The Life of Trisha


Where to begin? I guess I should start at the beginning.-- I was born on Saturday, February 6, 1960, at approximately 7:30 a.m.. Is that an early enough of a beginning for you?!? My 36th birthday was on Tuesday, February 6, 1996; I do not feel 36, and have been repeatedly told that I do not look 36 either (I sure hope that they are right!)-

I am the second of four children. When I was born, and for three years afterwards, we lived in the upstairs apartment of my grandparent's house, in what was then called East Detroit, and recently became Eastpointe, Michigan. I, personally, do not remember too much of those first, early years, but from what has been relayed to me, I was, at times, a very willful child. I was, in later years, often regaled with stories of how I walked before I crawled, and I was into everything; even to the extent of one time having eaten the dog's food!

When I was three, my parents bought an old farmhouse in Warren, Michigan. The first childhood memory that I have is of going over to the house, while they were trying to fix it up, and calling upstairs, to my mother and grandmother that they needed to be careful to not fall through the hole that was in the ceiling. Then, I remembered how big mother was (she was actually pregnant with my brother), and saying that she would not have to worry because she would not fit through the hole. Such an odd memory to have! We moved into the house, some time that year, before my mother gave birth in November.

Those were not very good years. We were always the "picture perfect" family, a father and mother, three girls and a boy. We attended church and Sunday school every week, we attended parochial grade school, sang in the church choirs, played in the band, played handbells, and were youth group leaders. But, behind all of this, we were one of the most dysfunctional families. I always called my home "the loony bin"!

During those years, I acquired a love of literature; I would hide for hours, and just read everything I could get my hands on. I also learned to appreciate music, and found a natural talent for learning to play different instruments. In grade school, I learned the basic keyboard, and I learned how to play the violin. The summer between seventh and eighth grade, I taught myself to play the flute so that, when I got to high school, I could be in the marching band. During high school, I taught myself to play the oboe and numerous percussion instruments. During grade school, I was also a soloist in the choir, and I played in the handbell groups.

The first time that my teachers pointed out to me that I had a natural talent for writing, even though my spelling stunk, was during my grade school years. During my high school years, I developed my writing skills by taking all available English classes, and working on the school paper. My spelling never improved (thank god for spellcheck!), but my grammar did.

I also began my "growth" during my school years. I was, actually, very skinny as a toddler; I was always on the go! But, something changed. I am still not sure what exactly happened, but it is obvious, in the photos taken at the time, that some time, between the ages of four and five, I began to gain weight. I do remember always loving chocolate, creamy sweets and greasy meats; and that I could never get enough of any of them. I can remember, as early as grade school, sneaking into the kitchen, when no one was around, and eating all the cookies that I dared without it being too obvious that they had been eaten. Of course, my mother would always notice, and ask who had eaten them, but I would never admit to the "crime". Then, once I was old enough, I would always spend all of the money I could spare on chocolate and snacks at the local drug store. Of course, this became easier once I began working. Yet, even then, I could not get enough, and I would still sneak into the kitchen and snack on the left-overs in the refrigerators, or any sweets in the cupboards.

I began working when I was twelve, I babysat, and I delivered The Detroit News. I started with one route, and by the time I gave it up, five years later, I was delivering four routes (Hefting all those papers started the expansion of my upper arms!). With this money, I was able to buy my own car, all on my own, when I was sixteen. That became such a great escape from my home-life for me! (I think this is when I learned to enjoy long peaceful drives in the country.) When I was a senior in high school, I began to work through the CO-OP program at school. I worked at a nursing home in the area (Lifting those patients into and out of bed finished building the muscles in my upper arms that have, now, become fat!), but I was only allowed to work a limited number of hours per week. I wanted to be able to go on my senior class trip, that sunnier, and I needed to be able to make more money. Since I had enough credits to graduate, after the first semester, I decided to go to work, full-time, and only attend the one mandatory class that I still had to take. In actuality, I held down two jobs during that time; I worked full-time at another nursing home and, on my time off, I sold Tupperware. By June, I had made enough money to quit my nurse aid position, go on the class trip (a week-long Caribbean Cruise!), and only hold a few Tupperware parties before entering college.

It was also during my childhood that I grew to appreciate arts and crafts. My paternal grandmother (from whom I inherited my German/European hips that I have "expanded" or "improved" on!) taught me how to crochet when I was five. She was not able to read patterns in English, and I could not read German, so I had to teach myself to read patterns (I'll tell you more about my crocheting later). Through 4-H, I learned how to sew, and through school classes, I learned a bit about drawing, painting, sketching, woodworking, etc. I found that I had a natural affinity for working with my hands.

I also learned to stay away from roller skates and sharp objects! When I was in the fifth grade, I broke my arm roller skating, and that winter, December 28th - to be exact, while I was in the sixth grade, I broke my leg roller skating! (It was great to be off of school for three months! Christmas through Easter vacation! I even had to teach my, state ordered, tutor my math!) I also had a tendency to cut myself any time I got my hands on a sharp knife! (or near a sharp object) This caused many trips to the emergency room! Fortunately, I have outgrown that propensity, or at least I have learned to be more careful!

I left home in 'the sunnier of 1978 to attend college at a small college in Ann Arbor, Michigan. When I began college, I had a state scholarship that covered my entire tuition. I worked on my liberal arts degree for one and a half years; I was not sure what field I wanted to pursue. I took as many art classes as I could fit in; drawing, painting, ceramics, jewelry making, etc. I also took a number of English classes, in which each of my professors told me that if I really worked at it, I could become a good writer. Unfortunately, at the end of the first semester of my second year, I had to leave college because I had contracted mono! I was forced to move back home, where it took me three months to recover. I spent the next six months working, again, as a nurse aid, to save up enough money to enroll in college that fall.

I returned to college, but my state scholarship had been cut in half, while tuition had doubled! This meant that I had to work full-time and attend college full-time. After two and a half months, I began to fall apart! I was living life too hard, and on too little sleep (Usually two hours per night if I was not on call!) With responsibilities for rent and daily living expenses, the thing that began to suffer was my school work. I decided to drop out of school for the semester, and try to get things back on track. Well, I never did!

After working as a patient sitter, a live-into other's helper, a nurse aid, and numerous odd jobs in the Ann Arbor area, I moved back home to help my mother with her Tupperware business. I became a Tupperware manager, but decided that I wanted more regular hours, and a steady income, so that I could get my own apartment. I began to work for a temporary agency, and, the first assignment they sent me on, lasted for fifteen months. The company that I was working for offered me a full-time position with the company, and I accepted. It was hard, dirty factory work, but it was an honest living, and I was finally able to get a place of my own. I learned a lot at that job, during the additional three years that I worked there. I advanced to a supervisory position, until the company began to fold, and I took a early lay-off. It was also during that time that I "partied", a little too much, with my co-workers; it was also where I met my ex-husband.

We had an on-again, off-again relationship over the first two and a half years we knew each other. Then, after a year of living together, we got married.

During the year that we lived together, I went to school and got my real estate license. I was just beginning to make some money, on a number of houses that I had listed and sold, when we discussed moving to an area that had more job prospects for my ex. Within two months, we had moved and I began working at a Marketing Research company. I was initially hired as a telephone interviewer, and within a year, I had worked my way up to Department Manager of a few departments that were just being created. After about a year, the company began to go under, and once again, I took an early lay-off. (Guess I am great at picking companies that will fail!)

Since that time, I have not worked outside of the home. I did, however, begin a "craft business" with my crocheting. I have done special orders for people I knew, and friends of satisfied clients, and I also would, with the help of my ex, set up at some craft shows and a local Farmer's Market. Most of these shows would be during the Holidays, which left the rest of my year to make up stock. I began doing this to have something to keep me busy, and to provide a much needed income, little that it was. In the first Holiday season, I sold very little, but by Christmas of 1993, I had built a clientele, of repeat business, and managed to make a nice "profit" for the season.

I really enjoy creating beautiful things with my crocheting, and at times, I can become so engrossed, in what I am working on, that all other things go untouched until I come out of my "creative stupor". This can last for as little as a few hours to as much as a month or more!

It was also during the first years of my marriage that I gained approximately 165 pounds, due to the undiagnosed sleep apnea that I have suffered from since childhood, and became increasingly worse during the years of 1989 to 1991. I was approximately 375 pounds when I married in 1988, and by 1991, I had grown to 540 pounds. Since that time, until last November, I had, for the most part, maintained my weight of 540#.

While my life has been full of friends, activities, crocheting, and life in general, I do know that there has been something missing in my life. That missing piece was the man with whom I would be able to share all of these things. I want to find my life-partner. I want to find the man who would be there for me, as I will be for him. I will have to be able to trust that man with my every need, for the rest of my life!

My divorce became final on December 19, 1994; we had been separated since February 6, 1994, my 34th birthday. I had been out of the hospital, for only one week, when he walked out, never told me he was leaving, and never came back. In the long run, it was all for the best; an alcoholic who believes that he can still drink is not someone I need in my life! We were married, for six years, total, and I honestly feel that if he had not left, on a drinking binge, when he did, I eventually would have left myself.

I was finally able to move into my new apartment, in Ann Arbor, on October 25, 1994, and since then, I have begun a whole new life. I attended a Halloween dance, at a regional conference of NAAFA, in Grand Rapids, Michigan, on October 29, 1994. This was my first experience with FAs. I met some really wonderful people, and I think that is when I realized that I had finally found what I have always been looking for, a whole world of people who accept, and want me, just the way I am!

I have met a number of people through the ads in Dimensions, and my circle of new friends is increasing every day. I decided to, finally, be good to myself, and not to settle for anything less than I deserve! I am looking for a man who will appreciate me for who and what I am.

It is, still, so new to me that there are men who actually appreciate me as I am, especially my deeper desires, that while I love it, it is also a little scary! But, I always knew that my soulmate existed; it was just a matter of being able to find him. My resolution, for the past few years, has been to be true to myself, and in so doing, living the life I have always dreamt of. What more could any woman ask for?

In the twenty-two months since I came to know about NAAFA, Dimensions, and FAs, I have learned to love myself, as I am, and how I really like being. I guess you could say that I was a super-sized woman hiding in the closet of my life! Twenty-two months ago, the door, to that closet, sprang open, and I found my true self, the woman you see before you, the woman I have always been, and loved being!

I have always, secretly, enjoyed the size I was. Now, I also know that I am just as good as anyone else; if not better. I am, and always was, pretty, maybe even beautiful! There are people out there who will love me as I am, not as society thinks I should be! This realization has also made me look at my life, up to this point, and accept how much of my life I have wasted! Until now, I have never searched for true love and happiness, rather for a way to fit in. I deserve more! I want more! These realizations have also shown me that I have been alone, I was alone even when I was married. I have been alone for a very long time! And, I no longer want to be alone!!!!

I want to share my life! I want to be happy. I want to show a special man that I can make him happier than his wildest dreams! I want to shower him with all of my love and affection! Above all, I want to be loved! I want to have a life with a man who will love me, truly love me, as I am, no matter what that is! (Of course, the BIGGER the BETTER!)

As I mentioned, my very first encounter with FAs, was at the Halloween Dance in Grand Rapids. I met a few men, one of whom is married to a supersized lady that he, literally, treats like a queen! I remember thinking that that is what I want, a man who will always think of me; a man who is destined to be my King! Another man that I met, turned out to be a very nice gentleman; but he has only one thought, feeding. He wants a woman to "gain weight until she is too wide to fit through doorways, and too large to move at all"; yet, he is not "available" to take care of such a woman on a daily basis (he was married to a woman who had lost weight, and yet he felt obligated to stay with her, even though he did not love her). I am not interested in a part-time relationship! I want the whole deal!

I am a divorced, white, super-sized (and proud of it!) female, who has been searching for the love of my life; the man of my dreams! He will be my champion, hero, protector, defender, support, and my deep love. I have been looking for a man, a real man. He must be trustworthy and strong; I do not mean that he has to be physically strong, (although that would be nice!) but strong of spirit, ideals and heart. He must know what he wants, and be willing to work to achieve it. He will support me in anything that I wish to do, or not do. He will be willing to help me or take care of me, if and when I need him to. He will be open to me, and willing to discuss any aspect of our life together. He will pamper me, because he wants to, not because he feels obligated to. He will be romantic and sentimental of heart; he will be gentle, kind, caring, and generous of nature. He will love to spend quiet time, at home, with me, and will also be willing to take me to special events; he will never be ashamed to be seen with me. We will agree on most issues, and we will agree to disagree on the few others; we may discuss, or even argue our opposing ideas, but we will never fight about them. We will have a majority of interests in con, non, or, at least, we will have interests that compliment each other. He will love the water, hot tubs, nature, horses, sunsets, and long peaceful drives in the country. He will love to slow dance, but only with me. He must be intelligent and resourceful, spontaneous, yet thoughtful and careful. He is serious, yet playful; emotionally secure, yet able to show his feelings, good or bad. One very important trait, he must be honest! He will love, and want, to hold me, caress my whole body, cuddle with me, and, above all, love me. As far as physically, I have always been attracted to men who are taller than myself, with well-groomed hair, beautiful, expressive, eyes that I can drown in, a wonderful smile, and a sexy, rich, deep voice (accents are a definite plus in this case!).

I, in turn, will support my man in the decisions he makes; I will help him in any way he asks, if I can. I will make our house a home. I like to cook, and will make some very good, home-cooked meals (as long as I am able to); of course, if he can cook too, all the better! I will always be there for him; if he needs an ear, I will listen, if he needs a shoulder, I will be there for him to lean on. If my man needs some loving comfort, I will be right there; I have a very healthy appetite for physical affection, besides my healthy appetite for FOOD! We will have a life together; we will not live together, yet lead separate lives, as my ex and I did for the last few years of our marriage!

I am of German decent, first generation American on the paternal side. I love to talk, and spend a great deal of time talking to friends, either on the phone or in person. I like playing games, but I am totally opposed to "mind games"; I like people who are upfront with me, and who, in turn, I can be upfront with. I am analytical; I will usually weigh all of the pros and cons of an issue before making any decisions, but I have also been know to make some very spontaneous decisions, such as my move to California! While I am serious about many important issues, I know how to "cut loose" and have fun! In the past, I have been too trusting of people, and there are times when I still am, but, for the most part, I have a healthy dose of skepticism- I am honest, almost too honest according to some friends and acquaintances! I sometimes tend to get ahead of things; if someone proposes, what, to me, is a logical idea, I may act on that suggestion before all the bureaucracy, of a final decision is in place. I am, usually, pretty amenable, but when I really do not like something, I rarely change my mind. I am quiet, and introspective, at times, but I also like to "howl" at the moon, on occasion! I have a great deal of passion, and I know what to do with it, I just needed to find the right man to do it with! I am not saying that I have not had opportunities to explore sexual fantasies, I have, they were just never with a person I really cared about. And, a lot of these experiences occurred during my teens and early twenties.

Presently, I are very happy with all of the wonderful appreciation and support that I have received from the many fat admirers that I have encountered. I am looking forward to finding my ultimate soulmate, but until then, I am looking forward to meeting and getting to know, and hopefully make friends with, the people that I encounter in this world of fat acceptance.

I am, presently, selling photos, of myself, to the many admirers I have encountered, thus far. I am not sure of my exact weight, I do know that I have gained weight in the past seven months though! In January 1995, I weighed 540 pounds, and with the increase in my measurements, since November of 1995, I now weigh well over 550 pounds (Thanks to the many FAs who have contributed to my grocery bills of the last few months!) Below is a chart of the measurements then and now:

NOVEMBER 1995JUNE 1996

Chest60F (67.5")Chest64G (71")
Waist70"Waist72"
Hips (standing)92"Hips (standing)96"
Hips (sitting)106"Hips (sitting)109"
Upper Arms25"Upper Arms27"
Thighs41"Thighs45"

As soon as I have gotten settled in my new apartment, I will be seriously considering the possibility of having a pictorial/Feeding Video made. I would love to know if there is sufficient interest for such a video to cover the cost, and provide a, much needed, side-income!