Dating only FAs

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LoveBHMS

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I can put it this way.

I don't like all fat guys.
I don't like only fat guys.

I do like the way many fat guys look. My head does turn when I see a man that looks a certain way, including having chubby hands (one of my favorite body parts on a BHM for some reason) and a round gut. However, the looks are only the intial pull, the personality/common interests/chemistry/sense of humor have to seal the deal.

When you're with a BHM who likes being big, you can enjoy him more. You can express your appreciation over his tummy or love handles or back fat. If you're with a guy that doesn't like being heavy, you can't really do that both because he doesn't like it and because he'll never believe without exhaustive efforts on your part to convince him you do like it. There is a world of difference in the amount of fun you'll have with a man that embraces his size and a man that doesn't. I had an ex who didn't enjoy being heavy, which didn't allow me to fully enjoy his body the way I would have liked. I have had the privilege of being intimate with one or two BHM's who knew I was an FFA and let me go crazy over the entirity of their bodies. On the other hand, I made sure they knew it was them as MEN, not just "big men" that I was interested in.
 

NFA

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Carrie said:
Actually, it's not nonsense. I've been with both, and for me, it *is* more fulfilling to be with a FA. I think Tina was trying to say to each her own, it's a personal decision based on personal experience and nothing is "nonsense".

Can't rep you again yet, but if anything warrented a rep this would be it. As an FA, this is absolutely encouraging and wonderful to hear.
 

Butterbelly

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I, too, have been with both non-FAs and FAs. I prefer to be with a FA. There is something about the way a FA looks at me, and touches me that a non-FA could never really understand. Granted, I've dated some non-FAs who thought I was gorgeous, but not in the same way a FA does.
 

CurvaceousBBWLover

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I would strongly prefer to be with a woman who either enjoys being big or has accepted herself as a big person. There are a lot of women who are unhappy with their size and it can make it difficult to enjoy a relationship, especially the physical part.
 

CuteyChubb

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CurvaceousBBWLover said:
I would strongly prefer to be with a woman who either enjoys being big or has accepted herself as a big person. There are a lot of women who are unhappy with their size and it can make it difficult to enjoy a relationship, especially the physical part.

Speaking as a BBW who recently began accepting herself, I believe if you are with a woman who has not accepted herself yet, you can help change her. It may be as simple as letting her know that you feel she is beautiful and enjoy her body. That alone could help her see herself through your eyes.
 

Carrie

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CuteyChubb said:
Speaking as a BBW who recently began accepting herself, I believe if you are with a woman who has not accepted herself yet, you can help change her. It may be as simple as letting her know that you feel she is beautiful and enjoy her body. That alone could help her see herself through your eyes.

I think this dips into very dangerous territory. I've heard countless FAs mourn the loss of a relationship due to a partner's low self-esteem, and/or inability to accept and love her body and herself because of her fat. "I told her she was beautiful all the time....why couldn't she believe me?" "I thought I could help her to feel better about herself, but I failed..." We hear things like that, and the truth is, you can't change somebody's mind about him/herself. You just can't. The work has to be done internally, by the person in question.

So while a few well-placed compliments and appreciative glances may help a person along in that journey, there's a big difference between that and actually thinking you can build another person's self-esteem. Let's say, just for argument's sake, that Jane, a fat woman, and Joe, a FA, get together. Jane hates her body and has low self-esteem because of her fat. Joe tries to make her see how beautiful she is in his eyes, through his words and actions. Jane finally starts to feel good about herself, because she believes that Joe thinks she is beautiful. Joe thinks she is attractive, and worthwhile; therefore, Jane feels attractive, and worthwhile.

What happens when they break up? The one person she believed found her beautiful is now gone. How does Jane feel about herself now?

Jane needs to believe that she is beautiful and worthwhile, with or without a FA partner. And that's work Jane has to do for herself, and by herself - it cannot be done for her, no matter how good the intentions of her partner might be. Jane has to walk the walk herself.

Cutey, I'm not trying to pick apart what you said, because I *do* think that an appreciative FA might be able to help a woman see beauty in herself. Might. But he can't MAKE her truly believe that she's beautiful and worthwhile, and it's tiring and sad to read posts by FAs reeling in bewilderment because they couldn't convince their insecure girlfriends that they're beautiful.

Plenty of already confident, comfortable, beautiful fat women out there, guys.
 

CuteyChubb

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Carrie said:
What happens when they break up? The one person she believed found her beautiful is now gone. How does Jane feel about herself now?

Plenty of already confident, comfortable, beautiful fat women out there, guys.

You are right on the break up point Carrie. My comments were from my own personal experiences. A FA helped me see the beauty in me. The loss of the relationship did make me question my self acceptance for a couple of days BUT I am back on track. I just think a FA shouldn't just bypass a woman who isn't quite there yet in her journey because there are plenty of women out there who have already arrived. If that would have happenned to me (being bypassed) then I wouldn't be where I am today. :)
 

moonvine

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CuteyChubb said:
You are right on the break up point Carrie. My comments were from my own personal experiences. A FA helped me see the beauty in me. The loss of the relationship did make me question my self acceptance for a couple of days BUT I am back on track. I just think a FA shouldn't just bypass a woman who isn't quite there yet in her journey because there are plenty of women out there who have already arrived. If that would have happenned to me (being bypassed) then I wouldn't be where I am today. :)

I'm glad you had a good experience, CuteyChubb. However, I think a lot (maybe not all) men are like me in this regard.

I don't date men who don't have some reasonable level of self-esteem (and what I really go for is self-confidence on a level that borders on arrogance, though I'm aware that really isn't good for me, I can't help it that it makes me weak-kneed any more than an FA can help what he likes).

Everyone has some bad days, and some days where they don't feel good about themselves, and I'm not looking for perfection, but I used to be a therapist and I'm not going to be one in my relationship.

I don't think that women should look for men who are going to fix them either. We all get to take responsibility for fixing themselves, along with some professional help when needed.

Just my opinion.
 

NFA

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I spent my youth trying to get young women to see the beauty I saw in them. Once I got into a relationship with a BBW who accepted herself, it was a revelation. I really wasn't aware that this option existed and now in sight, I could never look away. I can't spend my life trying to fix other people. Its not fair to myself, or to them. Dating a person as a fixer-up project is a very dangerous proposition. Given the choice between a self-accepting BBW and a potentially self-accepting BBW, well, I don't think its even a choice. I'd love to know that I could change a person's attitude towards themselves, but I can't. Ultimately, its something they need to decide to make a change about. And I would rather spare myself and the hypothetical BBW the heartache if she is never able to come to that place.
 

Jane

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Carrie said:
I think this dips into very dangerous territory. I've heard countless FAs mourn the loss of a relationship due to a partner's low self-esteem, and/or inability to accept and love her body and herself because of her fat. "I told her she was beautiful all the time....why couldn't she believe me?" "I thought I could help her to feel better about herself, but I failed..." We hear things like that, and the truth is, you can't change somebody's mind about him/herself. You just can't. The work has to be done internally, by the person in question.

So while a few well-placed compliments and appreciative glances may help a person along in that journey, there's a big difference between that and actually thinking you can build another person's self-esteem. Let's say, just for argument's sake, that Jane, a fat woman, and Joe, a FA, get together. Jane hates her body and has low self-esteem because of her fat. Joe tries to make her see how beautiful she is in his eyes, through his words and actions. Jane finally starts to feel good about herself, because she believes that Joe thinks she is beautiful. Joe thinks she is attractive, and worthwhile; therefore, Jane feels attractive, and worthwhile.

What happens when they break up? The one person she believed found her beautiful is now gone. How does Jane feel about herself now?

Jane needs to believe that she is beautiful and worthwhile, with or without a FA partner. And that's work Jane has to do for herself, and by herself - it cannot be done for her, no matter how good the intentions of her partner might be. Jane has to walk the walk herself.

Cutey, I'm not trying to pick apart what you said, because I *do* think that an appreciative FA might be able to help a woman see beauty in herself. Might. But he can't MAKE her truly believe that she's beautiful and worthwhile, and it's tiring and sad to read posts by FAs reeling in bewilderment because they couldn't convince their insecure girlfriends that they're beautiful.

Plenty of already confident, comfortable, beautiful fat women out there, guys.
Personal, much????

ROFL...I agree completely. A guy can help get you there, but you've got to carry your own baggage.
 

furious styles

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LoveBHMS said:
I can put it this way.

I don't like all fat guys.
I don't like only fat guys.

I feel the same way about girls. I consider myself an FA in some respects, but mainly I just like the female body, all different kinds of shapes and sizes. No need to narrow your spectrum of interest, in my opinion. My fiance is 5'0 and weighs 120 lbs.
 

SexxyBBW69

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I was going to say some good things about an FA.. It was an FA who opened my eyes to how beautiful I am when I couldnt look at myself in the mirror & still being friends he has seen the difference in me & just how proud I am that I am not ashamed to say I am fat or showing off my belly & how sexxy I think I am now.. It is an FA who thinks its cute if I eat alot more then most non fat girls would.. Its an FA who wouldnt have a problem if I gained 20 lbs but look at me & think I am as sexxy as I was 20lbs lighter. It is the FA who will put his hand on my belly & even rub it & not be turned off by it. There are alot more things I can say but I think this will do...

Thank you :happy:
 

metalheadFA

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I was going to say some good things about an FA.. It was an FA who opened my eyes to how beautiful I am when I couldnt look at myself in the mirror & still being friends he has seen the difference in me & just how proud I am that I am not ashamed to say I am fat or showing off my belly & how sexxy I think I am now.. It is an FA who thinks its cute if I eat alot more then most non fat girls would.. Its an FA who wouldnt have a problem if I gained 20 lbs but look at me & think I am as sexxy as I was 20lbs lighter. It is the FA who will put his hand on my belly & even rub it & not be turned off by it. There are alot more things I can say but I think this will do...

Thank you

Theres too few girls in this world with that attitude.

Not speaking for myself but from a bandmate who dated a very large girl a couple of years back after years of them being freinds he actually found it a real turn on to try and make her realise how beautiful she was and when she did some of the excitement left there relationship... they,ve since split but are still mates and shes gone on to do dominatrixing lol.
From my perspective I find it agonizing dating girls who dont find themselves in the least bit attractive as it almost feels like they're looking down at you for having such weird tastes its almost like they're using you as a scratching post for their insecurities or reason to get thinner. I hate having compliments shoved in my face as it feels almost embarrasing, the worst case being a girl who I was lying down in bed with and she got argumentative when I placed my hand on her (only little) belly. I consider my taste in women a big part of me as it something I can identify with from my early teens creeping downstairs to look at the BBW and SSBBW groups on the home computer (boy was my face red when my mom found that in the history :eek:). I find it amazingly troubling to be with girls who cant see their own beauty and I thuink as a labour of love life is too short!
 

BigCutieSasha

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I would rather only date FA's now that I have had the chance to be with one. At least being a girl who is comfortable with her body it made so many things so much easier. Eating as much as I wanted and not worring about what he was thinking. Shopping for clothes was fun with an FA. And I didn't feel self concious when being intimate. I liked being looked at as a girl he liked all around, inside and out. With non FA's I've dated they were "able to look past my weight" and like my personality only. So, I think I will be going for strickly FA's.
 
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GeorgeNL

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For us FAs this one delighting thread to read!

Butterbelly said:
I, too, have been with both non-FAs and FAs. I prefer to be with a FA. There is something about the way a FA looks at me, and touches me that a non-FA could never really understand. Granted, I've dated some non-FAs who thought I was gorgeous, but not in the same way a FA does.

This summarizes it all I think.
For the same reason, I think we FAs are not really suited for a thin woman, because that extra attraction we feel for a BBW isn't really there. While probably non FAs do feel that attraction for a thin woman.

In other words, we FAs are "made for bbw"
 

GeorgeNL

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SexxyBBW69 said:
I like this.. it should be in your signature :D

Yes, I should actually put that on my T-shirt, with of course an outline of the curvy shape of a bbw. But would the Dutch guess the meaning of BBW?

George
 

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