Couple Things

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DM Supporter
Nov 2, 2019
Germany, EDDV
As I am personally faced with some "unconventional" acting in my private life I am curious: what do you consider as "essential behavior" in a relationship.

Things in everyday life, same as general action or way of living.

For me one would be that a partner is not feeling uncomfortable to be seen with the other.
Another would be sharing a similar kind of humor or finding a balance between time spent together and on their own.

Let me know what else I might be missing... ;)

bonus round: essential behaviour in a relationship & having children

op user

Well-Known Member
Aug 15, 2006
Several year back I gave an aviation analogy regarding wedding - I am not going to bother you with the full text here but if you are at an airport and want to return home to see her/him yes it is worth being married to.

The full aviation text is a bit scary for nervous flyer.


Well-Known Member
Apr 24, 2007
Clarksville TN
Well in my world it is someone who accepts you as you are and is no more proud to be seen on the street with you than they are to be seen alone. If other object it is maybe because they just have no idea.


Active Member
Dec 30, 2019
Los Angeles, California
Having had a few LTRs with very long periods of being single, here are my must haves.
Making one on one time for the other person, no matter how busy you are with work and life.
Doing something that doesn't interest you, but they enjoy and want to share with you.
Notice and appreciate the "little things" that could be taken for granted. Like warming your car up on a cold morning.
Keep family drama out of your relationship.
Make a clean break from exes, though it is okay to be cordial if they are friendly/responsible or you share kids.
When in public, give your partner 💯 of your attention.
Don't sleep in layers of obstacles.


Dimensions' loiterer
Sep 29, 2005
The great white north, eh?
This is rather off the cuff, rather than anything I've thought through explicitly before (especially the parenting part)

In a relationship,
-making sure that the other is always near the top of your priority list (they can't always be #1 because life is complicated, but #1 some of the time and near the top the rest of the time)
- likewise that the relationship itself is near the top of your priority list
- respect your partner, always. Even when you are angry or tired or disappointed or even just not liking them very much at the moment (it happens sometimes -- life is long, relationships are complicated), you treat them with honest respect.
- but don't lose sight of respecting and caring for yourself, too.
- communicate regularly, not least because your intentions in all of the above might be out of alignment with what your partner needs.
- affirm that you want to be in the relationship, in many and varied way, on a regular basis.
- find ways to provide negative feedback in a positive way.

Parenting addendum:
- You have collectively been entrusted with about the most important thing any of us will ever undertake, the care and shaping of a new life. In an over-arching way, this is now your priority. That doesn't mean you can't have personal goals and achievements and pleasures and the like (fulfilled parents are good things!), just that everything needs to now take into account the child.
- There is the child/children, there is the family, there is your relationship with your partner and with each child, and there is each person as an individual. They all take consideration. It gets to be too much to focus on all of them all of the time, but each parent needs to try to sometimes put each of those up their priority list, and part of that is paying attention to notice when one of those things is not doing well.
- Related to the above, with children, you won't be your partner's priority nearly as often. That is life as a parent. But it is OK to indicate when you need a little bit more focus on you.
- Children are the responsibility of both parents (or all, in more complicated families). One may be more involved in the day-to-day care, for whatever reasons, but the other(s) then need to think about how the add to each child's life (with the focus on the child, and your relationship on the child, not in an attention-seeking, 'look what a wonderful thing I did' sort of way)
- Respect needs to be extended to include your partner's relationship with each child
- Communication needs to be extended in various ways, so that you can be aligned on how you are bringing up the child. One parent using 'logical consequences' and one using more traditional punishment will just confuse the child, for example.

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