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Do you get annoyed when your partner can't do something because they are fat?

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LordQuas

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I will agree that sometimes doing an activity together, particularly a physical one (even something as simple as going for a walk) can open up conversation in different ways with a partner, and bring some really positive vibes. That's something I really appreciate, actually.

HOWEVER...if someone isn't able to participate in certain physical activities like that (because of weight or any other number of things), I think there are other kinds of activities that can probably function in much the same way - doing something artistic together, going for a drive, playing music, etc.
A very fair point. Like I said in my first post in this thread though, I never formed the mental connection that most people do between body size and activity level and have dated almost nothing but active big women. This is why I really like Dimensions when people are being civil, I can get the answers and insight into a lot of questions that I wouldnt have ever dreamed of asking someone IRL.
 

olwen

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A very fair point. Like I said in my first post in this thread though, I never formed the mental connection that most people do between body size and activity level and have dated almost nothing but active big women. This is why I really like Dimensions when people are being civil, I can get the answers and insight into a lot of questions that I wouldnt have ever dreamed of asking someone IRL.
Haven't you ever broken a leg or sprained an ankle or gotten the flu?
 

tonynyc

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A very fair point. Like I said in my first post in this thread though, I never formed the mental connection that most people do between body size and activity level and have dated almost nothing but active big women. This is why I really like Dimensions when people are being civil, I can get the answers and insight into a lot of questions that I wouldnt have ever dreamed of asking someone IRL.
However... what do you consider as 'Big'
 
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Honestly, when it comes to running around with kids, animals, and such..it does get depressing not being able to do things with the SO. At some point, you have to choose either the food or your family. I'm happy Escapist is starting to choose family again. ***hides cattle prod***
 

BullseyeB

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Honestly, when it comes to running around with kids, animals, and such..it does get depressing not being able to do things with the SO. At some point, you have to choose either the food or your family. I'm happy Escapist is starting to choose family again. ***hides cattle prod***
Please tell me that you don't believe that all fat people are fat simply because of a choice of food over something else.

There is sooooo much more to it than that! Please.
 

LovelyLiz

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Honestly, when it comes to running around with kids, animals, and such..it does get depressing not being able to do things with the SO. At some point, you have to choose either the food or your family. I'm happy Escapist is starting to choose family again. ***hides cattle prod***
I am really glad that your SO is making choices that are making your family life better. Honestly, it sounds like you're encouraged and that's great. The issue with your post though (which more people may also take issue with, as BullseyeB also posted), is in generalizing your experience to everyone else (when you say "*you* have to choose"). It's totally fair for you to share your experience and thoughts in this thread, because it's asking if you get annoyed by a certain thing, and you shared that as you should be able to. But to then direct the point to a bunch of people whose experiences you don't know, that just isn't fair (or correct).
 

Grandi Floras

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Honey, it you are big, you are big and if a man is indeed interested in you, he has to realize that there just are some things we hefty ladies just cannot do. I think the main thing that we can do is love with all of our hearts and be more honest and upfront with who we are and what we can do. If a man cannot accept us just the way that we are, then he needs to go find a skinny minnie girl to do those things with. I for one am not that active in the physical sense, but in all else I am pretty danged good at what I do. :D
 
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Please tell me that you don't believe that all fat people are fat simply because of a choice of food over something else.

There is sooooo much more to it than that! Please.
Well, I'm the type of person that Doesn't get off on someone killing themselves...in front of me. Its one thing to have a hearty appetite and enjoy good food. However, if food is their drug of choice and I realize it. I will try to help them confront the psychological thorn in their side to help them go where they want to go medication free.
 
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I am really glad that your SO is making choices that are making your family life better. Honestly, it sounds like you're encouraged and that's great. The issue with your post though (which more people may also take issue with, as BullseyeB also posted), is in generalizing your experience to everyone else (when you say "*you* have to choose"). It's totally fair for you to share your experience and thoughts in this thread, because it's asking if you get annoyed by a certain thing, and you shared that as you should be able to. But to then direct the point to a bunch of people whose experiences you don't know, that just isn't fair (or correct).
If you said I was pointing fingers (which I did)..ok. However to imply that I'm making a general statement towards a certain group when I specifically mentioned Escapist is incorrect.

Now you can substitute food for work, sex, collecting things..etc. When someone is going off into the deep end with it..(and they are close to me)..I going to say something or leave them alone.

Edit...

Escapist help me get past my smoking addiction and recover from emotional issues. They went hand in hand running rampant in my life.

Plus, I may be an FA but I don't want to watch someone eat themselves to death....and complain about it. The catch is ..if you are not complaining in anyway..I might not notice. I may be sensitive but I do get distracted.
 

agouderia

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Honestly, when it comes to running around with kids, animals, and such..it does get depressing not being able to do things with the SO.
The issue with your post though (which more people may also take issue with, as BullseyeB also posted), is in generalizing your experience to everyone else (when you say "*you* have to choose").
Much of this problem has not only to do with objective physical limitations, but an individual's personal attitude and approach to their physical abilities - turning it into a personality and less of a weight issue: Does somebody try hard to make the most of the physical make up they happen to have - or do they give into comfort, convenience, habit and sometimes laziness very easily?
I'm fine with the former - I by now have problems with the latter.

Ironically I've become less tolerant regarding professed physical limitations over time not because of my heavy friends/acquaintances - all of them do their best and are very realistic about it because they are aware of the issue.

It's thin to normal friends who have minor limitations - (I have weak ankles, can you take my carry on? - Oh since the operation on my back didn't help, why should exercise, you need to drive me. - I'm too old for dressy shoes now, I can't go out like this - why should I walk to stay fit?) - aggravate them by not trying hard whilst exploiting others good natured offers to help.

I love to help and accodomate people to make our time together a better one - but in the long run that's only possible if everybody contributes what they can.
 
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I love to help and accodomate people to make our time together a better one - but in the long run that's only possible if everybody contributes what they can.
yep.

A relationship has to be balanced otherwise burnout happens.


Edit...

I live with two SSBHM's and its like night and day when it comes to their personalities and level of health..lol. dammit. I lost my train of thought..thinking about living with 2 ssbhm's..lol.
 

ampleampleample

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It's easy enough to plan around a lot of things and avoid the conflict, don't go to festivals, carry a folding chair in the trunk, etc. But no matter how charming and lovely they are, when you always have to help them put their shoes on when you're in a hurry, go to the store because they can't and you would rather be meeting your friends it can be challenging. But you love them or you don't and you put up with it. However, their attitude and how they handle is what makes it tolerable, or not.
 

Ocean

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It's easy enough to plan around a lot of things and avoid the conflict, don't go to festivals, carry a folding chair in the trunk, etc. But no matter how charming and lovely they are, when you always have to help them put their shoes on when you're in a hurry, go to the store because they can't and you would rather be meeting your friends it can be challenging. But you love them or you don't and you put up with it. However, their attitude and how they handle is what makes it tolerable, or not.
This. If you have someone demanding that you do these little things for them, or getting stroppy when you can't for whatever reason, then yeah, it's far easier to get annoyed at them. And this doesn't just apply to fat people either, everyone can be guilty of doing this.

Back in high school, me and my friends were going paint balling one weekend. One friend was fairly large (I'd guess at around 240lbs) and she had a massive go at us for daring to go and do something that she couldn't do. We invited her, and she demanded that we do something else that wouldn't be so hard on her. We ended up not going, and had a dull weekend doing something else. No-one really forgot her little tantrum about it, and not everyone wanted her to come with us if we were doing something a little bit physical.

I know, but that's teenagers for you. It wasn't a case of accommodating for her, if we went walking or shopping at least two or three of us would hang back to walk more slowly with her. It was a case of her demanding we weren't allowed to do what she felt she couldn't do.

And on the flip side, I also had another friend who was like this, though she was fairly thin. One time we were all going to see a certain film at the cinema, one that she didn't want to see. We invited her along, and she tried to demand that we went and saw something else. Didn't work, and she still came with us, but sulked the entire while.

In the end, if someone can't do something, it isn't their fault. There's no need to get upset at them for that. It's just a case of suggesting something else, or seeing if you can help them in some way. I mean we are all human, and people may get upset now and again. That's just how we work.

But attitude counts so much. Just because you can't do something, that doesn't mean you shouldn't stop your other half/friend from doing it.
 
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But attitude counts so much. Just because you can't do something, that doesn't mean you shouldn't stop your other half/friend from doing it.
Huh?...do you mean "should"?

Cause that would be kinda messed up if you meant "shouldn't"...

:p:D
 

Avichai

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Honey, it you are big, you are big and if a man is indeed interested in you, he has to realize that there just are some things we hefty ladies just cannot do. I think the main thing that we can do is love with all of our hearts and be more honest and upfront with who we are and what we can do. If a man cannot accept us just the way that we are, then he needs to go find a skinny minnie girl to do those things with. I for one am not that active in the physical sense, but in all else I am pretty danged good at what I do. :D
Well said. I'd also be interested to know what those things you speak of you're danged good at. ;)
In general, if sharing your affinity for physical activity is something you have to have in common with your partner, make it clear before anything gets too serious, I can't stand people who get together then constantly moan about this or that attribute, like someone's forcing them to hang around a girl / guy, or see their love interest as someone who needs to share *everything* with them.

Me personally I'm happy enough to live and let live. I'm not expecting my partner to do pumps with me at the gym, or run five miles in the morning, if they're not into that. In fact I'm usually happier dropping by mickey d's on the way home and treating them to a bagel and some scrambled egg. :]
 

olwen

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Sure I have, I'm not seeing the connection though
You are approaching the subject from a position of privilege - thin privilege. The bottom line is that many fat people just live with and deal with physical limitations of one kind or another. Anyone who dates fat people (at least ones over a certain weight) have to be aware of this and has to accept that they will likely have to make special accommodations for their SO if they want them to be comfortable and not get annoyed about it. Or even get annoyed but not become resentful. It just strikes me as odd that this hasn't ever been an issue for you.
 

BBWbonnie

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I have heard alot of men being this way it makes no sense!:doh:
 

LordQuas

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You are approaching the subject from a position of privilege - thin privilege. The bottom line is that many fat people just live with and deal with physical limitations of one kind or another. Anyone who dates fat people (at least ones over a certain weight) have to be aware of this and has to accept that they will likely have to make special accommodations for their SO if they want them to be comfortable and not get annoyed about it. Or even get annoyed but not become resentful. It just strikes me as odd that this hasn't ever been an issue for you.

I feel like its being assumed that because Ive never dated someone and had mobility be an issue that I wouldn't be willing to deal with it and that's unfair. I don't doubt that it looks odd but I am very picky about who I choose to date exclusively and I just couldnt see myself with someone that I didn't consider active regardless of their body. I feel like a lot of overweight people get mad at me for saying I dont think about it as though Im minimizing the effects of being overweight when the truth is I honestly dont judge people by their bodies. Everyone is different, one person at 300 lbs might be running marathons where as someone else may not be able to walk for more than a few minutes at 200 lbs because of bad knees. So I could never justify assuming that because a woman is big that she cant do certain things, I just try to take everyone as an individual because thats all I could ever ask from anyone else.
 

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