Maybe I am alone here but honestly this drives me nuts to hear and read. So please excuse a mild mannered outburst. I understand being frustrated about BHM's being insecure, but honestly the frustration you feel will probably only serve to fuel our angst if you make it known, I speak from experience, but it also depends on the personality. Hearing that our insecurities cause you some form of issue only makes matters worse as there is no simple fix for the issue, and if you truly liked us for who we are, there would be no need to change anything about us including our insecurity; see where I'm coming from? You don't buy a frog and expect it to feel like a prince simply because you kissed it, that'd be silly, not the best analogy as it implies ugliness which is not the case but the best I could muster atm. The feelings we have are an issue you will face with many BHM's, this is something FA/FFA's must come to terms with themselves and not be lumped solely onto the guys as simple insecurity. Acceptance requires more than one party for it to be absolute, a fat guy can feel totally secure in himself but it will do him no good if no one admires the traits he possesses. You as a self proclaimed FA/FFA's must take some responsibility if this is the type of person you plan to date, or decide you simply cannot accept the insecurity your potenial BHM may possess and move on. Complaining about the issues of buying a used car, knowing full well when you bought that car that there may be issues, tells me either you did no research and took no test drive and simply adore how cute that 1979 pinto looked on the lot. Kinda goofy. Perhaps it's you who are insecure, in that you feel you must settle for the car with issues because it looked good from a distance or were simply too apathetic to make sure its what you really wanted and bought it soley based on appearance in the hope you can "fix" it? Hmmmmmmmm. Non sequitur? Perhaps not. If we could flip a switch and be comfortable and perhaps even slightly cocky, I'm sure we would, but it doesn't work this way and adding more for him to worry about is not going to be productive. Being comfortable with someone who actually likes the way you look can have an amazing impact on ones self esteem over time and make him see that he can be attractive and sexy to women but you simply cannot prove ones insecurities wrong and expect them to be "cured". Just my two cents, hope it's not offensive or taken as snide or lashing out, but honestly the "big guys are so insecure" whine is getting old, especially in the forums of acceptance and support which sites like this are supposed to offer seems at least mildly hyocritical to me. You simply do not take years of being socially admonished in a society where BHM's are the oafish comedic support and not taken very seriously and throw it aside. I agree that we must take some personal responsibility for our own happiness and self esteem, but to me being labelled insecure for your lack of understanding is equally frustrating. I struggled with my insecurity for many years before I finally got to a point where I simply said I have nothing to lose and everything to gain by not letting it get me down and taking risks, now I'm always pushing to better myself and prove myself wrong. I now have "fit" friends who constantly ask me how the hell I can get so many numbers and dates especially being as big as I am. I know that taking risks and being patient (mostly with myself) pays great dividends but it took time and some amazingly, what I at least, deemed to be "out of my league" women. While I'm still "single" I'm having a blast living the life I should have always had, meeting new people and having lots of fun. ;p Give the guys a chance and maybe give them some support and allow them to insecure until they feel safe, and allow them to get to the place you need them to be and they deserve to be without labels and more frustration. RANT OVER! I dont post much and I hate to have an initial post be a possible bone of contention, but I felt the need to vent, its something i've seen a few times that has simply driven me friggin nutty.