Are FA/FFAs and potential SOs too selective?

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bigmac

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What does not appeal to 1 person might be very appealing to someone else so there are not set rules of what is appealing..Sorry but that argument does not wash..As the saying goes,"beauty is in the eye of the beholder"...

You kind of remind me of older southern rich people with some of what you have said..You know the ones that did not want their children marrying below them in social standings..Every time I see a comment like this I think of the Long Hot Summer or Gone With the Wind..50 years ago that might have mattered but really in this day and age a bank account means nothing..A lot of the old rich families are not so rich any more..
First I never said the good looking people with good jobs and lots of money can get anyone they want. Rather I said they had many more options.

As for your second point -- if my daughter brings home a a meth addicted tow truck driver -- hell yeh I'll be upset. Scarlet remained an aristocrat even when reduced to eating turnips. Anyone who says that social standing doesn't matter is deluding themselves. FYI my son's a senior at The University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa.
 

frankman

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Is this a serious question??:confused: Have you SEEN me? :D (I'm kidding here of course.)

Yes. Thank you. I was just being playful with him. But if it must be said so that no one else misunderstands me...I don't think I am any better or any less than he is. He is the perfect man for me, and I am constantly assured by him that I am the perfect girl for him. He may not be the best match for some of the other ladies on this board (!) but I understand him quite well.
I was kidding too. It's a question that's impossible to answer. Asking it is kind of mean, and I thought it was funny.
 

stan_der_man

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I'm all for people finding soul mates and being happy (I'm married with four kids and a dog) all I'm saying is that people who want to be successful in the mating game would profit from a realistic assessment of their own desirability and then use this assessment to design and implement a search plan. Sorry if I sound clinical but as I said earlier I'm not the romantic type.

...
What you're saying overall isn't completely off base Bigmac, but I think you are not accounting for a person's potential... or the ability of the "less desirable" to make themselves more desirable in other ways such as how they dress, their personalities or the variables of what a potential suitor seeks. Some people are attracted to the "geeks", they may be people in a "higher class" of potential mates... there are infinite combinations of how people of varying "quality" might interact. Saying that someone must settle for someone at some level of desirability is almost asserting that there is some sort of caste system that exists as to the level of a person's desirability. I think the variables are too great to make such a blanket assessment as to how "realistic" a person can be in finding a potential S.O. I still think it comes down to one's desire to find someone up to their standards... to make themselves more desirable if they have the inclination to do so... and as I said earlier, there will need to be some compromise because I don't think there is such a thing as "the perfect mate".
 

tonynyc

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I really do not understand your reasoning..I have read this over and over,even left it alone for a while trying to understand why you have this mind set..

It is a fallacy that the tall,rich,good looking man always gets the best women.




So true- sometimes they are "On the Lam"
 

TallFatSue

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When bbws/bhms talk about the kind of person they want, they say things like "I want a man/woman who wants me for me - a guy/gal who wants me despite my fat, or at least more than my fat." And as a result they trust no one and reject every overture.
Wellll, I didn't distrust everyone, and I was perfectly receptive to certain overtures, but in retrospect my expectations were probably beyond unrealistic. Yes I wanted someone who wanted me for me, who wanted me despite my fat -- but who wanted my fat too. Geez, could I have been any more contradictory? That explains some of my goofier dates back in the goofy 1970s. Oh, the stories I could tell... They weren't funny then, but they sure are funny now... :rolleyes:

I did have a list of attributes I wanted in a man. However, apart from certain key expectations which were non-negotiable, my saving grace was to be flexible and receptive to compromise, in the best sense of the word. In no way was that "settling" or lowering my expectations. Instead, it was "adjusting" my expections for someone who met or exceeded certain alternate criteria I hadn't considered. :confused:

What blew apart some of my expectations? The man I married turned out to be the best friend I ever had, that's what! :D I never thought to include that on my list of requirements, but now it just seems soooo obvious. :doh: But before I felt too stupid, Art said he never thought he's marry his best friend either, and he never expected to find her inside the biggest female package he ever met. Magic moment: During our first "kiss and grope" session, I expected Art to fondle my breasts at any minute, but he began to fondle my belly instead. Me: "What are you doing?" He: "I want to get to know all of you." Good answer! :smitten:

So despite my contradictory expectations in my confused youth, somehow I really did meet and marry someone who wanted me for me, despite my fat -- and yet who found my fat so intriguing he couldn't resist it. Sometimes in the middle of the night I wake up, look over and can't believe how lucky I am. Unless he's hogging the blankets on a cold night, and then it's war! :D
 

BubbleButtBabe

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Some people just have majority appeal. Sad but true. Classic example: Extroverted tall tanned slim sporty bubbly busty blonde with great skin, high cheekbones and perfect teeth. Why else would they put such girls on the cover of men's magazines and why are these girls top earners in commercial porn? Obviously FAs (or men who are into say, tiny goth girls or bottom-heavy Latinas) won't give her a second look but let's not forget that we are still the minority. Also, judging from the complaints I have seen around here, how many men who do find fat women attractive have the balls to actually date one and introduce her to his friends and family? Many people also think it is important to have a mate that people around them can accept or even better, envy and I would even say that most people feel this pressure to some extent. If your partner is a chronically unemployed drug-addicted dropout with a criminal record and an obvious physical deformity, how would you honestly feel about introducing him to your friends? Most FAs already get quite a bit of flak from others about our choice of partners - of course we want her to be worth it (to us).

Also, I hate to say this but don't you think there is some sort of hierachy even in the BBW community? Some paysite girls get twenty replies per picture post, others get none and there is probably a reason for this. The latter may well be the ideal for a select group of FAs, but these guys are clearly not the majority.

And yes, of course BBWs can pick and choose among drooling FAs, but we are not that common and not the easiest to identify outside of a bash.
What is so interesting about the type of blond you describe is that they were not the "main stream" attractive women until the mid 70's to late 70's..A lot of the pin-up girls before then were brunettes,etc,as long as they were attractive and curvy they were adored..The best marketing scheme a beer company ever did was introduce the blond cheerleader to a national audience..That is when the idea woman began to change..Then in all of the men's magazine from that time on showed the blond bombshell as the one always selling what ever product..
 

BubbleButtBabe

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First I never said the good looking people with good jobs and lots of money can get anyone they want. Rather I said they had many more options.

As for your second point -- if my daughter brings home a a meth addicted tow truck driver -- hell yeh I'll be upset. Scarlet remained an aristocrat even when reduced to eating turnips. Anyone who says that social standing doesn't matter is deluding themselves. FYI my son's a senior at The University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa.

I hope you would be more upset over the fact he was a meth addict then him being a tow truck driver..People have to start some where and lots of time that is at the bottom of the ladder and work their way up..

Sorry but you using a fictional character says a lot to me..So I am done with this..Thanks!
 

StarWitness

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So.... are (F)FAs overly selective when it comes to looking for a BBW/BHM?
 

CurvaceousBBWLover

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For me it's all about what I can't live without and compromising on the rest. I believe people should know what they MUST have from their partner and relationship in order to keep them happy and satisified, and then being willing to compromise on the rest.

Thus, while looks do matter to me, I am always willing to "compromise" and date someone who may not be the best looking dude as long as I find him attractive. Yet when it comes to a man's physical size/weight, I am not really willing to compromise on this anymore because I'm not sexually satisified or happy unless my partner has some chub on him. Am I being picky here and leaving out alot of great, hot, wealthy, sweet, compasionate guys? Yes. But, I have learned from like expierence that fat is not something I can live without and still be happy and satisfied in my relationship - so no compromises there.

Also, in regards to people bringing equal things to the table: I have often noticed that in many relationships, women tend to bring more to the table then men in regards to looks, education, job/financial security - they are more likely to have the "total package" than their man. As a Black female with my Master's degree at the age of24; I can tell you that most of my Master-degree-having, good looking friends with well-paying jobs are either single or dating men that do not bring an equal level of the aforementioned attributes to the table. While many of these women do have a list of what they want ideally in a man - and that list mostly consists of a man who brings as much to the relationship as she does - few can find it and they often have to compromise (or settle in some cases), especially if they want to get married. These women often have to place more importance on a man's personality and other similar attributes while "ignoring/overlooking" the other things he lacks - things that are on their wish list. But, I think alot of this has to do with the FACT (as in statistics can back me up here) that overall, Black men just don't have their sh!t together as well as Black women do in regards to having college degrees, gainful/secure employment and so forth. Because of this, Black men can have their pick of women and be HIGHLY demanding whereas Black women cannot.
As a black man with a M.S., I can say a whole lot about this. Reading this post reminded me of a conversation I had with another black man a month ago while we were waiting for the bus. I don't know what it is about women in the Baltimore-DC area. So many women in this region are overly fixated on finding a rich man. Since I was a teenager, I have heard African American women griping about how they can't find a decent black man for a litany of reasons. In a capitalist society like America's, there are only so many doctors, lawyers and wealthy corporate executives to go around. These are elite professions. By definition, they are only a small minority of men. And when you look at the number of African American men in elite professions, the numbers shrink even more.

I don't think being a "good" man depends on how much money you have, whether you are white collar or blue collar, whether you drive a Lexus, a BMW, or an Escalade; whether you take annual trips to Europe, or whether you make $10,000 donations to your megachurch.

It's hard enough to find a rich man (or a 6' tall rich man). How about a responsible man with good character and a lot of love to give?

To the materialistic women out there whose primary interest is finding Mr. Moneybags, I say good luck. Once I start making six figures, I will pass you by because all you cared about was one thing and it was not love.

I'm getting off my soapbox now and yielding the floor to the other FAs and FFAs.



 

frankman

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[...] Reading this post reminded me of a conversation I had with another black man a month ago while we were waiting for the bus.[...]
That's at least two black men not driving their own car.That could be construed as a clear sign you guys don't have your sh!t together.:p

It's guys like you that can choose from all those degree-toting black chicks, duping them out of their chances of finding a decent black doctor/lawyer.

For shame, scamming those unsuspecting, naive women with university degrees. FOR SHAME!
:D
 

CurvaceousBBWLover

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That's at least two black men not driving their own car.That could be construed as a clear sign you guys don't have your sh!t together.:p

It's guys like you that can choose from all those degree-toting black chicks, duping them out of their chances of finding a decent black doctor/lawyer.

For shame, scamming those unsuspecting, naive women with university degrees. FOR SHAME!
:D

:D You are too funny!
 

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