Body acceptance with my girlfriend

Discussion in 'Main Dimensions Board' started by fattylover69, Jul 10, 2018.

  1. Jul 10, 2018 #1

    fattylover69

    fattylover69

    fattylover69

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    Hi ladies, I have been concerned with my beautiful Girlfriend she's 350 lbs, never gained the weight on purpose, and I think she is absolutely gorgeous in every way.

    But it saddens me because she thinks she is ugly and she thinks she is unattractive. She knows how much I think she is beautiful but she keeps telling herself how ugly and discusting she looks.

    It really makes me sad. I'm a professional bodybuilder and personal trainer, when I got with her, she couldn't believe that a bodybuilder would find her sexy and attractive, but I do and she knows I do now.

    But it doesn't seem like that's enough to make her happy with her body. She wanted to get gastric bypass earlier, I convinced her not to do it, because I've read so many horror stories about medical complications, and some women even becoming infertile from it (she already has Fertility issues) and I really wanna have children with her and I feel gastric bypass would ruin our chances of that especially because she would not be able to eat enough vegetables and other nutrients to make sure the baby is getting all the nutrients it needs.
    So I managed to convince her not to get it done, and if she really really wanted to lose weight I'd help her do it naturally and I'd show her all the tricks and techniques I know to lose weight that I learned from bodybuilding.

    Because I just want her to be happy. So if I had to I would help her lose weight, but I would love it even more if she would stop feeling so bad about herself and would see how sexy and beautiful the way she is right now.

    I feel selfish for wanting her to stay 350, I think she is so freaking sexy the way she is now and I wish she could see what I see, but I promise myself I will support her no matter what. Is there any way I can get her to see the beauty in her current body state?

    Like should I confess to her I have a fat fetish? (I've been scared of telling her this, with fear of her thinking I only love her for her body, but that's not true, I really love her for her the person on the inside, I just see her larger body as a bonus, not the main prize, her personality is the main prize to me)

    I really don't know what to do
     
  2. Jul 10, 2018 #2

    John Smith

    John Smith

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    Far from I the intent to sounds like a grossly opiniated jock, but I think that her self-image issues dwells someplace between her own issues from one part and a deep-seated defiance against you as a partner.

    I mean, you are a trainer! Saying that your wife rather prefer to pass through a surgical process risking to not only jeopardize the fewer set of possibilites she have to found a family but also your couple, it's like hearing about a climber with social anxiety issues preffering to jump out of the cliff, get impaled by any nearby tree around or devoured by a bear instead asking at least help for his/her teammate.
     
  3. Jul 11, 2018 #3

    DragonFly

    DragonFly

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    The idea of categorizing your like for her ample body as a “fat fetish” might have a really negative impact on the situation. It makes me wonder if you feel it is not normal for you or that you feel it is a fetish as opposed to just how you are wired. If I were only to like dark haired men, I can’t see how that would be called a fetish. Your love of fat women could be your preference, just what feels good to you. Unfortunately the term fetish comes with a lot of societal baggage.

    You as a bodybuilder and trainer focus and earn your living by maximizing the appearance of the body, basically anti-adipose tissue, pro muscled physique. Your fat girlfriend is the opposite of that. I can see how she could be confused.

    She might need to focus on learning to accept herself. I know from my personal journey it isn’t easy learning to accept how different I am from societies norms, and it takes even more effort to continue to accept myself and to learn to be comfortable in the body I have.

    Luckily there are a good number of body positive bloggers, plus size advocates, and a nice movement of women in your girlfriends size range that are all over social media. Try searching #plussize #fatlife #bbw #bodypositive and other terms on IG. There are even subscription clothes serves that curate hot and trendy styles for us fatties.

    Maybe helping her feel not so alone in her size and life will help.
     
  4. Jul 11, 2018 #4

    LifelongFA

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    I am a recovering former athlete myself. While probably not a mainstream view, I do think there can be something amazing in the contrasts between an athletic body and a plush one.

    I do think it is important that she connects with others as DragonFly suggests, as I can tell you from personal experience it is impossible to be anyone's sole supporter and fan club. I also agree that word fetish is a loaded one. For me, it suggests a phase or a curiosity vs. a lasting preference.

    Just a few tips from someone who has been there.
     
  5. Jul 11, 2018 #5

    Dr. Feelgood

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    It sounds to me as if you're doing everything right: you're honest about how you feel, you realize it's her decision, and you're there for her no matter what she decides to do. You need to keep in mind that people have been telling her for years that she'd be so pretty if she'd just lose weight, and she has read in newspapers and magazines (which take beaucoup advertising from the weight loss industry) that people who get thin get everything they've ever wanted, and that life is all puppies and rainbows after that. Drops of water wear away stone, you know? Just keep doing what you're doing: you can be a drop of water, too.
     
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  6. Jul 11, 2018 #6

    fattylover69

    fattylover69

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    Your all very right, it is not a fetish to me, it really is how I'm wired, I've been attracted to big women since I was a child, Idk why I even used the word fetish, my apologies
     
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  7. Jul 11, 2018 #7

    Tad

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    Knowing you love her body is seldom enough to make someone happy with their body. There are so many other factors.

    This is 200% guaranteed NOT to be a magic solution, but I highly recommend asking what can seem like a stupid question "what is bugging you most about being the size you are?". Listen, empathize, do NOT argue, explain away, or try to fix. You might be surprised by the things that really get to her most.

    After that you can be more sensitive about those particular points, maybe try to help with them, whisper encouragement, or quietly ask " You've got that look on -- shoe envy acting up?" (No judgement, no laughing, just letting her know that it is totally fine if for example, some days what drives her crazy is inability to find cute little shoes that fit her chubby feet comfortably, and that she can vent to you.)

    None of that is going to fundamentally change her life. But it may help her focus on the things that matter most to her -- that might still be "losing weight" but it might also be " getting some respect from my parents, not having thin girls hitting on you because they assume they can take you away from the fattie, and being able to dance a lot at our wedding without pain, fear of straining my ankle, or wearing ugly fat girl shoes."
     
  8. Jul 16, 2018 #8

    BigElectricKat

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    I think that you are on the right track, loving her for the person she is on the inside and not because of her body type. I agree: her personality, her heart, and her mind are the main prize and what she's working with (body type) is the icing on the cake. I also think that your supporting her no matter what direction she wishes to go is paramount. The main thing is that you make her feel loved and accepted at every turn.
     
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  9. Jul 30, 2018 #9

    Lastminute.Tom

    Lastminute.Tom

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    I think you should try and think how you would feel roles reversed, if you were the plush Bhm and she the trainer ffa.

    Would you be ok staying fat for her desires?
    Would she need to tell you her fetish? would you just think she was with you for your personality?
    How would you feel about being the fattest person in the relationship?
    If you were fat would you feel unattractive? How could she show you how she sees you?
    If you were the one to carry the child but you had to be fat to do it, would you be ok with that?
    If you weren't would you be ok adopting a child?

    I think you should try and spend some time looking at things from her point of view to give yourself a better grasp on the situation.

    It's not going to be easy, maybe watch dietland together for some inspiration, it should start some difficult but worthwhile conversations and hopefully help you gain some more perspective.
     
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