Discussion: Feeders/Feedees and emotions/mentality

[LillyBBBW]

I have to say, I have come to accept I am a feedee, I am very aroused by eating and gaining weight and I am involved with an awesome FA (he is the complete package) who does encourage my gaining (and I know he would perfer I was enormously obese) BUT he does not madate it or make me feel I would be better that way, actually when I said I wanted to do this he actually discouraged me at first lol to be sure I was doing it for me (though the fact it makes me more desireable is a turn on for me)....I am gaining and I love having a feeder who is supportive but not an enforcer...we have agreed at a set weight for me to gain to, to see how the progression is going, but I don't think it's a bad thing to gain weight for someone as long as you are doing it for yourself too, but I am being honest, it is for him as well....and I am sick of not eating what I want when I smoke lol

Welcome to the board badassdebate.

 

[rubenesquehunny]

hey Lily, I am Sarah of badassdebate but I just made this one instead with a more descriptive name for myself lol...I love the discussions and I can't wait to see where it goes...I understand the concern of a feeder exploiting the person he/she is with, but if there is a mutual agreement before hand, then I just think it's fine, it's actually what I am doing now, and because it is my decision to get fatter (cause bigger IS better!) he supports me and also happens to LOVE watching me eat and feeding me lol it's a win/win!!

 

[LillyBBBW]

hey Lily, I am Sarah of badassdebate but I just made this one instead with a more descriptive name for myself lol...I love the discussions and I can't wait to see where it goes...I understand the concern of a feeder exploiting the person he/she is with, but if there is a mutual agreement before hand, then I just think it's fine, it's actually what I am doing now, and because it is my decision to get fatter (cause bigger IS better!) he supports me and also happens to LOVE watching me eat and feeding me lol it's a win/win!!

Hey Sarah! Just so you know, the Webmaster would have changed your name had you asked. Then you wouldn't have had to create two new names. The first one was on a pretty good roll too. This discussion is kinda old. You've actually revived it after it's been dead a year or more. If you've got something you want to say though go on an blurt it out. Maybe you can get the ball rolling again.

 

[rubenesquehunny]

Oh Lily had I known that lol I would have just made the request!! Oh well, I am letting the other one pass, I love policy debate lol but it is not the right name for this forum lol

I guess for me, there is a certain mental image of feeder and/or feedee that inspires thoughts of oppression and potential abuse....and as I can see how that can happen, I would agrue that can happen in any relationship and in that situation, the abuser is using food as a weapon.....but for me, my feeder/feedee relationship has opened my life up both sexually and emotionally in a way I would hope everyone feels....Don't get me wrong, you should always get validation from your own self and sense of being, but when you hear negaitivity all your life on being fat and enjoying food (food is a fuel like gas to a car to be used and not enjoyed) it is so liberating to have someone come along and say "not only are you awesome as fat as you are, but if you want, I would love you to get bigger!" which makes my knees go weak to be honest lol....now I don't like stuffing so that isn't my thing (the activity, love the food lol) but I love having the control of my life to decide to gain the weight, do so on purpose, and doing it with a man (who as you all know by now is an avid FA) who not only enjoys each pound I gain, but also finds is so sexy and erotic watching me eat those calories.....if I stopped now he would be fine with it but I wouldn't lol.....so just wanted to say that to this thread lol since I have accepted and now embraced being a feedee I feel sexier, hungier and much more womanly....just putting that out there

 

[LillyBBBW]

Oh Lily had I known that lol I would have just made the request!! Oh well, I am letting the other one pass, I love policy debate lol but it is not the right name for this forum lol

I guess for me, there is a certain mental image of feeder and/or feedee that inspires thoughts of oppression and potential abuse....and as I can see how that can happen, I would agrue that can happen in any relationship and in that situation, the abuser is using food as a weapon.....but for me, my feeder/feedee relationship has opened my life up both sexually and emotionally in a way I would hope everyone feels....Don't get me wrong, you should always get validation from your own self and sense of being, but when you hear negaitivity all your life on being fat and enjoying food (food is a fuel like gas to a car to be used and not enjoyed) it is so liberating to have someone come along and say "not only are you awesome as fat as you are, but if you want, I would love you to get bigger!" which makes my knees go weak to be honest lol....now I don't like stuffing so that isn't my thing (the activity, love the food lol) but I love having the control of my life to decide to gain the weight, do so on purpose, and doing it with a man (who as you all know by now is an avid FA) who not only enjoys each pound I gain, but also finds is so sexy and erotic watching me eat those calories.....if I stopped now he would be fine with it but I wouldn't lol.....so just wanted to say that to this thread lol since I have accepted and now embraced being a feedee I feel sexier, hungier and much more womanly....just putting that out there

I so agree. It's great to have you here Sarah.

 

[rubenesquehunny]

Thanks so much Lily!! I have been posting all over cause I like this site better than most others I visit lol, but I had to write a paper lol so thank god that is done!!! I do love this site and the creators and mods are awesome for all the hard work and it is paying off in spades!! Love it here!!

 

[pdt]

I've sort of skimmed the thread >_>.

But it seems like there is a lot of hang-up on whether a feeder is exploiting a feedee for his own pleasure.

As somebody who identifies, in a very sexual way, as a gainer/feedee, this argument bugs me. There are people, like myself, who legitimately get off on being fat and getting fatter. I fail to consider it exploitation if I am a co-conspirator in the process of fattening me up.

It's different if the relationship is abusive, mind you, but an abusive relationship is just that. It doesn't matter if the couple is into feederism, BDSM, or has to have sex in full clothing with the lights off. If the relationship is abusive, then that's what it is. If one party seriously gets off on being dominated, or fattened, or whatever the case, then the relationship is not what I would consider abusive unless the following important condition is in place:
One party is placing the other party in clear and present danger, against their will, with no possibility of recourse.

So, it's like, let's say I plan to weigh 500 lbs eventually. Advisable? No. Terribly sexy to me? Yes.
Let's say I end up with somebody who wants to push me harder to reach this obesity goal. Is it an unhealthy course of action? Yes. Will I be surrendering some control of my body and habits to another human being? Yes. Will this be like a non-stop sexy party in my weird brain? Absolutely. Is this person abusing me? No.
However...
Let's say I put on about 70 lbs and realize that my body won't be able to stand up to it as well as I imagined. In a non-abusive relationship, I broach this topic, and all intentional weight gain ceases.
In an abusive relationship, I am threatened or coerced with actual, dangerous force or psychological terror to keep putting on weight that I am no longer comfortable with putting on.

In my mind, at least, the weight gain is a completely separate thing from the abuse, although the abuse may lead to weight gain, as in the above scenario. The two should not be confused with each other, though.

 

[Pearfectssbhm]

Ssbhm feedee+ FFA feeder= HEAVEN

 

[Fatfanplus]

Don't want to blow my own horn here, but this subject in particular was discussed in great detail on the latest episode (episode 4) of my podcast "The Gaining Life".

It's a 2 part interview with an encourager named "BBencourgr" and even though he's a gay man, his views on weight gain, feeding are not aimed at the male specifically, but at the process itself. It's really something to listen to, I hope you give it a shot.

Part 2 of his interview is going up tonight, Wednesday.

The podcast is at: http://thegaininglife.tumblr.com/

Russ

 

[Sasquatch!]

I've sort of skimmed the thread >_>.

But it seems like there is a lot of hang-up on whether a feeder is exploiting a feedee for his own pleasure.

As somebody who identifies, in a very sexual way, as a gainer/feedee, this argument bugs me. There are people, like myself, who legitimately get off on being fat and getting fatter. I fail to consider it exploitation if I am a co-conspirator in the process of fattening me up.

It's different if the relationship is abusive, mind you, but an abusive relationship is just that. It doesn't matter if the couple is into feederism, BDSM, or has to have sex in full clothing with the lights off. If the relationship is abusive, then that's what it is. If one party seriously gets off on being dominated, or fattened, or whatever the case, then the relationship is not what I would consider abusive unless the following important condition is in place:
One party is placing the other party in clear and present danger, against their will, with no possibility of recourse.

So, it's like, let's say I plan to weigh 500 lbs eventually. Advisable? No. Terribly sexy to me? Yes.
Let's say I end up with somebody who wants to push me harder to reach this obesity goal. Is it an unhealthy course of action? Yes. Will I be surrendering some control of my body and habits to another human being? Yes. Will this be like a non-stop sexy party in my weird brain? Absolutely. Is this person abusing me? No.
However...
Let's say I put on about 70 lbs and realize that my body won't be able to stand up to it as well as I imagined. In a non-abusive relationship, I broach this topic, and all intentional weight gain ceases.
In an abusive relationship, I am threatened or coerced with actual, dangerous force or psychological terror to keep putting on weight that I am no longer comfortable with putting on.

In my mind, at least, the weight gain is a completely separate thing from the abuse, although the abuse may lead to weight gain, as in the above scenario. The two should not be confused with each other, though.

Abuse is usually far more subtle than "Oh go on, eat more" or "Eat more I'mma shank you".
Not to mention the desire we all have to please our partners can alter the way we think. When relationships end, people often look back and say "What the hell was I thinking? How did I ever agree/want/find that attractive?"

 

[Ample Pie]

I've always said that the focus on feedees as victims is more of a problem with non-feedists than feedists. If you believe that I am the victim of my own sexuality and you don't even know me, well that's your problem.

 

[loopytheone]

My mother is a big believer that feeders are something disgusting and slimy that exist to abuse and deceive their poor little victim of a partner. Understandably as somebody who enjoys both the feedee and feeder aspect of things this annoys me quite a lot, though she is too much of a bigoted old woman for it to be worth me bothering to explain things properly to. She once called me a feeder as a insult and I guess she thought it worked because I went all shocked and red and flushed... actually my immediate thought was 'How does she know? How does she know? Is she reading my messages or something?!'! :doh:

Both me and my partner are neutral about gaining weight, though I will admit that I am loving the idea of him getting bigger! But we enjoy the feeding aspect itself, which I guess is a bit different from most feeder/feedee type people. Then again, I never do anything 'normally'!

 

[TwoSwords]

I've always thought that there was a significant difference between feederism and gainerism, that not all people who enjoy eating/feeding others do so from a desire for them to gain weight (indeed, most of the people in the world who enjoy feeding others don't have this as their motive at all.) There's nothing wrong with handing someone a sandwich if they're hungry, and the nothing wrong with being happy that they then enjoy the sandwich, and benefit from it. In reality, I think very few feeders or feedees actively pursue immobility. There's other, safer, more-temporary ways to experience the kinds of feelings often associated with that.

I've been reading through the first page, though, and I do have to :doh: every time someone brings up "mental issues" as an explanation for aberrant behavior or unusual desires; especially being a researcher as both a hobby and a job. This isn't the 1500s anymore, and we have names and thorough descriptions of just about every type of actual, mental illness there is. Each one has distinct symptoms and can be diagnosed by recognizing those symptoms. It's how psychologists are able to recognize a real case of Stockholm Syndrome, as opposed to someone who learned to like a formerly-abusive person when they changed their ways. What kind of mental illness do we think a specific person has, and what symptoms do they show, which would indicate that?

I just think a lot of people use words synonymous with "crazy" to avoid studying the issues more closely.

 

[Fat Molly]

I've always thought that there was a significant difference between feederism and gainerism, that not all people who enjoy eating/feeding others do so from a desire for them to gain weight (indeed, most of the people in the world who enjoy feeding others don't have this as their motive at all.)


In reality, I think very few feeders or feedees actively pursue immobility. There's other, safer, more-temporary ways to experience the kinds of feelings often associated with that.

I've been reading through the first page, though, and I do have to :doh: every time someone brings up "mental issues" as an explanation for aberrant behavior or unusual desires. <snip> I just think a lot of people use words synonymous with "crazy" to avoid studying the issues more closely.

good points here. a lot of this stuff is the stuff ive been thinking about intently with regards to my partner in the 'worry as an FA' thread.

most ppl on tumblr who claim to be pursuing immobility are either thin or average or just barely chubby. and i look at them and think, lol, do you have any idea? bc i feel like many of them are underinformed or overoptimistic about what it would mean to be immobile.

i think there *can* be elements of feedism that are intentionally self-destructive but it should never be thought of as a necessary component of feedist tendencies - even among depressed people. my feedee and feeder and gainer kink exists even when my depression/borderline symptoms aren't too significant - in fact, they're more active when my depression/borderline is alleviated.

I like what alienlanes said about the collection of planets surrounding the central kink of erotic wg.

 

[pdt]

There's a lot to unpack with me. As a feedee, personally, I'm fascinated by immobility, mostly as like a bdsm-adjacent submission fetish thing. Mostly I just like the idea of my weight being out of my control.

I imagine I'll probably have to re-evaluate my position like 200 lbs from now, but for now I'm moderately active and fully independent around 300 lbs, and have never met a force feeding that I'm not extremely turned on by.

 

[choudhury]

This is a very long thread. Scanning it, I'm struck by how much confusion or uncertainty exists around the concept of "feeder." (We seem pretty clear on what a "feedee" is, i.e., someone who is sexually aroused by being fed and gaining weight). But on "feeder," we seem confused about whether there is a meaningful difference between "feeder" and "enabler" or "encourager" etc.

Speaking for myself, I love when a woman overeats and when she gains weight. But I don't draw any particular thrill from being the agent DIRECTLY contributing to these things. That is, it's not about ME feeding her (whether through subterfuge or directly, or through pressure or consent, or whatever). It's about her choosing to eat a lot, basically.

Now the "enabling" part creeps in insofar as I'm happy to provide a safe and loving - and yes, even food-filled - environment for my lady to eat a lot. I suppose I "enable" every time I buy a dessert or propose going out for ice cream. But that seems like a pretty darned indirect species of "feeding," especially since I'd be doing these things anyway if I were on my own. And again, if I say "let's get Dairy Queen" and she says "yes," I'm not being turned on by the fact that I initiated this, so much as the fact that she ends up overfull from her order.

If I had to arbitrate all this, I'd say we're probably better off defining "feeder" in a narrow way that ties sexual excitement to being the feeding agent, rather than in a loose way that slides over into characteristics of nearly all FAs (most of whom enjoy overeating and weight gain).

 

[ChattyBecca]

I've always said that the focus on feedees as victims is more of a problem with non-feedists than feedists. If you believe that I am the victim of my own sexuality and you don't even know me, well that's your problem.

AMEN!!!! Couldn't agree more!

 

[John Smith]

I was browsing around the earliest pages of this thread.

I was amazed. So fluid, so refined. So witty
That was truly the Golden Age of this website... what happened to these giants before us?

 

[TwoSwords]

I was browsing around the earliest pages of this thread.

I was amazed. So fluid, so refined. So witty
That was truly the Golden Age of this website... what happened to these giants before us?

Sadly, to summon giants is a thing for gods, not men. A man has only the qualities of himself, and though he may increase those qualities with skill, the one quality that he can never increase is his amount.

As for the qualities of wit, refinement and fluidity, however, some still find them simple, but again, sadly, not myself. I am under a curse, you see; that I can learn only those things which can be taught or demonstrated, so my wit can rise no higher than the wit of those whose word I read, my refinement no further than my meager experiences make possible.

That only leaves fluidity, and there, I'm afraid that mine rests at a little over half, and no further. However, perhaps it's just as well, since a man more fluid might lose other qualities like these.

Yes. I'm watching Cyrano as I write this. Why?

 

[John Smith]

Sadly, to summon giants is a thing for gods, not men. A man has only the qualities of himself, and though he may increase those qualities with skill, the one quality that he can never increase is his amount.

As for the qualities of wit, refinement and fluidity, however, some still find them simple, but again, sadly, not myself. I am under a curse, you see; that I can learn only those things which can be taught or demonstrated, so my wit can rise no higher than the wit of those whose word I read, my refinement no further than my meager experiences make possible.

That only leaves fluidity, and there, I'm afraid that mine rests at a little over half, and no further. However, perhaps it's just as well, since a man more fluid might lose other qualities like these.

Yes. I'm watching Cyrano as I write this. Why?

The Curse of the Men...