"Do you think he's cute?"

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SD007

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I get asked this sometimes (by my mom in particular :l ... who knows I like fat guys by the way, but probably doesn't understand the depth of it -- ANYWAY)...

I guess I was just wondering what this exactly means. You'd think it would mean, "do you think he's an attractive human being", but people make it sound like, "would you kiss/date him, do you think he's hot" -- which it probably means.

Of course I can find thin guys attractive, but I'm not totally sure if I could be with one romantically (well, sexually really). So I guess I'd say, "yeah he's cute, but not my type".

Feel free to share your thoughts! I just wanted to get this out of my head :p
 

Amaranthine

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I think people are used to conflating all sorts of attraction. So when anyone inquires whether you find someone attractive - considering the target is your gender of choice - they probably mean sexual as well.

I encounter this frequently enough as well and have taken to saying they're aesthetically pleasing. I can certainly appreciate the attractiveness of their features while lacking any physical attraction...akin to admiring a piece of art, or a really nicely designed chair or something.
 

loopytheone

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Yeah. I get awkward when I'm asked those sort of questions as well, thankfully it doesn't happen often with me. I think it really depends on the context and the way in which the person is asking.
 

Tad

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What Amaranthine said -- I'd rep her, but I repped her too recently.

For a lot of people beautiful, cute, and sexy get applied to the same people, so people use them kind of interchangeably, and in particular I think they use ‘cute’ a lot because it is the most moderate sounding of the three. But for some people, including many FA, the three are not all interchangeable.
- I can look at a dancer and see the beauty in her – but I can see the beauty in a race horse or a tiger too.
- To me cute is in part a matter of attitude, sometimes age plays a factor, probably I use it more with regard to smaller people, and certainly it also applies to kittens, puppies, and VW Beetles.
- Sexy, that is much more specific, and for me is pretty much restricted to people who might get lectured about their weight by medical professionals.

(this reminds me a bit of how people conflate mean, median, and mode….but that is the math geek in me speaking)

Mind you, such confusion can be vaguely useful at times. Such questions back in our mid-teens convinced one friend that I liked what he called “raunchy red-heads” and he kept telling our other friends that this was what I liked, and it was an odd and specific enough description that almost anybody could be considered not to meet it. So back before I really understood what it was to be an FA (or had ever heard of the term) I never had to try and fumble through an explanation of what I found attractive, because friends thought they knew already (that they were wrong didn't bother me much).
 

Surlysomething

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This. Exactly.



I encounter this frequently enough as well and have taken to saying they're aesthetically pleasing. I can certainly appreciate the attractiveness of their features while lacking any physical attraction...akin to admiring a piece of art, or a really nicely designed chair or something.
 

BigFA

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From a male FA perspective I can often appreciate the beauty of a slender or regular size woman who is dressed attractively and/or has a beautiful face. If someone were to ask me: "Isn't she beautiful?" I would say, "Yes she is although she is not my type" or "She does look nice but really a little too thin for my taste". I can appreciate looking at a normal size, attractive woman from an aestetic standpoint, but in terms of being naturally attracted to her or being aroused from a sexual standpoint, my true desire does not fire up unless she is fat.:smitten:
 

Durin

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Yes Catherine Zeta Jones is pretty, but my type is more Heather Boyle

:D
 

penguin

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There's a difference between finding someone attractive and being attracted to them. A lot of people think the latter is automatically attached to the former.
 

SD007

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Good explanations! That's what I figured -- it's just difficult when people jumble a bunch of meanings into one word and expect you to go along with it, and then you have to explain yourself. I mean, it's not difficult saying "I prefer fat guys", it's just frustrating when people assume your into the "typical hot/cute guy".
 

BigCutieCallie

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There's a difference between finding someone attractive and being attracted to them. A lot of people think the latter is automatically attached to the former.
Exactly. It's the same way I comment about other women's appearance. I find plenty of women attractive for many different reason, but I am not attracted to them (not usually :p).
 

reuben6380

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I always find it funny when the opposite sex points out what they think you think is attractive to you. My wife always points out women that she thinks i would find attractive, but 9 times out of 10 she gets a "meh" at best. So this leads me to believe that either my wife has horrible taste in fat women or that the non-physical factors pay a much stronger role in attraction then i give them credit for.
 

Tad

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I always find it funny when the opposite sex points out what they think you think is attractive to you. My wife always points out women that she thinks i would find attractive, but 9 times out of 10 she gets a "meh" at best. So this leads me to believe that either my wife has horrible taste in fat women or that the non-physical factors pay a much stronger role in attraction then i give them credit for.
Or there are parts of the physical that are hard to describe. It can be quite amazing how much small things can matter--and how much some of them can be very widely agreed upon, while others are very personal.

The question, I guess, is whether member of your own gender are any better at pointing out people they think you might be attracted to? That is, is that she is looking at them with a woman's eye instead of a man's eye? Or is it simply that she isn't looking at them with your eye?
 

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