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Old 01-08-2013, 06:10 PM   #1
Cobra Verde
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Thumbs up Who wants to help me avoid jury duty?

I'm not due in until March 28th, but I want to get an early jump on my strategy since I'll only have 1 shot to sabotage my chances.

Regarding the obvious: I don't have a forceful enough personality to feign white-supremacist beliefs and/or insanity. Worse, I'd probably end up giggling half-way through explaining why The Jews destroyed Jolt Cola and they'd know I was faking.

I'm thinking of taking a low-key approach and trying to appear slow and hard of hearing. Ask for everything to be repeated at least twice and stare off into space when I'm supposed to speak and the like.
Of course, the risk is that'll I'll be too subtle and not clearly be a worse enough option than the other mouth-breathers that are sure to be in my group.


Any suggestions or tips that have worked for you personally?
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Old 01-08-2013, 06:15 PM   #2
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I can always pose as Jewish and back up your claims of anti-Semitic hatred. But you run the risk of being accused of hate crimes.
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Old 01-08-2013, 08:01 PM   #3
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Or you could just do jury duty.
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Old 01-08-2013, 09:07 PM   #4
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Show up obviously drunk and tell them that you have an alcohol problem (only if asked).

They won't want you.
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Old 01-08-2013, 10:53 PM   #5
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Read up on "jury nullification" and start talking about that during the screening.
State that you're opposed to the death penalty.

Or, as Sasquatch noted, you could actually just do it. Remember, every American has the right to trial by a jury of twelve people who weren't smart enough to evade jury duty. [/SNARK]
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Old 01-08-2013, 11:18 PM   #6
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First, let me state the obvious: It's your civil duty.

Now that we got that out of the way, I told the truth. I'd (and a family member or four) had a few run-ins with some really dirty cops (they were neighbors and violent abusive drunks) and I couldn't believe any law enforcement's word as testimony in a court of law. Not only was I excused, but I was nearly physically thrown out of the courtroom. True story.
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Old 01-09-2013, 01:54 AM   #7
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I've been called up for jury duty twice and have been on three juries. I enjoyed it. We get paid a somewhat decent amount for it here, and I ended up getting more for doing my duty than for going to work.
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Old 01-09-2013, 08:02 AM   #8
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I don't know the system down there, but up here we get to know a bit about the trial going in to it. If it sounds like something short and simple, why not just take your chances and get it out of the way--you'll then be safe for ages.

The one time I got called up, it was for a nightmare of a trial (domestic murder, and everyone involved would need interpreters, so it was going to take ages), and to my incredible relief the judge let me off on grounds of economic compassion--jury duty pays about enough to buy you lunch and pay parking, my company only covered three days of jury duty, and I was the sole earner in the household at the time. But he didn't have to let me out on those grounds, I got lucky.
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Old 01-09-2013, 07:12 PM   #9
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The simplest & surest solution:

1. Make eye contact with & smile at both the prosecution & defense attorney. Even better if one sees you smiling at the other.

I don't know why people always think they have to overdo it if they wanna get out of jury duty. I actually WANTED to go through with it the ONE time I got called in, & they excused me because I guess it was obvious that I was the happiest-looking person in the courtroom.

Or it could've been that I showed up wearing a black leather corset, fuck if I know.
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Old 01-09-2013, 08:13 PM   #10
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Just go to law school or have relatives who are law enforcement. You'll get removed during selection (most likely by the prosecution for the former and the defense by the latter).
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Old 01-10-2013, 12:58 AM   #11
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here's a good tip...throw the letter in the garbage...thats what I do with them
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Old 01-10-2013, 01:32 AM   #12
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Old 01-10-2013, 07:36 AM   #13
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Of you could just do it. It's like once every 3 years. We're so lazy in the country.
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Old 01-10-2013, 12:29 PM   #14
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Thumbs up

So I'd decided to pool your tips and get drunk, put on a leather corset and phone in a bomb threat (someone suggested that last one, no?) until I noticed on the card that you can postpone your date for up to a year which I've since done seeing as I might be dead or living elsewhere by then.
So in a sense I kind of wasted everyone's time because I was too lazy to read the instructions, but in another more charitable sense I think we've all learned a lot about ourselves fron this experience.
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Old 01-10-2013, 01:59 PM   #15
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Wear the black corset anyway. Post pics, please.
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Old 01-10-2013, 03:10 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by f0nzw0rth View Post
here's a good tip...throw the letter in the garbage...thats what I do with them
I don't know about where you are, but this runs the risk of a contempt of court charge here.... and that's a serious criminal penalty.
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Old 01-10-2013, 03:54 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fat hiker View Post
I don't know about where you are, but this runs the risk of a contempt of court charge here.... and that's a serious criminal penalty.
In my city they are not sent as certified mail, so they can't prove you received it so if you are so inclined you can just throw it away and ignore it.
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Old 01-10-2013, 04:25 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fat hiker View Post
I don't know about where you are, but this runs the risk of a contempt of court charge here.... and that's a serious criminal penalty.
Im in New York City and they are sent regular old snail mail...no proof I ever received anything...Ill go when I have to sign for it

Until then
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Old 01-10-2013, 04:34 PM   #19
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In my area the sheriff knocks on your door to pay a visit (unless he's standing in line behind you at the deli, in which case he'll ask you why you didn't call Sylvia with your excuse and how's your dad and he'll also take a pound of Land O'Lakes yellow American, thanks.)
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Old 01-10-2013, 05:35 PM   #20
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Here you get two letters - one is more or less a reminder closer to the date - and if you haven't been able to submit a reasonable excuse and had it accepted, you need to turn up on the day. You can try lodging another excuse when you're there, but if that fails, you have to stick around to see if you'll be picked or not. If you don't turn up, I believe you can be fined. Our picking process is different from what they do in the US, I believe, as they put all the info cards into a little barrel, spin it, and pull them out one by one. No one knows if their name will get called or not.
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Old 01-10-2013, 07:32 PM   #21
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I try to avoid jury duty at all costs. Yes, I know it's my civic duty, but not JUST mine, everyones!! Why do I get the card EVERY year for the last 20 years when others have never been called? In this age of computers they really should be able to keep track of those who've been asked to serve before. I had to actually go last time and it was a logistical nightmare for me. And I can guarantee you that three years to the date of that "civic duty" I will get a card that it's time to serve again. Meanwhile, others will say "Oh, I've never had to go".. grrr...
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Old 01-10-2013, 09:45 PM   #22
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I'm 32 now, and never been called, though I always wanted to do it once, not the least because I hate stupid people and would love the chance to have their fate in my hands (evil laugh)
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Old 01-11-2013, 11:29 PM   #23
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Show up in renaissance garb, dressed like a noble, and ask to be called Lord Duckswallow of Raxacoricofallapatorius.
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Old 01-12-2013, 09:39 AM   #24
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Except this fucking lunatic was picked as an alternate juror in a criminal trial back in the mid-90s:




THE MATTER HAS BEEN RESOLVED!



Quote:
Originally Posted by CastingPearls View Post
Wear the black corset anyway. Post pics, please.
This, however, is still under consideration.
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Old 01-12-2013, 09:42 AM   #25
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Well maybe I'm just a civic duty shirker but I found the best way to avoid ever being called is to never register to vote. That way they can't find you even if they wanted to. Of course I'm in the 60% of my age group who don't vote anyway, Canada has so many elections in such short time intervals that I just get bored of it.
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