Discrimination at work

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da3ley

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K. I just received a job offer which was all done over the phone and by email. I am a bit concerned bc the person that hired me has never seen me in person. Most employers will skim over an obese/fat person in a heartbeat.,and I’m grateful to have been offered a position, but a bit nervous about meeting me IRL.

How have you handled being discriminated against in the workplace specificallybc of all the preconceived notions about obese individuals? The reality is that obese individuals are looked down on as being lazy, non disciplined, gluttonous, non motivated.... the list goes on....

Any thoughts/advice on how to overcome would be greatly appreciated as I feel like I will be a disappointment bc if my size. I’m 5’10 425lbs. I’ve been watching my grandson up until now and don’t know me what to expect as I’ve not worked in years.
I start next week...
 

Donna

Definitely NOT Jolly
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Confidence & a sense of humor.

I made the mistake during my business career of apologizing for my size and thinking I had to work ten times harder and be ten times more agreeable than my coworkers just to be thought of as equal. I suffered a lot of crap for it, too. Also, don’t be afraid to ask for accommodation should you need it, like a wider/sturdier chair. Lastly, be prepared for the micro aggressions, like diet talk, weight loss contests, passive aggressive remarks, etc. most folks don’t even realize they’re doing it.

Now go kick ass & take names! 😁
 

da3ley

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 1, 2016
Messages
138
Location
Colorado
Confidence & a sense of humor.

I made the mistake during my business career of apologizing for my size and thinking I had to work ten times harder and be ten times more agreeable than my coworkers just to be thought of as equal. I suffered a lot of crap for it, too. Also, don’t be afraid to ask for accommodation should you need it, like a wider/sturdier chair. Lastly, be prepared for the micro aggressions, like diet talk, weight loss contests, passive aggressive remarks, etc. most folks don’t even realize they’re doing it.

Now go kick ass & take names! 😁
Wow! Omg! Thank you so so very much! You don’t know how much I needed this and I most definitely will be doing that. You are a gem!
So very grateful,
Dana
 

DazzlingAnna

It's not a bug, it's a feature.
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In my career I was lucky that most people didn't judge me by my size but by my skills.

I did the same mistake as @Donna memtioned earlier - doing much more to prove the world and myself that I have a value for the company and for myself.

Interestingly my very first job interview was a disaster regarding being judged by my size. I saw it in the face of one of the interviewer while entering the room. I did not get the job but I at the same time I was not to sad about it. I took a different way and it brought me to where I am now.

Now in my job of course I have to deal with people that are disgusted by my appearance. As long as i have to deal with them in business I find a way to do so. Exchanging facts - nothing more.

And I learned to eliminate toxic people who pretend to be nice people, tolerant or even accepting me tthe way I am - as long as I was of any use for them.
I had one eye-opening moment. I worked with.a co-worker on a project more or less 1:1. Everytime in our meetings they were like openly talked about things not business related, it was quite funny. Up to the point when someone else joined the office. I was excluded from the topic and it was my topic. They also weren't greeting me when we met in the building or joint for lunch together which was really common back then.
Needless to say that I cut all contacts after the project was finished.
It was probably.the first time I realized that most people who see me as a fat person as the problem are the problem themselves.

I also had the impression that most people underestimated my skills, knowledge, experiences just because I am fat.

All I ever wanted to do was doing a good job. I knew my strengths and always try to walk in with my head up.
 

Tiffany08

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Joined
Feb 11, 2008
Messages
111
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,
K. I just received a job offer which was all done over the phone and by email. I am a bit concerned bc the person that hired me has never seen me in person. Most employers will skim over an obese/fat person in a heartbeat.,and I’m grateful to have been offered a position, but a bit nervous about meeting me IRL.

How have you handled being discriminated against in the workplace specificallybc of all the preconceived notions about obese individuals? The reality is that obese individuals are looked down on as being lazy, non disciplined, gluttonous, non motivated.... the list goes on....

Any thoughts/advice on how to overcome would be greatly appreciated as I feel like I will be a disappointment bc if my size. I’m 5’10 425lbs. I’ve been watching my grandson up until now and don’t know me what to expect as I’ve not worked in years.
I start next week...

How's the job going?
 

agouderia

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da3ley - make the most of your height!
At 5'10" you're tall for a woman - and height is a major power indicator. Stand straight, wear another 2 inches (or whatever you're comfortable with) as heels and long, flowing clothing that makes you look even taller. Go for the valkyrie style and effect using it to your advantage to signal strength, authority and literally a superior standing.

Naturally also be prepared for questions and references to your size - with laid-out and pre-worded answers that set clear boundaries with a nice portion of humor. Neither to much explaining nor self-deprecation.

Good luck with the interview!

Maybe other men on dims wouldn't agree, but I think men suffer the same discrimination at work. I personally didn't.

Fat men by now also suffer discrimination at work - but it starts at a significantly higher weight level than for women. Size and weight for women can turn into a negatively connotated issue starting at - depending on industry and position - as low as size US 14.

Men have to be a lot heavier to face the same level of scrutiny - and then mainly short fat men are discriminated against because of their size.
Tall BHM's - above app. 6'3" - can get away with quite some weight before the framing of their size tips from "strong&powerful" into "too fat".
 

da3ley

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Joined
Nov 1, 2016
Messages
138
Location
Colorado
da3ley - make the most of your height!
At 5'10" you're tall for a woman - and height is a major power indicator. Stand straight, wear another 2 inches (or whatever you're comfortable with) as heels and long, flowing clothing that makes you look even taller. Go for the valkyrie style and effect using it to your advantage to signal strength, authority and literally a superior standing.

Naturally also be prepared for questions and references to your size - with laid-out and pre-worded answers that set clear boundaries with a nice portion of humor. Neither to much explaining nor self-deprecation.

Good luck with the interview!



Fat men by now also suffer discrimination at work - but it starts at a significantly higher weight level than for women. Size and weight for women can turn into a negatively connotated issue starting at - depending on industry and position - as low as size US 14.

Men have to be a lot heavier to face the same level of scrutiny - and then mainly short fat men are discriminated against because of their size.
Tall BHM's - above app. 6'3" - can get away with quite some weight before the framing of their size tips from "strong&powerful" into "too fat".
Yes yes. And yes! That is actually a wonderful idea. Normally I try and make myself smaller bc of my height. You are correct and all this wonderful advice by such genuine and awesome people make me thankful I can post her now regularly. Thanks again!
 

Rojodi

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IT person here, assists with cousin's employment agency as well.

Looks do not matter in our company nor with the agency!
 

Tiffany08

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Thank you for asking! Very sweet of you! I don’t know yet, he wants me to start 8/1 Monday. I’m buying some nice threads right now so I can look nice. :)
I will let you know for sure 😊

Awesome!! I hope it goes good for you!!
 

da3ley

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Messages
138
Location
Colorado
Any updates? I truly hope you have a great experience at your new job.
Thank u for asking! Yes definitely updates...

Well, they unfortunately let me go. It was done before it started. He pulled me into his “office” which was basically the break room, and told me that it wasn’t working out. I asked him if he would please be more specific and elaborate, but he didn’t. Instead, he told me to read the Termination paper, along with my paycheck for the 1week I worked.
I was pretty upset about it when I left his office ofc and got into my car. He didn’t elaborate on what I originally asked him as I hoped he would’ve. The paperwork said nothing about it upon opening it. I specifically asked him what I did, or didn’t do that didn’t meet his standards for the company, so I know what areas I could improve for the next job,moving forward.
I really am like 🤔 stumped, bc my training was going well and I was only 1 day away for me learning their system and such abs was just getting comfortable with it after the 4th day of training.
I didn’t show up late, so it wasn’t the attendance obviously.
My trainer seemed to have liked me, and we hit it off. I ofc dressed professional so that was crossed off as well. I got all the check marks, and just don’t understand why where I came up in his eyes lacking...
I kind of got a weird vibe the minute I walked in there. I had to use my walker my first day, bc 5 days before my start date, I twisted my ankle a bit and needed the walker. He seemed fine with it or at least acted like it, and I told him that it was only temporary.
I was really disappointed bc the guy when he me, he hired me based off my resume, and my experience. I say this bc we only interviewed over the phone, and not face to face. He told me how impressed he was and that same day wrote up the job offer letter!
I really believe my size was the definite factor.
Who really knows?
Ty again for the inquiry!
 

agouderia

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Sorry to hear that da3ley!
Question in this context though - did the job offer health insurance cover? Because in that case the walker might have been the deal breaker.... Employers especially in the US are phobic regarding taking on people that appear to be more likely to generate health care costs (.... and that unfortunately is one of the "pro-arguments" for size discrimination - which of course is something they would never put in writing....)

Also - you wrote that in the past few years you had been at home taking care of your grandchild. In the various training courses I've worked on there occasionally were participants re-entering the working world after longer stints at home. From my observations it often took them some time to re-learn understanding the (constantly changing) working world code or reading subtext in job exchanges - simply for lack of practice.
Re-training yourself in that by either doing some volunteer work or in the context where you know people who need to get some work done but cannot fully hire someone might be another approach.

Better luck next time!
 

Aldam

Member
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Dec 8, 2021
Messages
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Michigan
Thank u for asking! Yes definitely updates...

Well, they unfortunately let me go. It was done before it started. He pulled me into his “office” which was basically the break room, and told me that it wasn’t working out. I asked him if he would please be more specific and elaborate, but he didn’t. Instead, he told me to read the Termination paper, along with my paycheck for the 1week I worked.
I was pretty upset about it when I left his office ofc and got into my car. He didn’t elaborate on what I originally asked him as I hoped he would’ve. The paperwork said nothing about it upon opening it. I specifically asked him what I did, or didn’t do that didn’t meet his standards for the company, so I know what areas I could improve for the next job,moving forward.
I really am like 🤔 stumped, bc my training was going well and I was only 1 day away for me learning their system and such abs was just getting comfortable with it after the 4th day of training.
I didn’t show up late, so it wasn’t the attendance obviously.
My trainer seemed to have liked me, and we hit it off. I ofc dressed professional so that was crossed off as well. I got all the check marks, and just don’t understand why where I came up in his eyes lacking...
I kind of got a weird vibe the minute I walked in there. I had to use my walker my first day, bc 5 days before my start date, I twisted my ankle a bit and needed the walker. He seemed fine with it or at least acted like it, and I told him that it was only temporary.
I was really disappointed bc the guy when he me, he hired me based off my resume, and my experience. I say this bc we only interviewed over the phone, and not face to face. He told me how impressed he was and that same day wrote up the job offer letter!
I really believe my size was the definite factor.
Who really knows?
Ty again for the inquiry!
Their loss.
 

Tiffany08

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 11, 2008
Messages
111
Location
,
Thank u for asking! Yes definitely updates...

Well, they unfortunately let me go. It was done before it started. He pulled me into his “office” which was basically the break room, and told me that it wasn’t working out. I asked him if he would please be more specific and elaborate, but he didn’t. Instead, he told me to read the Termination paper, along with my paycheck for the 1week I worked.
I was pretty upset about it when I left his office ofc and got into my car. He didn’t elaborate on what I originally asked him as I hoped he would’ve. The paperwork said nothing about it upon opening it. I specifically asked him what I did, or didn’t do that didn’t meet his standards for the company, so I know what areas I could improve for the next job,moving forward.
I really am like 🤔 stumped, bc my training was going well and I was only 1 day away for me learning their system and such abs was just getting comfortable with it after the 4th day of training.
I didn’t show up late, so it wasn’t the attendance obviously.
My trainer seemed to have liked me, and we hit it off. I ofc dressed professional so that was crossed off as well. I got all the check marks, and just don’t understand why where I came up in his eyes lacking...
I kind of got a weird vibe the minute I walked in there. I had to use my walker my first day, bc 5 days before my start date, I twisted my ankle a bit and needed the walker. He seemed fine with it or at least acted like it, and I told him that it was only temporary.
I was really disappointed bc the guy when he me, he hired me based off my resume, and my experience. I say this bc we only interviewed over the phone, and not face to face. He told me how impressed he was and that same day wrote up the job offer letter!
I really believe my size was the definite factor.
Who really knows?
Ty again for the inquiry!

I'm sorry to hear this :( People should be treated equally weither their race,age,height,weight etc What were you training for?
 

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