Being the FFA/FA friend

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Jaycee

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Joined
Mar 23, 2020
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U.S.A
What has everyone's experience being someone who is fat admirer in your friend group?

I'm now pretty open to my close friends about my type/preference of men. They have been good to tell and let me talk about it (a little) I don't blab on about it, but I do point out when I see a guy I find attractive. They definitely don't understand but theh don't give me shit for either.
 
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Tempere

Everything I said could be wrong
Joined
Apr 15, 2020
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85
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Pennsylvania
My friends know I’m not checking out what they are, but are fine with my preferences as they are only into the thick/thicc, but don’t understand the appeal of a more voluptuous woman. It’s fine, they don’t bust me about it.

My wife, knowing my preferences, now understands why when she checks another female out, why I may not be paying attention to that female. She hasn’t openly though asked me about a voluptuous woman either when we are out.
 

Anjula

the bitchy one
Joined
Nov 26, 2010
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pooland
I remember “coming out” as an FA, God that was a fun night. I was in the “super cool group” in junior high and I was talking to the “alpha” girl one night at a party about kinks and stuff and my best friend (who knew) was really pushing me to tell her. I remember being hesitant about it and she told me “hey, it can’t be bad, I like to eat pussy, beat that” (I see what I did here, hehe) anyway I ended up telling her, she was super supportive and since I’m also bisexual we also made out heavily that night. Two birds one stone huh?

since then ( I was 15ish, but I’m European we start young lol) I was always 100% open, my friends and family knew and know about it (fam once wanted to “cure me”, unlike my friends they haven’t always been supportive)

my fat thing sometimes exceeded me lol I dated a “chubby” by popular standard, skeleton skinny by mine guy for a couple of years. I fell in love badly and hoped it will work out. Spoiler alert, it didn’t and we broke up over that, but what I wanted to say: during our relationship I had random people in high school asking how and why is he not fat since I like em big.

I don’t recall anything negative associated with being honest and open (a little to much sometimes). If anything it helped because the fatties weren’t as scared since I’m hot as fuck And pretty intimidating xD

oh! My handle on tinder used to say “I like guys with weight like IQ. The higher the better.” (Again, Europe 140iq = 140kg= 310lbs 😈
 

Tempere

Everything I said could be wrong
Joined
Apr 15, 2020
Messages
85
Location
Pennsylvania
My close friends know I prefer bigger guys, and they will sometimes point out a hot fat guy with a, “Look, there’s one for you!” I don’t know if they fully understand how big I like ‘em but my last ex was ~400 pounds so they kinda know.
Haha this is the same for me, save it’s females
 

Jaycee

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 23, 2020
Messages
81
Location
U.S.A
My close friends know I prefer bigger guys, and they will sometimes point out a hot fat guy with a, “Look, there’s one for you!” I don’t know if they fully understand how big I like ‘em but my last ex was ~400 pounds so they kinda know.

My friends don't fully understand exactly how big of guys I find attractive as I've never dated anyone bigger than 280, and my hubby is only 250. I also haven't pointed out that I find guys over 400 pounds attractive I don't know what their reaction would be.
 

Shh! Don’t tell!

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Joined
May 5, 2018
Messages
265
It used to be a big secret for me because my friends in high school brought feedism up as something gross to laugh at one time. I thought if I told anyone, people would think I was creepy. I’m opener about my preferences these days, although I don’t reveal the most fetishy aspects of what I like to platonic friends. Everyone is always fine with it, I’ve never got a bad reaction like the one high-school-me thought I’d get.

edit-I know this thread is about Fat Admirers and I said feedism, but that’s how I chose to ID myself because it describes my sexuality better. I know one is like, the nasty porny one and the other is the nice, more SFW one but I’d be lying if I said I was just a fat admirer and not a feeder.
 
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Ffancy

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Joined
Mar 20, 2017
Messages
66
Location
In a salt fog
It used to be a big secret for me because my friends in high school brought feedism up as something gross to laugh at one time. I thought if I told anyone, people would think I was creepy. I’m opener about my preferences these days, although I don’t reveal the most fetishy aspects of what I like to platonic friends. Everyone is always fine with it, I’ve never got a bad reaction like the one high-school-me thought I’d get.

edit-I know this thread is about Fat Admirers and I said feedism, but that’s how I chose to ID myself because it describes my sexuality better. I know one is like, the nasty porny one and the other is the nice, more SFW one but I’d be lying if I said I was just a fat admirer and not a feeder.
I also enjoy some of the more feeder fetishy activities (in a consensual relationship) but basically only my exes know about those. I also don’t tell my friends much of the details of exact non-kinky sexual activities I like, so I think of feeding as rather similar to sex. Details are only for the people who participate 😁
 

happily_married

Happy to be part of Dims!
Joined
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Messages
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What has everyone's experience being someone who is fat admirer in your friend group?

I'm now pretty open to my close friends about my type/preference of men. They have been good to tell and let me talk about it (a little) I don't blab on about it, but I do point out when I see a guy I find attractive. They definitely don't understand but theh don't give me shit for either.
what a great topic, thank you @Jaycee for bringing this to the class for discussion!

I am just a few days away from 40 and at this point am too old to give a damn what others think. But in my younger days I was more sensitive to it. I recall as I was timidly giving in to my preference for bigger girls I did have a few moments where I was hesitant to let my friends see me with some of the girls I dated/slept around with.

Defintiely past that now. I don’t make a big deal if it either but if it comes up I don’t stray away from it. For example I was talking to a colleague/friend the other day abou t her own fitness/weight loss efforts. She has hit me up for fitness tips in the past. Anyway she and I were talking and I mentioned my wife being a plus size woman and in the context of that discussion it was appropriate to add that several that I dated before being married were too. I think that is a nice way of saying “I didn’t stick with a woman who got fat, I like fat girls.”
 

Shotha

DM Supporter
Joined
May 16, 2011
Messages
906
Location
New Zealand
At first, my friends were sorry for me, because I always ended up with these "horrible fat guys".

I came out to my friends as a chubby chaser. This caused a lot of misunderstanding. They thought that no one liked fat guys and so they started matching me up with big guys. They matched me with men, who we hung like hippopotami. I really had to push the point that I liked fat guys. Then they thought that I liked all fat guys. No...

My lesbian friends stood up for me. If I liked fat guys, then it was my business.

Then I came to the realization that my dream entailed not one fat guy but two. Yes, I realized that I was a gainer. Finally, my relationships were what I'd always wanted.

It can be very difficult to draw the dividing line between an FA and a feeder. For me, the difference is that for feeders the act of eating is something, which gives sexual pleasure. Of course, I hang out with a lot of fat gay guys, most of whom like being fat and want to get fatter. So, obviously some big eating takes place but not usually in the bedroom. I see feeders as a subgroup within FA's. However, if the perfect man came along and liked to feed and be fed along with sex, I would not say no.
 

Jaycee

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 23, 2020
Messages
81
Location
U.S.A
It used to be a big secret for me because my friends in high school brought feedism up as something gross to laugh at one time. I thought if I told anyone, people would think I was creepy. I’m opener about my preferences these days, although I don’t reveal the most fetishy aspects of what I like to platonic friends. Everyone is always fine with it, I’ve never got a bad reaction like the one high-school-me thought I’d get.

edit-I know this thread is about Fat Admirers and I said feedism, but that’s how I chose to ID myself because it describes my sexuality better. I know one is like, the nasty porny one and the other is the nice, more SFW one but I’d be lying if I said I was just a fat admirer and not a feeder.

I totally get what you mean on your first part and high school fears. Personally I never went to high school but I still am kinda vague at wording on when I mention my preference the last thing I want is someone googling it and finding the nasty porn.

Being a feeder is also a part of it for me I don't ever want to be pushy or demanding on the feeder side so I never have being I haven't ever been with a feedee, at the same time I'd be kidding myself big time if I said a lot of aspects of feeding and guys gaining weight isn't a turn on.
 

Tempere

Everything I said could be wrong
Joined
Apr 15, 2020
Messages
85
Location
Pennsylvania
I totally get what you mean on your first part and high school fears. Personally I never went to high school but I still am kinda vague at wording on when I mention my preference the last thing I want is someone googling it and finding the nasty porn.

Being a feeder is also a part of it for me I don't ever want to be pushy or demanding on the feeder side so I never have being I haven't ever been with a feedee, at the same time I'd be kidding myself big time if I said a lot of aspects of feeding and guys gaining weight isn't a turn on.
Yup I get that to and the OP. I didn’t become comfortable until I was in my 20s and still am terrible at explaining it.
 

Jaycee

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 23, 2020
Messages
81
Location
U.S.A
At first, my friends were sorry for me, because I always ended up with these "horrible fat guys".

I came out to my friends as a chubby chaser. This caused a lot of misunderstanding. They thought that no one liked fat guys and so they started matching me up with big guys. They matched me with men, who we hung like hippopotami. I really had to push the point that I liked fat guys. Then they thought that I liked all fat guys. No...

My lesbian friends stood up for me. If I liked fat guys, then it was my business.

Then I came to the realization that my dream entailed not one fat guy but two. Yes, I realized that I was a gainer. Finally, my relationships were what I'd always wanted.

It can be very difficult to draw the dividing line between an FA and a feeder. For me, the difference is that for feeders the act of eating is something, which gives sexual pleasure. Of course, I hang out with a lot of fat gay guys, most of whom like being fat and want to get fatter. So, obviously some big eating takes place but not usually in the bedroom. I see feeders as a subgroup within FA's. However, if the perfect man came along and liked to feed and be fed along with sex, I would not say no.

The whole explaining you like fat guys but you do no find every fat guy attractive seems like it can be a hard thing for "the other" people to understand.
 

happily_married

Happy to be part of Dims!
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,
I can totally relate. As a guy, a fit guy especially, as soon as you tell someone you like bigger girls they assume you’d hit any woman who is fat.

that’s not true at all.

Just because I like big girls doesn’t mean I’m not selective. I like what I like and that’s nuanced and unique. It doesn’t mean that I like every big girl just because she’s a big girl. That’s hard for people to understand sometimes.
 

Jaycee

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Joined
Mar 23, 2020
Messages
81
Location
U.S.A
I can totally relate. As a guy, a fit guy especially, as soon as you tell someone you like bigger girls they assume you’d hit any woman who is fat.

that’s not true at all.

Just because I like big girls doesn’t mean I’m not selective. I like what I like and that’s nuanced and unique. It doesn’t mean that I like every big girl just because she’s a big girl. That’s hard for people to understand sometimes.

Exactly!! I sometimes wonder if it makes it harder for other people to comprehend when a fit/smaller person finds fat people attractive. We live in a society where it's supposed to be a very taboo thing.
 

Jaycee

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Joined
Mar 23, 2020
Messages
81
Location
U.S.A
what a great topic, thank you @Jaycee for bringing this to the class for discussion!

I am just a few days away from 40 and at this point am too old to give a damn what others think. But in my younger days I was more sensitive to it. I recall as I was timidly giving in to my preference for bigger girls I did have a few moments where I was hesitant to let my friends see me with some of the girls I dated/slept around with.

Defintiely past that now. I don’t make a big deal if it either but if it comes up I don’t stray away from it. For example I was talking to a colleague/friend the other day abou t her own fitness/weight loss efforts. She has hit me up for fitness tips in the past. Anyway she and I were talking and I mentioned my wife being a plus size woman and in the context of that discussion it was appropriate to add that several that I dated before being married were too. I think that is a nice way of saying “I didn’t stick with a woman who got fat, I like fat girls.”
I'm getting to where I'm confident enough about my preference towards big men (I'm just getting in to my 20s) starting to not care about what other people think. There still is times of being embarrassed to admit who I find attractive especially, if my friends for whatever reason start talking about how heavy a guy and just ignore. I'd love get to where I can just admit and not
what a great topic, thank you @Jaycee for bringing this to the class for discussion!

I am just a few days away from 40 and at this point am too old to give a damn what others think. But in my younger days I was more sensitive to it. I recall as I was timidly giving in to my preference for bigger girls I did have a few moments where I was hesitant to let my friends see me with some of the girls I dated/slept around with.

Defintiely past that now. I don’t make a big deal if it either but if it comes up I don’t stray away from it. For example I was talking to a colleague/friend the other day abou t her own fitness/weight loss efforts. She has hit me up for fitness tips in the past. Anyway she and I were talking and I mentioned my wife being a plus size woman and in the context of that discussion it was appropriate to add that several that I dated before being married were too. I think that is a nice way of saying “I didn’t stick with a woman who got fat, I like fat girls.”

I'm still growing up to the point where I can actually talk about it if it ever does come up on conversation and talk about it with out feeling awkward as all get out. Looking forward to that day. I like that you pointed that out. Because it's not that you stuck with someone who gained weight or love them despite of the weight. As a FA/FFA that's most definitely NOT the case.
 

Shotha

DM Supporter
Joined
May 16, 2011
Messages
906
Location
New Zealand
I can totally relate. As a guy, a fit guy especially, as soon as you tell someone you like bigger girls they assume you’d hit any woman who is fat.

that’s not true at all.

Just because I like big girls doesn’t mean I’m not selective. I like what I like and that’s nuanced and unique. It doesn’t mean that I like every big girl just because she’s a big girl. That’s hard for people to understand sometimes.
I've been through this sort of issue twice. The first time, it was over being gay. People thought that, because I liked men, I liked all men and that no man in the room was safe from me. There was also the double standard of people with the attitude towards sex that when we do it it's love but when they do it it's lust.

I see the same notions exist with attitudes towards FA/FFA's. There's the notion that all fat people are attractive to us and there's the notion that our love is inferior, a kink, a fetish, just lust. The important thing for me is that there was and is a powerful LGBTI+ rights movement. There doesn't seem to be much going on around New Zealand to destigmatize the love of fat people. But I believe that things will improve. Some chat show hosts have tried to talk constructively about the issue. Unfortunately, the rest of the media have not come close to the truth very often. There have been too many episodes of TV dramas, in which the fat boy or girl has to face the "fact" that no one else will want to date or marry them except another fat person. We might know that this simply is not the case but it needs to be demonstrated to the rest of the world.

There is also a gender bias about this issue. Fat women face far more stigma than fat men do. This means that it's easier for a woman to date/marry a fat guy than vice versa.

I think that there will be some interesting developments on this matter over the next few years. People find discrimination of all kinds to be far less acceptable these days than it was 10 or 20 years ago. In the meantime, whom we choose to spend our lives with is our choice. We do not have to listen to our detractors. We can choose to spend our time with people who accept us the way that we are.
 

Metallicalover99

Active Member
Joined
Jan 10, 2020
Messages
39
Location
United States
My close friends and family know about my preferences. My current close friends are very accepting, while my family was not accepting at first. I think my mom was very confused because she could never imagine herself being attracted to the people I liked, almost not believing me. I am lucky that she is now accepting of who I am attracted to.
 

magodamilion2

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 29, 2020
Messages
56
Location
Philadelphia
There is also a gender bias about this issue. Fat women face far more stigma than fat men do. This means that it's easier for a woman to date/marry a fat guy than vice versa.
It's really not that easy though. I agree that the stigma is harsher on fat women, but I don't think that translates to the experience of dating fat men being less judged than dating fat women. I'm a bisexual FFA who has dated both, and people have been way less surprised/more positive when I've dated a fat women. The reaction was very neutral, like no one really thought anything of it from a weight standpoint. Whereas when I've dated a fat man, people have been very confused as if I was downgrading and embarrassing myself somehow.

I think it also depends on the kind of social circle you're in. If you're in more of a 'woke' liberal circle, fat women tend to be perceived much more positively than fat men are.
 
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