Dating only FAs

[Tracyarts]

Okay, I thought about it quite a bit, and think I can express what I want to say a little bit better regarding this subject.

What, in reality, am I missing by not being involved with a FA? I am hearing women say that FA's pay more attention to their bodies or pay more attention to the fat parts of their bodies.

Well, in all honesty, as long as I am not lacking in the body-attention department, what difference does it make? Also, none of my erogenous zones are in areas where I have heavy fat deposits. Somebody can "pay attention" to my belly or side pudge all day long and it won't do much of anything for me except wish that they were touching the places I *like* to be touched.

Which was my big problem with a FA lover. He paid constant attention to my belly, but that did nothing for me whatsoever. It is not one of my erogenous zones. It did everything for him, but for me it was not sexually pleasureable or even all that pleasureable in a tactile way.

For me, it is my back I like having touched. But since my back was not *fat*, and in fact since my back is very muscular and strong, he did not like to touch it, or did it halfheartedly with a lack of enthusiasm. He wanted to touch my belly to his never ending delight. But when I asked for a back massage, it was like asking him to touch toxic waste because *gasp* I was not _fat_ there and he did not like the feeling of muscle beneath his hands. He wanted a fat lover because he liked the way fat felt, not the way muscles felt.

And of course, he accused me of not enjoying the belly grope-fests because I "did not accept my fat" and if I "loved my fat" I would wind up in orgasmic bliss from having it pumped and kneaded and fondled and squeezed, etc...

But that is just the way my body is wired. Everybody has different erogenous zones. One man will hit the ceiling squealing with delight if you stick your tongue in his ear. Another will just cringe because it icks him out. Does it mean the second man has a hang up about hating his ear because he cannot take pleasure from having it "paid attention to"? No, just how he is wired. Does it mean he is missing out if he finds a lover who hates sticking tongues in peoples' ears? No, not in the least.

Which is why I cannot understand why having a FA lover would make any difference. If my belly, or any other part of my body where I retain a lot of fatty tissue was a major erogenous zone, it would be important that I have a partner who really enjoyed paying attention to it. But since it's not, I can't possibly see what I am missing out on.

Tracy

 

[moonvine]

I hate having my belly touched because I'm super ticklish. It isn't an erogenous zone for me. I know it is for some FA's, though, and when FAs whom I do not know try to walk up to me and touch my belly in public I feel every bit as violated as if they had grabbed my chest or my butt in public. It really skeeves me out. (Yet another in the very long list of why I cannot stand bashes).

 

[Tina]

Tracy, I think you have very good reasons to feel the way you do. Your experiences have taught you that FAs are not the best kind of partner for you, whereas for me, Misty, and some others, they are. I think that is what's great about this being a big, ol' world, with lots of differences, and that proverbial lid for every pot.

 

[Tracyarts]

Tina you are absolutely right.

And the only point I was trying to make is that it is total nonsense to believe that if you are a fat person, having a FA for a lover/partner is somehow better or more fulfilling than having a non FA for a lover/partner. And I have read some posts implying that it was.

Tracy

 

[Carrie]

Tina you are absolutely right.

And the only point I was trying to make is that it is total nonsense to believe that if you are a fat person, having a FA for a lover/partner is somehow better or more fulfilling than having a non FA for a lover/partner. And I have read some posts implying that it was.

Tracy

Actually, it's not nonsense. I've been with both, and for me, it *is* more fulfilling to be with a FA. I think Tina was trying to say to each her own, it's a personal decision based on personal experience and nothing is "nonsense".

 

[AnnMarie]

Actually, it's not nonsense. I've been with both, and for me, it *is* more fulfilling to be with a FA. I think Tina was trying to say to each her own, it's a personal decision based on personal experience and nothing is "nonsense".

Agreed....

 

[Tina]

I think Tina was trying to say to each her own, it's a personal decision based on personal experience and nothing is "nonsense".

Exactamundo, gorgeous.

 

[Santaclear]

Tracy, about that experience with the guy you were describing, chemistry aside, in ignoring your erogenous zones or going at them half-heartedly he was simply not being a good lover. Even though I've heard similar stories I wouldn't let that reflect on all FAs. Not all of us are bad lovers!

 

[MisticalMisty]

Tina you are absolutely right.

And the only point I was trying to make is that it is total nonsense to believe that if you are a fat person, having a FA for a lover/partner is somehow better or more fulfilling than having a non FA for a lover/partner. And I have read some posts implying that it was.

Tracy

No one is implying that. We are stating a fact that is true to us. You had a bad experience and it seems that the one bad apple spoils the bunch example applies to you. IT DOES NOT apply to all of us.

I find it offensive that you dismiss our thoughts and feeling as nonsense when none of us that choose to date only FAs have done that to anyone who said they would rather not date an FA. We've simply stated to each their own.

I am stating..for the record that IN MY EXPERIENCE being a fat woman and having an FA for a partner was BETTER and MORE FULLFILLING than having a non fa partner.

There..no implying needed.

 

[Tracyarts]

Here is an example of the kind of mindset that makes no sense to me since some of you seem to be confused and unable to process what I am trying to say.

" There are certain actions that an FA does that other guys do not. "

Such as? I mean, seriously, what kinds of actions?

Tracy

 

[Miss Vickie]

Actually, it's not nonsense. I've been with both, and for me, it *is* more fulfilling to be with a FA. I think Tina was trying to say to each her own, it's a personal decision based on personal experience and nothing is "nonsense".

I could be wrong, but I think the "nonsense" she was referring to is the idea that one HAS to date an FA in order to have a fulfilling, "better" (by whatever criteria you judge such things) relationship -- that somehow relationships with FA's are by definition better somehow, by dint of the fact they're relationship with FA's. And in that sense, I think she's right. I think relationships, just like the people in them, are unique. What makes a relationship good, in my mind, is mutual respect, love, friendship, commitment and humor. Being in a relationship with a FA no more means you're guaranteed that than a relationship with a fat woman would.

As Tina says, to each their own.

 

[MisticalMisty]

Here is an example of the kind of mindset that makes no sense to me since some of you seem to be confused and unable to process what I am trying to say.

" There are certain actions that an FA does that other guys do not. "

Such as? I mean, seriously, what kinds of actions?

Tracy

There are also practical matters that are important to me. I don't necessarily want to explain every nuance of why living in, travelling in, dining out in, and shopping in (amongst a whole host of other activities, in bed and out) this fat body is different from the way skinny Susie lives. He just knows, if he is either well-read enough, or experienced enough, the general run-down of what to plan for and what to do and not to do, as pertains to the requirements of properly dating a fat girl. He may not know it all, but he's got a darned good idea, and would never come to pick me up in an MG Midget without a crane, vaseline and a prybar.

I want a guy that will pay attention to every dimple, every curve, every roll, every crease of my body..my belly, my breasts, that roll of fat at the back of my neck..the new roll that's developing in my thigh. I want a guy that will devour every single inch and a non-FA *while some may* won't.

I want both. I want to fall in love with a true FA, whereas before I would have been content simply being in love with a (non-FA) man. What is the difference? The difference is taking a standard concept, i.e., love, and amping it up several notches. While a man who is not an FA could conceivably love his BBW partner and, by extension, her body, that is not the same as having an FA lover who would not only love that body but absolutely revel in it. I know that there are nuances to an FA's affections that go far beyond that of an ordinary male, and these nuances are peculiar to our subculture alone. And, although I have yet to experience what I'm talking about (same as with being in love), I know it exists. As long as I am fat, which I never envision being otherwise, and thus by default part of this subculture, I will never stop wanting the best that this particular life has to offer. Why should I?

We've given examples of the differences. Most FAs are already aware of the issues we fat girls face in trying to fit into a thin society. They understand the need to be seated at a table..they understand the importance of making sure the theater has love seats. They realize that I'm not going to be able to walk for a mile without several stops.

I'm not sure how much clearer we can make things. Am I saying that all FAs understand these things..no..am I saying that there aren't any non FAs who would be aware..no..

I am saying the word Most. Most fas already know this and most non FAs don't.

 

[Ericthonius]

...And the only point I was trying to make is that it is total nonsense to believe that if you are a fat person, having a FA for a lover/partner is somehow better or more fulfilling than having a non FA for a lover/partner. And I have read some posts implying that it was.
-Tracy

Tracy, I think you're looking through the wrong end of the microscope. Experiences may vary from one person to another but there's one concept I'd like you to think about, (Without you feeling that this... What I'm writing, is an accusation or being pushy), that anyone that by proof of the pudding being eating it, who makes you feel,' WONDERFUL', is de facto, an FA.

Niether side of the equation may be aware of it but by definition your S/O, as proved by your words written here, makes you feel like a very special human being that sees fireworks when the two of you are tyogether. That's the major criteria right there in deciding whether or no that someone IS, in fact, an FA. There's a legal term, in Latin of course to confuse us mere mortals, Res Ipse Loquator, The thing speaks for itself, as in there's no further explanation needed. It is what it is.

I'd put it to you, as a very lucky lady, that you've been with an FA for quite some time now and never connected the dots because for you it wasn't necessary in any, way, shape or form to do so. And I agree it really isn't necessary as no matter what you call it, that wet stuff falling out of the sky makes us all evenly wet.

Que sera, sera?

 

[ThatFatGirl]

I have to interject and share this comment someone made to me once in the chatroom... this guy said to me basically that if a guy was attracted to me (an ssbbw), he is whether he realizes it or not an FA. He may not be strictly an FA, but he is attracted to fat women and therefore an FA.

At the time I was dating a guy who had no idea about the term FA, he was attracted to women of all sizes and I argued with the guy in chat that my then-boyfriend was a Laura admirer, not a fat admirer.. I was kind of offended at the time by this guy's suggestion that his guy simply couldn't be attracted to *me*.

Years later (and involved with an FA who adores me), I think I'm better able to see his point... and wonder if there's some truth to what he said.

 

[moonvine]

Here is an example of the kind of mindset that makes no sense to me since some of you seem to be confused and unable to process what I am trying to say.

" There are certain actions that an FA does that other guys do not. "

Such as? I mean, seriously, what kinds of actions?

Tracy

I think if you go back further in the thread there are some actions stated, like finding out seating arrangements before he takes you somewhere, maybe accepting that there are some places he may need to not go or go by himself, maybe making sure they have a big car so you will fit in it? I don't get it either, but if people want to only date FAs, isn't that as valid a choice as anything else?

 

[ThatFatGirl]

Tracy, I think you're looking through the wrong end of the microscope. Experiences may vary from one person to another but there's one concept I'd like you to think about, (Without you feeling that this... What I'm writing, is an accusation or being pushy), that anyone that by proof of the pudding being eating it, who makes you feel,' WONDERFUL', is de facto, an FA.

Niether side of the equation may be aware of it but by definition your S/O, as proved by your words written here, makes you feel like a very special human being that sees fireworks when the two of you are tyogether. That's the major criteria right there in deciding whether or no that someone IS, in fact, an FA. There's a legal term, in Latin of course to confuse us mere mortals, Res Ipse Loquator, The thing speaks for itself, as in there's no further explanation needed. It is what it is.

I'd put it to you, as a very lucky lady, that you've been with an FA for quite some time now and never connected the dots because for you it wasn't necessary in any, way, shape or form to do so. And I agree it really isn't necessary as no matter what you call it, that wet stuff falling out of the sky makes us all evenly wet.

Que sera, sera?

Hmmm... a second vote for the Accidental FA. Interesting!

I can't get into the male psyche, so I can't say for sure, but this is what I've been wondering about too.

 

[Miss Vickie]

We've given examples of the differences. Most FAs are already aware of the issues we fat girls face in trying to fit into a thin society. They understand the need to be seated at a table..they understand the importance of making sure the theater has love seats. They realize that I'm not going to be able to walk for a mile without several stops.

I'm not sure how much clearer we can make things. Am I saying that all FAs understand these things..no..am I saying that there aren't any non FAs who would be aware..no..

I am saying the word Most. Most fas already know this and most non FAs don't.

This makes complete sense, Misty. You're right, those things are important. And every single one of them I've had -- and more! -- being married to Burtimus lo these many years. And he doesn't self identify as a FA, but has dated women of all sizes and shapes. As you say, I know you're not saying non FA's are unaware. But what I'm saying is that kindness and courtesy are wonderful things -- regardless of whether the guy is, specifically, attracted to fat.

 

[MisticalMisty]

But what I'm saying is that kindness and courtesy are wonderful things -- regardless of whether the guy is, specifically, attracted to fat.

I couldn't agree more.

What's bothered me the most about this thread are some of the AWFUL generalizations being made about FAs.

Granted..no matter if they like fat or skinny women..some men can be assholes, and over step the boundaries of decency and respect but not EVERY man is like that and not EVERY fa is some fetishist that only gets off on a woman's fat.

Some of you have had awful experiences with FAs..but not every FA is some horrible person. Every person is different and every couple have different experiences together. I think of it in the same ways as a couple that divorces and go on to live happily ever after with someone else. Together..they didnt work..but with someone else..they worked just fine.

Not every FA is going to click with every fat girl. A friend and I were talking about this last night. He said he may be attracted to a lot of different fat girls but it's her and her personality that keeps him hooked.

In that regard, FAs are no different than any other man or woman on the planet for that matter.

Back to the topic at hand. Each of us experience our world differently. My experiences as a four hundred pound woman are completely different than the next 400 pound woman.

Not every guy appreciates a fat girl and not every fat girl appreciates an FA. BUT..there are those of us that do..and want one.

It's not nonsense if we, as fat girls, want to date FAs and it's not nonsense if fat girls want to date guys who simply don't care. It is nonsense to say that one is better than the other. Tracy has had an awful experience with an FA..I've had nothing but great ones. Therefore our ideals are different and that's ok.

Good gravy

 

[Miss Vickie]

I couldn't agree more.

What's bothered me the most about this thread are some of the AWFUL generalizations being made about FAs.

I know. I hate generalizations, and so that's bothered me too, both with generalizations about FA's and even non-FA's. I think that's what got me involved in the thread -- the implication that I was picking up, whether intended or not, that FA's were somehow "better", just because of the fact that they dig fat chicks.

Some of you have had awful experiences with FAs..but not every FA is some horrible person. Every person is different and every couple have different experiences together.

Absolutely. Personally I've never dated an FA so for me it's all totally theoretical. I don't have strong feelings about it one way or the other. I think it's cool that there are guys who are attracted to fat women, and I think it's cool that there are guys for whom it's the insides that count more than the outsides (Burtimus falls into that category).

Good gravy

Is there any other kind but "good" gravy? :eat2:

 

[Tracyarts]

I'd put it to you, as a very lucky lady, that you've been with an FA for quite some time now and never connected the dots because for you it wasn't necessary in any, way, shape or form to do so. And I agree it really isn't necessary as no matter what you call it, that wet stuff falling out of the sky makes us all evenly wet. Que sera, sera?

I guess there is also an issue of semantics. I consider a "FA" to be a person who has an exclusive preference for a fat partner. Not necessarily a supersized partner, but a partner who is larger than what society says is the norm. And by being an exclusive preference, they do not deliberately seek out relationships with non-fat people. Not that it can't ever happen, but they express an exclusive preference for fat partners when seeking them out. I also define "FA" as somebody who appreciates the beauty of larger persons more than thin to average sized persons in media or just via peoplewatching.

And as my husband had dated women of all shapes, sizes, races, ages, etc... and will show appreciation for the beauty of very diverse women he sees, I really never thought of him as a "FA". I thought of him as being like me. Not having a body size preference or much other physical preference for that matter. Just liking what we like. And what we like tends to be pretty diverse.

Tracy