What makes you think I'm assuming anything? That's sort of an assumption in and of itself, and it's not an accurate one either. I've know people who genuinely are fine with the term "fat" but I've never actually had a partner who was. And I knew they were not okay with the term because I either asked directly or it came out on its own. But I never assumed one way or the other.have you ever thought that maybe if people top assuming right away that it is something hurtful people will eventually be able to stop feeling hurt. what if folks could say it like it wasn't a bad thing? people are always asking how they can be helpful. well this just might be a way.
assuming fat will be a hurtful description probably isn't really very helpful at all. avoidance doesn't help anyone to evolve and to see that they are ok fat. they need positive energy to counter the negative not a silence that masquerades as agreement.
I once tried something with my wife. I actually told her I loved how fat she was. I said I hoped she understood how I don't consider it a bad thing, that it was used as a compliment, and that I hoped she would recognize such. She just cried. Later we talk about it and she said, "What if I genuinely believed the word 'asshole' was a compliment?" To her there is still a stigma. Some people are immune to it. Good for them. Others are not, and that is something we should respect.
Before I was married I had a few different girlfriends with whom I had similar conversations. On couldn't exactly identify why the word was hurtful but she just knew it was. I remember another said it made her sound lazy and stupid when in truth she was a very industrious and intelligent person. She was right, though, the word conjures up an image of slothfulness and a lack of intelligence.
So please know I ask this question not assuming anything. I've explored this directly and have achieved fairly similar results from person to person.
And this discussion is not a discussion purely on fat acceptance. That is a very specific movement with clearly stated objectives. While some of those may overlap into the realm discussed on this thread, the relationship is entirely coincidental.NO, Fat Acceptance isn't about mollycoddling people that have bought into the anti-fat messages promulgated by the diet, medical, pharma, fashion, and media industries. It's about telling people it's OK to be fat, and you can only do that by reclaiming the word "fat". Use it and show the world that it's only a harmless adjective, like "tall", "short", or "thin".
Further, this isn't about "mollycoddling" either. To find a way to describe someone in such a way they feel their dignity and respect as a human being is upheld is not "mollycoddling." Not even close. It's simply a matter of being a decent person to others. If someone doesn't like the term and you are able to use another to accomplish the same goal but with less/no stigma, would you not use it? Or are you too hung up on de-stigmatizing a word that you'll sacrifice the emotions and feelings of others to make your point?
Spot on post. Thank you for contributing this. I hope people will see the value in what you've said here. Communication is very much a two-way street. If people aren't on the same frequency...:doh:SuperO, musicman - this is the difference between activism and functioning communication in practice...