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Old 11-22-2012, 12:44 AM   #1
Dockta_Dockta
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Default How do you handle life?

Recently events with friends has been amazing. I can honestly say that I'm building friendships and overall being a better person than I ever have.

On the other hand, this brings to light the notion of just how lonely I am. I can't say I've been romantically interested in anyone mutually in a few years. Being in solitude somehow helped mask the fact that I just am missing something from myself. Each day that I spend time with these amazing people I see them mingle connect and grow bonds beyond friendship.

I on the other hand am just kind of there. I really don't know where to turn to. I talked to one of these friends about the issue... a lady friend. One that I'm not interested in but I felt comfortable enough to discuss it with. She pretty much confirmed what I knew. I'm a great guy. She dropped the hint that I needed to improve myself. She definitely meant weight as she mentioned the gym.

I have nothing against this suggestion and I know people have to be attracted to you in some way but, I was a little insulted. I'm not someone that wants to instantly jump into a relationship based on looks. I know in the past after I've gotten to know someone I had an attraction that wasn't there from just looks.

In other words I feel completely alone. If I want to get in better shape I want it to be for me. Not because I want to pick up women I could never work with in the first place.

This is also a terrible time of year for me for various other reasons. Maybe it's all just adding up and I'm not as thick skinned as I was when I was younger.

How do you handle it? Normally friends fixed it. Now they're just exacerbating the situation.

I know I don't post here much. I just kind of felt like this made the most sense.
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Old 11-22-2012, 02:21 AM   #2
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I have nothing against this suggestion and I know people have to be attracted to you in some way but, I was a little insulted. I'm not someone that wants to instantly jump into a relationship based on looks. I know in the past after I've gotten to know someone I had an attraction that wasn't there from just looks.
Sorry man, but physical attraction is a major, major player for relationships. It's easy to say "I don't judge people on looks", but when it comes down to it, the vast majority of people, men and women both, consider physical attraction and ability to be incredibly important. There are people out there that will enjoy your size, and there are people out there that won't. I am sure a lot of people here will tell you THEY don't judge on looks or whatever, but the fact is you will be, so get used to it. Can you win over a girl who isn't attracted to fat guys? Absolutely - but you better bring your fucking A game. You better wow her like no man has in a long time and show her that you are a confident beast. If you can't do that, you will be shit out of luck.


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How do you handle it? Normally friends fixed it. Now they're just exacerbating the situation.
Well, step 1 is stop dwelling on it and recognize you need to fix it. Friends are exacerbating the situation? Well, going into seclusion is even worse, so don't take that route. Look at what your friends have and decide what it is that you wan't . Do you want their relationships? Do you want their attitudes? What is it you seek? Figure that out. Now that you know what it is, fuckin work for it. Don't think about it and dwell on it and moan about it. Do it. Do you need to get more physically fit? I dunno, you decide. Do you need to get some hobbies to help you become more social and make your comfort zone grow? Possibly. Do you want to grow as a person and show people how awesome you are and what a great catch you are? Possibly. See what you want and then earn it and take it. It really is as simple as that.


Now, I don't know anything about you. You may be the biggest piece of shit in the world with a crap attitude and act like a little bitch. Or you could be fucking awesome. I have no idea. So disregard everything I said above and go buy a hooker.
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Old 11-22-2012, 02:45 AM   #3
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So disregard everything I said above and go buy a hooker.
And flapjacks!
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Old 11-22-2012, 03:40 AM   #4
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And flapjacks!
You. I like you. You know what is good in life.
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Old 11-22-2012, 06:15 AM   #5
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I have to agree with most of what was just said ....IT"S AN INSIDE JOB...as corny as it sounds...you gotta love yourself FIRST, before anyone else can...IS ABSOLUTELY true.

Confidence is for the win...being happy as you are is the key.
I have to say I felt like you do for so long..and then I just said FUCK IT..I have a great life, and I DO!!!!

I am so greatful to ONLY have my own dysfunctional family to deal with on holidays etc, my life is so much simpler being SINGLE...yeah I am self-centered to the core, first to admit it...but I will help anyone, anytime...and am available to do so, cause my friends are worth it.
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Old 11-22-2012, 09:12 AM   #6
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Okay, this is a little weird but it turns out hookers really hate it when you ask them to bring flapjacks but they seem to have no problem bringing syrup.
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Old 11-22-2012, 09:37 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Dockta_Dockta View Post
I talked to one of these friends about the issue... a lady friend. One that I'm not interested in but I felt comfortable enough to discuss it with. She pretty much confirmed what I knew. I'm a great guy. She dropped the hint that I needed to improve myself. She definitely meant weight as she mentioned the gym....
Not that it isn't a good idea to get outside opinions, but remember, she is giving you her opinion of what you need to do to be more attractive to her. Is that the only thing she mentioned? Are there some other issues you have as well?

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In other words I feel completely alone. If I want to get in better shape I want it to be for me. Not because I want to pick up women I could never work with in the first place.
That's the only way it can work. Doing something for other people never lasts and usually has you resenting the person you are changing for in short order. If you want to change that aspect of your life it has to be because it is something that you want to do and can't be because someone else is asking you to change.

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How do you handle it? Normally friends fixed it. Now they're just exacerbating the situation.
Once again, friends can't fix you. They can commiserate and give you support when you are down, but they cannot fix you. Only you can fix you.

Look, BigChaz had some good advice. Like it or not, we as humans are attracted to appearance. That's not to say that there aren't all kinds out there for everyone. There is, but to ignore the fact that what is considered mainstream is considered that for a reason. More people are attracted to that ideal than they are to an alternative one. So the question then becomes do I want to forge ahead my own way and find someone that is attracted to me the way I am or do I want to increase my odds and try and become more of what mainstream society finds attractive. Whichever way you go, be sure to go that way because it makes you happy, not out of what you think others would have you do.

Also, and this could be my own experience and not typical, but I don't think so. It changes as you get older. The things most women want changes. They tend to not be as hung up on the looks part as much as are you a decent guy, are you a good provider, are you mentally, financially, and emotionally stable. Don't get me wrong, looks are still important for attraction, just not quite as much so as you move away from youth. That has been my experience.

P.S. If BigChaz and TheDarkLady's excellent suggestions of a hooker and flapjacks are too much too soon, you can always ease into it with an Eggo and a visit to the local Yankee-Cranky shop for waffles and a handjob!
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Last edited by LeoGibson; 11-22-2012 at 09:40 AM.
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Old 11-22-2012, 09:39 AM   #8
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Okay, this is a little weird but it turns out hookers really hate it when you ask them to bring flapjacks but they seem to have no problem bringing syrup.
If you get a local lot lizard from the truckstop, thanks to the meth, they already have the flapjacks on their chests!
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Old 11-22-2012, 09:48 AM   #9
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I should clarify on the friends fixed it thing. I meant being with friends made me feel okay. Not that they were emotional crutches. I can't really stand that.

As for me there was really nothing else that was even hinted to work on.

I personally know there are women out there that will accept size and even like it. I mean this board does exist.

I'm okay today. I think I was just having an early mid-age crisis last night.

No alcohol involved I promise.

Thanks to all of you though. I appreciate the feedback and I'll try to keep it in mind when this type of thing starts up on me again.
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Old 11-22-2012, 10:02 AM   #10
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I have to agree with what Chaz said, he usually shows up and sprays rainbowing arches of jizzim and says crazy shit but everything he said is true.

Obviously most of us have been through this, male and female.

I made a personal choice not to get involved with anyone until I felt I was comfortable with myself and knew myself, sure it was lonely, but it was totally worth it.

I didn't spend any time with anyone in a serious relationship until I was 25, I used the time and the time previous to really learn to appreciate myself. "Fixing" yourself might be as simple as accepting who you are, your quirks, your nuances, even the smallest of things.

Be proud of who you are, no matter who you are, unless you're an asshole, in that case change everything ;-)

Seriously, when you read this, go to a mirror and look at yourself, pick out something you like. And say it aloud, I know this sounds like cheesy affirmations but you have to start somewhere.

Human beings are beautiful people, love yourself; at least love SOMETHING about yourself and start there.

I remember I had an issue with my freckles, now I parade those shits around. Bitches love my freckles, because I love my freckles and I act like they're the best shit, the trick is I'm not acting, I actually believe bitches love freckles and they love my freckles. Make sense?
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Old 11-22-2012, 10:53 AM   #11
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dancing, singing, wine, chocolate, CAKE, sex, friends, doing your favourite things, cutting crap out of your life (people, situations...) looking for the good in the moment, get the ice skater smile on if you don't feel like smiling and sometimes yes fake it til you make it.
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Old 11-22-2012, 02:28 PM   #12
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I'm going to get them bitches some freckles, bitches love freckles.
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Old 11-22-2012, 10:39 PM   #13
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Thanks again guys. The advice is much appreciated. I kind of reflected on it all last night and today. Everyone here is right.

I'll come clean on the build up of everything here. Saturday is my birthday. I'll be 26 for those wondering. I don't have seasonal depression or anything like that, but I lost my mom on November 10th in 1999. So I've kind of been down on that. Everything combined just thrust me into that mindset that we all go to at least once.

I'm going to enjoy myself Saturday with a few friends, not even worrying about anything.

I know this seems like a ridiculously quick recovery, but that's just the way I am. I let it slide off my shoulders and move on. I hope you guys don't mind my complaints and I appreciate the responses. Next time i'll post the good news and the positive things that come from your advice.
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Old 11-22-2012, 10:58 PM   #14
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Thanks again guys. The advice is much appreciated. I kind of reflected on it all last night and today. Everyone here is right.

I'll come clean on the build up of everything here. Saturday is my birthday. I'll be 26 for those wondering. I don't have seasonal depression or anything like that, but I lost my mom on November 10th in 1999. So I've kind of been down on that. Everything combined just thrust me into that mindset that we all go to at least once.

I'm going to enjoy myself Saturday with a few friends, not even worrying about anything.

I know this seems like a ridiculously quick recovery, but that's just the way I am. I let it slide off my shoulders and move on. I hope you guys don't mind my complaints and I appreciate the responses. Next time i'll post the good news and the positive things that come from your advice.
Yeah...you got problems, man. You don't go from posting about how crap your life is to how you fixed everything in like a day. You just shoved all that shit to the side and are pretending it's fixed. It's just gonna come out worse and internalize into a shitty attitude and outlook on life that everyone around you is going to start picking up on.

Or maybe I am really wrong because I am so full of Thanksgiving food right now that I feel high.
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Old 11-22-2012, 11:05 PM   #15
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Yeah...you got problems, man. You don't go from posting about how crap your life is to how you fixed everything in like a day. You just shoved all that shit to the side and are pretending it's fixed. It's just gonna come out worse and internalize into a shitty attitude and outlook on life that everyone around you is going to start picking up on.

Or maybe I am really wrong because I am so full of Thanksgiving food right now that I feel high.
Nah, just realized I was over reacting. I'll still be working on it, just not overwhelmed.

I've bottled things up many times in the past, not good times. I just wanted to say I feel much better and I'll keep striving to be what I want to be.
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