I have found it now!For me, Thanksgiving is an entire season that really wakes up the inner child on me. I have lots of memories about that season.
Even I take out from the closet an electronic football game I bought in 2016. It makes me remember a friend who had the original one in 1980. It also makes me remember the group of friends I had in that time.
I had that same game! I'd forgotten all about it (and how terrible at it I was, lol)
The history of the holiday is only one of many factors that have long made Thanksgiving problematic for me.I haven't really enthusiastically "celebrated" Thanksgiving since college. (10 years). The history behind it and the attendant baggage bother me.