Ever get the feeling...

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bigpulve

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i might just be pulling this out of my ass but i thought that i read somewhere that fat people produce less testosterone, thereby making us less sexually driven.

Having been much smaller (165 lbs) and in great shape once upon a time I can totally see the difference in my sex drive. Back then i was in third gear while now i'm just kind of idling...

it also may have something to do with your self image/esteem. if you dont think that you're attractive you might not, subconsciously, consider yourself worthy of physical intimacy.
I dont know about less Testosterone, but fat does produce excess estrogen in the body.

To address the connection to women thing since I think this is the OP's main concern - perhaps you just haven't met the right one yet - I know super cliche but maybe true. Just like friendships - you don't always connect with other people in certain ways and you just haven't met the woman who connects with you in a way that stirs up that whatever it is that makes us want to be with that person.
Yeah I hear what youre saying. I made this thread because I met a girl saturday and we were together saturday for 4 hours and really really hit it off, but the whole thing was over by Tuesday. lol. Part of it was also I had just started a conscious respite from dating right now so I sorta got my hopes up with this girl.

I'm 10 years older then you and have talked to/dated countless guys but only really have 3 true ex's myself. Some I clicked with right away some it took a bit longer and we had to have a few dates before we decided it wasn't working. The guy I just have had a few dates with we emailed back and forth for months before finally meeting and going out and before we met I wasn't sure about him at all though on a friend level we seemed to have similar interests and then we met and yeah it just.. was comfortable - like we'd known each other for a while - except now its not working because he's working too much and i'm moving and the effort doesn't seem to be there on his part to keep it going .. sigh ... anyways back on topic...
Now that I am back to seminormal I have realized I should put this spin on it all. These dates are a smart way to find out what I really want in a girl. Not just the physical part, but the whole all around stuff.

Some people are lucky and meet that person and thats that - others like myself and I guess you have to put yourself out there time and time again in the search. I get frustrated and sad and angry and self-blaming but the best thing is to try and stay positive, put yourself out there to meet new people and to just remember that its other who are missing out on the wonderfulness that is you! Yes at the end of the day you still lack the companionship you crave but you can't find that by giving up either :)
I keep forgetting that there are other foundation laying things I have to do first before the whole dating thing can be built. Right now life is kinda still in shambles. My social circle is well nonexistent, I am having trouble finding a job, the only thing I do have pinned down is school. so I really need to stop because nothing will happen without the other pieces fixed in my opinion.

Perhaps you need to join an activity or hobby club or something so you are meeting women who align more with your interests this gives something to click on automatically and you can grow from there.

Maybe sit down and think about all the girls you have dated - is there one specific thing that you can identify that turns you off, or maybe you can identify things about a girl that turns you on to them - i'm not talking physical things here but mental things, personality traits, interests etc. When you can narrow down some things that you find really compliment you and what you want you can start to search to date people who fit that. (I'm not saying that you haven't done this already but if you haven't try it)

Another thing.. there is absolutely nothing wrong with having needs and wants when it comes to a partner. A friend of mine said I was being picky when I only wanted to date people who fit certain things I've decided I wanted in a partner. I say.. screw that.. I know who I am and what I want and why would I date someone who didn't fit that.
Yeah I need to do that hobby thing. Ive joined a few things, but ultimately they are falling by the way side because my views are changing. lol. Like I said I think Im gonna look at this whole thing differently.

also side note - be honest - the cancer thing.. you'll know when the time is right.. I mean sometimes conversation just dictates it.. I don't think its something that you necessarily need to disclose on the first date unless it is something that affects your everyday health or something like that. Its not like its an STD that if your gonna hook up the partner HAS to know about it. I would say any kind of condition unless contagious or life threatening currently doesn't need to be "bombed" into conversation - just let it come up naturally as the getting to know you part happens.
I have come to the conclusion its something I need to keep to myself for a while. I was using to explain my lack of parts of my life like friends and job and such, but its been a year. Its past its usefulness.
 

rabbitislove

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That you just dont seem to click with people of the opposite gender?
Story of my life. Y'know because Im such a pimp I dont let em get close. I have like 12 fat boys a night, 7 nights a week. All different, oh yeah.

*runs off and cries because shes really awkward and only has her dog to cuddle with*
 

Ola

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Eh, I dunno. I sometimes feel like I don't UNDERSTAND the opposite gender, but I guess maybe that's a little different? xD

Anyways, OP, personal chemistry can be a bitch, it sucks that things haven't worked out for you. :( Don't lose hope though, whatever you do. Finding 6 women interested in dating in one year is still pretty good; that's about as many she-folk as I've dated my whole life! :sad: :p
 

taobear

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Story of my life. Y'know because Im such a pimp I dont let em get close. I have like 12 fat boys a night, 7 nights a week. All different, oh yeah.

*runs off and cries because shes really awkward and only has her dog to cuddle with*
No don't run off. I love to cuddle. and I'm real hard to scare off.
 

MasterShake

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You so crazy. LOL
tee hee!

Back to the OP, I definitely think part of it is being not only young, but self conscious, which you seem to be. I think you'll find better relationship will come in time as you learn to relax and just be yourself, allowing these ladies to know you without any conscious effort or pressure stressing you out.

Plus, if you're going to school as it sounds like you are, there'll be plenty of opportunities there.

As for connecting with the opp gender, my personal belief is that making a big deal about gender is probably the biggest stumbling block itself. If you start mythologizing women as this mysterious species totally unlike men, you'll set up stumbling blocks. I know, I know, a man totally is not allowed to speak for women, but my personal experience is that any woman typically wants the same thing any guy does - someone who's fun, supportive of their dreams and goals, and generally makes them feel desirable/special (in and out of bed).

You seem like a cool enough dude, so I think if you just relax a bit (always easier said than done), be yourself, and treat teh ladies as individual persons rather than some totally different class of people (not saying you do, it's just easy esp if you get caught up in thinking you don't click with a single one of 'em), I think you'll find yourself with a lot more success when it comes to dating and whatnot.

My .02 cents, anyhoo!
 

taobear

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tee hee!

Back to the OP, I definitely think part of it is being not only young, but self conscious, which you seem to be. I think you'll find better relationship will come in time as you learn to relax and just be yourself, allowing these ladies to know you without any conscious effort or pressure stressing you out.

Plus, if you're going to school as it sounds like you are, there'll be plenty of opportunities there.

As for connecting with the opp gender, my personal belief is that making a big deal about gender is probably the biggest stumbling block itself. If you start mythologizing women as this mysterious species totally unlike men, you'll set up stumbling blocks. I know, I know, a man totally is not allowed to speak for women, but my personal experience is that any woman typically wants the same thing any guy does - someone who's fun, supportive of their dreams and goals, and generally makes them feel desirable/special (in and out of bed).

You seem like a cool enough dude, so I think if you just relax a bit (always easier said than done), be yourself, and treat teh ladies as individual persons rather than some totally different class of people (not saying you do, it's just easy esp if you get caught up in thinking you don't click with a single one of 'em), I think you'll find yourself with a lot more success when it comes to dating and whatnot.

My .02 cents, anyhoo!
I'm not all that sociable anyway, I don't like people very much. I tend to feel sorry for most. My main fear is that I will one day become a lonely old man because others can't accept me for who I am.
I'm not all that desperate. I just don't see much promise in my future. I take care of my mom. She is not in the best of health and when she is gone. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do.
So yes I do feel a bit of pressure. I still flirt, but it seems to fall on deaf ears. I also treat women with respect as individuals. I just have never clicked with one in a mutual way. I have met several I have been attracted to, but they didn't feel the same way. On the other hand I have met a few that were attracted to me one was committed to a psychiatric hospital, another was a drug addict and a third was an alcoholic. I just don't have the best of luck with women so if I seem a little off with the social skills, I'm sorry.
 

bigpulve

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tee hee!

Back to the OP, I definitely think part of it is being not only young, but self conscious, which you seem to be. I think you'll find better relationship will come in time as you learn to relax and just be yourself, allowing these ladies to know you without any conscious effort or pressure stressing you out.

Plus, if you're going to school as it sounds like you are, there'll be plenty of opportunities there.

As for connecting with the opp gender, my personal belief is that making a big deal about gender is probably the biggest stumbling block itself. If you start mythologizing women as this mysterious species totally unlike men, you'll set up stumbling blocks. I know, I know, a man totally is not allowed to speak for women, but my personal experience is that any woman typically wants the same thing any guy does - someone who's fun, supportive of their dreams and goals, and generally makes them feel desirable/special (in and out of bed).

You seem like a cool enough dude, so I think if you just relax a bit (always easier said than done), be yourself, and treat teh ladies as individual persons rather than some totally different class of people (not saying you do, it's just easy esp if you get caught up in thinking you don't click with a single one of 'em), I think you'll find yourself with a lot more success when it comes to dating and whatnot.

My .02 cents, anyhoo!
Oh yeah I am conscious. I have one of those brains that analyzes everything all the time. It annoys the shit outta me. Im learning a lot through my own sorta "research" about stuff. I have a few dating tools, that are more centered around making yourself the best you can be and thus getting better. Not just cheesy pick up lines and stuff. haha.

School you say? Yeah all I have to say is... nursing. :blush:

I guess it mainly comes from me seeing all sorts of people in relationships and just wonder whats up with myself. Im a slow to warm kinda person, so im not always 100% myself on the first date. I cant help it always. I kinda need a week or 2 before Im comfortable, but Im not getting that week is all. :(

you know I dont really treat them differently. The best thing I heard before was "everyone is a still a person no matter what they do or they are. If I ever met the president I would be gracious, but I wouldnt think he was better than me as a person. Better skilled a politics though. Even that 10 across the bar farts, probably louder then you, burps and picks her nose."
 

lovelocs

Nunc est Bibendum
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one was committed to a psychiatric hospital, another was a drug addict and a third was an alcoholic
I do not know much about your area of the country, or your interests. But you may want to change the places where you are meeting women.

You may connect with women through a hobby or volunteer experience. Don't just join Habitat for Humanity for the hammer-wielding hotties ;), but people whom you meet in constructive (pun intended) situations tend to be constructive healthy people.
 

taobear

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I do not know much about your area of the country, or your interests. But you may want to change the places where you are meeting women.

You may connect with women through a hobby or volunteer experience. Don't just join Habitat for Humanity for the hammer-wielding hotties ;), but people whom you meet in constructive (pun intended) situations tend to be constructive healthy people.
I wasn't even looking those times one was a girl I worked with another I met at walmart. The third was a gal I met at a waffle house she was a striper but I didn't know that until she after we had been out a couple times. I don't go looking for women who are messed up, they just find me. I tried to volunteer at a church for a while, they stuck me in a shelter for battered women.
 

johniav

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The reason for the old saying " you will meet someone when you least expect it " I believe, has to do with the fact that regaldless of how advanced humans are, there are still some very primitive parts of human genetic wirering that will overide their envoirmental conditioning. For instance, Dogs will attack a sick member of their pack, and humans will sometimes kick one from their species when he or she is down. However if a person is purely involved in him or herself and seems to have no concern for whether or not the oppositte gender notices them, a member of the oppositte gender will want to find out what they are so involved in.
In other words, get involved in something that you love and respectfuly disregard the oppositte gender unless a member from their group seeks interaction. Trust me it will come with the right circumstance.... life can get pretty freaky *)
 

cakeboy

Douchepuncher Supreme!
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Ever get the feeling..?

No, not since the accident :(
 
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