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Old 12-09-2012, 07:54 PM   #1
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Default Sex is not a performance

i saw this somewhere a couple of days ago and thought it was great. it's a little explicit so don't read it if you don't like that kind of stuff. it's well worth it if you do. it's wonderful freeing and very true.



"Sex is not a performance.

Sex should feel as natural as drinking water.

It should not require confidence.

Sex should happen, because the moment is ripe.

Ripening lips, ripening labia, ripening cock, ripening pupils, ripening state of being. Ripe and augmented and brimming. Your energy goes to your pumping heart, then to every external nerve, then to theirs, on fire.

You bask, roll, play in it. You sigh, moan, laugh.

Itís not about being ďgood in bed.Ē

Itís about being happy.

One should never worry if theyíre doing it ďcorrectly.Ē Sex is not factual. I donít want your cookie-cutter sex, I donít want your meticulously crafted, calculated, fool-proof fuck. I donít want a show. I want you. Let your instincts, urges and whims define that. Itís enough.

What do most girls like? Forget about it. Statistics are meaningless when thereís only one. Hello, hereís me. Hereís you.

Donít worry about taking it too slow. We got time. We got infinite rhythms, combinations, possibilities. Explore each fuck. Take our time. We can do a different one later.

Donít worry about making me come. Iím here. Right where I want to be.

I am overwhelmed by wanting; you donít have to convince me. I want you because I like you. So donít put on a front. Donít taint this.

Iím frustratedóitís just authenticity I want.

Itís originality.

Itís passion.

Itís joy.

Donít say that something I like is ugly. Donít compare yourself to the rest. You will live and die with and within your experiences like everyone else. If someone thinks you are amazing, they are not wrong. Their universe is as real as any other; it is forged through perception.

I donít care if you accidentally slammed my head into the wall, if you slipped out, if my arm cracked, if the delightful pressure of your wet lips on my anything made a silly sound. There is no right way and no wrong way.

ďGood in bed,Ē what.

Youíre good in my bed. Iím pleased youíre there. I feel it suits you.

Shove your technique. Let your memory swallow it. Fuck me like youíd fuck me, fuck me like you feel.

This isnít a test."- Skwyrtle
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Old 12-10-2012, 04:46 PM   #2
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That was really wonderful. I shared it with some friends. Thanks for posting.
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Old 12-10-2012, 06:04 PM   #3
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Definitely agree. While most people like to think of themselves as good lovers, and make an effort to please their partner and have a positive experience for both, I have definitely come across situations where sex was seen as essentially a performance sport requiring olympic efforts and finesse every single time. That certainly takes all the fun out of it.
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Old 12-10-2012, 07:29 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
i saw this somewhere a couple of days ago and thought it was great. it's a little explicit so don't read it if you don't like that kind of stuff. it's well worth it if you do. it's wonderful freeing and very true.



"Sex is not a performance.

Sex should feel as natural as drinking water.

It should not require confidence.

Sex should happen, because the moment is ripe.

Ripening lips, ripening labia, ripening cock, ripening pupils, ripening state of being. Ripe and augmented and brimming. Your energy goes to your pumping heart, then to every external nerve, then to theirs, on fire.

You bask, roll, play in it. You sigh, moan, laugh.

Itís not about being ďgood in bed.Ē

Itís about being happy.

One should never worry if theyíre doing it ďcorrectly.Ē Sex is not factual. I donít want your cookie-cutter sex, I donít want your meticulously crafted, calculated, fool-proof fuck. I donít want a show. I want you. Let your instincts, urges and whims define that. Itís enough.

What do most girls like? Forget about it. Statistics are meaningless when thereís only one. Hello, hereís me. Hereís you.

Donít worry about taking it too slow. We got time. We got infinite rhythms, combinations, possibilities. Explore each fuck. Take our time. We can do a different one later.

Donít worry about making me come. Iím here. Right where I want to be.

I am overwhelmed by wanting; you donít have to convince me. I want you because I like you. So donít put on a front. Donít taint this.

Iím frustratedóitís just authenticity I want.

Itís originality.

Itís passion.

Itís joy.

Donít say that something I like is ugly. Donít compare yourself to the rest. You will live and die with and within your experiences like everyone else. If someone thinks you are amazing, they are not wrong. Their universe is as real as any other; it is forged through perception.

I donít care if you accidentally slammed my head into the wall, if you slipped out, if my arm cracked, if the delightful pressure of your wet lips on my anything made a silly sound. There is no right way and no wrong way.

ďGood in bed,Ē what.

Youíre good in my bed. Iím pleased youíre there. I feel it suits you.

Shove your technique. Let your memory swallow it. Fuck me like youíd fuck me, fuck me like you feel.

This isnít a test."- Skwyrtle
I love this. I couldn't have said it better myself. Skwyrtle is right-on.
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Old 12-10-2012, 07:46 PM   #5
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So true! You shouldn't even have to think about it. It should feel natural, straight from the heart and soul. It's one of the most beautiful things in the world. About the 'come' part, men need not worry about when they will come, it just makes it worse. Take your time and don't rush. The cum will come. Don't think about it, just enjoy.
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Old 12-10-2012, 07:51 PM   #6
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That was really great. And I agree with all of it.
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Old 12-28-2012, 06:52 PM   #7
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Don't know how I missed this. It completely embraces my attitude. I love some happy, laughing sex
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Old 12-29-2012, 07:33 PM   #8
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I had to show my boyfriend how to stop thinking when we were in bed and he learned real quick, I love that guy.
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Old 12-30-2012, 01:39 AM   #9
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Hm, interesting read. I mean, I'm still a virgin. But sometimes, I wonder if I'd know what to do if my first time ever comes around. Y'know, when it happens, will the girl I'm with be embarrassed at my complete inexperience? But I guess I shouldn't think about it and go with the flow.
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Old 12-30-2012, 11:07 AM   #10
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^ first time is awkward as sh!t .. mine was fast and very awkward
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Old 12-30-2012, 11:10 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bmann0413 View Post
Hm, interesting read. I mean, I'm still a virgin. But sometimes, I wonder if I'd know what to do if my first time ever comes around. Y'know, when it happens, will the girl I'm with be embarrassed at my complete inexperience? But I guess I shouldn't think about it and go with the flow.
IMO sex starts long before you hit the sheets. If you share where you are with her and talk about things I think it will make things really good. Its also helpful for you to read as much as you can about how women's bodies work (I was reading on Men'sHealth.com and they have all kinds of good info). But beyond the mechanics of it is the LOVE AND CARING. If you show her through your touch how much you want her and care for her it will be magical. You can be with someone for years and still sometimes have fumbly, awkward moments. Honestly, I find that laughing in bed is awesome. I want to have fun and feel loved at the same time. That's me. Maybe your girl with want something different. That's why its good to talk about stuff way before you hit the sheets. Sex really does start in your brain.
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Old 12-30-2012, 12:14 PM   #12
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[QUOTE=superodalisque;1934478]


True is simple sometimes :-)


All my compliments for starting this thread Superodalisque :-)

I love the sentence ''Statistics are meaningless''

The true beauty of sex , every time I did it , it was never the same . .
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Old 12-30-2012, 08:45 PM   #13
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That was beautiful and accurate
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Old 12-30-2012, 09:22 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweetie View Post
IMO sex starts long before you hit the sheets. If you share where you are with her and talk about things I think it will make things really good. Its also helpful for you to read as much as you can about how women's bodies work (I was reading on Men'sHealth.com and they have all kinds of good info). But beyond the mechanics of it is the LOVE AND CARING. If you show her through your touch how much you want her and care for her it will be magical. You can be with someone for years and still sometimes have fumbly, awkward moments. Honestly, I find that laughing in bed is awesome. I want to have fun and feel loved at the same time. That's me. Maybe your girl with want something different. That's why its good to talk about stuff way before you hit the sheets. Sex really does start in your brain.
i agree with this. i'll add another thing. sometimes you don't actually have to have sex the first time you are in bed or even before that. i think people often have a bad first time because they rush it. have some dates where you just kiss pet touch and caress. that's a good way to learn about each others bodies slowly and in a non threatening way beforehand. talking is okay but it can be really clinical if you aren't careful and you don't want that. talk some but not too much. it should be about feelings and not so much about technique or a laundry list of requirements.

you can always pick up a technique but it's really hard to get intimate trust back once you've lost it by dwelling to much on the "act" and how you want it done and how you want the body parts to fly. just doing what you've imagined about them in the course of...seems to work a bit better. it's best to keep things fairly simple natural and relaxed in the beginning. there will be plenty of time to add in kinks etc..later but not the very first time you are with someone. then it can feel like it's more about you getting your kink scratched than it is about being with them.

too much talking can make people insecure and nervous too because you're never sure what someone's mind will latch onto. sometimes you don't really know exactly what you'll like until someone special does it. give them a chance to do it. let your body guide you.
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Last edited by superodalisque; 12-30-2012 at 09:25 PM.
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Old 01-01-2013, 06:58 PM   #15
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You left out fun! My last girlfriend said she didn't know sex was supposed to be fun. No, that doesn't mean I dress like a clown for sex. But then again, I'm sure there are people into that.
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Old 01-01-2013, 08:00 PM   #16
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D= but I need a script!

Just kidding, I am extremely new to intimacy so I don't think anything will feel normal my first time.
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Old 01-01-2013, 08:38 PM   #17
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You left out fun! My last girlfriend said she didn't know sex was supposed to be fun. No, that doesn't mean I dress like a clown for sex. But then again, I'm sure there are people into that.
i agree, but if you make it too jokie jokie the first time your partner will assume it isn't about feelings which is not a good thing. it's one thing to have a sense of humor but another altogether to act like someone else is just your personal playground. that's not good for their self esteem either.
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Old 01-01-2013, 08:39 PM   #18
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D= but I need a script!

Just kidding, I am extremely new to intimacy so I don't think anything will feel normal my first time.
it will if you wait for the right person. just don't be in any hurry. there is no rush.
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Old 01-01-2013, 09:03 PM   #19
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I agree with you!

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it will if you wait for the right person. just don't be in any hurry. there is no rush.
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Old 01-08-2013, 06:29 PM   #20
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Everytime I see this topic I think in my head, "Sex is not a performance, sex is teamwork!"
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Old 01-08-2013, 07:26 PM   #21
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Everytime I see this topic I think in my head, "Sex is not a performance, sex is teamwork!"
The best type of teamwork!!

That initial statement is dead on about everything. I mostly focus on pleasuring the woman I love. That gives me infinite pleasure.
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Old 01-09-2013, 10:05 PM   #22
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There is no "o" in team.
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Old 01-09-2013, 10:35 PM   #23
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hmm i dunno about the team thing. sex isn't a sport either. there shouldn't be any competition or drills etc...
and definitely no coach yelling instructions!
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Old 01-09-2013, 10:46 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
hmm i dunno about the team thing. sex isn't a sport either. there shouldn't be any competition or drills etc...
and definitely no coach yelling instructions!
I may be yelling and there may be instructions but.....okay never mind.
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Old 01-10-2013, 01:05 AM   #25
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Of course its a performance... Ok, after you are with someone for a while and have developed a relationship then it turns into the beautiful act of love making yada yada yada but if you are into that person and u want to be able to reach that level with said person then you better preform... cause I dont give a shit how great your personality is if you are a shitty lay and dont bring it in the bedroom you are not getting the chance to be in that great relationship that only follows great set up sex...then after that you can tone it down...not every at bat is a home run but you make sure the first few times up you are Barry Fucking Bonds
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