I like the revised version better as well, but that's probably because I prefer slower/more realistic weight gain, esp. in science-fiction based stories. On the other hand, it should probably be posted as a separate story.
yah, I agree with Jay. Ditto. Different is interesting. To the rest of you: same old same old is inevitably the same and often old...
Maybe think of suggestions that follow the spirit of the piece and won't corrupt the reason it's cool in the first place. I dunno