dating sites like eHarmony, Match, etc.?

Dimensions Magazine

Help Support Dimensions Magazine:

MasterShake

My Fist, Your Face!
Joined
Feb 4, 2007
Messages
680
Location
,
For the men here, got a question:

Have any of you used sites like these, if so, much luck? I've always been pessimistic about a bigger guy like me having much success with dating websites.

I just started eHarmony, but so far I'm not seeing anything to challenge my suspicion that the women who use eHarmony aren't the type to be interested in me.
 

Archangel_257

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 24, 2008
Messages
61
Location
,
For the men here, got a question:

Have any of you used sites like these, if so, much luck? I've always been pessimistic about a bigger guy like me having much success with dating websites.

I just started eHarmony, but so far I'm not seeing anything to challenge my suspicion that the women who use eHarmony aren't the type to be interested in me.
Dood I have used them all, Okcupid, plentyoffish, speeddate, eharmony, yahoo, you name it and now there will never be a place where you can get a date when people look at your picture. It's called prejudice... Sad but true...
 

MasterShake

My Fist, Your Face!
Joined
Feb 4, 2007
Messages
680
Location
,
It's not that I mind people obviously not being interested in me because I'm not attractive to them, it's that I wonder how likely it's going to be to actually find a girl who is into someone like me. :confused:
 
Joined
Apr 17, 2007
Messages
3,242
Location
,
It's not that I mind people obviously not being interested in me because I'm not attractive to them, it's that I wonder how likely it's going to be to actually find a girl who is into someone like me. :confused:

Reading your statement hurts my brain. I had to read it a couple of times to slightly understand. Its likely you will bump into her unexpectedly more than find because you have a list of specifics in mind. Just prepare yourself to catch her when she falls.

As for me, i never approached big guys because they never smiled at me, so i naturally stayed away. Big and unhappy or big and super horny is a scary combo to some ffa's. So we might just be watching from a distance to see if its good to be in your vicinty.
 

CherryRVA

Metalhead FFA
Joined
Jun 13, 2008
Messages
213
Location
,
As for me, i never approached big guys because they never smiled at me, so i naturally stayed away. Big and unhappy or big and super horny is a scary combo to some ffa's. So we might just be watching from a distance to see if its good to be in your vicinty.
I have found this to be so true over the years....I completely agree. The only 2 BHMs I have really been with (relationship-wise) and deeply cared about have been because I made the first move, not them.

As far as E-Harmony is concerned, my best friend is getting married to a guy off there. He is a smallish BHM and she's a size 4. She said she dug his personality and whatnot. She also said she thinks he's handsome. So maybe there is something to be said for using that site...
 

Ryōri

Built Like a Teddy Bear
Joined
Jul 23, 2007
Messages
108
Location
,
Oh, story time. I love story time.

When I was in high school I was a big guy, 275 lbs or so, and I did the one thing all big guys are really good at....being a wall, so I joined our football team. I ended up being a lineman and even made varsity. At that point I think I was like 300 lbs a lot of it muscle but I never worked on my "six pack" so I still had a nice gut....anyways, even with being on varsity football it was difficult to get a real date with someone that was generally into me.


I have tried plenty of fish, postings on craigslist, and so on and so forth. I have gotten a couple of good responses but by the third or forth message I will never hear from them again. I will tell you there are some women that want a guy that looks like one of those A&F models just to show him off and there are genuine people that want to get to know you. Just start talking with people, sure there will be plenty of floaters and dead ends but when you do find that someone it will be even nicer. Just don't give up no matter how bad it may seem, and if all else fails eHarmony has a 100% satisfaction thing. I wish you the best of luck my friend and god speed.
 

topher38

Old Warhorse
Joined
Jan 7, 2008
Messages
362
Location
,
I have found this to be so true over the years....I completely agree. The only 2 BHMs I have really been with (relationship-wise) and deeply cared about have been because I made the first move, not them.

As far as E-Harmony is concerned, my best friend is getting married to a guy off there. He is a smallish BHM and she's a size 4. She said she dug his personality and whatnot. She also said she thinks he's handsome. So maybe there is something to be said for using that site...
I did the E-Harmony thing one time and I was one of those 4%ers that they don't take guess I'm a sleestack
 

AZ_Wolf

Lupus Maximus
Joined
Oct 18, 2005
Messages
246
Location
,
I did the E-Harmony thing one time and I was one of those 4%ers that they don't take guess I'm a sleestack
Yep, me too. Not the greatest feeling when an online dating site says, "Nope, sorry, unlike everyone else, we can't guarantee we'll find anyone for you. Get a puppy."

I think I'm a perfectly funny and interesting person to hang out and chat with, and have pretty much all the qualities most women look for internally (and not too many of the bad ones they don't :p ), but on a dating site, it's generally all about superficialities. I haven't tried a wide range of them, but of those I have, I've only met anyone off Match.com. And that's been extremely few and far between. And those places are pretty expensive, so unless you have a lot of cash to burn, I wouldn't recommend them.

As for what you said, Chicken Legs, I would think that meeting a big guy online would be preferrable, then, since most of the concerns you mentioned are things that happen when you're face to face with someone you don't know. No need to keep away from a personal ad. It won't bite. ;)
 

MasterShake

My Fist, Your Face!
Joined
Feb 4, 2007
Messages
680
Location
,
As for me, i never approached big guys because they never smiled at me, so i naturally stayed away. Big and unhappy or big and super horny is a scary combo to some ffa's. So we might just be watching from a distance to see if its good to be in your vicinty.
I've experienced this, but I think it's because of my height (6'5"). I've occasionally had friends tell me that one of their friends was "intimidated" by my height, usually in crowded places like bars where you have to stand close just to barely hear each other.

And this is such a frustrating thing to find out. I try to understand, being tall and about 350ish, I know I'm maybe not built to the same scale as the rest of this world ;), but I don't feel like I go around looking angry or horny.

Admittedly I rarely make eye contact with women I randomly encounter in stores/on the street/etc., but I guess I've reached a point after enough comments where I just assume I'll look like a creep if I do.... :mad:
 

escapist

Belt Buster!
Joined
Jan 7, 2007
Messages
2,143
Location
,
It's not that I mind people obviously not being interested in me because I'm not attractive to them, it's that I wonder how likely it's going to be to actually find a girl who is into someone like me. :confused:
"into someone like me"? Something wrong with you? Bad Hygiene? No Personality? No Fun? What then?

I have some good questions here:
- How often are you around lots of women?
- How often are you actually comfortable in your own skin around women?
- How often are you just you AND having FUN in any social situation?
- How often do you just get out have fun and meet people? (as in don't worry if your finding someone or not, live in the moment)

If you can answer "ALL THE TIME!" or "A LOT!" my experience is there is no such thing as a lack of women into you; if you have one of those answers to those questions or something like it. Attraction has so little to do with how you look (as long as you can clean up well & smell good) and so much to do with how and who you feel you are!

Ask Chicken Legs, I'm not a small guy by any means, and I'm freaking HUGE (My scale max's out at 440 lbs), just going to dinner and a movie can be a challenge without the right seats. I am however almost always in fun mode! I do know I'm almost oblivious to my size even, and that probably makes it all the funnier. Just be you man, have fun, make friends, you never know maybe that friend knows just the right person for you and she is dying to tell her friend all about you!...or maybe she is secretly into you ;) :happy:

Here just for size comparison, I'm bending down and Chicken Legs is in heals!
 

olwen

Disco Bear
Joined
Feb 22, 2008
Messages
6,945
Location
,
"into someone like me"? Something wrong with you? Bad Hygiene? No Personality? No Fun? What then?

I have some good questions here:
- How often are you around lots of women?
- How often are you actually comfortable in your own skin around women?
- How often are you just you AND having FUN in any social situation?
- How often do you just get out have fun and meet people? (as in don't worry if your finding someone or not, live in the moment)

If you can answer "ALL THE TIME!" or "A LOT!" my experience is there is no such thing as a lack of women into you; if you have one of those answers to those questions or something like it. Attraction has so little to do with how you look (as long as you can clean up well & smell good) and so much to do with how and who you feel you are!

Ask Chicken Legs, I'm not a small guy by any means, and I'm freaking HUGE (My scale max's out at 440 lbs), just going to dinner and a movie can be a challenge without the right seats. I am however almost always in fun mode! I do know I'm almost oblivious to my size even, and that probably makes it all the funnier. Just be you man, have fun, make friends, you never know maybe that friend knows just the right person for you and she is dying to tell her friend all about you!...or maybe she is secretly into you ;) :happy:

Here just for size comparison, I'm bending down and Chicken Legs is in heals!
+infinity!
 

escapist

Belt Buster!
Joined
Jan 7, 2007
Messages
2,143
Location
,
I've experienced this, but I think it's because of my height (6'5"). I've occasionally had friends tell me that one of their friends was "intimidated" by my height, usually in crowded places like bars where you have to stand close just to barely hear each other.

And this is such a frustrating thing to find out. I try to understand, being tall and about 350ish, I know I'm maybe not built to the same scale as the rest of this world ;), but I don't feel like I go around looking angry or horny.

Admittedly I rarely make eye contact with women I randomly encounter in stores/on the street/etc., but I guess I've reached a point after enough comments where I just assume I'll look like a creep if I do.... :mad:
OK I have to Continue, I didn't read all the way though, I have to comment on this too.

Dude, I used to feel like that in High School, I was 6'1" 315 I felt like Frankenstein. I'm 6'3" 450 or so now, and I've been told plenty that I scare people at first glance. I discovered my first problem was "I needed people to like me" or I got sad.....I'm older now....SCREW THAT! LOL! If someone is afraid of me now I'll probably laugh, cause its funny as hell to me now. I've studied Mixed Martial Arts, and all sorts of stuff, but man if you can't see past all the scary stuff to find out how fun I am at my core oh well there loss not mine!

Lets go on eye contact for a minute....I recommend watching Star Wars like 500 More times! Learn Solo's Smile! A sly playful, almost...well no not almost a sly naughty playful smile works wonders. Next time a woman catches you looking at her, just let that smile rip, look her right in the eyes and see yourself just teasing her! Muahahahah. Trust me man, my friends have watched me do this and watched girls come right up to me when I do it! lol. You gotta learn how to tell what all the little signs mean, and you can't learn unless you try! If you give that look, she looks away, smiles, and starts playing with her hair, and straining her blouse, clothing whatever, dude your so in it isn't funny! However it is all up to you to learn the skills of where to take it from that point! HAVE FREAKING FUN! It doesn't' matter if she ends up as your girlfriend or a fun 10 minute conversation! ....cause at some point it will end up that way!

Learn martial arts if you can, see how all life applies to the principals. If your opponent perceives a threat, disarm that warning system by pretending to be weaponless. Learn to use things like body rocking (watch people in a rush who get stuck in a conversation, they do this) its a natural thing people do when they are not invested into a conversation, they start to walk away, and the other party pulls them back, and they start to share back and step back into the conversation for a minute....learn to give that impression that they caught you, not you caught them. Give false time constraints, "I can only stay for a second" while you sit down at the same time (Bullshit does baffle Brains)!

Want more? PM Me.

Good Luck Man :bow:
 

MasterShake

My Fist, Your Face!
Joined
Feb 4, 2007
Messages
680
Location
,
"into someone like me"? Something wrong with you? Bad Hygiene? No Personality? No Fun? What then?
No, I was simply referencing that with a dating site, looks are going to be one of the first things people use to filter each other, and not everyone is into a BHM.

I didn't really see that as being some sort of indictment against me.

As for your questions, since finishing grad school, I really don't have any female friends anymore. Where I work, the few women there are married. I have a lot of friends, but being nerds, most of them just don't seem to know many women.

So no, other than the couple friends who are married or dating, I really don't hang out with many women anymore, and almost never any single ones.

I will say that this thread isn't meant to be about my love life. I simply wanted to know if I was wasting my time and money trying out a dating site. So please leave any assumptions about me aside (don't mean to be rude), or at least move them to PM, please.
 
2
Top