Borderline Personality Disorder?

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largenlovely

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Has anyone been diagnosed with this? Apparently it's a doozy of a disorder to have and lucky me has it :-/ I've never been formally diagnosed with anything until recently and they gave me a laundry list of shit wrong with me. Borderline Personality Disorder, Binge Eating Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder and PTSD.

Boy, I sound like a barrel of fun huh lol

I suffered some fairly severe abuse growing up and such along with a few other traumas that contributed to it all. I began working on the issues as much as possible from a young age and have a decent amount of them under control. That's relatively speaking though lol. I've started seeing a therapist and we're going to start on DBT therapy, which I read has a pretty high success rate with borderlines. That was pretty encouraging. They also added Lexapro to my pills and it has been working tremendously well for me. Woohoooooo lol. Anyway, just wanted to know if anyone else was suffering with this disorder? There's a lot of stigma attached to it and it seems that a lot of people don't want to own up to it. I can understand why...but figured maybe I could start a thread :)
 

Rowan

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I have been diagnosed with this as well. I am actually going to ask for a definition of it at my next appointment with the psychiatrist because I have yet to find a real set description of what it is supposed to be. Id like to be able to describe to someone what is wrong with me when asked..know what I mean? lol
 

largenlovely

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I have been diagnosed with this as well. I am actually going to ask for a definition of it at my next appointment with the psychiatrist because I have yet to find a real set description of what it is supposed to be. Id like to be able to describe to someone what is wrong with me when asked..know what I mean? lol
I think from the way I understand it that there are up to like 256 different variations of the disorder. Which is fucked up...it's hard to define.

I'm not a cutter but I used to have a lot of suicidal tendencies before anti depressants. But some people cut and self harm..others don't . Eating disorders usually go along with it. I guess it's an all purpose diagnosis lol
 

largenlovely

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But I've been watching some youtube videos on it tonight and I can relate to quite a bit of it
 

Rowan

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See...now I am a cutter. I stopped doing it for a long time thankfully, but did scratch a few times in recent months, but working hard on going back to not doing it, because my pain management doctor for my arthritis kind of implied that if i don't cut it out, he wont treat me for my arthritis....and my morphine means more to me than my cutting. SO of course im cutting (no pun intended) the cutting out har har.
 

Rowan

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Wikipedia does a pretty good summary of it actually:

Other symptoms of BPD include impulsive behavior, intense and unstable interpersonal relationships, unstable self-image, feelings of abandonment and an unstable sense of self. An unstable sense of self can lead to periods of dissociation.[1] Borderline individuals often engage in idealization and devaluation of others, alternating between high positive regard and heavy disappointment or dislike. This behavior reflects a black-and-white thinking style, as well as the intensity with which borderline individuals feel emotions. Self-harm and suicidal behavior are common and may require inpatient psychiatric care.[2]
 

largenlovely

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I've taught myself how to manage a lot of it over the years but there are some things I'm still having a difficult time with. It's frustrating

I have learned to control angry outbursts with people I love and care about and my close friends and most of my family but I haven't been able to figure out how to control my anger if a stranger becomes aggressive with me. I would say this is one of my biggest problems

The meds have helped with my dissociation because I was doing that quite a bit too. I was zoning out ALL the time. My memory was really bad because of it. The depression was pretty severe too for a long while.

And panic attacks..those haven't been fun but the meds have gotten rid of them thank God
 

largenlovely

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And my binge eating is outta control but there will never be any fixing that lol

My therapist wants to work on it. I told her she was welcome to try but that I didn't foresee it doing any good. Even she said it would never go away but that she would help me manage it better.

I like binge eating *shrug* it's comfortable, I'm used to it...I don't see how you can get help for something ya don't want help with lol
 

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Well, I know some people who suffer from stuff like this. Cognitive Behavior Therapy is one thing that can really seem to help. But I am not a Doctor. But that can seem to help some people. There are other forms of Therapy, of course, it is just best to find the one that is right for you. Another thing is "Self Talk", that's where when a bad thought comes up, in your head you sort of talk to yourself and give yourself positive thoughts to beat down the bad thought. That is sort of why it is called: "Self Talk". Of course, they do have all the pills and stuff. But I believe in Therapy. Having someone you can trust to talk to is good. Not being Anti Social is good. That doesn't mean you talk to everyone about your problems. Just the friends you can really trust. Sometimes it helps to get out of the house or apartment too. You can get "Stir Crazy", and "Cabin Fever". Just going for a walk and spending some time out of the inside can really help you and your day go better.

Later.
 

dharmabean

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Heh. I've only been diagnosed with situational depression. But, in research of my own, reading and three years of counseling.. I've always wondered if I had Borderline Personality Disorder.
 

danbsc29630

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Probably Schizoid personality disorder. Never saw the need to get diagnosed. I have a grasp on reality so that is a plus.
 

largenlovely

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I'm reading a pretty interesting book. It's called, "Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery From Borderline Personality Disorder" by Rachel Reiland. It's funny because when she sets up a scenario, I'm thinking of how I would react and more than a few times she would wind up doing exactly what I was thinking lol

Although I've trained myself over the years to react slower and not go with my first reaction. My first reaction has always been wrong..aaaaalways lol. There are times I will still do it on accident but I'm a lot better about it now than I used to be

I still have LOTS of problems with social interractions though lol...unless I drink, which I've been considering doing more of when I go out in public lol
 

CarlaSixx

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Get Me Out Of Here was a revelation in my life. It was perfectly me and it was the first time I ever felt truly emotionally and mentally part of the world. Like I was finally not fighting my own battle. I would recommend that book to anyone diagnosed with it or on the verge of the diagnosis. It meant SOSOSOSOSO much to me and I even bought my own copy that I re-read every now and again when I feel like crap and like no one understands me.
 

largenlovely

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I've been trying to find as much info as possible. I saw there's another book out there called "I hate you don't leave me" or something but when I was reading the synopsis for random BPD books out there, Get Me Out of Here was the one that caught my attention.

I totally understand what u mean though..I've always known something was wrong but nobody ever told me WHAT lol...so now that I got some names for some stuff I've been looking it all up. The BPD fits me perfectly as well. It has been surprising to find out stuff that other sufferers have said that sooooo applies to me too.
 

CarlaSixx

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Th book "I Hate You, Please Don't Leave Me" is also another veeeery good book. And for partners and parents, there's "stop Walking on Eggshells" which I had my mom read and it's been less tension between her and I since. It got her to understand BPD much better than just a few Internet pages or a short conversation. And gives partners and parents tips on how to properly talk to someone with BPD in many different life situations.
 

largenlovely

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I will probably get I Hate You Please Don't Leave Me next then since it's good

My mom is schizophrenic and I'm pretty positive she's BPD as well..and in full denial about both lol. There's no saving her but I might would get the other for my sister though. I think she has been pretty overwhelmed with the huge list of shit I rattled off when I found out all the stuff that's wrong with me.

I live with my gramma and now that I have official diagnosises with long names I think she's just praying I don't kill her in her sleep *eyeroll* God love her lol
 

largenlovely

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I am absolutely NOT liking my group therapist for DBT...and I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me either.

I don't think the group therapy is helping me at all really. It's just pointing out how socially defunct I am. I feel like my social awkwardness is just painfully obvious and like I'm not getting any information on what to actually DO about it. I guess I should give it more time but she really pissed me off a couple weeks ago with how she handled my situation when I ran into my most recent ex there. And I also think she might have made a dig at my weight. Though It was so watered down that if I said anything about it, she could easily deny it and I would just look like I was making a mountain out of a molehill.

I can't drop the group therapy because then they view it as me not trying and then they would cut my visits with my regular therapist back to once a month and I just love her and feel like we've been making lots of progress.

Anyway, just wanting to vent. I'm gonna discuss it with my regular therapist when I see her Friday but I got to go see this bitch group therapist in the morning :(

#notahappycamper
 

CarlaSixx

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I haven't been to group in around a month. Maybe more. It's been almost 3 years, and I've absolutely gotten NOTHING from it at all. But seeing as we have such an insane therapist shortage in my area, it's all I have. And if I don't go, my file gets closed with the hospital, and I go back to square one.
 
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