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Old 09-20-2012, 04:54 PM   #51
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Legally change your name to Cornbread Boogaloo, and wear a name tag to your local soul food joint.

Also, for shits and giggles, draw pictures of Mohammed and post them on the internet. Muslims love that shit.
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Old 09-20-2012, 05:12 PM   #52
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I went back and edited my post because I realized you could read it two ways. I got it wrong.

And honestly, it's not a big deal and I don't need to be schooled. You don't come here enough for me to really care about your opinion on how I reacted and as for the other guys, their approach is coming from their youth and I pretty much excuse that too. I'm sorry I got it wrong and truth be told, the first time I read it I laughed because I thought it was in jest.

So apologies all around to everyone who feels they need to have one. And to peanut gallery, grow some fucking balls.



Quote:
Originally Posted by lovelocs View Post
Hello Surly,
I did "get" whitehotrazor's post, and was merely riffing on it, for the exact reason that I appreciated it. As a woman with hip length dreadlocks, or locs, I know what it's like to have people touch my hair without asking (and even asking can be odious, because a polite person will feel obligated to say 'yes'). Also, the post contained the type of insight which points to him or her having more than a superficial acquaintance with black culture. So yes, to me it was rather obvious that razor, if not black, had at least met enough black people to have encountered this issue, if not made the gaffe his or herself. Actually, this didn't make me angry or pissy, it made me comfortable enough to share a joke I wouldn't share with a room full of random internet folk. This is the BHM/FFA section of DIMS, my old stomping ground. I got comfortable, and I'm going to stay comfortable.

As for taking offense, you might have done well to do two things:

1. If you were pming anyone at all, you could have sent one to me, asking for clarification. You didn't. Why not?

2. You could have taken a look at previous postings that I've made in the forums. Would have taken a bit more time, but it's something I've done in order to better ascertain what someone may have meant by their comments. If you look at my past postings, you'll see that I'm not a shit-stirrer by any means, that I like a good joke on nearly any subject, and that I think before I post.

And yes, if Sassy wasn't, then *I* am trying to school you in forum etiquette.

Lastly, I tried to make my comment so incredibly over the top that NO ONE would doubt for a moment that I was joking. I even referenced the comedian who had come up with the original routine. I see that I will have to work harder in the future.
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Old 09-20-2012, 08:47 PM   #53
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Originally Posted by CastingPearls View Post
First impressions are lasting impressions. Alcohol isn't called 'liquid courage' for nothing. Copious amounts, but not so much that they're mopping up your courage, unless they're a nurse, then Nightingale Syndrome might work in your favor.
But remember to do your drinking in public. You won't get any play if you pass out on your sofa.
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Old 09-20-2012, 10:19 PM   #54
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Always assume that all gay dudes can't fight, just because they go to the gym and are generally more in shape then any average citizen doesnt matter, theyre tinkerbells,call em queers to their faces and always treat them like they should be a little scared a hate crime might get committed at any moment.
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Old 09-21-2012, 05:45 AM   #55
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cakeboy View Post
Also, for shits and giggles, draw pictures of Mohammed and post them on the internet.
This isn't bad advice. It's about time that the radicals realize that no one gives a shit about their idiotic religion except them, and that disagreement isn't punishable by death, either.
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Old 09-21-2012, 06:00 AM   #56
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Originally Posted by Melian View Post
This isn't bad advice. It's about time that the radicals realize that no one gives a shit about their idiotic religion except them, and that disagreement isn't punishable by death, either.
This +100000000

I watched that Muhammed film...it was so bad it was hilarious. FMU! (Fatwah me Up!)

Back to the bad advice :-

'I've taken out a restraining order' is just another way of saying 'I love you'
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Old 09-21-2012, 11:26 AM   #57
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Default All Religions...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Melian View Post
This isn't bad advice. It's about time that the radicals realize that no one gives a shit about their idiotic religion except them, and that disagreement isn't punishable by death, either.
Winner of a statement!!! I'm thinking every religion needs a "First, do no harm" verse!
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Life is only therapy, real expensive and no guarantees.

Fat is only ugly to those who hate.

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Old 09-21-2012, 11:43 AM   #58
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Default Home Electrics

Old style house fuses that keep blowing can be fixed by placing a penny behind a blown fuse.

DON'T EVER DO IT!!! SERIOUS DANGER TO LIFE AND PROPERTY!!!
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Fat is like grass, it'll never go away and there's a hell
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Life is only therapy, real expensive and no guarantees.

Fat is only ugly to those who hate.

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Old 09-21-2012, 01:33 PM   #59
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The people doing security screening at the airport are pretty bored, and LOVE it if you joke with them. Cracks about explosives in your underwear are a sure fire winner!


If cops pulls you over for speeding, ask them if they've ever sped when off duty. If you really keep pushing the point, eventually they'll admit it and then let you off. (same theory works if you are carrying any not strictly approved items with you)


Those spike strips at some of the rental car places--they are just for show. Just back up over them sometime and you'll see, they don't really do anything


If traffic is too slow for your taste, try some of those tricks to get around that you've seen in movies and TV--you can do them no problem.
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Old 09-21-2012, 03:23 PM   #60
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Next time you're in the mood and your girl doesn't want to do it because she is on her period, point out to her that her mouth isn't bleeding. Chicks sometimes forget about that simple fact and are grateful to us for pointing it out for them.
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Old 09-21-2012, 05:28 PM   #61
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Just go for the butt, no warning! Women LOVE that.


Quote:
Originally Posted by LeoGibson View Post
Next time you're in the mood and your girl doesn't want to do it because she is on her period, point out to her that her mouth isn't bleeding. Chicks sometimes forget about that simple fact and are grateful to us for pointing it out for them.
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Old 09-21-2012, 05:50 PM   #62
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Surlysomething View Post
Just go for the butt, no warning! Women LOVE that.
That advice goes both ways. Ladies, even if your man gets squirmy if you graze his butt with a fingernail and loudly claims HELL NAW, ain't nothing going up there. It's exit only. Don't pay any attention to that, he's really just too shy to say c'mon baby girl and jam that digit in all the way to the second knuckle.
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Old 09-21-2012, 06:01 PM   #63
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You guys have me thinking about this:

She's obviously been given great advice on everything men want in a blow job.
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Old 09-22-2012, 05:37 AM   #64
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LeoGibson View Post
That advice goes both ways. Ladies, even if your man gets squirmy if you graze his butt with a fingernail and loudly claims HELL NAW, ain't nothing going up there. It's exit only. Don't pay any attention to that, he's really just too shy to say c'mon baby girl and jam that digit in all the way to the second knuckle.
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Old 09-22-2012, 08:35 AM   #65
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Originally Posted by lovelylady78 View Post
Ahaahhaha, so weird. A friend and I were talking about blow-jobs and I just showed this to her yesterday.
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Old 09-22-2012, 08:51 AM   #66
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Make sure you put a lot of that red-orange sauce, you know the one with all the seeds in it, from the taco truck all over your tacos. Especially if you are on a jobsite without restroom access. Everything will be just fine.
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Old 09-22-2012, 10:31 AM   #67
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Be sure to talk about all of your emotional issues on a first date, women love that. Cry a lot so she'll think you are sensitive and make her pay for the date so she feels empowered.

Don't whip out your junk until after the entree. Show her how refined you are by extending your pinky when flashing your junk.
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Old 09-22-2012, 12:12 PM   #68
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When catching up with an old friend ..or getting to know a new one..via the internet ...send them a pic of your private parts out of the blue.
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secret turn on.....Genuine affection :)
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Old 09-22-2012, 01:45 PM   #69
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Gotta love a rogue penis attachment.


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When catching up with an old friend ..or getting to know a new one..via the internet ...send them a pic of your private parts out of the blue.
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Old 09-22-2012, 02:33 PM   #70
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Gotta love a rogue penis attachment.
Rogue Penis Attachment is the name of my new band. Yes, we play cock rock.
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Old 09-22-2012, 02:36 PM   #71
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Rogue Penis Attachment is the name of my new band. Yes, we play cock rock.
Do you need an opener? My punk band Skin Flute Brigade just dropped our first album, it's called Chokin' Our Way To The Top. We would love to get into a slot somewhere. Or at least in a rotation!
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Old 09-22-2012, 03:18 PM   #72
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I think this gig needs an opener for the opener. I suggest one of my fave bands "Anal Cunt" to attempt this position. They're known for loosening up the crowd and getting everyone (chicks and dudes) sweaty.




Quote:
Originally Posted by LeoGibson View Post
Do you need an opener? My punk band Skin Flute Brigade just dropped our first album, it's called Chokin' Our Way To The Top. We would love to get into a slot somewhere. Or at least in a rotation!
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Old 09-23-2012, 09:01 PM   #73
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hand out coathangers to the protestors outside planned parenthood.
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Old 09-30-2012, 11:45 AM   #74
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When smoking ribs and you wish to turn a log so that it burns more evenly, go ahead and use your bare hand to grab it. It won't burn if you have quick hands. At least not too much anyway.
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Old 09-30-2012, 01:42 PM   #75
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When you're asked what your weaknesses are at a job interview, look lovingly into their eyes, place your hands on theirs and say: "You".
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