I like going out to dinner as much as the next, but that really does kind of "force" the situation, doing an activity and then going to dinner, or going to dinner on a second date makes it easier and much less awkward, if not awkward at all for both parties.
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Old 09-13-2012, 06:25 AM   #12
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The movie "The Tao of Steve" (great movie go rent it) contained the best dating advice ever. A simple three step process -- be desireless, be excellent, be gone.

This link has some more details.

http://www.thesage-speaks.com/dating...-tao-of-steve/

"Be desire less
Being desire less and detached from results in any situation is one key to his effectiveness. Being desire less you can be just be yourself and be “totally in the moment”, and not worried about a specific outcome. When you telegraph to a woman with your body language that you don’t have any objective, her attraction for you will likely go up. The fact that you are getting to know the women as a person and not a sex object will work in your favor. Never try to impress women. The key is to show interest only after you have validated this woman as someone worthy of your time.

Be excellent
Dex demonstrated excellence through his wit, banter, quest for knowledge, and cooking. If you have a talent, by all means grasp the opportunity to display it.

Be gone
One of Dex’s favorite lines was “we retreat from that which pursues us.” What that basically means is that women don’t like guys who follow them around like puppy dogs. In life, you want to end every encounter with the other party wanting more. Don’t over stay your welcome. Any successful relationship is give and take in equal amounts. Once one party is trying harder then the other party, the relationship is in trouble."

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Old 09-13-2012, 07:11 AM   #13
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Stop thinking of these dates as "First Evaluations". Its messing with your brain and shit.

Think of them as "Having A Good Time" and you'll go easier on yourself.
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Old 09-13-2012, 11:53 AM   #14
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Oh dear, then, when we do express genuine feelings towards a guy we fancy, the guy backs off. Too often, we want to appear 'hard to get' feeding into the notion that men love the chase, which may or may not be true. I feel your pain, OP! When we really like someone, too often that person either doesn't reciprocate those feelings back or if he does, with less intensity. On the other hand, when we don't really care for the person, they are the main ones chasing us down with the force of Zeus! What is that law called? There needs to be a law for that woeful occurrence!
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