FA Dating Frustrations

Discussion in 'BBW/FA Board' started by Volt01, Jun 25, 2019.

  1. Jul 12, 2019 #21

    Tad

    Tad

    Tad

    mostly harmless

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    The great white north, eh?
    If you don't need them to have a fat kink of their own, or to be of particularly rare size, I'd suggest that these days there are enough fat people around that just generally getting involved with new groups and meeting new people has a pretty high chance of leading you to meet some eligibly single fat people, with the added advantage that you already have an activity or group of people in common so it ups your chances of getting along.
     
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  2. Jul 12, 2019 #22

    RedShellBlueShell

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    I felt this way before I had my first too. Fat admiration adds a significant deal of extra complexity to love, sex, and romance (but very, very worth it once it works). It takes many of us a bit longer than our non-FA peers to find our groove, but I think you're on the right track.
     
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  3. Jul 12, 2019 #23

    John Smith

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    Well. Sometimes there happens, since she-who-I-won't-hear-anynore stopped our loose feeder/feedee relationship aboyt two years ago, that I feel overwhelmed by a thryst; a festering need to feed a woman.

    While working in a convience store, I used my charisma and my charms coupled by my modest sellsman expertise to convince easily influencable female customers to buy our cooked pastries, chips, sodas or chocolate even when the pastries weren't that fresh and somehow instilled to a former coworker to not worry about her ongoing gain.
    Two customers turned chubby in the laspe of a few months because they get addicted to the products I coaxed them to purchase and my coworker went from plump yet moderably toned to snug into her uniform in two months.

    That's hard. But I past over it. Anyway like I've said in an another post, I mever been into any commitment. They cause too much trouble.
     
  4. Jul 13, 2019 #24

    Volt01

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    VOLKSWAGEN DRIVING SHORTSTACK LOVING BADASS

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    yeah i know, im just trying to stay confident, i never had love before and im kinda scared lol
     
  5. Jul 14, 2019 #25

    Emmy

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    something witty..

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    when you go to the festival on a date... and he wants to go on a ride that has harnesses that you know you cant squeeze ur chunky butt into :confused: like...lets hit the tilta whirl, bearclaws n you win me a stuffed animal instead lol
     
  6. Jul 14, 2019 #26

    extra_m13

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    big frustration... finding the pretty bbw with a big appetite and hating exercise but, utterly unhappy with being fat and always talking about diets, it almost neglects the beauty of seeing her eating and gaining
     
  7. Jul 15, 2019 #27

    Emmy

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    something witty..

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    awww :( that does sound rough and probably so common
     
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  8. Jul 15, 2019 #28

    happily_married

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    Happy to be part of Dims!

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    Keep in mind the perfect woman doesn’t exist. There will always be something that you wish you could change about her. Instead of changing it you learn to deal with it. Or of course, things fall apart. I absolutely admire those plus size women who are genuinely secure in their weight and enjoy being who they are. But for so many, being overweight is a defining characteristic they’d rather not have: no matter who they are or how they define themselves, society views them as overweight women.

    Put yourself in her shoes: instead of being viewed as a person, she’s viewed as a FAT person. Nothing else she does will be enough to overcome that categorizing.

    You can’t fault them for wanting to change their situation. Your attraction to them likely will never be powerful enough to lead to them being self accepting. That has to come from within. I know it doesn’t make it easier, but it may help at least empathize.
     
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  9. Aug 16, 2019 #29

    Jimevil2000

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    My experience is exactly the opposite. Most I come across are jaded from the lack or attention in a previous (or ongoing) relationship. I’ve been approached by more than a few married women at events looking for attention who caught me staring.

    But then I’m the the NYC area - people are generally much more vapid and plastic here while trying to conform. Yet assuming they are better then anyone else.
     
  10. Aug 17, 2019 #30

    Green Eyed Fairy

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    I've been dating a guy that likes fat girls but seems to be bothered that I don't walk as fast as him.
    You tell me what the problem is?
     
  11. Aug 17, 2019 #31

    John Smith

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    From the little description you've given to us, I cannot hold a judgement about him based on this account but it seems clear to me that he show lack of empathy about that one hassle a woman of your size may experience in their everyday routine: which let to suggest that either he used to frequent less bigger or more physically active partners and cannot process yet why are you different, or he's perhaps showing signs of a narcissistic personality.

    Don't get me wrong, but I think the solution might been to speak about the issue you have about his behiavor. If you keep standing out about the fact you feel annoyed by his inconsiderate absence of comprehension about the fact that being this big means walking way slower than the average people, maybe he would better process it.
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2019
  12. Aug 17, 2019 #32

    Jimevil2000

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    He may be new to being with a larger woman. Although I notice you say “seems like” he is bothered. Why not just ask?
     
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  13. Aug 17, 2019 #33

    John Smith

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    That's however the first time I heard someone dating bigger women resent displeasure about the fact his partner has to deal with the struggle to just walk around but slowly.

    Personally, I've experienced the total opposite of your account.

    A few years back, a then-intimate of mine I used to frequent since secondary school had momentarily chubbied out a lot, leaping up from 145 to the 170s or so pounds in a matter of weeks. She was of an average-to-taller built at less five feet eight tall and had a soft-skinny yet curveous medium-size hourglass figure, a moderable-to-fairly-buxom bust, a set of gently wider hips that kept to flare out a little more whenener her weight was yoyo-ing, then a somewhat above-average sized bum followed by a pair of sleekily strong yet toned: both issued from the few past years prior that passed to let herself a little go after a period of intense glute-and-quads-focused workout, whilst still keeping up a physically-requiering floor job.

    But during the explosion gain, most of the additional weight went right into her breasts and lower body frame: if the change in bodyweight was noticeable enough up from the waist due to the significant breast growth coupled by the sightings of moonface, choblet, fluffy upper arms and thicker waist or that severe wardrobe dysfunction she experiended while trying to still fit her then-mildly heavyset, Triple D cupped body into any Large size top, using however the expression "beyond noticeable" would be a far, far, far cruel understatement of my part when looking down at what-the-name-of-whichever-protohistorical-fertility-goddess happened past below the waist... because the both breadth and proportions of her then-massively hefty, wobbly, (provedly) glass-bearing posterior dwarfing all of her chunky thighs, fledgling ride breeches and stammering orange peel's skin, might have for only equal but those of a 2017-era Andrea Abeli but in natural.

    She gained about thirty pounds in the span of two months and it mostly all went into her curves. The biggest she used to weigh prior that was 160 pounds whilst the biggest bra cup she once spurted prior these events was a 40DD. Her thighs were chafing against each other, her bosom likely caused some back pain even if I've only heard her complain about it but just once when she was one cup smaller, she was wearing a pair of size-12 stretchy jeans whose seams and very fabric threatened to burst apart at the littiest brutal motion or wegde because she probably was too ashamed to purchase a couple of new trousers above the size 14 (she really had an issue to internalize her own body self-image everytime she was getting overweight enough to purchase anything past the Large size... she stopped to wear dresses and skirts coming to the 140s because her hips went ample enough for that) , her boobs were oozing out profusedly from the cleavage of the outgrown tank tops she'd liked to wear back then, she enjoyed the overload in attention and emvy her newfound planturous figure brought around - including from mine - but was so bothered by the gossiping from her peers, the newfound daily physical experiences or the mere idea she was just so physically different and omly few more pounds away from being deemed clinically obese she persuaded herself to still weigh 130 pounds and denying her current appareance, fore thereafter reckon it and brag about her fuller curves the next minute thereafter (no jokes... the next minute!!) and the cycle followed up.

    She wasn't accustomed to her newfound body balance, neither by the realization she was then no longer as nimble she used to be. When she was way much thinner, she used to straddle on the way with her leggy body and to taunt me about how lighter-weight she was compared to me and hiw easy that eas to outwalk me (which was a foolish comparison, since I am a taller man, of rather strong built furthermore) : coming to the 140s, she begun to slow a little her pace and to adopt a somewhat leisured gait into her straddle, but still used to taunt me anyway ; but at the time she turned extremely bottom-heavy and bigger-legged, the heft of her impressive lower avoirs couples by her vanishing thigh gap forced her to adopt a mildly ponderous sway, almost bordering into the lesser end of a proper waddle, which grievely affected her usual speed... she was conscious about and it pissed her off alot, enough to consistently lecture me about how, I quote her own words "ungentlemanly" and "disrespectful" I tended to act whenever she noticed I was outpacing her at my own usual, unpressed walking speed or that she had to catch a little of breath as the weight was just already this much to carry on. Even running up three-levels stairs like she liked to do was something to not tackle as a topic when she used to be this chubby and she went far much pissed off when I challenged her to do it.
     
  14. Aug 17, 2019 #34

    Green Eyed Fairy

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    Lol, he made sure to let me know he likes bigger arses than my own. He has shown me a picture of a woman that has a bigger ass....because she probably outweighs me by about 150 lbs. I'm imagining she, or many other women my size, are not running marathons. He is not "new" to big ladies.
    He has made comments and asked me what is wrong when we walk- outside- on a very humid SC day, up and down hills. I don't complain, ask to sit down or anything. It just becomes obvious that he is bothered by it and makes comments.
    Yes we talked about it. He is slender and used to be a personal trainer.

    I exercise 30 minutes a day, weigh 287 at 5 foot four. I'm not as big as you may believe. I get around fine. Just cannot compete with a slender used-to-be personal trainer.

    I'm starting to lean towards the narcissistic personality thing that John Smith mentioned. Something wrong with that man....and it ain't me. He makes me feel bad about myself. If any of you guys do that shit to a woman, then don't act surprised if she doesn't like you.
     
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2019
  15. Aug 17, 2019 #35

    fuelingfire

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    To me, the biggest frustration would always be a lack of confidence that many fat women have. Confidence is really attractive.
     
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  16. Aug 19, 2019 at 12:45 PM #36

    BigElectricKat

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    First of all, let me say that there is nothing that I would ever want to change about you. You have an alluring mix of intelligence, beauty, sass, courage, and charisma. We are all so very glad you've come back and delighted us with your presence.
    But this guy sounds like he has an issue. Not with you per se. Even though he's said he like big gals, I think, and this is just a guess, that he's secretly trying to slim you down. I've seen this kind of behavior before. A guy or gal thinks they are doing you a favor by gently guiding you to change your life for the better (in their eyes). I knew a guy who did this very thing. Not saying that your guy s doing this on purpose. He may be doing it unconsciously. I don't know. You asked for possibilities of what his problem could be.
    I am so against someone trying to change you when they get in a relationship.
     
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  17. Aug 19, 2019 at 6:37 PM #37

    John Smith

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    There does actually exists worst: people who emotionally persuade you to change in a demeaning, less domineering or less free-minded way just to appease their own ego, whilst not being into a relationship at all.
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2019 at 10:18 PM
  18. Aug 19, 2019 at 7:17 PM #38

    Bama

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    From reading your original question, "I've been dating a guy that likes fat girls but seems to be bothered that I don't walk as fast as him. You tell me what the problem is?", as well as your follow-up info, it sounds like the walking is while exercising and it seems there could be a few different problems depending on what is really going on with this guy.

    1. It is possible that he simply wants to keep a faster pace. Since he is more slender, the faster pace is what he is used to. The two of you will need to discuss this and come to a compromise. Either he'll have to accept that he will need to walk at a slower pace when you are walking together or you will have to accept that you won't be able to walk with him every time or, maybe, start together and meet at the end. But, you guys have to communicate and figure something out. He genuinely likes fat girls but wants to get his workout on. I was in this category. I was a power lifter and personal trainer and I love fat girls. I never make them workout with me, they can if they want to. When they did workout with me, I didn't expect them to keep my pace. There's no way they were gonna keep up with me, so, when we went to a gym outside of the house, I would hit the weight stacks and she would go to the elliptical or whatever. Later, I would spot her on the weights. Then, we would walk at our own pace, meet somewhere, and then, when we did our cool down walk, we would walk together. By then, we're both walking at about the same pace and I'm ok with walking a little bit slower, if necessary.

    2. He may be trying to slim you down. But, if he really does like the big butts, slimming you down isn't gonna get you a bigger butt. Of course, that might be why he has so much experience with big ladies, he keeps trying to slim them down and they keep dumping him. He says he likes fat girls but that might just be a ploy so that he can get them in the gym. If this is the case, that's bad ju ju. You might need to do something about the relationship, like an exit plan. I'm not saying to get out of the relationship. I'm just saying that if this is going on, it's not likely that you're going to fix him so you might want to fix your situation.

    3. He might just be subconsciously trying to slim you down. He might not even realize that he's pushing you because he really likes fat girls but the media and society has trained him that this was wrong so in his subconscious he's trying to slim you down. If this is what is happening, this can be fixed. You can either get out of the relationship or if you really like this guy, just tell him to stop doing it. Let him know that you will no longer stand for it and if he really cares about you and your feeling and if he wants to be in the relationship, he'll stop that behavior.

    No matter what the issue is, talk to him. Ask him what is going on. If he won't tell you, it's probably #2. If he's not really sure, it might be #3. But, don't let him off easy. Press him for an answer. Be gentle but firm. Be sure to let him know how you feel and that you want to be in the relationship but that he makes you feel bad. If he does care about you and it's #1, or even #2, he'll do what he has to do to make things work.

    May I ask one favor? If you don't mind telling us, will you let us know how it turns out? I really hope that this guy turns out to be a keeper.
     
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  19. Aug 19, 2019 at 8:48 PM #39

    loopytheone

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    Yeah, that would be a red flag to me. Nobody should make you feel bad about yourself when you are around him. He sounds very inconsiderate, at the least. I'd say you should forget about him and spend time around people who make you feel good, but you're a smart lady and already know that.
     
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  20. Aug 20, 2019 at 1:04 AM #40

    Green Eyed Fairy

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    You are incredibly sweet and mady my day. Thank you so much for your kind words :)

    I'm having one problem with the slim me down idea: I met him on a BBW dating site. I think he doesn't like my shape as much as some might.
    BTW, we weren't exercising. We were out on a date, went to a different restaurant we wanted to try and then decided to stroll around down town. And that's what I do: Stroll. Where in the hell he was in such a hurry to get to, I have no clue.

    Thank you Loops. You are correct about needing to keep different company. Ignored him this past weekend and then he apologized to me by text last night that he wasn't able to meet up with me. Holy hell,, I had forgotten about it anyway :p
    Anyhoo, met another guy from another dating site....his handle is "Thor" and holy cow if he isn't. I hope to hear from him again. <3 I bet he's got a big....hammer *fans herself* :p
     

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