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Old 12-27-2012, 04:54 PM   #1
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Default Mentioning To Partner Fantasies

Hello,

About a month ago I had mentioned to my girlfriend that I was really turned on by the idea of her gaining weight and asked what she thought about it. She was really taken aback and I think she was rather upset by that (due to it being ingrained into our heads that being thin is the only way to be). The topic of food had always been, to her, that food was bad and thin was good. Over time I had helped her realise that food was okay. Eventually she started to enjoy food instead of being repulsed by it. It was then that I had wanted her to slowly become bigger, though she is very slim. We have broken up a few days ago so it does not matter any more, but I'd like to ask one thing.

How do you go about the subject of asking a partner a question such as gaining weight? Or even talking about the fantasies on that topic?
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Old 12-27-2012, 05:18 PM   #2
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Once you get so tired from the lack of sleep while up thinking about asking you will ask. It might take a few days to a couple of weeks but you will ask. When you do ask the anxiety will also go away.
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Old 12-27-2012, 09:22 PM   #3
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Fantasies in general....it's not easy feeling your partner out unless you know from the get-go what they're into. Just be sensitive and keep trying to bring it up sensitively and try to get a feel for the right timing.
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Old 12-28-2012, 07:27 AM   #4
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Here is the thing, you have to figure out what the priority is for you:

1) The relationship that you have,
2) Finding a relationship which includes the particular things that get you off.

If it is 1) then you only hint at it and don't make a big deal out of it, so that she knows you have some interest, but doesn't feel like she has to do that one thing in order to please you. So something more like (when weight related stuff has come up in some sense) "I don't know, it can be pretty hot to me when a woman just enjoys life and doesn't worry about her weight much. She might put on some weight, but it is happy fat and that is pretty cool."

The point is simply to let her know that it is an option. Having done that, you drop the topic and never make an effort to bring it up or suggest it...maybe you repeat the point in similar circumstances and of course you answer if she asks more questions, but you always keep it at "Yah, that is cool, I'd enjoy that" and never at "What I want you to do is...."

If it is 2), then you bring it up pretty openly and pretty early on, knowing that it may drive a lot of potential partners away.....but that this is a good thing, because it means you don't spend a lot of time on relationships that aren't going to include what it is you need.
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Old 12-28-2012, 10:19 PM   #5
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I think communication is most important. If your partner isn't willing to listen to you, learn about you, or be open with you, they aren't worth your time! I don't care if you like gaining or being fisted by 10 guys! A relationship is most fulfilling when both parties "get" each other.
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Old 12-30-2012, 07:41 PM   #6
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I was in a similar situation, But on the other side.

I was dating a regular guy (I mean he had no involvement in the FA/FEEDER community)

And when i explained my sexuality to him, He FLIPPED out. I felt SO humiliated. But then i realized I couldnt be happy in a relationship that didnt include feederism, or at least give me the openness to talk about. Luckily I have a wonderful partner who is helping me achieve my fat dreams lol

I also agree 100% with this said earlier:

"Fantasies in general....it's not easy feeling your partner out unless you know from the get-go what they're into. Just be sensitive and keep trying to bring it up sensitively and try to get a feel for the right timing."
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Old 12-30-2012, 09:29 PM   #7
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I don't think I could suppress my kinks for long to a vanilla partner. In fact, that was one of the reasons why I left my marriage. I sacrificed basically everything in terms of sexual satisfaction and I can't do that again. Whoever I meet will know that I'm kinky and if he isn't open at least to experimenting, then we're not for each other, no hard feelings.
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Old 12-31-2012, 12:37 PM   #8
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First of all, original poster, I am sorry to hear that you broke up with your person and that she was unable to understand or accept your fantasies. I know first hand how painful it can be to lose someone that way and I feel for you.

I think in situations like this this, the first dialogue needs to happen internally, within yourself. How important are your fantasies really? I mean is it a total deal breaker if someone you genuinely love and care about and want to have in your life just can't get on the same page with every single one of your kinks?

Some would say 'no,' but probably many of us would say 'yes.' It's all relative of course, but ultimately it is important to us that we feel not only safe and secure and emotionally fulfilled in our romantic relationships, but also that we feel sexually satisfied and we are able to express our sexuality openly. It's such an important component to what makes us who we are.

Once you are honest with yourself about who you are and are able to accept this part of yourself, there will be no question as to how and when you will broach the subject with a potential partner: the when is as soon as possible and the how is as openly and directly as you are able to be. If it means something to you and it's important to you, then why hide it? Why feel embarrassed or ashamed, or otherwise inhibited?

Granted, it's difficult when you're trying to "come out" to someone who isn't a part of our little "scene" we have here. It's as if now in addition to having to deal with your feelings, and her feelings about your feelings, you have to become something of an "ambassador" for the whole size acceptance community, explaining that it really is a "thing" to be a feeder and that there are really people who like being fed and like gaining weight, and challenging all of these societal norms and blah, blah blah...

Or you can just focus on who you really are, and who she really is, and find a way to come together, build chemistry and exist on a level playing field. After all is said and done, that's what all relationships really come down to.

None of us are perfect and we can't any of us be these perfectly packaged products wrapped in plastic, sitting on a store shelf just waiting for someone to pick us up and love us. We are human beings; we are vulnerable and messy, and we have fears and insecurities - all of us do. You are who you are - accept it, assert yourself, make a positive affirmation and declare it to the universe if you must.

Just don't ever put yourself into another situation where you feel that you can't be yourself around the person you are trying to get close to. I am betting you won't.
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Old 01-02-2013, 03:18 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AtomicHeart View Post
How do you go about the subject of asking a partner a question such as gaining weight? Or even talking about the fantasies on that topic?
Well from experience good sir, everyone is different, so there really is no one 'way' to go about the subject. Even talking about the fantasies can be haphazard, and so learning about your partner is important.

For me it happened like this-

******BOARDS TIME MACHINE******

I got hooked up with a girl inside my circle of friends, whom I didn't know at all. Nor did she know me.

She was certainly thick, but not big by any means. She had large breasts, and exceptional height (somewhere around 5'10-6'0). Again, not really full-bodied, although having some slight chub.

We had been together awhile and she noticed I was NOT cumming during sex, and that we could go for a long while, but that I was not fully-aroused, or even too interested in her body besides just getting down to business.

Being that she was a wedding dress model, and fairly popular, she wasn't used to this sort of situation.

IT was then I had to tell her that I had a thing for MUCH heavier women, and I wouldn't even mind if she put on a little weight.

Frustrated she pulled out an old high-school album where I was surprised to see she had actually been quite bigger! (I didn't notice the tears which had welled up in her eyes).

Overcome with excitement I asked her right then and there if she wouldn't mind putting back on the weight. To which she replied by yelling me ears off about how liking big women is gross, a sin, yadda yadda yadda.

That was when I said, "Goodbye". lol. And we went our separate ways after some arguing, make-out sessions, and booty-calls.

Bottom line I guess is this- don't go into a relationship with someone you are afraid to express yourself to EARLY on. If you display it as a preference rather than hiding it away as some evil dark secret you won't come off as a dick like I did. If the chick isn't into it or gives you a weird look just be like, "Whatever. Tralalalalalala."



EDIT: I forgot to mention, I did hook-up with a girl who is NOW my fiance within our same circle of friends. BUT she knew about my preference for liking bigger women, and enjoying women who put on some weight. When we hooked up she playfully said to me, "Well I know YOU LOVE fat women, and well, I am probably going to be really fat. Just promise me you won't let me end up super huge?" Of course I did the, "Eh come on!? *WINK WINK*"- lol.
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Old 01-04-2013, 02:25 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by LordSheogorath View Post
Bottom line I guess is this- don't go into a relationship with someone you are afraid to express yourself to EARLY on. If you display it as a preference rather than hiding it away as some evil dark secret you won't come off as a dick like I did.
I think this ^ is important. You've got to bring it up even if it's embarrassing. I think you have to approach it from the angle of "Here is something about me" rather than "here is something I want you to do". I would say that if you can't bring yourself to mention it then you should break up, especially if you are worried about giving them some sort of complex.

I remember that I told a gf (now an ex) and she was genuinely interested. However, it made her feel self conscious to eat around me. You can't always see these things coming.

With another gf, she was already quite big and was on a diet. She was doing pretty well with it but had suffered from some depression in the past. When I pieced this all together I decided not to tell her because I thought it would probably just upset her and I broke up with her. I felt pretty heartless doing it, but it wouldn't have been fair.

When it's worked out, it's been a girl who has solid self esteem and we've been together for a few months. Long enough to share things, but not so long that it feels like you've been holding out.
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Old 01-16-2013, 04:41 PM   #11
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it's tough to gauge a partner's reaction, but its also difficult to be up front about fantasies or preferences that contradict popular belief so strongly. i do feel that its a necessary conversation to have, not to impose but to inform. saying what you like might work better than telling a girl what you want her to do. example, i brought up to my ex abt 5 years back that weight gain and gluttony were turn ons, and she was surpised and accepting of it, but not willing to gain, whoch is fine because that shouldnt be expected pf anyone who doest want it for themselves.
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Old 01-22-2013, 06:05 PM   #12
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Too many women are "grossed out" by fat, like the other poster said. I think to begin with a chubby or even obese woman would be easier or have higher chances of sucess. Maybe they would just think they don't have to have a restricted diet anymore.
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Old 01-22-2013, 07:55 PM   #13
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I think you need to confess quite a bit early on. My fiance knew about me liking big women straight from the start and I told her one of my fantasies when she browsed my facebook & asked me about the nickname my ex called me.

It does heavily depend on the person & whether you're right for each other.

Me & my fiance are a good example, my deepest darkest fantasy is quite extreme & very unusual (and I'm not gonna divulge). About 2 months in I told her basically the core of the fantasy, the most important part but very dialed down and her response was "ok, don't know what to think of that, although it does explain a lot" and we carried on as normal. I didn't pressure her at all and after a bit she started doing it to make me happy & she soon got into it. After a bit of time I told her more about the fantasy & she was again "oh ok, I see now..." and started to try & embrace it more.
Then she stumpled upon some artwork I did when I was bored out my skull LOL and to my great suprise she was pretty indifferent to it, and actually liked it a bit.

If I shared that fantasy, even bit by bit, with every woman I've been with, there's a good chance a lot of them would have a negative reaction (at least at the end), but the one I'm engaged to is ok with it.
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