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Deciding to gain. Again?

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shygirl

Member
Joined
Feb 27, 2008
Messages
23
Location
,
Hello everybody!

I guess I've been hanging around this place for a while now, though rarely post. It's an on-and-off thing for me, and I guess I go through phases.

But I'm at another one of life's crossroads and figured I'd ask if there have been people who've been in my shoes, and if they could offer any advice.

My history: I was a chunky kid, who turned into a chunky teenager, who turned into a chunky adult. I've accepted that I will always be fat to some degree. As a teenager, I was very self-concious about my weight thanks to a mother who insisted that I diet and get skinny. When I was 17 (and 205lbs), I went on a diet and got down to 179lbs, my lowest 'adult' weight. After becoming fed up (and even more self-concious about the comments about how much weight I'd lost), I gave up, and slowly the weight started to pile back on. Between my last year of high-school and my two years of college, I managed to gain just over 50lbs, to my all-time high of 232lbs (I'm 5'6"). I guess I was semi-actively gaining... I'd purposely go on binges, grabbing fast foods on my way home from work at 10pm at night, stuff with fattening foods before going to bed, and just not care. I loved getting softer and dreamed of getting a good flabby belly, despite the bulk of my weight accumulating in my hips and thighs. But then, about two years ago, I suddenly decided to start eating healthier, and the nature of my work required me to get a lot of walking in (and just generally more physical activity that I had been used to prior). I lost a bunch of weight, and found myself at 182lbs. I felt good and thought I looked good... But there was always that desire to just be fat.

Now, I've gone through a bit of a rough patch these past few months, and with my lack of wanting to leave the house and eating poorly again, I've gained almost 10lbs in about two months. It doesn't bother me, but I feel a bit of a different in my thighs and tummy. I like it, though I'm extremely conflicted.

Lately, I've been seriously fantasizing about gaining weight again big time, but there's that little voice in the back of my head telling me that I shouldn't because I put so much work into getting healthier. It would be for myself - I've got no significant other - but I can already hear the criticism from my mother and comments from people once I start putting on weight again. I should add that I'm active in my community and spend a bit of time in the public eye around town for various things. I've never been able to handle comments (good or bad) about myself when they're directed towards my physical appearance.

It's just an idea I'm struggling with. I don't have a goal set in mind per se, but maybe slowly creep back up to 200lbs and take it from there. I did have a previous goal of 23olbs (and I made it!), but I think the highest I'd ever let myself get to would be 250lbs.

What do you guys think? Has anybody ever gained and lost and wanted to gain again? What did you do?

Thanks. :happy:
 

Tad

Dimensions' loiterer
Joined
Sep 29, 2005
Messages
13,299
Location
The great white north, eh?
Just a couple of quick comments (sorry for the short response to the long post!)

1) Gaining weight doesn't have to mean giving up what you've done to be healthy. You can keep active, and keep eating healthy foods.....just more of them :) (OK, if part of the fantasy, for you, is being less active and eating more junk food, that would change things)

2) I've not had such big swings as you, but yes, my whole adult life I've been struggling to reconcile, on the one hand the desire to be fat and the joy of not worrying about weight, and on the other hand the desire to please those around me, to be physically capable of doing hard things, to have an easier time with clothes, and all those usual pressures. However I suck at losing weight, so the biggest swing I've had is twenty pounds, and that took two and a half years to lose. A couple of times I've thrown caution to the wind and rapidly gained ten pounds, but I've always chickened out after that and gone back into maintaining mode.

I guess the one thing I can say from my experience is that none of the desire seem to go away, either over time or over weight variations. Perhaps after satisfying one set for a while they get a little less strong, making it easier to prioritize the others for a while, but it is at most a pretty marginal shift.

Good luck figuring out what works for you, and enjoy whatever you choose!
 

shygirl

Member
Joined
Feb 27, 2008
Messages
23
Location
,
I decided to give myself one week. One week of binging and intentionally trying to put on weight. I don't know how much (the scale will tell me on Monday!), but it's been a good, calorie-laden, stuffed past couple of days. Eating lots of the things I know I shouldn't be eating. OH WELL! :) (My favourite part has been when I was out for dinner with some friends at a local Greek place that gives massive portions. I cleared my plate while my friends noticed and commented that I was a champ, because they couldn't finish theirs. Little did they know my intentions and that that comment was only means of encouragement for me... Also that I could have still helped them their plates!).

Only thing so far? I wish I took a few before pics. I'll take some now mid-binge and a few when it's over. :)
 

bobsjers

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 25, 2005
Messages
87
Location
,
Hello everybody!

I guess I've been hanging around this place for a while now, though rarely post. It's an on-and-off thing for me, and I guess I go through phases.

But I'm at another one of life's crossroads and figured I'd ask if there have been people who've been in my shoes, and if they could offer any advice.

My history: I was a chunky kid, who turned into a chunky teenager, who turned into a chunky adult. I've accepted that I will always be fat to some degree. As a teenager, I was very self-concious about my weight thanks to a mother who insisted that I diet and get skinny. When I was 17 (and 205lbs), I went on a diet and got down to 179lbs, my lowest 'adult' weight. After becoming fed up (and even more self-concious about the comments about how much weight I'd lost), I gave up, and slowly the weight started to pile back on. Between my last year of high-school and my two years of college, I managed to gain just over 50lbs, to my all-time high of 232lbs (I'm 5'6"). I guess I was semi-actively gaining... I'd purposely go on binges, grabbing fast foods on my way home from work at 10pm at night, stuff with fattening foods before going to bed, and just not care. I loved getting softer and dreamed of getting a good flabby belly, despite the bulk of my weight accumulating in my hips and thighs. But then, about two years ago, I suddenly decided to start eating healthier, and the nature of my work required me to get a lot of walking in (and just generally more physical activity that I had been used to prior). I lost a bunch of weight, and found myself at 182lbs. I felt good and thought I looked good... But there was always that desire to just be fat.

Now, I've gone through a bit of a rough patch these past few months, and with my lack of wanting to leave the house and eating poorly again, I've gained almost 10lbs in about two months. It doesn't bother me, but I feel a bit of a different in my thighs and tummy. I like it, though I'm extremely conflicted.

Lately, I've been seriously fantasizing about gaining weight again big time, but there's that little voice in the back of my head telling me that I shouldn't because I put so much work into getting healthier. It would be for myself - I've got no significant other - but I can already hear the criticism from my mother and comments from people once I start putting on weight again. I should add that I'm active in my community and spend a bit of time in the public eye around town for various things. I've never been able to handle comments (good or bad) about myself when they're directed towards my physical appearance.

It's just an idea I'm struggling with. I don't have a goal set in mind per se, but maybe slowly creep back up to 200lbs and take it from there. I did have a previous goal of 23olbs (and I made it!), but I think the highest I'd ever let myself get to would be 250lbs.

What do you guys think? Has anybody ever gained and lost and wanted to gain again? What did you do?

Thanks. :happy:
If it is really something you want to do, go for it!

I assume you are over 18, so your mother does not need to control your life. Blow it off the first couple of times, saying something like "I'm perfectly happy the way I am." If that does not work, just inform her that your weight or eating is not open for discussion or comments.

As far as healthy, be as healthy as you can. It is better to live 40 more years being happy, than 30 more years not being happy. And chances are it won't make much difference anyway. Doctors like to make things sounds worse than they really are.

Most people I have chatted with, are in a postion like you. Most of the time, they love gaining, and keep raising their goals. And yes, it is very common for people to purposely gain after losing.

Enjoy the weekend, and keep us informed.
 

shygirl

Member
Joined
Feb 27, 2008
Messages
23
Location
,
Thanks. :)

How do you post pictures?

I'm finished my week. I ate A LOT of food. I enjoyed myself, but I couldn't get past the feeling of it all being just one big guilty pleasure.

However, at the start of this binge, I weighed exactly 190lbs. I weighed myself this morning, and I was 195. So whether it be fat or water weight or whatever, I gained 5lbs. Again, I found pleasure in this, secretly of course, but got kind of freaked out.

Do I feel a difference? A bit yes -not a huge difference, obviously, but in my tummy (it definitely feels a bit squishier) and in my thighs and legs. I don't think the difference is big enough for other people to notice, but I feel the subtle changes.

However... I've decided that I'm going to stop. I don't think now's the right time, and I still feel too guilty to actively do this.

For now I'll just sit along the sidelines, enjoying other people's gains. :)

(You live, you learn - right?)
 

Danniel.Vincent

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 20, 2012
Messages
413
Location
,
well might i ask why you feel guilty?

i mean to think that it's not the right time, okay, but feeling guilty by changing your body how you like it and perhaps feel even better with??

i think then a fitness-freak should feel guilty too, the only difference is that he goes in the oppisite direction of those two ways...

;)
 

weezer1717

New Member
Joined
May 12, 2006
Messages
4
Location
,
Hey, Shygirl, I'm in Ottawa, I remember a while back you mentioned you were just outside of Ottawa. Anyway maybe we could chat sometime seeing as we have similar interests regarding this. Feel free to send me a PM :)
 

s!gma

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 5, 2011
Messages
90
Location
http://www.facebook.com/sigma888,
Thanks. :)

How do you post pictures?

I'm finished my week. I ate A LOT of food. I enjoyed myself, but I couldn't get past the feeling of it all being just one big guilty pleasure.

However, at the start of this binge, I weighed exactly 190lbs. I weighed myself this morning, and I was 195. So whether it be fat or water weight or whatever, I gained 5lbs. Again, I found pleasure in this, secretly of course, but got kind of freaked out.

Do I feel a difference? A bit yes -not a huge difference, obviously, but in my tummy (it definitely feels a bit squishier) and in my thighs and legs. I don't think the difference is big enough for other people to notice, but I feel the subtle changes.

However... I've decided that I'm going to stop. I don't think now's the right time, and I still feel too guilty to actively do this.

For now I'll just sit along the sidelines, enjoying other people's gains. :)

(You live, you learn - right?)
click the little mountain picture when you are typing a message to post a pic.

Whatever you decide to do is cool as long as you are comfortable with it. But I am a little interested/concerned when you said it scared you, do you know why that is? was it your favorite pants?

I don't mean to make light of your feelings but you mentioned that when you were younger you were 209, so I'm just wondering what discouraged you
 

extra_m13

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jun 30, 2007
Messages
11,134
Location
,
1st of all i agree with the... gaining weight doesnt equal being unhealthy comment. you can do it from a healthy perspective which means not only fastfood but some other options.

personally i have a thing for woman gaining weight so im a little biased in telling you to go to 250,enjoy every meal to the max and take it from there.
 
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