Any way you want it

Dimensions Magazine

Help Support Dimensions Magazine:

Goreki

Fairy tales and Woe
Joined
Oct 4, 2005
Messages
987
Location
,
I think you made the right choice. It was obviously a well researched and considered one. I hope you are surrounded by supportive and intelligent people, not stubborn fuckwits.
 

LeoGibson

Happy
Joined
May 22, 2011
Messages
3,494
Location
The Republic
I'm not being funny here, but why would you want to date a person so shallow that they are put off by 30lbs of weight? I wouldn't want to date a single person that didn't find me attractive at my biggest, my lightest, anywhere in between, because it shows they are a shallow person. I mean, surely it is about the quality of women you are attracting rather than the quantity? ...unless you are some sort of pimp. Then I understand you on a deep and philosophical level.
While I do tend to agree with you on a certain level, you may be missing the crux of his point. For instance, if it is one particular shallow woman you're trying to win over by re-arranging who you are, then yes that is pointless and why bother?

However, if you are doing such to increase your dating pool and meet more women, thus having more options on dating and perhaps finding the one that will then click with your overall personality and from there a few lbs. in either direction won't matter, then that isn't necessarily going after shallow women.
 

djudex

I'm out
Joined
Sep 6, 2008
Messages
1,367
Location
,
I'm not being funny here, but why would you want to date a person so shallow that they are put off by 30lbs of weight? I wouldn't want to date a single person that didn't find me attractive at my biggest, my lightest, anywhere in between, because it shows they are a shallow person. I mean, surely it is about the quality of women you are attracting rather than the quantity? ...unless you are some sort of pimp. Then I understand you on a deep and philosophical level.
I disagree with this so vastly...just because a person isn't attracted to people who have extra poudange doesn't make them shallow, it makes them a person with a preference. The women here tend to like men (and/or women) who are overweight and if they wouldn't want to date a thin person that doesn't make them shallow either. I used to think the same way until I realized that was a naive, romanticized, 'love conquers all' vision of people with no grounding in reality. People like what they like, it doesn't make them worse or better, it just makes them, well... human.
 

sophie lou

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 26, 2012
Messages
199
Location
,
First i want to say this is an excellent thread idea i'm sure this will be one of the places i lurk often

This is a little bit of a rant and a lot of just getting it off my chest.
I met up with someone i had been sort of seeing online about two months ago. I think the best way to describe it is that we had been chat lovers for about two years. We finally met up and all seemed good. We met up a second time and still everything seemed good. Now all of a sudden everything changed, he turned all funny and uninterested with me. After a week or so of talking he has finally said that the main reason is that he didn't have the same feelings for me face to face as he did online. He came out with all sorts of stuff about not really knowing your true feelings for someone until you are actually face to face with them. Part of me can see what he is saying and another part of me thinks it's rubbish. It seems like as a long distance relationship, well a few hundred miles apart we seemed to be great but in real life it was completely different for him. I have moved on since then and i have two amazing friends who are there for me i was just wondering if anyone else has been through something similar
 

tankyguy

Well-Known Member
Joined
Apr 12, 2013
Messages
520
Location
,
If you're not perceived as attractive women won't bother talking to you for long enough to find out if you have money and a decent job.
That's why you're supposed to dress nice regardless of what you weigh. Nice clothes and looking spiffy is supposed to suggest how well off you are without anyone having to talk to you.


I'm not being funny here, but why would you want to date a person so shallow that they are put off by 30lbs of weight?
Because the number of people in the world who aren't attracted to and won't date someone who isn't close to the 'ideal' weight is much larger than the number of people who will. Hence "all the fat guys coming into the forum complaining that women aren't into them". Because by and large they're not.

Consider the possibility that those guys may not all just have confidence or self esteem issues. They could be funny, smart and engaging yet conventionally unattractive (which fat is for most people). The one thing you know they have in common is that they are fat and women aren't into them.

So if you don't want to be alone you either have to hope you find one of those exceedingly rare people who don't care about weight (or are into bigger people) or you have to lose weight like bigmac says and better your odds.

Like djudex says, people (and by extension women) like what they like and the vast majority don't like fat guys.
 

BearHug2013

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 14, 2013
Messages
101
Location
,
I met up with someone i had been sort of seeing online about two months ago. I think the best way to describe it is that we had been chat lovers for about two years. We finally met up and all seemed good. We met up a second time and still everything seemed good. Now all of a sudden everything changed, he turned all funny and uninterested with me. After a week or so of talking he has finally said that the main reason is that he didn't have the same feelings for me face to face as he did online. He came out with all sorts of stuff about not really knowing your true feelings for someone until you are actually face to face with them. Part of me can see what he is saying and another part of me thinks it's rubbish. It seems like as a long distance relationship, well a few hundred miles apart we seemed to be great but in real life it was completely different for him. I have moved on since then and i have two amazing friends who are there for me i was just wondering if anyone else has been through something similar
We all have a couple stories like this one. Frankly it sounds like he was making excuses for simply being turned off by bigger women. He might've known about your weight and not realized just how turned he was or didn't know and was still turned off. Either way is a piss poor excuse.
Last year I briefly dated a women who was around 20ibs heavier than what she looked like in her pics, not that it stopped me. 1 month later she went back to her lazy, selfish in-communicating(her original words on the guy) ex and dumped him a week after that.

And while I haven't seen anyone since, like you and everyone other single on here, I was better off. The funny thing was I found out she was thinking of giving him another go from the day we met which has always seemed odd to me.
 

Tad

mostly harmless
Joined
Sep 29, 2005
Messages
13,185
Location
The great white north, eh?
Like djudex says, people (and by extension women) like what they like and the vast majority don't like fat guys.
Or if you look around the rest of the boards, you'll find any number of attractive, interesting, with-it, BBW who are inexplicably single. Once you've fallen in love with someone, their size may not matter as much to you, but when you are scanning the room, wondering who you would like to know better....of course you are going to tend to favour the ones who make the best visual first impression on you.

Which is why my advice for those who don't fit the conventional mould is to meet lots of people in ways/places where you interact with them and get to know them (classes, volunteering, clubs, etc). That way people get to see other features of you, and may decide that your size is not the most important thing about you. Won't work for everyone, but I still think it gives you better odds.
 

reuben6380

The Scenaturdist
Joined
Dec 20, 2012
Messages
97
Location
,
Motorboating is a fine art and should really be left up to the professionals, or at least done under the supervision of one...or else yer just going to look silly!
 

sophie lou

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 26, 2012
Messages
199
Location
,
We all have a couple stories like this one. Frankly it sounds like he was making excuses for simply being turned off by bigger women. He might've known about your weight and not realized just how turned he was or didn't know and was still turned off. Either way is a piss poor excuse.
Last year I briefly dated a women who was around 20ibs heavier than what she looked like in her pics, not that it stopped me. 1 month later she went back to her lazy, selfish in-communicating(her original words on the guy) ex and dumped him a week after that.

And while I haven't seen anyone since, like you and everyone other single on here, I was better off. The funny thing was I found out she was thinking of giving him another go from the day we met which has always seemed odd to me.
I think for as much as his excuse was rubbish I just have to accept it. I know that it wasn't a weight issue though because he was a big fan of my weight and size. I still just find it bizarre that for two years he was very much into me and after meeting something changed. I know some people can be very different in real life as opposed to being in chat but I don't honestly think I am that different. It sounds like you had a bit of a rough time in that one. I have friends who have done the same by keep on going back to the same useless jerk of a partner.

I'm very lucky at the moment because I have two good friends who have been with me throughout. One of which I have started sort of seeing and he is a BHM . I know one thing for sure I won't be going back to my ex
 

Amaranthine

Adamant Anti-Nihilist
Joined
Aug 7, 2010
Messages
1,438
Location
,
I disagree with this so vastly...just because a person isn't attracted to people who have extra poudange doesn't make them shallow, it makes them a person with a preference. The women here tend to like men (and/or women) who are overweight and if they wouldn't want to date a thin person that doesn't make them shallow either. I used to think the same way until I realized that was a naive, romanticized, 'love conquers all' vision of people with no grounding in reality. People like what they like, it doesn't make them worse or better, it just makes them, well... human.
I totally agree with this. I spent quite awhile feeling really bad, simply because I saw myself as terribly shallow and inept for not being able to be attracted to those I had feelings for. But eventually I realized that it's just a preference that I can't change, no matter how much I try. If I attempt to date people who I find attractive ONLY for their personality, in the end, I'm just hurting both of us.

And I really don't see that as selfish. It's not easy not being able to date someone who I genuinely find appealing because I can't be physically attracted to them in the long-run. Though, I don't think preferences are always as strong as mine is. I think many can be swayed, even if your physical appearance doesn't match their ideal. The social stigma around it just discourages many from being as open. And fat is one of those things that's hugely impacted by the status of a society. If resources were scarce, a fat partner would be far more appealing. But we attach so many other traits with weight now, it's pretty difficult. Which is outrageously shitty. But I think it also means you can reverse those attitudes a bit. I've gushed about the benefits of a bigger partner to other friends, and lo and behold...when they found a chubbier guy they loved for their personality, they appreciated those things too.
 

BearHug2013

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 14, 2013
Messages
101
Location
,
I'm very lucky at the moment because I have two good friends who have been with me throughout. One of which I have started sort of seeing and he is a BHM . I know one thing for sure I won't be going back to my ex
That the most important thing to take away from it: getting together with an ex can't work in my opinion.
 

Amaranthine

Adamant Anti-Nihilist
Joined
Aug 7, 2010
Messages
1,438
Location
,
Here's something I've been thinking a lot about lately: the nature of personality. As in, some people seem far more static and others seem more dynamic. Clearly, a lot of people enjoy associating with certain labels and traits. Belonging to different groups and schools of thought appeals to them and helps to define them as a person, and that stands out no matter who they're interacting with. They've found a core way of interacting that they enjoy.

But what about the more dynamic people? I was having a conversation with a friend last night and they were discussing how they feel somewhat different depending on who they're interacting with. I realized I'm very much in the same camp. But I don't find it disingenuous. Rather, different people bring out different elements of myself and I can meld to that without feeling untrue to myself. I have to wonder if that seems less legitimate to people, if they realized that was the case.

And as my friend pointed out, what does that mean for identity when you're alone? Surely there's some concrete labels and associations for everyone...but a personality has a distinctive feeling to it, does it not? When you're interacting a certain way, it has a certain qualitative feeling to it. In fact, to me, it's that feeling that is usually the most alluring thing about a person. It's so impossible to explain, but I do enjoy that element of mysteriousness around qualia.
 

BearHug2013

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 14, 2013
Messages
101
Location
,
I get what you mean. Certain people just naturally bring out certain aspects of your personality. Like I'm open with all my friends, but a couple of them just bring out that part of me that makes me spill my guts or trouble and I love em for it! :D
 

LeoGibson

Happy
Joined
May 22, 2011
Messages
3,494
Location
The Republic
Guys out there driving, I really, really, really do not, repeat not want to see your cocks when stopped for a traffic light. I have no equal signs nor rainbow stickers anywhere on my truck. It does not gross me out, however it does absolutely nothing for me since I have one of my own to look at and grab hold of any time I damn well please. (Although fella yesterday, yours was as decent looking of a member as one could be, sir I compliment you. It looked just exactly like mine, it could have been its doppelganger.:D )

Now, on this subject, hey universe, I have had to see numerous mens peckers over the years and very few women share their wonderful lady parts in kind. Hows about evening things out just a bit. Maybe a few more boobie flashes or raised skirts to balance out the the mass proliferation of dick I have seen over the years! Thanks in advance, LG.
 

ODFFA

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 29, 2012
Messages
1,469
Location
Cape Town, South Africa
Here's something I've been thinking a lot about lately: the nature of personality...
Hmmmm, this is an interesting one.
I think I’d identify as more on the dynamic side of things too. While I wouldn’t go so far as to think of this as being disingenuous either, I do at times find myself wishing I had a bit more ‘grounding.’ More of a core that can give me a greater sense of stability while still being pretty adaptable personality-wise. Maybe I just want the best of both worlds =P

But I do find myself admiring and enjoying people who seem to have that kind of steadfastness to who they are when I have the pleasure of experiencing them in various situations. I guess this could also just be a case of that natural human tendency to want what you yourself don’t have and aren’t familiar with.

Having said allll that, I definitely agree that a personality, whether more on the static or more on the dynamic side, has a distinctive feeling to it. As to the allure and enjoying the mystery of those experiences – absolutely! :happy:

...Now, on this subject, hey universe, I have had to see numerous mens peckers over the years and very few women share their wonderful lady parts in kind. Hows about evening things out just a bit. Maybe a few more boobie flashes or raised skirts to balance out the the mass proliferation of dick I have seen over the years! Thanks in advance, LG.
Thanks in advance, eh? You and the Universe must be tight. Enjoy :)
 

Amaranthine

Adamant Anti-Nihilist
Joined
Aug 7, 2010
Messages
1,438
Location
,
Guys out there driving, I really, really, really do not, repeat not want to see your cocks when stopped for a traffic light. I have no equal signs nor rainbow stickers anywhere on my truck. It does not gross me out, however it does absolutely nothing for me since I have one of my own to look at and grab hold of any time I damn well please. (Although fella yesterday, yours was as decent looking of a member as one could be, sir I compliment you. It looked just exactly like mine, it could have been its doppelganger.:D )

Now, on this subject, hey universe, I have had to see numerous mens peckers over the years and very few women share their wonderful lady parts in kind. Hows about evening things out just a bit. Maybe a few more boobie flashes or raised skirts to balance out the the mass proliferation of dick I have seen over the years! Thanks in advance, LG.
I...didn't realize this was a thing. I'm not even sure I see the point there. HEY. WE'RE STOPPED FOR 15 SECONDS. LOOK AT THIS. People are ridiculous :rolleyes:

I get what you mean. Certain people just naturally bring out certain aspects of your personality. Like I'm open with all my friends, but a couple of them just bring out that part of me that makes me spill my guts or trouble and I love em for it! :D
I agree! I have no idea why I can speak effortlessly to certain people and why others are always a struggle. But I can certainly appreciate the former.

Hmmmm, this is an interesting one.
I think I’d identify as more on the dynamic side of things too. While I wouldn’t go so far as to think of this as being disingenuous either, I do at times find myself wishing I had a bit more ‘grounding.’ More of a core that can give me a greater sense of stability while still being pretty adaptable personality-wise. Maybe I just want the best of both worlds =P

But I do find myself admiring and enjoying people who seem to have that kind of steadfastness to who they are when I have the pleasure of experiencing them in various situations. I guess this could also just be a case of that natural human tendency to want what you yourself don’t have and aren’t familiar with.

Having said allll that, I definitely agree that a personality, whether more on the static or more on the dynamic side, has a distinctive feeling to it. As to the allure and enjoying the mystery of those experiences – absolutely! :happy:



Thanks in advance, eh? You and the Universe must be tight. Enjoy :)
Indeed, the grass is always greener. I know what you mean about wanting a grounding. I think it goes back to wondering about your true personality when you're alone. But hey! Think of all the people who can only truly appreciate a small set of things. Surely it must be awesome to have such an expanded range :)

That makes me think of another question. What would you say constitutes their steadfastness? Do they seem to stand by similar values and have similar traits in a great many situations? Or is the feel of their personality the same? I can definitely imagine them separately. Someone can always feel like the same person, while highlighting different traits/values. Or they can obviously maintain core values and traits, whilst feeling different. INTERPERSONAL INTERACTION. U SO MYSTERIOUS.
 

LeoGibson

Happy
Joined
May 22, 2011
Messages
3,494
Location
The Republic
I...didn't realize this was a thing. I'm not even sure I see the point there. HEY. WE'RE STOPPED FOR 15 SECONDS. LOOK AT THIS. People are ridiculous :rolleyes:

Yep. It's definitely a thing. Gay dudes seem to have a preference for waving their willies at truckers. Women seem to have more sense than men do in this regard. Wow, us guys really are creeps aren't we?:D
 

ODFFA

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 29, 2012
Messages
1,469
Location
Cape Town, South Africa
Not really, I'm just trying to retain a positive outlook. Truth be told, the universe will probably point and laugh at me and now inundate me with nude men!:eek::doh:
Awwwwwwwww! And that with the positivity you exude :( I steadfastly resolve not to laugh along with the great 'Verse. .......Teeeheeee! >.< Dammit!

Indeed, the grass is always greener. I know what you mean about wanting a grounding. I think it goes back to wondering about your true personality when you're alone. But hey! Think of all the people who can only truly appreciate a small set of things. Surely it must be awesome to have such an expanded range :)

That makes me think of another question. What would you say constitutes their steadfastness? Do they seem to stand by similar values and have similar traits in a great many situations? Or is the feel of their personality the same? I can definitely imagine them separately. Someone can always feel like the same person, while highlighting different traits/values. Or they can obviously maintain core values and traits, whilst feeling different. INTERPERSONAL INTERACTION. U SO MYSTERIOUS.
For me, I think more in terms of their personality feeling the same. E.g. I can be the most easily amused, laugh-happy lunatic one moment / with one person and the epitome of calm [with] the next.

This surprises even me, sometimes almost to the point of concern :p But don't get me wrong, like you said, for the most part I actually enjoy and am really grateful for this wonderful ability and I'm still me in all situations.
 

bigmac

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jun 24, 2007
Messages
10,349
Location
,
I'm not being funny here, but why would you want to date a person so shallow that they are put off by 30lbs of weight? I wouldn't want to date a single person that didn't find me attractive at my biggest, my lightest, anywhere in between, because it shows they are a shallow person. I mean, surely it is about the quality of women you are attracting rather than the quantity? ...unless you are some sort of pimp. Then I understand you on a deep and philosophical level.
I wouldn't want to date a shallow person. Indeed I'm married to a woman who's not (most of the time;)). However, that doesn't change the fact that there are very few women out there who will accept advances from fat guys let alone actually seek them out. Over the years I've come to the conclusion that a very substantial percentage of the female population is indeed very shallow (I'm sure many men are too). If you want to get play you can't be more than a little fat and it also helps to be a bit of an asshole.
 
2

Latest posts

Top