I am currently at a very dark place. My husband (375 lbs, 40 yrs) of five years, I (165 lbs, 50 yrs) know him for eight, is considering weight loss surgery at the beginning of 2020. Previously he tried to lose weight by taking tablets and it worked for about a year, but he has gained all back when the appetite blocking effect stopped working. This news about the WLS hit me so hard. I completely understand the health reasoning behind all this. My head knows and understand! But, it causes me to be an emotional wreck and I am having an unexpended very hard time dealing with this. The pain I am going through is similar to a break up or the pain it causes when you have to put your beloved pet to sleep. Realizing he will lose all this weight hurts me so much. I have made up my mind though. As a good wife, I will support him going forward with this surgery. It is for his better health. I don’t want him to die because of potential health problems coming with the extra weight (blood work looks good, no sign of diabetes). But I already know there will be consequences for our marriage. I have decided to put money aside so I can move out in a few months, when he has recovered from the surgery and he can continue on his own. My other thought was committing suicide. Yes, I have given it a shot. If it wasn’t for this forum I probably would go forward. Thanks to this forum I at least know I am not the only one that likes fat, that it is ok to be like this. I cannot talk about this topic with my family nor friends, no fat acceptance there. So, thank you all for being on this forum and giving me a shoulder to lean on! I am hoping there is a support group for fat admirers. I will ask my husband’s doctor when we are going to plan the surgery. I am envisioning the doctor looking at me and asking: “You are what? A fat admirer? Never heard of that. No (laughs), there is no such thing as a support group.” Since there may not be a support group for FA for when their partners undergo WLS surgery I am wrecking my brain where to go instead. I have considered going to a pedophile support group to see how they deal with their urges and see if their way of suppressing it can help me too. Or a support group for people that come to realize they are gay but stuck in a heterosexual marriage. I am a fat lover, I cannot do without it! Been it all my life since I was 8 years old. Slender or muscular guys don’t turn me on. Just like I am not attracted to the same sex. I love my best girlfriend, but I do not want to engage in a physical relationship. Just like that. I have tried slender guys. Great minded and funny, but when engaged in physical stuff I was always looking for the point where it was over, wishing he was fat. As of now, I am wearing a mask. Not showing my husband how sick this situation makes me. He knows it is hard for me but I don’t think he realizes how much it hurts me. I don’t want to tell him that I will walk out after the surgery. How can I survive till then? I want him to be healthy and alive in twenty years.