Dating only FAs

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Tad

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MisticalMisty said:
There are some women that are stating that they would NEVER date an FA because they don't want someone that will love their fat. There are those saying that they may date an FA but they prefer guys with no preference.

I'm just trying to understand why they wouldn't want to date someone who was totally and completely into them..

Heh, I'm trying to take a break from posting, but it is really hard when there are fascinating threads like this one. I'll at least try to keep it short.

I think it is normal to want your partner to be attracted to those things in you that you find attractive. Likewise, to have your partner turned on by those things about you that you find sensual.

If you like your tummy and want attention paid to it, of course you will want a partner who finds your tummy attractive and sexy.

On the other hand, if you don't like your tummy, and view as this alien parasite attached to your midriff (only slightly exagerating how some people seem to feel), then being with someone who finds it sexy is bound to be uncomfortable. Of course if you really don't find most of your body attractive, it then makes it very hard to be with someone who is really attracted to you. Which is one of the reasons that it is always good to be able to find oneself sexy as is.

I think this mis-match between what we value in ourselves and what our partner values in us is actually one of the most fraught areas in FA/big-folk relationships. Unfortunately it is a lot harder to determine than simply what a person looks like.

Regards;

-Ed
 

CuteyChubb

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Tina said:
Once, a several years after high school, guy I knew from high school said to me, "Tina, you are pretty Iif you lost weight, I would ask you out." Too bad I was so shy then. I basically said nothing. Today, I would have an answer for him that would leave him feeling as if he had just been slapped. Hard.


That reminds me of back in 5th grade. A boy I went to school with and lived nearby said to me, I like you and want to be your boyfriend, but not at school. Ok?"

Luckilly I did not like him so I was able to respond (at 10yrs old) "no thanks, I don't want a boyfriend."

He was a closet FA. I wonder if he's still in the closet? Toby? Are you out there?
 

Tina

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Tracyarts said:
What I can't wrap my mind around is the idea that unless your partner is a FA, they cannot truly/fully appreciate and enjoy your fat body and that you must be missing out on something.

Just working from years of experience. FAs are just more enthusiastic when it comes to a fat woman's body. That is how it has worked for me; YMMV.

CuteyChubb, hopefully he has found his way out by now. :D
 

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MisticalMisty said:
We discuss topics that effect us as fat people..

Take your own advice..don't like the thread..don't read and post in it.


I answered the question that was posed in the first post in this thread with my own perspective. I have just as much right to do that as you have to answer it with your perspective. Then, you jumped all over me because *you* didn't like my answer.
 

Wagimawr

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Apologies for the hijacking, Misty, but I must do this.

Rosie said:
I answered the question that was posed in the first post in this thread with my own perspective. I have just as much right to do that as you have to answer it with your perspective. Then, you jumped all over me because *you* didn't like my answer.
Bring interested in those who prefer things about you besides your body is fine. This? Not so much:
Rosie said:
I definitely do NOT want a guy fawning over my fat - ugh, the thought just makes me want to toss my cookies.
Why do you hate being fat?
 

Tracyarts

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Tina said:
Just working from years of experience. FAs are just more enthusiastic when it comes to a fat woman's body. That is how it has worked for me; YMMV.

And as all of our mileage may vary, In my years of experience, the only and I do mean *ONLY* extra "enthusiasm* I have experienced regarding my body from a so called F"A" has been of the icky, squicky fetishistic and dehumanizing kind that made me want to flee to the nearest shower to scrub myself raw from head to toe with scalding water and lysol.

Which is why I am so fortunate and happy to have been able to find likeminded lovers and partners and not to have had to settle for somebody who was not, ultimately, the best match for me.

Tracy
 

moonvine

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Wagimawr said:
Why do you hate being fat?

I don't think it is unusual to hate being fat. I think most fat people hate being fat.

What I wonder is why someone who hates being fat wants to post to a fat acceptance board to begin with.
 

Tina

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Tracyarts said:
And as all of our mileage may vary, In my years of experience, the only and I do mean *ONLY* extra "enthusiasm* I have experienced regarding my body from a so called F"A" has been of the icky, squicky fetishistic and dehumanizing kind that made me want to flee to the nearest shower to scrub myself raw from head to toe with scalding water and lysol.

Which is why I am so fortunate and happy to have been able to find likeminded lovers and partners and not to have had to settle for somebody who was not, ultimately, the best match for me.

Tracy

Given your experience then, I can see why you feel as you do. And you have your hubby now, and it seems like you have a very loving, good relationship, so I guess it all works out in the end, eh? :)
 

Wagimawr

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moonvine said:
I don't think it is unusual to hate being fat. I think most fat people hate being fat.
Not having total acceptance of one's body and/or weight is one thing.

Rosie seems to have not only no acceptance, but outright hatred.
moonvine said:
What I wonder is why someone who hates being fat wants to post to a fat acceptance board to begin with.
I was wondering the same thing.
 

Donna

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Quote:
Originally Posted by moonvine
What I wonder is why someone who hates being fat wants to post to a fat acceptance board to begin with.

I was wondering the same thing.

Perhaps in the process of trying to gain their own sense of acceptance?
 

moonvine

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Donnaalicious said:
Perhaps in the process of trying to gain their own sense of acceptance?


Perhaps, but she's often said she doesn't want to accept her fat. I would think that the first step down the road of fat acceptance would be wanting to accept your fat, BWDIK.
 

MisticalMisty

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Rosie said:
I answered the question that was posed in the first post in this thread with my own perspective. I have just as much right to do that as you have to answer it with your perspective. Then, you jumped all over me because *you* didn't like my answer.
You might go review the thread..because I didn't say anything to you until you posted about the same topics being covered. So get your facts straight sister.
 

MisticalMisty

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Tracyarts said:
What I can't wrap my mind around is the idea that unless your partner is a FA, they cannot truly/fully appreciate and enjoy your fat body and that you must be missing out on something.
I realize you had a creepy experience and I'm sorry about that.

In my experience and I think that of some of the other ladies, the experiences with an FA were totally and complete night and day compared to those of a non FA.

No one has the same experiences. We are all individuals. Those of us that are completely and totally for dating only FAs have experienced how amazing it is to have someone be totally and completely into your entire body. I'm sure there are some guys who can be totally into fat and not be an FA..but I know that the experiences I have had..the FAs were far more enjoyable..in and out of the bedroom.
 

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I guess I am wondering what happens when you find this "true" fa and you change. Maybe your knees give out and you are forced to drop a few pounds, or you get sick or whatever. Will this FA still be totally into you and your body? From your definition no, because he is only attracted to fat women.

How secure will you feel in a relationship knowing that if you change he will no longer will be attracted to you? Is that really love?

I met John at close to my heaviest. I have since lost a 100lbs and his affection for me has not changed, up or down the scale. He did not encourage me to lose weight but he did not discourage me because he knew it was what was best for my health. He let me decide what was best for me and did what he could in a quiet gentle way to help me regain my health. That to me is the definition of a true fa.

Brenda
 

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Brenda said:
I guess I am wondering what happens when you find this "true" fa and you change. Maybe your knees give out and you are forced to drop a few pounds, or you get sick or whatever. Will this FA still be totally into you and your body? From your definition no, because he is only attracted to fat women.

How secure will you feel in a relationship knowing that if you change he will no longer will be attracted to you? Is that really love?

I met John at close to my heaviest. I have since lost a 100lbs and his affection for me has not changed, up or down the scale. He did not encourage me to lose weight but he did not discourage me because he knew it was what was best for my health. He let me decide what was best for me and did what he could in a quiet gentle way to help me regain my health. That to me is the definition of a true fa.

Brenda

There's a gray area in what you wrote that I hope you could clarify. After you lost the above mentioned 100 pounds, are you still fat?

I ask because by your own words your true FA didn't leave you, so either he didn't leave because you're still fat OR you're no longer fat yet he's still there therefore how can you surmise that your SO is a 'true FA', as you're thin now and still together. See how as I'm reading this one side of the equation seems to cancel-out the other?

Thanks in advance for clarifying this point.

The other thought I have about this whole situation, (And no, Brenda, I'm not asking you this part of my post but addressing the population here in general.), vis-a-vis any type of relationship-oriented security is this:

With the high attrition rate of marriages, (Specificly here in the US as I've never seen figures for divorce rates in other countries.), which IIRC is somewhere just shy of 60%, where the hell does anyone get the confidence to think ANY relationship is secure? Fat, thin or otherwise?
 

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Ericthonius said:
There's a gray area in what you wrote that I hope you could clarify. After you lost the above mentioned 100 pounds, are you still fat?

I ask because by your own words your true FA didn't leave you, so either he didn't leave because you're still fat OR you're no longer fat yet he's still there therefore how can you surmise that your SO is a 'true FA', as you're thin now and still together. See how as I'm reading this one side of the equation seems to cancel-out the other?

Thanks in advance for clarifying this point.

The other thought I have about this whole situation, (And no, Brenda, I'm not asking you this part of my post but addressing the population here in general.), vis-a-vis any type of relationship-oriented security is this:

With the high attrition rate of marriages, (Specificly here in the US as I've never seen figures for divorce rates in other countries.), which IIRC is somewhere just shy of 60%, where the hell does anyone get the confidence to think ANY relationship is secure? Fat, thin or otherwise?

It isn't secure, if each person in the relationship doesn't make a daily decision that the person they are with is the one they want to be with. Sometimes, that decision isn't made by one or the other for a while, and things get sloppy, and apathy sets in, or you each start changing in opposing ways, and then down the road you look at each other and decide there isn't as much to stick around for as there once was. Heck, or the Fickle Finger of Fate could step in and your partner goes insane, thinks he's Jesus Christ and wants a divorce. Life is weird.

I found, through the dissolution of my previous relationship, that there is you, there is your partner, and then there is the two of you together: the relationship. It is a fragile, living, breathing entity, and it can die from abuse or neglect. Without that daily decision -- whether consciously, or by unconscious, loving impulse, it won't last.

Biggie would definitely fit the definition of a Fat Admirer, but he's also a Tina Admirer, just like John is a Brenda Admirer (I've seen them together in person, and they are great together). I have lost weight since we first met, and I think that, while I will hopefully never be 450 again, or above, I will always be fat and have no desire to be thin. I will also always be soft. These are pluses for pretty much any FA.

I think it can be easy to get caught up in trying to be the biggest, or the best, or the prettiest, etc. But, you know, there will always, without fail, be someone coming along who will be bigger, or prettier, or better at this or that. We're all responsible for who we are within our relationships -- for being loving as well as being loveable. What keeps us around (barring people who stay in relationships for reasons not having much to do with love), is the fact that we are looking through the eyes of love, and no one else is quite as lovely to us (even if a person might be more beautiful, or handsome, physically). And while they, and we, may glance at and admire another person, when the love is still there, the glance is fleeting -- kind of like people-watching. When that eyes of love thing ceases to happen, that is the death knell for the relationship.

Ultimately, we have confidence in love because our hearts say we should. Fools in love? God, yes, I hope so! Who the hell wants to be 'mature' and sedate about love, anyway? :D
 

Brenda

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I am still fat but I am still losing weight. I don't think I have the genetics to ever be thin nore was that the goal I am shooting for.

While I am certain John would prefer me fat, I am equally certain that if I did become thin that he would be as committed to me as he is today. I think it is because he puts me over my fat.

In the past I have been with men whom fat was a deal breaker, if I fell below a certain weight I knew it would be over. That to me ties in directly with your point about divorice rates and why I would never choose to be with someone like that today. Relationships are difficult and challenging enough without having to maintain some perfect physical image (whether that be perfectly thin or perfectly fat). What if my face wrinkles up will he still want me? What if I am in a car wreck and my face is scarrred?

We get old, we gain weight, we lose weight, simply we change. If a relatiosnhip can not embrace change it will fail.

Brenda
 

TheSadeianLinguist

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Rosie said:
I only date guys with no preference and who want me for WHO I am, not my body shape or size. I definitely do NOT want a guy fawning over my fat - ugh, the thought just makes me want to toss my cookies.

I guess I just find that fascinating. How do you think about sex? Is sex in general not important to you? Do you not have a physical preference?

Without being vulgar and lighting the raging fires of the Hounds of Conrad (tm) ;), don't you think your body is a very important part of you? It's the sensory vehicle through which you experience life. When you fantasize about sex, don't you think about being touched various places? Do you think about that with your current body being the object of affection, or do you see that through an ideal body?

There are things I dislike about my body, but when I think about sex, it doesn't make me ill. There are aspects of my body I can't imagine not being there. If they're there, and I'm enjoying sex, they're going to be admired. The only way to avoid having my body admired, ever, is to NEVER have sex and NEVER date. To me it just seems easier to risk body acceptance. I'm not slamming you. I'm just puzzled.
 

Rosie

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MisticalMisty said:
You might go review the thread..because I didn't say anything to you until you posted about the same topics being covered. So get your facts straight sister.

I am NOT your sister. And I was posting in reply to a post trashing me for saying the same thing over and over again. Perhaps YOU should review the thread.
 

NFA

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Rosie said:
I only date guys with no preference and who want me for WHO I am, not my body shape or size. I definitely do NOT want a guy fawning over my fat - ugh, the thought just makes me want to toss my cookies.

Feel free to lose the self-righteousness whenever you feel like it. What you are looking for isn't a man who will want you for WHO you are. You are looking for a man who will like what you want them to like and dislike what you want them to dislike. That's your right, but don't act as if you've got some moral high ground which you are championing. All you're doing is looking for a man who will NOT want all that you are. Just all that you want him to.
 

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