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Old 10-10-2012, 03:54 PM   #1
Stealth
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Default Mental block, weight loss, feederism and the bedroom

Howdy everyone! It's been a very very long time but I am still here!

Myself and my Fiancee are into the whole feeder and inflation scene. We've had a fantastic few years of enjoying our fetish, but then the inevitable happened: We needed to take care of health problems.

She's trying to lose weight, which I truly support! But here's the problem:

In the bedroom, we roleplay. I talk to her about her weight gain, getting huge, feeling full - she enjoys this, but now that she's on her lifestyle change regime (note I will not call it a diet!) there's a problem:

I can't get it out of my head that telling her how perfect she is right now and how much I love her body, along with roleplaying about getting bigger, is causing conflict in her mind- she has on several occasions asked what I would do when she was thinner. This has resulted in me being careful about what I say and not RPing, despite us both still really, really enjoying it.

I'm lost. There is two parts to it- In one hand there's the selfish bit- I am not sexually satisfied, not because she's not gaining, but because we don't talk about it anymore- and in the other, She clearly loves it, she loves food, she loved gaining, but now she's conflicted.

Has anyone else been in this situation? I feel like the luckiest guy alive. I'm not looking for anyone else, but I don't know how to tackle the situation in a way that keeps us both happy and resolves conflict in her mind. I want and need her to be happy.

I know this is really just a mental block for me- and RPing probably shouldn't be even an issue, but now it's in the subconscious, I can't even instigate. I just stay away, so she's getting no conflict but is also dreadfully unserved sexually.

Well, thanks for the place to vent- I'm interested in other people's experiences with this- We can't be the only ones going through this right?

[edit]

Whoops, this would probably fit better in the Weight Gain forum. Thing is, the problem to me isn't about weight gain, it's about avoiding what you like in the best interests of your other half. Please move it if you feel it necessary.
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Last edited by Stealth; 10-10-2012 at 04:02 PM.
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Old 10-11-2012, 11:17 AM   #2
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First, welcome back! ( I took a quick look at your posting history to see if I could remember anything about you, and saw that you’ve not been on here for a good long while).

Second, I don’t have any real experience in sexual role play, but I do have one thought based on what I’ve heard other say, don’t know if it helps or not but here goes. For some people, role playing seems to feel something like “Me, in a different situation/reality.” For others it seems to feel more like “I’m this other person, who has quite different cares, drives, and concerns.” I think if both partners are of the latter type, then saying things while role playing that are in contrast to real life is fine—maybe more than fine, as it might let those urges get channelled into the role play. On the other hand, if one or both are more of the former type, I suspect it gets a lot trickier.

So I’d suggest that the first step is to understand where both of your heads are at in that regard when you are role playing.

And finally, while weight loss can be part of getting healthier, do remember that the quality of diet and frequency of activity can matter more than the quantity of diet and shear amount of activity when it comes to health. (With regard to the frequency of activity: several more recent studies have suggested that how long we are sedentary at a stretch seems to have a high correlation with health issues, so getting up and doing something often may make a significant difference for certain health issues). Not trying to knock her losing weight if that is what is right for her, just saying that weight loss isn’t always the biggest benefit to health for the amount of effort it takes.
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Old 10-11-2012, 03:00 PM   #3
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Thanks for taking the time to respond!

Yes it has been a LONG time, several years, but I do sometimes pop on to see what people are up to.

You make good points- Her weight loss- the physical shrinking- is merely so that she can fit into plane seats and buy normal clothes from normal shops. Getting healthier is a very different thing and has involved parking a distance of around 2 miles from work then walking in, she manages this walk twice a day without much of an issue now- so it's worked!

Sadly though, We are of the kind “Me, in a different situation/reality.” - We've been together for several years and have actively been able to enjoy the very thing we roleplay about. I just can't condition my mind in such a way that it's OK to roleplay in case this reminds her that I like her as she is now, and that causes her to worry about my thoughts on her thinner self.

As an example, I shouldn't say "You're perfect, I love every curve on your body just as you are" - because she doesn't want to be that size- and if she's perfect now then somehow she won't be when she's smaller?
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Old 10-18-2012, 05:03 AM   #4
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How you are able to deal with the situation is in large part dependent on how you are "hardwired." Similar to the nature vs. nurture theory. Meaning some things you can deal with and some things you just can't do well with because that is just who you are, in terms of the essence of what makes you "you". I have explained to prior partners that my sexual needs are not a "choice" I can make and that a girlfriend telling me or expecting me to be attracted to them if they lose"X" number of lbs is like taking a fish out of water forever and expecting the fish to thrive and telling everyone the fish will be just fine. We all know what will happen to that fish. For me, the only comforting thought about when a partner has started a diet and weight loss regimen is the thought that they will eventually go off it and regain the weight, plus more lbs., which is almost always what has happened. Although I would support a partners choices, it would definitely have an effect on my level of attraction if they lost a significant amount of weight. My ideal attraction range has been the upper 200's to mid 300's. Also, I don't know what your ideal size woman is, but for all of us, there will be a point where arousal will be compromised. The bottom line is you can't lose love you have for a person, but sadly, you can lose being physically attracted to a person. You cannot deny who you are and neither can your partner and it is for the most part a compatibility issue that you two will work out or not. As for your role play, my suggestion is that you two should talk and try to come to an understanding if you are able to, where you agree that "any type of talking" during role playing is ok, because it's just role play and that's the purpose of it. Try not to think too much into the role play and enjoy it for what it's supposed to be--a temporary escape from reality that creates peak emotional and physical arousal that departs upward from your norm. So try to do your role play to the max and go back to reality after it's over. And even though she is losing weight, you can live out your fantasies through the role playing and as long as you can make her feel secure this could be a good way for you both to enjoy each other. What has happened to me and my partner is that our role playing has become "reality" play because the scenes we used to role play, over time have blurred into reality and now the roles we used to play have become who we are to a certain extent, but that's a topic for another day I wish you and yours all the best!
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