Discussion: Feeders/Feedees and emotions/mentality

[Axof]

I am a closet feeder. Been that my whole life and I am comfortable with that. My main issue is the health of my partner. Provided both partners are equally into it, still the feeder has by far the upper hand mentally and physically, he satisfy his kink without much downside while the feedee is the one who has to deal with the health (and social) issues. Also I fear if one is a "hardcore" feeder, he may not be ever satisfied and may constantly push or loose interest in the partner if things do not go his way.
So yes, I do have issue with it.... to the point that I simply do not act on the kink - not everything has to be played in real life, some things may better stay in ones head. Luckily there are stories, videos and my own art that I can channel my sexual preference. I found out this is by far the easiest and cheapest way to be feeder and no tears, broken relationships or health issues. And my partner somehow grows naturally and constantly anyway (she is not that happy about it, but also not miserable either).

 

[John Smith]

I am a closet feeder. [...]

... which one of us aren't??

Unless you are either the partner of a controversally recognized feedee model who showed out herself in mainstream media or partner to a "Body Positivity" Instagram "influencer" who continually keep to tease the feederist community while feigning not being a feedee (*rackling* Loey Lane!!) , nay King Steph's unfortunate sugar daddy, none of is
would certainly highlight on our professional resumes such abilities like "fattening up hyperphagic individuals until they grow fat" and other things!

 

[Axof]

... which one of us aren't??

Unless you are either the partner of a controversally recognized feedee model who showed out herself in mainstream media or partner to a "Body Positivity" Instagram "influencer" who continually keep to tease the feederist community while feigning not being a feedee (*rackling* Loey Lane!!) , nay King Steph's unfortunate sugar daddy, none of is
would certainly highlight on our professional resumes such abilities like "fattening up hyperphagic individuals until they grow fat" and other things!

I guess that is probably true. The boards and videos make feederism/weight gain to look like one of the "things" but I bet in real life it is still much more a fringe behavior and looks sickening to vast majority. I mean most of my friends would definitely see it as a serious perversion.
I used to be maybe 220-230 pounds (I was concisely stuffing myself and trying to gain) and the downsides of it for the majority of normal life started to be really taxing to the point when I just said enough one day. F**k my darn fat kink. I am not going to be a prisoner of my own twisted mind. I slimmed down to like 160-170 and realized that these things probably really should be enjoyed as a fantasy on internet where it is easy to switch on and off whenever I want it. Now if I need a good dose of feederism I read some stories, watch some videos or make some 3D art and boom, switch it off when I am done with it.

 

[John Smith]

Personally, I don't mind about people's judgement. Every single ex-friend who was infiomed about my kink toward gaining women and my feeder pursuits had far much worse fetishes.

 

[Jon Blaze]

My how the tables have turned.

I guess my perspective is unique given that I started by being opposed. Initially it wasn't even a possibility. I literally ignored all feedee paysite content for roughly a decade. Even as I embrace this as my kink I remain very critical of all the unwarranted pressure BBW/BHMs receive to gain from random people. Also the horror stories of failed (and in some cases nonconsensual) relationships. But it all started to click when I realized the narrative can revolve around the feedees' happiness and comfort. Yes many people are lying about it for attention and money. But I've developed a strong attraction to the few women that really enjoy it. I've always been a partner-focused guy. I suppose that always meant there was potential for me to develop this trait.

For now this is my preferred type of relationship. But I definitely lean closer to being a traditional FA at the 450-600 range. However, if someone wants me to get them there: I will oblige. That's why I'm different. It's not just their choice. It doesn't do anything for me if they're gaining solely for my enjoyment. I'm not pressuring anyone that doesn't want me to. Period.

 

[waldo]

My how the tables have turned.

I guess my perspective is unique given that I started by being opposed. Initially it wasn't even a possibility. I literally ignored all feedee paysite content for roughly a decade. Even as I embrace this as my kink I remain very critical of all the unwarranted pressure BBW/BHMs receive to gain from random people. Also the horror stories of failed (and in some cases nonconsensual) relationships. But it all started to click when I realized the narrative can revolve around the feedees happiness and comfort. Yes many people are lying about it for attention and money. But I've developed a strong attraction to the few women that really enjoy it. I've always been a partner-focused guy. I suppose that always meant there was potential for me to develop this trait.

For now this is my preferred type of relationship. But I definitely lean closer to being a traditional FA at the 450-600 range. However, if someone wants me to get them there: I will oblige. That's why I'm different. It's not just their choice. It doesn't do anything for me if they're gaining solely for my enjoyment. I'm not pressuring anyone that doesn't want me to. Period.

Good job Jon!!! You have embraced your self while still being true to the belief that everyone must be in control of their own destiny. Just remember that the numbers on the scale or the measuring tape are less important than being a good partner/spouse. Best wishes to you, young man!

 

[TheShannan]

I'm in a mutual feeder/feedee relationship. My boyfriend is loving, supportive, stable and he actually feeds. He purchases my meals, snacks, delivery etc. A former feeder I had just told me what to eat on my own dime. That's not a feeder. That's a "feeder".

 

[luckyfa]

Wondering if I am potential feeder. I am a longterm FA (+30 years) and enjoyed my wife’s weight gain of about 130 lbs she has achieved on her own. I just didn‘t prevent her from eating because I love to see her eat and I admire her appetite. I marvel at the fact that she can keep herself in check for months and then gain 15 lbs in six weeks. I’ve always honestly told her that I love her no matter what and that her excess body fat body turns me on. I‘ve always felt that more fat is better and I once told her that I sometimes imagine her being even fatter. She firmly declined and this was fine because I wasn‘t even sure if I truly wanted it.

So this behaviour might characterize me as an enabler or an encourager. I‘ve only discovered that there‘s such a thing as feedism in the early 2000s and it didn‘t sit well with me because it seemed obsessive and intrusive to me, even immoral. To this day, I enjoy the playfulness of her weight gain, including her ups and downs.

However, my attitude has shifted quite a bit in recent years, especialls since the pandemic hit. Way before the pandemic, her weight had reached a 25-year-low and then it crept up very very slowly for about a 1 ½ years. When Covid-19 came upon is, her weight gain accelerated, but at least in the first lockdown, not dramatically. This changed during the second lockdown. As her weight gain accelerated, I began to discover my feeder tendencies, especially since her body fat ratio increased disproportionally. She regained about 45 lbs in 3 ½ years, half of which in less than 1 ½ years. She‘s now almost as fat relatively speaking as she was when she had reached her peak weight. She knows that I love it and I know that more is better, in principle. However, I believe that she‘s only aware of her absolute weight gain but not of her increased body fat ratio.

Those feeder tendencies didn‘t materialize because I am almost 100% sure that she wouldn‘t want it. I still enjoy those playful, voluntary-involuntary gains so I am still not sure whether I wanted to force things even if she wanted.

So things are very unlikely to change but those feeder tendencies are now undeniable. Imagining being a feeder seemed to be a thought crime to me only a few years ago.

Somehow, I have to come to terms with these tendencies, not because they‘re immoral per se, but because I don‘t want to become manipulative by seducing her into over-eating. Maybe I‘ve always done that anyway, unconsciously most of the time.

 

[waldo]

Wondering if I am potential feeder. I am a longterm FA (+30 years) and enjoyed my wife’s weight gain of about 130 lbs she has achieved on her own. I just didn‘t prevent her from eating because I love to see her eat and I admire her appetite. I marvel at the fact that she can keep herself in check for months and then gain 15 lbs in six weeks. I’ve always honestly told her that I love her no matter what and that her excess body fat body turns me on. I‘ve always felt that more fat is better and I once told her that I sometimes imagine her being even fatter. She firmly declined and this was fine because I wasn‘t even sure if I truly wanted it.

So this behaviour might characterize me as an enabler or an encourager. I‘ve only discovered that there‘s such a thing as feedism in the early 2000s and it didn‘t sit well with me because it seemed obsessive and intrusive to me, even immoral. To this day, I enjoy the playfulness of her weight gain, including her ups and downs.

However, my attitude has shifted quite a bit in recent years, especialls since the pandemic hit. Way before the pandemic, her weight had reached a 25-year-low and then it crept up very very slowly for about a 1 ½ years. When Covid-19 came upon is, her weight gain accelerated, but at least in the first lockdown, not dramatically. This changed during the second lockdown. As her weight gain accelerated, I began to discover my feeder tendencies, especially since her body fat ratio increased disproportionally. She regained about 45 lbs in 3 ½ years, half of which in less than 1 ½ years. She‘s now almost as fat relatively speaking as she was when she had reached her peak weight. She knows that I love it and I know that more is better, in principle. However, I believe that she‘s only aware of her absolute weight gain but not of her increased body fat ratio.

Those feeder tendencies didn‘t materialize because I am almost 100% sure that she wouldn‘t want it. I still enjoy those playful, voluntary-involuntary gains so I am still not sure whether I wanted to force things even if she wanted.

So things are very unlikely to change but those feeder tendencies are now undeniable. Imagining being a feeder seemed to be a thought crime to me only a few years ago.

Somehow, I have to come to terms with these tendencies, not because they‘re immoral per se, but because I don‘t want to become manipulative by seducing her into over-eating. Maybe I‘ve always done that anyway, unconsciously most of the time.

I think all 'hard core' FAs are potential feeders. But I suspect most are like myself and you (like you, I identify more as : encourager/enabler)
In particular, this section of your post is a good summary of the issues:
" I‘ve always felt that more fat is better and I once told her that I sometimes imagine her being even fatter. She firmly declined and this was fine because I wasn‘t even sure if I truly wanted it."
By telling her that you imagined/wished her larger, you are enabling future weight gain. And by being turned on by weight gain that has happened you feed (no pun intended) the cycle. I've totally been there but also understand the "wasn‘t even sure if I truly wanted it." Health concerns and just practical issues around mobility and other daily life limitations will come into play if you sit back and really examine from a realistic standpoint.

 

[luckyfa]

Health concerns and just practical issues around mobility and other daily life limitations will come into play if you sit back and really examine from a realistic standpoint.

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. That‘s right, fatness is not the only thing in life and a relationship that‘s important.

 

[SSBHM]

I read a story here recently that told of a young lady's inexplicable passion for fat boys. It was a very sweet, well written, and gentle story about the undeniable innate yearning for someone that had a good appetite, confident demeanor, and stout figure. It didn't indicate that she would force him to eat more, but on a date she couldn't finish her meal and offered it to him to enjoy. At which point the story goes, she had a hard time not being mesmerized by his swollen belly.

Ok, so I wanted to write a response that reflects how this yearning is inherent in me but for a woman or lady to be so inclined to indulge, bulge, and to enjoy doing and being so. I don't want to feel like I have forced someone to do something that is not what they want to do, but encouraging, appreciating, and being enraptured by it, pretty much covers it.

Oh, I also have found my own desire to indulge and bulge. It's exciting for some inherent reason that I don't fully understand. Health, physical capability, and social pressures obviously do play some role, but emotions, feelings, or innate desire can't be easily overcome by these factors. I wonder if others feel like I do?