Ever wondered why you are an FA? And does it really matter?

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mergirl

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You seem to suggest, T Devil, that the way you feel is the way everyone should (and possibly does) feel. Why is that?

You said that one, single statement (along with many others). She was affected by it. It happens. I'm actually shocked that you're fighting fire with napalm.

EDIT: On topic - Mack27, thank you for your post. I never really looked at the situation that way and I'm glad someone brought up something that has challenged my thoughts. I shall let your post sit with me for a while, analyzing and thinking. Where I might not share the same happenings and courses from my past, it's still very intriguing and a very possible possibility.
(Sarcastic remark: or should I not be affected by what you said, seeing as how it's possible to offend me or you. Oh wait, that's right! Others' words can affect me or other people, directly and indirectly! ;) )
on here i usually feel i'm fighting water with a sponge, or that i'm on acid.
 

Victim

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Liking fat girls isn't a cause, it's part of my lifestyle. Defending your lifestyle so that you may continue to pursue it without being hated, ridiculed, or denied what you deserve, now THAT is a cause.
 

mergirl

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Liking fat girls isn't a cause, it's part of my lifestyle. Defending your lifestyle so that you may continue to pursue it without being hated, ridiculed, or denied what you deserve, now THAT is a cause.
brilliant! burn this message on your retinas people!
 

T_Devil

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You seem to suggest, T Devil, that the way you feel is the way everyone should (and possibly does) feel. Why is that?

You said that one, single statement (along with many others). She was affected by it. It happens. I'm actually shocked that you're fighting fire with napalm.
Shouldn't be, I kill files with sledge hammers all the time. I don't tell people how to think. They choose to think however they want. Make no mistake, I don't seek to control minds. I have strong beliefs because that is how I was raised. If you believe in something, then believe in it.

How I think everybody should feel? I don't care about how other people feel. They agree, fine, if they don't, fuck 'em, they are not allowed to dine with me (I don't believe in arguments at the dinner table).

I will not allow someone to take a statement of mine and twist it into a weapon against me. If a person doesn't want to feel like a charity, fine, don't. But don't accuse me thinking that in the first place, especially if you don't really know what it is I'm talking about. I get pissed when people try to accuse me of things I'm not only not guilty of, but I actually have zero interest in to begin with.

So when somebody says something like "the way you feel is the way everyone should (and possibly does) feel" is misleading. Like I have an agenda that is more than just having an opinion? I don't assign a person an opinion. I have feelings, yes. I have beliefs, yes. Not everybody shares those feelings and beliefs. Fine. They believe what they believe and even if I feel it's wrong, they are entitled to feel whatever they want.

I know I don't like being told what to feel, so I try and extend the same courtesy, but, if people get the wrong impression and assume anything else and try and attack me with it, bet your ass I'm blasting back!

Disagree with me all you want. Fine. But don't make me into something I'm not. I don't take kindly to that. I don't take kindly to that at all.

Victim said:
Liking fat girls isn't a cause, it's part of my lifestyle. Defending your lifestyle so that you may continue to pursue it without being hated, ridiculed, or denied what you deserve, now THAT is a cause.
I wish I would have said that! Rep to you!
 

juniper

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So you're going to take ONE thing I said (out of EVERYTHING I have said) and blow it all out of proportion and use it to chastise ME?? Ok you know what? You're not a charity. Good for you! Wonderful, I'm proud of you. I would be offended too if I were you and I thought I was talking about me.
Wait, wait, wait. I used your comment as an example, because, as Chimpi said, I was very affected by it. I am sorry if you saw it as an attack on you personally, it wasn't meant to be.

I still am, however, very annoyed with the fact that fat people are treated differently from thin people, and partaking in this division, by calling their beliefs a cause, or a society, or a subculture, or whatever.

You want a guy who likes you to be unsure about whether he likes you? Huh?
I don't want him to be, I expect him to be, as in, I assume that he is insecure about it.

A true FA is no different from a true skinny admirer. If you were thin would you say that you wouldn't want to date a man who only found thin girls attractive? Would you still feel cheap? The FA's who only want to have sex with you and nothing else are the ones who definitely will make you feel cheap. This whole issue isn't about true FAs vs whatever, it's about FA's treating the fat girls they do want to be with, with respect.
Definitely! I would hate to be in a relationship where I'd have to watch everything I do and eat because I might gain a little weight. I've seen a girl go anorexic because she kept thinking she wasn't skinny enough and her boyfriend liked her that way so did nothing to prevent it.

The thing I really want to say is, I know some people here say you should shout from the rooftops that you're an FA, but I personally, really don't think that's necessary. Because, you know, you really don't have to justify it, and it should speak for itself. So give no explanations, you don't have to warn people you might bring home a fat chick, just do it. I'm a normal person too you know.
 

mergirl

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but but but..
even for the sake of easyness.. we should say we are Fa because then we can all get together (like we are here) and talk about issues that effect us (positive and negative).
You wouldnt say to a gay person "you dont have to say your gay, just go out with someone of the same sex" and even more offensive, that its not necessary to shout it from the rooftops!
maby if YOU were an Fa You would find it necessary! Perhaps you would like to talk about what you go through as an Fa with others who will understand. Think about it.. You say that Fat people get hassle all the time, then obviously that must affect thier partners!? and thats just one example.
Dont say something is wrong just because you have no concept of it..open your mind and you might find the world isnt flat after all.

mer- Fa on the rooftops shouting
 

Victim

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It is a subculture. Any group that feels removed from society as a whole for whatever reason is going to seek out like minded people. We support each other and share our lives on here because we CAN.

We lend strength when we are feeling strong. We come for strength when we are feeling weak.

We come here because we are welcome.
 

juniper

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People, please, I am just responding to the bashing of those you call closet FAs.

What's so bad about someone who likes big girls (or big guys for that matter) but doesn't make a big deal out of it?

There are these five kinds of FA someone uttered and for some people only the first one seems to make you a true FA, I am just disagreeing with that, and saying that if someone is not sure about it, or doesn't feel comfortable with it, they are treated as if their frauds or should get their shit together before they do some sort of living. Please, just stop the labeling.
 

BothGunsBlazing

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People, please, I am just responding to the bashing of those you call closet FAs.

What's so bad about someone who likes big girls (or big guys for that matter) but doesn't make a big deal out of it?

There are these five kinds of FA someone uttered and for some people only the first one seems to make you a true FA, I am just disagreeing with that, and saying that if someone is not sure about it, or doesn't feel comfortable with it, they are treated as if their frauds or should get their shit together before they do some sort of living. Please, just stop the labeling.
You are aware that the closet FAs that people bash are the ones who will hook up with a fat girl behind closed doors but refuse to be seen with her in public and where any friends or family might see.

I'm terribly sorry, but if you don't have an issue with that behavior, I don't know what else to tell you.

No one has an issue with people who don't run around screaming about their fatty love 24/7 because well, no one does that. It's dumb.

Sooo, one person comes up with some 5 Points of FA bullshit to justify their behavior and you're going to base this entire size acceptance thing on that?

I know! Let's coddle people who are ashamed of their preferences! I mean, it's not like they're not trampling over real people while doing this because they're afraid to be seen with the 'orrible fat person. Good form! :wubu:
 

juniper

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I'm not justifying that behaviour!

Never mind.

edit. I mean, I agree with you totally that people who are ashamed to be seen with their partner shouldn't be with that person. I have just been saying all along, that I understand it if someone's insecure about dating a fat person, and that maybe it would help if fat people stopped advocating they are a community or a society. Because fat people are normal people too right? So it should be normal to date a big person, thus no one needs to make a big deal about it.

But unfortunately, in the world, and certainly in my area of the world, fat people are not accepted in society, I've been in other parts of the world, I speak from experience, and thus it makes sense to me that the guys around here will be what you call closet FAs, or worse, don't date fat girls at all.
 

Mack27

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I didn't have the courage to introduce a fat woman I was dating to my parents until my 30s. They were always so anti-fat always saying mean and disparaging things to fat relatives right to their face! They had a hard time understanding my preference, especially since I don't ONLY like fat women. But I found out they'd rather see me with a fat woman than not see me at all. Friends can be weird about me liking fat girls too, I never hid it from them, but they get over it really quickly. Except for this one guy I knew in the guard, he said liking fat girls was worse than being gay, he would never let up on the "moo" noises and stuff like that. I wonder to this day if he was a closet FA.
 

beginner FA

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I agree with the notion that someone in a relationship should not let their insecurities influence their behaviour. But I do empathise with the single FAs who worry about not being accepted for who they are: I've been there and its not fun.

Thanks to everyone who has contributed to the thread so far.:)
 

T_Devil

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... this one guy I knew in the guard, he said liking fat girls was worse than being gay, he would never let up on the "moo" noises and stuff like that. I wonder to this day if he was a closet FA.
Nah, he's just an Asshole.
Or he's Gay.
Or he's a Gay Asshole.

Closet case FA self hater.... perhaps.
But the one thing he is for sure, is an asshole. I had a friend like that once. I told him "If you are EVER rude to a fat girl in my presence ever again, I will knock your dick in the dirt. I'm not fuckin' kidding."
He knew I wasn't afraid of smashing him right in the face either, I mean we've had our scraps in the past (that's how we ended up being friends). What he did in my presence reflected on me. It's like dropping a bucket of paint, when you drop it, paint doesn't just land where you dropped the bucket, it goes all over the place, splattering everybody.

Bad attitudes are the same way.

We quit hanging out. He got a girlfriend and he does his thing. I have my wife and we do our thing. Sometimes those we see as friends, don't always stay friends. It's a sad part of life, but sometimes it's necessary and it can be inevitable if the difference in opinion is just too great.
 
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My boyfriend explained it to me this way:

You know how some men are ass men, some men are tit men? Well, the way the breast is soft and appealing to the touch, that's how he likes the REST of the body to feel, too.
 

Mathias

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I've never really questioned it because I never felt like I needed to. It is what it is, and makes me happy. That's my perspective.
 

No-No-Badkitty

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Get your priorities together before you want to enter an ADULT RELATIONSHIP. Training wheels are off. If they fuck it up now, somone's going to get hurt. I just rather it's not the girl left crying and confused because some asshole can't get his fuckin' shit together.


A little off topic here....but I have to comment.

You rock. You absolutely rock.
When I was growing up as a fat chick, it was politically incorrect to be fat (more so than it is now) and I was constantly ridiculed put on starvation diets (that nearly killed me but I never lost weight) etc. as the world tried to make me conform and I was scared into thinking I was some hidious creature that didn't deserve to see the light of day.
I SO wish that MORE men like you had been around then or at least out in the open about being FA!
Thank you. You SO ROCK...
And guys...as a fat chick, I am here to tell you this...there is NOTHING more sexy (no matter the size of the guy) than a guy who wants you for who you are and I mean WANTS you. Tell us. Touch us. Let us know that we are beautiful.
The only thing I regret is that it took me YEARS of wasted youth to realize that I wasn't the one that needed to change...it was the world that needed to change ;)
 

olwen

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.....I still am, however, very annoyed with the fact that fat people are treated differently from thin people, and partaking in this division, by calling their beliefs a cause, or a society, or a subculture, or whatever.



I don't want him to be, I expect him to be, as in, I assume that he is insecure about it.



Definitely! I would hate to be in a relationship where I'd have to watch everything I do and eat because I might gain a little weight. I've seen a girl go anorexic because she kept thinking she wasn't skinny enough and her boyfriend liked her that way so did nothing to prevent it.

The thing I really want to say is, I know some people here say you should shout from the rooftops that you're an FA, but I personally, really don't think that's necessary. Because, you know, you really don't have to justify it, and it should speak for itself. So give no explanations, you don't have to warn people you might bring home a fat chick, just do it. I'm a normal person too you know.


People, please, I am just responding to the bashing of those you call closet FAs.

What's so bad about someone who likes big girls (or big guys for that matter) but doesn't make a big deal out of it?

There are these five kinds of FA someone uttered and for some people only the first one seems to make you a true FA, I am just disagreeing with that, and saying that if someone is not sure about it, or doesn't feel comfortable with it, they are treated as if their frauds or should get their shit together before they do some sort of living. Please, just stop the labeling.
I'm not justifying that behaviour!

Never mind.

edit. I mean, I agree with you totally that people who are ashamed to be seen with their partner shouldn't be with that person. I have just been saying all along, that I understand it if someone's insecure about dating a fat person, and that maybe it would help if fat people stopped advocating they are a community or a society. Because fat people are normal people too right? So it should be normal to date a big person, thus no one needs to make a big deal about it.

But unfortunately, in the world, and certainly in my area of the world, fat people are not accepted in society, I've been in other parts of the world, I speak from experience, and thus it makes sense to me that the guys around here will be what you call closet FAs, or worse, don't date fat girls at all.
Juniper, I get where you're coming from - if we expect to be treated like everybody else then we should act like we are like everybody else and not compartimentalize ourselves. Yes? To that I say yes and no. Yes I am like everybody else in that I am human, but no I am not like a thin person when I can't fit into that one seat on the bus or the airplane, or when I can't walk as fast as my skinny friends, or when the doctor's office doesn't have a gown in my size or when the nurse doesn't know how to take my blood pressure with that tiny cuff or when the job interviewer assumes I'm diabetic and sees me as a liability before I even shake her hand and say hello.

Wanting a man to treat me with respect is asking him to treat me normally. Why should I expect to get less than what a thin person gets? Expecting him to be unsure about whether he wants to be seen with me is like expecting to breathe thin air at sea level. It won't sustain me. This is a bit different from expecting every man I meet to love me instantly. That takes time, but giving respect should not. That's all I'm asking for and I shouldn't have to ask. I shouldn't have to be suspect.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with an FA not making a big deal about being an FA and that is the whole point. An FA shouldn't need to justify his sexuality to anyone, but the one who vacillates and is unsure and confused is certainly trying to justify it not only to himself, but to everyone else. An FA doesn't have to shout if from the rooftops, but he does have to be ready to defend himself without apology. That's what counts. He just has to be unafraid. He looks down on that fear by just living his life.

Look, the guy who can be with me without looking to fight every anonymous joe schmo who stares or teases, ect is doing it right because he is comfortable with himself and with me and because he believes that nothing is out of the ordinary, cause it isn't. But when the time comes for him to have to defend him and me (like when his family or his friends decides to give him shit when he just shows up with a fat woman like he would with a thin woman) I expect him to be willing and able to do so (tho he wouldn't have to with a thin women). That defense could be simply stating we're together and that there will be no discussion about it if someone asks, or shouting down his family members if they get in his face, or by walking away from the friends who won't respect his choices. A closeted FA wouldn't do any of those things. I ask why the hell not? "Because it's hard" just isn't a good enough answer.

All that being said, having a community to turn to when in doubt makes you feel less alone and isolated. When people struggle they need to be able to band together to deal with whatever it is they are dealing with. (otherwise there'd have been no women's movement or civil rights movement or gay pride movement). How strong is an army of one? Perhaps if the blokes in your part of the world had a community to join with they'd be more empowered and less insecure. In that regard I am glad that a place like Dims exists. As much as I am bothered by the fact that people struggle with their attraction to what to me is not so horrible and shocking, it is good for them to have a place to go to learn that they aren't alone in their struggle and that there are people who can offer solutions.


but but but..
even for the sake of easyness.. we should say we are Fa because then we can all get together (like we are here) and talk about issues that effect us (positive and negative).
You wouldnt say to a gay person "you dont have to say your gay, just go out with someone of the same sex" and even more offensive, that its not necessary to shout it from the rooftops!
maby if YOU were an Fa You would find it necessary! Perhaps you would like to talk about what you go through as an Fa with others who will understand. Think about it.. You say that Fat people get hassle all the time, then obviously that must affect thier partners!? and thats just one example.
Dont say something is wrong just because you have no concept of it..open your mind and you might find the world isnt flat after all.

mer- Fa on the rooftops shouting
So when do we get that fat pride parade?
 

Green Eyed Fairy

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My boyfriend explained it to me this way:

You know how some men are ass men, some men are tit men? Well, the way the breast is soft and appealing to the touch, that's how he likes the REST of the body to feel, too.
I have seen/heard it explained this way, too.......if nothing else, fat girls are soft ;)
 
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