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    BHM but not a FA, how to change?

    I am sorry. I had a depressive episode today so when I read these replies I felt like you all were saying I am inherently unlovable instead of what you were actually saying, that I am unlovable as long as I have depression. That is entirely on me for reading more into your replies than you...
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    BHM but not a FA, how to change?

    That's my point, I don't have any fight or confidence, I never have. No one could ever even tolerate being with me except out of pity = unlovable garbage loser to me. And that was my point, it is wrong for me to want anything more sexually when I am incapable of even the most basic vanilla...
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    BHM but not a FA, how to change?

    @Anjula Yes, clearly I did nothing to change my weight despite getting down to 190 and I just chose to be miserable since I didn't want to keep going just because the dieting and exercise directly made me feel suicidal. Still, on every other point, you are right. I am garbage. I am a loser. I...
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    BHM but not a FA, how to change?

    Oh no, I know you didn't suggest the gym, I was referring to anjula and leo. And I know the fat hate is from the depression, not the other way around, I just feel stuck in this cycle with no way to break out. But logically I know it is the depression that makes me unlovable, not the fat. The...
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    BHM but not a FA, how to change?

    Already on antidepressants. As for therapy, unfortunately my insurance situation is complicated by the fact that my provider uses a very very very small company for out of network mental health, so I have had trouble finding a therapist. Not that thrilled on the idea any way. The last one I went...
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    BHM but not a FA, how to change?

    she said, How am I supposed to take that except "You have no right to not like your body because you can just choose to not be fat anymore, it's easy!" Throwing in as an afterthought that the weight isn't the real issue doesn't negate her dismissing all my concerns as being up to a deliberate...
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    BHM but not a FA, how to change?

    Thanks to (most of) you all for replying and trying to help. @loopytheone Wait, really? I was always led to believe that the vast majority of women attracted to fat men were also fat. I'll have to look in on that. @happily_married I know that is a big root to my depression, I just can't seem...
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    BHM but not a FA, how to change?

    I struggle with low self-esteem and depression. It is not severe enough to ever affect my ability to function on a daily basis, but it is almost always present in the back of my mind. And I know I shouldn't feel guilty about not being attracted to big girls. But I also know that dating is a...
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    BHM but not a FA, how to change?

    Then what can I do, just give up on finding a partner to experience mutual desire?
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    BHM but not a FA, how to change?

    So I am a BHM, not by choice, 6'0" 250 lbs, and I am a loser in love. Despite being 25, I have never even been kissed or been on a real date. I want to find a woman I could potentially spend my life with, but the problem is I am not a FA. I have found many types of women physically attractive...
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    BHM/FFAs Introduce yourself here

    Um. Hi. My name is Peter, I am a student in Chicago, 6' 0", 250lbs. Let's see, I have red hair, brown eyes, am a huge nerd, and not really there yet in accepting that someone could find me attractive.
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