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  1. Big Beautiful Dreamer

    BHM Finding a Way Home

    Susan Antonelli strode over. She looked exactly the same: Short blond hair, perpetual tan, camp shirt, shorts, boat shoes, whistle on a lanyard. She was the archery director. “Hi, Jason,” she said. “Welcome back.” She went in for a hug. Then she stood back and looked at me. “You look happy,”...
  2. Big Beautiful Dreamer

    BHM Finding a Way Home

    I started to feel more confident about myself in spite of social messages to the contrary, enjoying the way that Cammie would slide in behind me and pinch my love handle in the morning, sliding her hands under my shirt and massaging my empty morning belly, before we got busy in the kitchen...
  3. Big Beautiful Dreamer

    BHM Finding a Way Home

    We left a trail of clothing behind us as she led me to the bedroom. I got her undressed and we climbed into bed. I groaned again as my belly surged and sloshed with the movement. I was so full I was sure I would burst every time I drew breath. And then Cammie was guiding me onto my side, and...
  4. Big Beautiful Dreamer

    BHM Finding a Way Home

    She sent back an e-mail: Dinner? Mio Posto? My brother is the chef. So we had dinner. On the house, as it turned out. And the chef, Cammie’s brother, decided what we would eat. And eat. And eat. After a couple of drinks, I asked her about watching me in the lunch room. Here’s the thing: she...
  5. Big Beautiful Dreamer

    BHM Finding a Way Home

    Instead, she slid alongside me as I got the coffee started and did it again. Slid her arm around me and pinched – gently – my left love handle. “Teddy bear.” I stepped to the side. “You did that last night. What do you mean, ‘Teddy bear’?” She blushed and looked away. “Never mind.” “No...
  6. Big Beautiful Dreamer

    BHM Finding a Way Home

    January dawned, and I heard several co-workers at the New Year’s Eve shindig groan about making New Year’s resolutions to pare off the pounds. “What about you, Jason?” Cammie asked. Cammie Horton, who worked in the Department of Environmental Conservation. She dealt with permits, licensing...
  7. Big Beautiful Dreamer

    BHM Finding a Way Home

    It was over. Camp Mexakwixen was no more. The camp (named after the Algonquin for “fresh water”) where I had been first a camper, then a counselor, then a program director and, for five years, the director, had closed. The state grant that had made up fully half our funding had been axed in the...
  8. Big Beautiful Dreamer

    BHM New Khakis

    Thanks for noticing. I've fixed that.
  9. Big Beautiful Dreamer

    BHM New Khakis

    After one slice from his second half, though, Chris gave up, as did Mr. Meyerson, the widower from down the block. Denise’s boyfriend lasted a couple more slices. Then it was just Denise and me. Neither one of us was capable of rushing. God, was I full! I paused and gave my aching belly a...
  10. Big Beautiful Dreamer

    BHM New Khakis

    By Memorial Day weekend, my new khaki shorts bore a 42 waistband – 42! -- but they fit. With even a trifle of breathing room. Joanna, sitting in the passenger seat, displayed a tummy that squished into a plump little waistband roll. A short-sleeved top displayed soft curves of arms. We pulled...
  11. Big Beautiful Dreamer

    BHM New Khakis

    She shrugged, self-conscious. “I think it’s society as a whole that decided it doesn’t. Honestly. There used to be ads showing girls in bathing suits saying they were unpopular and lonely because they were too thin. Then they tried some powder or something and gained weight. When did we decide...
  12. Big Beautiful Dreamer

    BHM New Khakis

    I tried Weight Watchers – which turned out to be a terrific place to meet women. Most weeks, there was only one other guy, an 80-year-old who was on his twentieth year of maintaining. Week after week, I paid my fee only to have the receptionist hand me back my little booklet showing a gain...
  13. Big Beautiful Dreamer

    BHM New Khakis

    I felt a little better. Had the floor fan oscillating, blowing cool air on my flushed face. I pulled the shirt up and mindlessly massaged my full stomach. I was stuffed up to my eyebrows, so overloaded that every movement hurt. Like the skin over my distended abdomen was pulled to the breaking...
  14. Big Beautiful Dreamer

    BHM New Khakis

    And most of the time, being a bachelor, I survived on sandwiches, scrambled eggs, and freezer meals, so I told myself I needed to make up for lost time now that I was around some real home cooking. By the time I was ready for seconds, I had forgotten all about Denise’s teasing – and that look in...
  15. Big Beautiful Dreamer

    BHM New Khakis

    Ruffled from the encounter, and feeling suddenly awkward, I took another cookie. The crunching sounded loud to my ears. “Guess I’ll go down to the cellar,” I mumbled, and made my escape. The cellar had been converted into a basement suite, and from time to time my...
  16. Big Beautiful Dreamer

    BHM New Khakis

    “Denise,” my brother said mildly. “Is that necessary?” Chris was both an ordained minister in the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers, to the rest of us) and a licensed professional counselor. He was also the author of Out of the Silence: Quaker Perspectives on Pastoral Care and...
  17. Big Beautiful Dreamer

    BHM New Khakis

    New Khakis by Big Beautiful Dreamer It was my sister who noticed it first. And honestly, she was the only one in the family who would have said something. The others lacked the necessary schadenfreude. I had always prided myself in staying in shape and in having the same waist...
  18. Big Beautiful Dreamer

    Pink Cloud

    ~BHM, ~BBW, ~~WG. After quitting drinking, Dylan is surprised to find weight gain rather than loss. Pink Cloud One of the benefits I had expected from finally quitting drinking was that I would lose weight. After all, I had been pouring thousands of calories a day down my throat, and...
  19. Big Beautiful Dreamer

    Rules for The Soap Box

    Two weeks sounds good to me.
  20. Big Beautiful Dreamer

    Rules for The Soap Box

    Wishing everyone happy Christmas, Hanukkah, Eid Mubarak, winter solstice, and whatever mid-winter festival you embrace.
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