Part 1 (Comments and Constructive Criticism is appreciated)
"Oh, man, *burp*, this is a great batch."
Hayley Smith, daughter to the right wing Smith family of Langley Falls, is lounging in her room absolutely stoned out of her mind, once again. She's sunk, cozy, in her beanbag chair. On the stereo, My Morning Jacket ambiently plays in the background. Her little slice of heaven was complete with the lava lamp keeping her mind afloat with its colorful gooeyness.
I am so high right now, she mumbled for the umpteenth time to no one in particular, except to the three-inch tall goblins running around her trashy room.
This activity had become a monthly ritual for Hayley ever since she hit the rebellion stage at the age of fifteen, it then grew into a weekly custom since she began dating Jeff a few years back, and after recent events it finally it transformed into a daily formality soon after aliens, thanks to Roger, abducted Jeff just two months prior. However, these rituals have recently become a lot more food filled ever since she purchased herself a copy of 'The Stoners Cookbook' at the Local Langley jamboree.
The hippie took a long drag from her blunt, letting the smoke stir in her lungs and melt her brain, Wow, that Ernesto sure knows how to grow some good weed, she blew out the air with a low pitched belch.
Hayley was able to deter the sting of Jeffs unexpected abduction by keeping herself high and well fed thanks to the cookbook. At first, her dive into indulgence was unsuccessful due to the recipes unorganized and messy nature, you can never trust burnouts to not do something half assed, but with the power of the internet and the constant experimenting of the ingredient measurements her endeavor had turned for the better.
Beside her was a near empty tray of brownies and a half-finished 6-pack of Pawtucket beer. Slothfully, while smacking on the brownies she accompanied them with a mouthful of beer between each bite. A little chocolate was smeared on her cheek, Eh, Ill get it later.
Satisfied, Hayley belched and scratched her soft basketball sized stomach lethargically, "This *hic* has to be, *mph* the best purchase ever."
Hayley shook the remaining amount of beer into her mouth and tossed the bottle amongst the rest of the empty snack packaging that laid strewn about in her room. The droplets that didn't make it into her mouth rolled down her face and along her ever so slight double chin, some even slid into her belly button, Nothing could *retch* beat this feeling. I hardly miss whats-his-hat anyways.
Abruptly, the door swung open to reveal an aggravated Francine Smith, hands on hips, eyes narrowed and stern, "Hayley Smith! What in God's name do you think you're doing? This place smells and it's a pigsty! Its a smelly pigsty!"
Hayley shoved the last of the brownie of her mouth and stammered to reply to her angry mother, "Dyme Juft hafing some bruwnees. Chill.
Francine narrowed her eyes further, "Here it comes...".
"You have become such a slob! Your room is a mess! And look at you!" Francine stuck a firm finger into Hayley's rotund abdomen, "You've put on some weight, Missy!"
"Hmm?" Hayley placed a hand on her gut, it certainly wasnt as bad as her mom made it out to be, "Hey, when did I unbutton my pants?", she searched for the pants button and found that it was all the way across the room, "Oh". She touched her hair; her fingers came back slick as grease, "Well. It adds to the sheen".
Hayley!
Mom, a little clutter, goblins eating my torn underwear, and pizza on the floor never hurt anybody.
Goblins?
After taking a swig of beer and a fistful of cheesy paws, Hayley had to say something quick to get her mom from yelling at her anymore, "Ugh, shes killing my good vibes with her not so good ones.
"Well then, I'll just, err, join a gym. Yeah, thatll straighten me out. 'Kay, love you bye."
Before Hayley could completely shove her mother out of the room, Francine firmly placed both arms on the doorframe, adding too much resistance for Hayley to counter, "Hold on, fatty. Youre not just lying to me to get me out of here. If you don't shed those pounds by the end of the month...then-then-uhh..."
"Then what? Hayley snickered, "Are you going to do something...uhh ," Hayley's stoned mind had lost the words itself.
"Yeah! I'll do...something!", Francines mind fumbled around to say anything more threatening, IM LEAVING NOW!
"There we go, Franny," she smiled coyly to herself upon exiting while cradling, "Demolish the battle and sweep the war."
Hayley slammed the door after her mother's exit, "Great. Now I gotta exercise, she gripped the belly fat on her middle, shook it, and watched the adipose bounce up and down. Her inebriated mind had found the jiggling somewhat hypnotic, so she did it again. Again. Again. And yet again. "Wait...what was I doing? ...Oh yeah, the gym."
Hayley turned to the window with her glazed eyes peering along the humble town. She reminisced about the time she and Jeff first went to the gym, He tried to deadlift a 10 pound barbell, stalled, and he ended up striking it against some bodybuilder. God, he looked adorable when blood was dripping down his broken face.
Hayley wiped the tear sliding down her cheek. Then she snapped out of it, I cant go to them gym! Me and Jeff have memories there. Going there would make me Her voice cracked, she turned to take a quick puff to fill one of the many voids Jeff left her with.
Hayley double over from the emotional pain, as it didnt satisfy her, while unintentionally ripping her too tight pants in the process, and quietly sobbed in her messy room, I just need a solution for all of this!
Bursting out of from Hayleys closet, in a flash of newfound opportunity, is the family's pet alien, Roger Smith! "Did somebody say "solution"? Cause I'm the creator of them all!"
Hayley wiped the snot from her nose and the tears from her eyes, "Roger? W-what were you doing in my closet?"
"What? Me? You know me, always popping out of strange places with no explanation."
"Look, Im not in the mood for one of your-
"Alright, you got me, I'll come clean! I was recording you stuffing your face, belching, rubbing your adipose, and crying like the fat, lonely pig you are. People pay big bucks for that on the Internet y'know. Your last video raked in about 400 bucks within hours."
"Roger, I dont- Wait did you say 400 bucks? No, wait. First, the solution, solution creator."
"Ah, yes", Roger pulls out a packaged garment, "Here's my newest invention and certainly not something I stole from someone, a slim pack!" Roger tore apart the packaging and wrapped it around Hayley's middle, "All you gotta do is," Roger started as he wrapped the garment around Hayley's widened waist, "tie it-like *grunt* this," With a tug here and a hard pull there, the slim pack was able to completely conceal Hayley's unsightly belly bulge, "And there you go!"
Hayley craned her head downward and was actually able to see the parts of her feet past her fattened breasts, "Wow! My waist is slimmer than ever, but, the other parts of my body are still fat. No. This wont work. Maybe, I should go to the gym, forget about Jeff, move on."
"Crap," Roger thought to himself, "I can't lose that sweet internet fetish revenue. C'mon, think Roger. Those perverts are depending on you.
Hayley cradled her stomach, I remember the time Jeff thought he could squat a thousand pounds., Hayleys lip began to quiver, He herniated so many disks that day. The crippled walk that he did after was so c-cute.
Upon thinking about Jeff, Hayleys stomach gurgled. Roger smirked devilishly.
What else do you remember about Jeff?
Hayley sniveled, I remember when Bullock tried to kill Jeff for my love. His squirrely way of surviving was so-*grumble*-sweet. I-*gurgle*-remember the syrupy, buttery-*gurgle*-waffles we had after.
Ive got it!
"Got what?"
"You don't have to worry about the gym, Hayleykins. I have a proposal. You sit around the house, go around the town, stuff your face all day, and let me record it. And in return I'll get you more slim-pack parts. Its an offer you cant refuse!"
Hayley casually grasped a 3-day old beer bottle and sipped the rest of the contents, "And *urp* if I refuse?"
"Well then have fun being stared and poked fun at by all the other fit and beautiful people you were once apart of while being sad about Jeff. FOREVER!"
She was taken aback, "Roger does have a point, but then again he was the cause of all of this. Perhaps this is one of his elaborate schemes", Hayley turned to her reflection in the mirror and noticed that she does look fatter without marijuana in her system clouding her mind. Then it struck her, This is just what I need. If I could, through Roger, raise enough money. Ill be able to fund a space program to find Jeff!!
"Fine, Roger. We have a deal."
Good and once this is all over youll have enough money to hire a certain personal trainer, Roger smiled, shaking his newfound subject of profits hand, "But, for now let's get started with THIS."
From within the closet, Roger brings out a smorgasbord of mouth watering fatty foods.
"R-roger! This is easily enough food to feed a small African village for a night! I can't-."
"You're gonna have to if you don't want your nickname to be fatty fatty two by four can't fit in the gym no more."
"Fuck, Hayley hoisted a chilidog to her mouth and spotted a pair of unwavering eyes at the window, Can we at least do this where I won't be watched by creeps through the window?"
"What are you talking about?"
Hayley turned Roger's attention to the window to see Snot standing there, breathing heavily and smiling creepily, "Hi, Hayley! Ill love you at any size!"
"Fine. Let's go to the attic."
Upon Hayley and Rogers departure, Francine once again entered Hayley's room with a vacuum cleaner and a trash bag, "Honestly, I don't understand how she could live like this."
She tosses away a few bottles and scraped the veggie lover's pizza from the floor. Vacuuming next to the beanbag, the suction tube tapped an object "Huh? 'The Stoner's Cookbook'?" Francine opens it up and scans her eyes over the first few pages, "Wow! Scooby snacks? Bud Butter? Man that takes me back, she spoke wistfully. A special compartment in the book opens and out falls a bag of kush with a phone number and name taped on it, Hmm, Ernesto? Maybe it's time I starting paying ol mary-jane a visit."
Taken by surprise of the turn in events Snot rears his head towards the window and gasps on que, Uh oh! The plot thickens! Well come back to this story after some time has passed, but for now enjoy some quality advertisements for companies that raise awareness about drug abuse.
"Oh, man, *burp*, this is a great batch."
Hayley Smith, daughter to the right wing Smith family of Langley Falls, is lounging in her room absolutely stoned out of her mind, once again. She's sunk, cozy, in her beanbag chair. On the stereo, My Morning Jacket ambiently plays in the background. Her little slice of heaven was complete with the lava lamp keeping her mind afloat with its colorful gooeyness.
I am so high right now, she mumbled for the umpteenth time to no one in particular, except to the three-inch tall goblins running around her trashy room.
This activity had become a monthly ritual for Hayley ever since she hit the rebellion stage at the age of fifteen, it then grew into a weekly custom since she began dating Jeff a few years back, and after recent events it finally it transformed into a daily formality soon after aliens, thanks to Roger, abducted Jeff just two months prior. However, these rituals have recently become a lot more food filled ever since she purchased herself a copy of 'The Stoners Cookbook' at the Local Langley jamboree.
The hippie took a long drag from her blunt, letting the smoke stir in her lungs and melt her brain, Wow, that Ernesto sure knows how to grow some good weed, she blew out the air with a low pitched belch.
Hayley was able to deter the sting of Jeffs unexpected abduction by keeping herself high and well fed thanks to the cookbook. At first, her dive into indulgence was unsuccessful due to the recipes unorganized and messy nature, you can never trust burnouts to not do something half assed, but with the power of the internet and the constant experimenting of the ingredient measurements her endeavor had turned for the better.
Beside her was a near empty tray of brownies and a half-finished 6-pack of Pawtucket beer. Slothfully, while smacking on the brownies she accompanied them with a mouthful of beer between each bite. A little chocolate was smeared on her cheek, Eh, Ill get it later.
Satisfied, Hayley belched and scratched her soft basketball sized stomach lethargically, "This *hic* has to be, *mph* the best purchase ever."
Hayley shook the remaining amount of beer into her mouth and tossed the bottle amongst the rest of the empty snack packaging that laid strewn about in her room. The droplets that didn't make it into her mouth rolled down her face and along her ever so slight double chin, some even slid into her belly button, Nothing could *retch* beat this feeling. I hardly miss whats-his-hat anyways.
Abruptly, the door swung open to reveal an aggravated Francine Smith, hands on hips, eyes narrowed and stern, "Hayley Smith! What in God's name do you think you're doing? This place smells and it's a pigsty! Its a smelly pigsty!"
Hayley shoved the last of the brownie of her mouth and stammered to reply to her angry mother, "Dyme Juft hafing some bruwnees. Chill.
Francine narrowed her eyes further, "Here it comes...".
"You have become such a slob! Your room is a mess! And look at you!" Francine stuck a firm finger into Hayley's rotund abdomen, "You've put on some weight, Missy!"
"Hmm?" Hayley placed a hand on her gut, it certainly wasnt as bad as her mom made it out to be, "Hey, when did I unbutton my pants?", she searched for the pants button and found that it was all the way across the room, "Oh". She touched her hair; her fingers came back slick as grease, "Well. It adds to the sheen".
Hayley!
Mom, a little clutter, goblins eating my torn underwear, and pizza on the floor never hurt anybody.
Goblins?
After taking a swig of beer and a fistful of cheesy paws, Hayley had to say something quick to get her mom from yelling at her anymore, "Ugh, shes killing my good vibes with her not so good ones.
"Well then, I'll just, err, join a gym. Yeah, thatll straighten me out. 'Kay, love you bye."
Before Hayley could completely shove her mother out of the room, Francine firmly placed both arms on the doorframe, adding too much resistance for Hayley to counter, "Hold on, fatty. Youre not just lying to me to get me out of here. If you don't shed those pounds by the end of the month...then-then-uhh..."
"Then what? Hayley snickered, "Are you going to do something...uhh ," Hayley's stoned mind had lost the words itself.
"Yeah! I'll do...something!", Francines mind fumbled around to say anything more threatening, IM LEAVING NOW!
"There we go, Franny," she smiled coyly to herself upon exiting while cradling, "Demolish the battle and sweep the war."
Hayley slammed the door after her mother's exit, "Great. Now I gotta exercise, she gripped the belly fat on her middle, shook it, and watched the adipose bounce up and down. Her inebriated mind had found the jiggling somewhat hypnotic, so she did it again. Again. Again. And yet again. "Wait...what was I doing? ...Oh yeah, the gym."
Hayley turned to the window with her glazed eyes peering along the humble town. She reminisced about the time she and Jeff first went to the gym, He tried to deadlift a 10 pound barbell, stalled, and he ended up striking it against some bodybuilder. God, he looked adorable when blood was dripping down his broken face.
Hayley wiped the tear sliding down her cheek. Then she snapped out of it, I cant go to them gym! Me and Jeff have memories there. Going there would make me Her voice cracked, she turned to take a quick puff to fill one of the many voids Jeff left her with.
Hayley double over from the emotional pain, as it didnt satisfy her, while unintentionally ripping her too tight pants in the process, and quietly sobbed in her messy room, I just need a solution for all of this!
Bursting out of from Hayleys closet, in a flash of newfound opportunity, is the family's pet alien, Roger Smith! "Did somebody say "solution"? Cause I'm the creator of them all!"
Hayley wiped the snot from her nose and the tears from her eyes, "Roger? W-what were you doing in my closet?"
"What? Me? You know me, always popping out of strange places with no explanation."
"Look, Im not in the mood for one of your-
"Alright, you got me, I'll come clean! I was recording you stuffing your face, belching, rubbing your adipose, and crying like the fat, lonely pig you are. People pay big bucks for that on the Internet y'know. Your last video raked in about 400 bucks within hours."
"Roger, I dont- Wait did you say 400 bucks? No, wait. First, the solution, solution creator."
"Ah, yes", Roger pulls out a packaged garment, "Here's my newest invention and certainly not something I stole from someone, a slim pack!" Roger tore apart the packaging and wrapped it around Hayley's middle, "All you gotta do is," Roger started as he wrapped the garment around Hayley's widened waist, "tie it-like *grunt* this," With a tug here and a hard pull there, the slim pack was able to completely conceal Hayley's unsightly belly bulge, "And there you go!"
Hayley craned her head downward and was actually able to see the parts of her feet past her fattened breasts, "Wow! My waist is slimmer than ever, but, the other parts of my body are still fat. No. This wont work. Maybe, I should go to the gym, forget about Jeff, move on."
"Crap," Roger thought to himself, "I can't lose that sweet internet fetish revenue. C'mon, think Roger. Those perverts are depending on you.
Hayley cradled her stomach, I remember the time Jeff thought he could squat a thousand pounds., Hayleys lip began to quiver, He herniated so many disks that day. The crippled walk that he did after was so c-cute.
Upon thinking about Jeff, Hayleys stomach gurgled. Roger smirked devilishly.
What else do you remember about Jeff?
Hayley sniveled, I remember when Bullock tried to kill Jeff for my love. His squirrely way of surviving was so-*grumble*-sweet. I-*gurgle*-remember the syrupy, buttery-*gurgle*-waffles we had after.
Ive got it!
"Got what?"
"You don't have to worry about the gym, Hayleykins. I have a proposal. You sit around the house, go around the town, stuff your face all day, and let me record it. And in return I'll get you more slim-pack parts. Its an offer you cant refuse!"
Hayley casually grasped a 3-day old beer bottle and sipped the rest of the contents, "And *urp* if I refuse?"
"Well then have fun being stared and poked fun at by all the other fit and beautiful people you were once apart of while being sad about Jeff. FOREVER!"
She was taken aback, "Roger does have a point, but then again he was the cause of all of this. Perhaps this is one of his elaborate schemes", Hayley turned to her reflection in the mirror and noticed that she does look fatter without marijuana in her system clouding her mind. Then it struck her, This is just what I need. If I could, through Roger, raise enough money. Ill be able to fund a space program to find Jeff!!
"Fine, Roger. We have a deal."
Good and once this is all over youll have enough money to hire a certain personal trainer, Roger smiled, shaking his newfound subject of profits hand, "But, for now let's get started with THIS."
From within the closet, Roger brings out a smorgasbord of mouth watering fatty foods.
"R-roger! This is easily enough food to feed a small African village for a night! I can't-."
"You're gonna have to if you don't want your nickname to be fatty fatty two by four can't fit in the gym no more."
"Fuck, Hayley hoisted a chilidog to her mouth and spotted a pair of unwavering eyes at the window, Can we at least do this where I won't be watched by creeps through the window?"
"What are you talking about?"
Hayley turned Roger's attention to the window to see Snot standing there, breathing heavily and smiling creepily, "Hi, Hayley! Ill love you at any size!"
"Fine. Let's go to the attic."
Upon Hayley and Rogers departure, Francine once again entered Hayley's room with a vacuum cleaner and a trash bag, "Honestly, I don't understand how she could live like this."
She tosses away a few bottles and scraped the veggie lover's pizza from the floor. Vacuuming next to the beanbag, the suction tube tapped an object "Huh? 'The Stoner's Cookbook'?" Francine opens it up and scans her eyes over the first few pages, "Wow! Scooby snacks? Bud Butter? Man that takes me back, she spoke wistfully. A special compartment in the book opens and out falls a bag of kush with a phone number and name taped on it, Hmm, Ernesto? Maybe it's time I starting paying ol mary-jane a visit."
Taken by surprise of the turn in events Snot rears his head towards the window and gasps on que, Uh oh! The plot thickens! Well come back to this story after some time has passed, but for now enjoy some quality advertisements for companies that raise awareness about drug abuse.
