I have several close friends in my life that think I would be better off weighing at LEAST 100lbs less than I do now. They're probably right. But what is most upsetting to me, is the fact that whenever I mention WLS to them, (And I have...) They quickly nod their heads, and say I should have it done. It both shocks and saddens me. I feel that in a way they are nodding at themselves, believing that finally they would feel accepted for being able to accept me at a much lesser weight.
It's probably not true, but that's how I feel.
So, I've been running with the idea for over a year and a half now... but I still haven't budged.
I suppose, it's difficult to (No pun intended...) Weigh the odds.
#1. DEATH.
Yes, Death. That's it, shows over... I'm dead.
Who knows? On the table... or
In recovery... or
An hour later
or a month later
or... a year later
They still don't know enough about how to deal with this "Quick Fix" surgery.
And they'll never know, because our bodies react differently to being put through such hell. And... obviously it's also the experience of the Surgeons... who consider these surgeries a dime a dozen, EVEN though their patients are all different sizes, and I wonder how they determine the mix.
I mean, do they even take under consideration body shape? It must have a lot to do with WLS, to me... anyway. How we've carried our weight... How we each Lose & Gain weight in unique areas?
And they're making most Larger patients lose a bulk amount of weight before they can have the surgeries... is this dramatic loss really healthy?
And what about the Smallish patients who want to have WLS and are turned away because they don't weigh ENOUGH? These same people, (And there are stories...) Gain weight just to have the surgery???
And, if we Do die on that ice steel table, I can see them shrug...
How morose, but really... they aren't really on our cheering side, are they?
Have we ever truly earned the respect and dignity from our Doctor's while wearing our proverbial "Fat Suits"?
It's very sad.
That's where my WLS dream ends. I'm dead on the table, and they half-expected it.
I have another dream, of being lighter... of feeling healthier... and hell yes, all of those asses (who could never accept me) come running. I'm wearing some attractive piece of clothing that doesn't exist in BBWdom. Hell, I'm even running... with my little thighs, and my cute tummy and nothing jiggles but my hair (Wow, I don't have big boobs in this dream!)
*poof* Even with WLS that's not going to happen. The only thing missing is the small butt roller coaster and Bikini water sliding.
Yeah, it sucks always being the fattest person everywhere I go.
But I like being me.
It's hell not being my Mother's best friend,
But thick or thin, that wasn't going to happen anyway.
I'm as humble as I get. (Almost-Double-chin) and all.
And even if I do ever get WLS, I'll never be thin, not even close.
It's my sole decision.
It's my soul decision.
All I can say, is that Today I say no.
Today I'm not going to be the victim of anyone's shrugging shoulders.
Last year I sat directly next to a woman at the NAAFA convention.
She had WLS a month or so later, and she's no longer here.
There are no words to that feeling.
I strongly feel, however... I would support anyone with their own decision.
Period.
~Allie
(And what's really strange, even though I'm very aware of my mortality... the thought of WLS, I still find myself considering it...)
It's probably not true, but that's how I feel.
So, I've been running with the idea for over a year and a half now... but I still haven't budged.
I suppose, it's difficult to (No pun intended...) Weigh the odds.
#1. DEATH.
Yes, Death. That's it, shows over... I'm dead.
Who knows? On the table... or
In recovery... or
An hour later
or a month later
or... a year later
They still don't know enough about how to deal with this "Quick Fix" surgery.
And they'll never know, because our bodies react differently to being put through such hell. And... obviously it's also the experience of the Surgeons... who consider these surgeries a dime a dozen, EVEN though their patients are all different sizes, and I wonder how they determine the mix.
I mean, do they even take under consideration body shape? It must have a lot to do with WLS, to me... anyway. How we've carried our weight... How we each Lose & Gain weight in unique areas?
And they're making most Larger patients lose a bulk amount of weight before they can have the surgeries... is this dramatic loss really healthy?
And what about the Smallish patients who want to have WLS and are turned away because they don't weigh ENOUGH? These same people, (And there are stories...) Gain weight just to have the surgery???
And, if we Do die on that ice steel table, I can see them shrug...
How morose, but really... they aren't really on our cheering side, are they?
Have we ever truly earned the respect and dignity from our Doctor's while wearing our proverbial "Fat Suits"?
It's very sad.
That's where my WLS dream ends. I'm dead on the table, and they half-expected it.
I have another dream, of being lighter... of feeling healthier... and hell yes, all of those asses (who could never accept me) come running. I'm wearing some attractive piece of clothing that doesn't exist in BBWdom. Hell, I'm even running... with my little thighs, and my cute tummy and nothing jiggles but my hair (Wow, I don't have big boobs in this dream!)
*poof* Even with WLS that's not going to happen. The only thing missing is the small butt roller coaster and Bikini water sliding.
Yeah, it sucks always being the fattest person everywhere I go.
But I like being me.
It's hell not being my Mother's best friend,
But thick or thin, that wasn't going to happen anyway.
I'm as humble as I get. (Almost-Double-chin) and all.
And even if I do ever get WLS, I'll never be thin, not even close.
It's my sole decision.
It's my soul decision.
All I can say, is that Today I say no.
Today I'm not going to be the victim of anyone's shrugging shoulders.
Last year I sat directly next to a woman at the NAAFA convention.
She had WLS a month or so later, and she's no longer here.
There are no words to that feeling.
I strongly feel, however... I would support anyone with their own decision.
Period.
~Allie
(And what's really strange, even though I'm very aware of my mortality... the thought of WLS, I still find myself considering it...)
