Are complements okay in todays age

Discussion in 'Main Dimensions Board' started by bubba350, Dec 6, 2018.

  1. Dec 6, 2018 #1

    bubba350

    bubba350

    bubba350

    Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2007
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    ,
    Do you wish to be complemented on your apperance . Not a come on just a genuine complement.
    As a fat guy when I see a pretty BBW I know the effort and cost it takes to do this.
    In todays me to movement would this be appropriate.
     
  2. Dec 6, 2018 #2

    abzu

    abzu

    abzu

    Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2015
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Atlantis
    I operate within an older cultural paradigm which I have tailored to suit my individual needs. I ignore or actively resist those who attempt to socially engineer behavioral norms that conflict with biological reality. That being said, I only complement women or comment on their appearance when they are purposefully placing themselves on display in hopes of receiving positive reinforcement (Such as the images posted on this site for either commercial purposes, or positive reinforcement from other forum members) or, if I have privately established a certain rapport, or intimate relationship with a woman. It has never been wise to approach complete strangers, or co-workers who seem to be just going about their business and offer unsolicited assessments of their faces or bodies. This isn't a recent development.

    People are confused about this sort of thing in general. It's one of several reasons why so many complete strangers seem to feel that I long to be approached and assessed regarding my size or occasionally obvious health issues.
     
  3. Dec 6, 2018 #3

    Funtastic curves

    Funtastic curves

    Funtastic curves

    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2018
    Messages:
    136
    Likes Received:
    85
    Location:
    Home
    Compliments are kind, are friendly, are welcomed. I for one give them almost everyday.

    A genuine compliment can be taken by most believing there was nothing behind the compliment but a few kind words.

    While there may be a few attentions grabbers out in the world looking for approval via compliments. they shouldn't deter one away from giving a compliment when a person has caught your eye. You never know how much it could brighten up a person's day.

    Women no matter their size welcome them until they become creepy or uncomfortable.
     
    Tad likes this.
  4. Dec 6, 2018 #4

    agouderia

    agouderia

    agouderia

    Library Girl Global Moderator

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2008
    Messages:
    2,308
    Likes Received:
    336
    Location:
    ,
    This is the point.

    Not to be cynical - but in these references to the MeToo debate - I always wonder whether men really are this simplistic or many are only asking for general absolution of bad behavior.

    Because all that is needed is basic politeness in social interaction - which hinges on situation and how well acquainted you are with your counterpart. Rule of thumb is - would you say the same thing to a guy in the given situation? If you would do that - it's okay.
     
  5. Dec 6, 2018 #5

    Dr. Feelgood

    Dr. Feelgood

    Dr. Feelgood

    intellectual nerd

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2006
    Messages:
    4,631
    Likes Received:
    1,049
    Location:
    ,
    I'm with Agouderia: context and -- especially -- acquaintance determine the appropriateness of comments on appearance. The general rule I follow is that I can tell any woman that her dress or hairdo is becoming; I can tell a friend that she looks pretty (in general); and specific compliments about her body or parts thereof I save for my wife.
     
  6. Dec 7, 2018 #6

    Mark02

    Mark02

    Mark02

    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2015
    Messages:
    67
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    ,
    Complements are a gateway for flirting... so you always have to think ahead about ramifications. Is the girl an attention whore? Will she blab to everyone about what transpired? Or maybe it's just innocent fun between two adults. Oh, and is she involved or married?
     
  7. Dec 7, 2018 #7

    SSBHM

    SSBHM

    SSBHM

    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2015
    Messages:
    455
    Likes Received:
    116
    Location:
    ,
    This is an interesting question. I wonder if times are such that there is less conversation overall and therefore less verbal intimacy. What I mean is it seems so many people text instead of call, and dating is even passe rather than hanging out. Maybe its just me or my frame of reference, but yeah, lately it seems harder to approach a stranger and often anyone to give them a compliment.

    There is still as stigma to complimenting something that isn't in the social mainstream too. I mean comments about what a skinny guy or girl is wearing that is something eye catching isn't thought of as a direct compliment, well at least I don't see it taken as such coming from me. Yet, if I made a compliment in ear-shot of a group or the public in general to someone big and plump or outright fat about how much I liked how they look, there would or could likely be some sort of negative fall out (sneering, laughing, or even some manner of disgust).

    What to do? I find myself not saying much anymore to someone I don't know, or to someone if others are around. Yeah, I still find plump and fat figures appealing, and I think there are good and bad days in how people present themselves, but I can't help but to think that with all the acceptance bravado we've regressed in being as outwardly expressive about uncommonly socially acceptable people issues. Really kind of sad to say I think that.
     
  8. Dec 9, 2018 #8

    Shotha

    Shotha

    Shotha

    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 17, 2011
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    24
    Location:
    New Zealand
    The acceptability of compliments seems to vary according to context. It's more acceptable to give a woman a compliment in some cultures than others. Social circumstances seem to make compliments more acceptable in certain circumstances. For example, I don't have to worry about how I compliment a women, in contexts where people know that I'm gay. It means that the compliment doesn't get misinterpreted as flirtation. It's also easier, when I'm with other gay men, especially other FA gay men. I get lots of comments about my smile and about my belly. It's a shame that we can't freely make kind comments any more but that's the price that we have to pay for objectifying women.
     
  9. Dec 9, 2018 #9

    FlabbyFrank

    FlabbyFrank

    FlabbyFrank

    Member

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2018
    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Las Vegas
    Depends on the situation.

    If I see a plump woman at a Walmart wearing g a crop top shirt and a belly button ring, I think it is OK to compliment her on and maybe ask to feel her tummy she must want the attention.

    No for co-workers and customers
     
  10. Dec 9, 2018 #10

    wafflecone

    wafflecone

    wafflecone

    Snuggle Hoarder

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2013
    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    , Female
    Speaking as a young person who really doesn’t like being approached in public because it always gets weird, I think genuine, polite compliments to strangers are fine. I have strangers compliment my outfits or my hair all the time and think it’s nice.It only gets weird if they try and parlay that into an unwanted conversation when I’m clearly busy/signaling that I don’t want to be social, or when they try to ask me out immediately afterward. That’s when things get uncomfortable.

    A really simple rule of thumb I like to follow is, if it’s something they can’t change about themselves, don’t mention it. Hair, clothes, shoes, makeup, jewelry, accessories—those are fair game, in large part because those are things that person chose to wear/put on. You’re complimenting their taste vs. their body, and treating them like a person instead of an object. Walking up to a stranger and talking about their body—something they have a lot less control over—is when comments start to feel rude and uncomfortable. The other rule mentioned above (if you wouldn’t say it to another guy, don’t say it) is also pretty solid to go off. I would also say not complimenting people in situations where they might feel trapped (while they’re at work, for example) is good.

    In short: just be polite and approach people with kindness and without ulterior motives.
     
  11. Dec 10, 2018 #11

    FlabbyFrank

    FlabbyFrank

    FlabbyFrank

    Member

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2018
    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Las Vegas
    Something like m
    Nice (__*__) is too forward even to a bubble but broad wearing Daisy dukes at Walmart.

    Complimenting something like a belly button ring is fine or an article of clothing
    ... Like I like your jacket or your tattoo , bracelet, etc.

    Shoes are iffy

    The old line

    Nice shoes wanna **** is too cliche
     
  12. Dec 10, 2018 #12

    loopytheone

    loopytheone

    loopytheone

    Administrator Global Moderator

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2012
    Messages:
    3,801
    Likes Received:
    709
    Location:
    ,
    It depends on context, like people have said here. Even the most innocuous of compliments can sound creepy/threatening if said by a guy that is openly leering at you. My general advice would be not to randomly approach and try and talk to strangers unless they are in a social setting. Talking to a stranger at a bar or a sports club or art class is all fine, but people generally don't like being approached in the street or on the bus etc etc.

    Generally speaking, save compliments for friends and acquaintances and don't, like, yell them at strangers in public.
     
    agouderia likes this.
  13. Dec 10, 2018 #13

    agouderia

    agouderia

    agouderia

    Library Girl Global Moderator

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2008
    Messages:
    2,308
    Likes Received:
    336
    Location:
    ,
    This is in essence what it boils down to.

    From a psychological point of view, it also makes me extremely vary of all those demanding the free right to "complement" anything - mainly meaning any woman - they want to. Because by complementing someone else, you establish yourself in the communicatively superior position - you are the one who is assessing the value of something.

    If the person complemented is not comfortable with your assessment, he/she will immediately feel inferior. Not least because by commenting on something very personal like looks and bodies - it is no less than an invasion of that person's most private zone.
    Nobody wants or deserves that.
     
    Dr. Feelgood and Blackjack like this.
  14. Dec 10, 2018 #14

    LarryTheNoodleGuy

    LarryTheNoodleGuy

    LarryTheNoodleGuy

    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2014
    Messages:
    286
    Likes Received:
    49
    Location:
    , Male man!
    It depends on the situation, totally.

    But sure.

    Sometimes they just know, too.

    Was at the supermarket yesterday and saw the cutest cutest lady at the checkout with a lovely black dress. I was done shopping anyway but I rushed to get behind her so maybe I could strike up a conversation and..who knows where it might lead? (I'm single and dating.) :) We had a nice conversation, both very animated, the checkout person joining in, and I looked for a ring on her finger. There was one. Ah, nuts...but she knew, all right...I didn't have to say "I love your dress." She got the message, her face just lit up and so did mine.

    A compliment, sincerely given, is welcome in my experience. You can make someone's day. By the same token, it can be icky as hell.

    I think you have to practice but you also have to screw up sometimes and feel like a dork. I tell women sometimes "I am clumsy and awkward and sometimes I don't know what to say from time to time." Not Mr. Slick! But I try me best.
     
  15. Dec 10, 2018 #15

    LarryTheNoodleGuy

    LarryTheNoodleGuy

    LarryTheNoodleGuy

    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2014
    Messages:
    286
    Likes Received:
    49
    Location:
    , Male man!
    PS Worst encounter -

    Telling someone "You're beautiful!" and the response comes: "I know."

    You feel like vaccum-cleaning the compliment back into yourself.
     
  16. Dec 10, 2018 #16

    tmur

    tmur

    tmur

    Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2007
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    ,
    I ran an office for many years and early on complimented a female employee for her specifically professional outfit due to a client visit. I learned later that the employees "uncomplimented" were quite disappointed.

    I agree with wafflecone, make any compliment 'non-appearance" related.
     
  17. Dec 12, 2018 at 1:23 AM #17

    DragonFly

    DragonFly

    DragonFly

    Ahem Prema Global Moderator

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2017
    Messages:
    1,080
    Likes Received:
    577
    Dude, clothes do not mean consent. Let’s get that understanding right now. Just because I wear what I want does not mean I want anyone’s hands on me. Thank you very much
     
    agouderia, loopytheone and AmyJo1976 like this.
  18. Dec 12, 2018 at 2:17 AM #18

    AmyJo1976

    AmyJo1976

    AmyJo1976

    Happy Holidays!

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2011
    Messages:
    2,156
    Likes Received:
    387
    Location:
    USA
    Totally agree with this!
     
  19. Dec 12, 2018 at 4:17 AM #19

    Shotha

    Shotha

    Shotha

    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 17, 2011
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    24
    Location:
    New Zealand
    I have to say that I agree with that. We pay compliments to gain an advantage. It puts us in a superior position to our interlocutor. We are being presumptuous enough to pass judgment on them. I'm starting to think that a compliment might be nothing more than an inverted insult. It is a very insulting thing to stand in judgment over someone else.
     
    agouderia and loopytheone like this.
  20. Dec 12, 2018 at 8:16 AM #20

    Shotha

    Shotha

    Shotha

    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 17, 2011
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    24
    Location:
    New Zealand
    I totally agree with this, too.
     

Share This Page