I've sort of skimmed the thread >_>.
But it seems like there is a lot of hang-up on whether a feeder is exploiting a feedee for his own pleasure.
As somebody who identifies, in a very sexual way, as a gainer/feedee, this argument bugs me. There are people, like myself, who legitimately get off on being fat and getting fatter. I fail to consider it exploitation if I am a co-conspirator in the process of fattening me up.
It's different if the relationship is abusive, mind you, but an abusive relationship is just that. It doesn't matter if the couple is into feederism, BDSM, or has to have sex in full clothing with the lights off. If the relationship is abusive, then that's what it is. If one party seriously gets off on being dominated, or fattened, or whatever the case, then the relationship is not what I would consider abusive unless the following important condition is in place:
One party is placing the other party in clear and present danger, against their will, with no possibility of recourse.
So, it's like, let's say I plan to weigh 500 lbs eventually. Advisable? No. Terribly sexy to me? Yes.
Let's say I end up with somebody who wants to push me harder to reach this obesity goal. Is it an unhealthy course of action? Yes. Will I be surrendering some control of my body and habits to another human being? Yes. Will this be like a non-stop sexy party in my weird brain? Absolutely. Is this person abusing me? No.
However...
Let's say I put on about 70 lbs and realize that my body won't be able to stand up to it as well as I imagined. In a non-abusive relationship, I broach this topic, and all intentional weight gain ceases.
In an abusive relationship, I am threatened or coerced with actual, dangerous force or psychological terror to keep putting on weight that I am no longer comfortable with putting on.
In my mind, at least, the weight gain is a completely separate thing from the abuse, although the abuse may lead to weight gain, as in the above scenario. The two should not be confused with each other, though.