FA, Fetishes and Judgement

Discussion in 'Fat sexuality' started by Jimevil2000, Aug 22, 2019.

  1. Aug 22, 2019 #1

    Jimevil2000

    Jimevil2000

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    I am thankful for this place.

    I feel that as a board, it should be totally open minded. As long as people stay on topic, they should not be judged or silenced.

    The reality is, for some, being attracted to a Large Body is just a fetish or it’s simply about sex. I don’t think those people should be excluded on that basis as long as they stay topical to the thread they are in.

    I think for a lot of young men and women, the realization of the attraction towards large bodies manifests itself as a fetish per-se. Remember, acknowledging a fetish and coming out of the shadows is the first step for many towards self actualization.

    In the end I feel this is a place for the open exchange of ideas and no one should feel ashamed to express themselves. Remember the old adage “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything.”

    Just my two cents.
     
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  2. Aug 22, 2019 #2

    happily_married

    happily_married

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    Out of curiosity did anything in particular inspire this thread? Any observations from other threads maybe?
     
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  3. Aug 22, 2019 #3

    Jimevil2000

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    Mostly stuff I’ve seen while exploring long threads, with adverse reactions to people sharing stuff. While there is the occasional creeper out there, I think most would benefit more from interaction as opposed to exclusion.
     
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  4. Aug 22, 2019 #4

    LJ Rock

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    These boards have a long history rooted in the original Fat Acceptance Movement that began in the late 1960s. I'm not going to get into the philosophies behind the movement, as there are I'm sure some people still hanging around here who could explain it a lot better than I could - but it seems like for a long time on these boards there was sort of a built-in conflict between those who were true to the idea that people of size and those that love them should have a safe place to recognize their own value and be uplifted and celebrated in all ways - including but not limited to their sexuality, and those that were simply interested in satisfying some fetishistic urge. Heated discussions over boundaries between fantasy and reality, what's healthy and what isn't or whether or not someone or something was being exploited or exploitive were common place. Rarely was anything definitive ever really resolved.

    I don't really hang out here or post nearly as much as I once did, or at least not enough to know whether or not anyone here is still waging those kinds of wars. I suspect however that a lot of the conflictive posts were made at least a decade ago, as most of the old-warriors have either died off or drifted away. The collective activity of these boards seems to me to be just a shadow of what it was just a few years ago, but it's good to see there are still some folks coming on here who are interested in seeing something other than just the latest web-model posts (as if those were really hard to find anywhere on the net these days!)

    There is indeed a time and place for everything, including raw sexual fantasies and fetishes. For sexually mature adults there is nothing wrong with occasionally allowing yourself to be objectified, or to objectify the consenting adult of your desire - so long as one does not lose their humanity in the process.

    Not casting any judgements over what is wrong or right - just thought I'd offer some perspective, seeing as how I seem to be one of the only 'old-timers' who's still around.
     
  5. Aug 23, 2019 #5

    Tad

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    The great white north, eh?
    Some years ago there was a bit of an en masse departure to Facebook of many long-time members -- this was a while before the change of ownership with the boards, so it was a good while back. That migration took most of the warriors of that particular issue off the site, for better and worse. It did make things more peaceful, but those were also passionate, involved, people, who challenged a lot of ideas and contributed a lot to the discussions for the most part. And frankly I think most people get bored of being agreed with after a while :-/
     
  6. Aug 23, 2019 #6

    Green Eyed Fairy

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    What Tad and LJ said. I think those discussions were needed. A preference for fat partners goes way beyond some random guys dick. Did I stay on topic, btw? ;)

    Some people have became very unthankful for this place. It was great in it's hey day but now we're all tripping over ourselves for new members after that aforementioned mass exodus.
    Snooze fest most of the time since then. Why I left myself for a while.
    I miss the more intelligent insights into living inside a fat body. Don't really care how often some guy jerks off to measurement sizes. Kind of why I was laughing at some other guys thread last week...I felt my eyeballs rolling back up into my head again.

    All about the numbers and his dick. We care....why??

    This site hasn't been about fat acceptance or anything else so noble in a long time. It's not even good enough to say it's about nekkid women. They all have to run out screaming how much fatter they would LOVE LOVE LOVE to be so they can keep their sales up.
    Yeah I guess that means some women have their own sets up numbers up in their heads, too.
     
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2019
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  7. Aug 25, 2019 #7

    Blockierer

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    Nothing's wrong to have a fetish for large bodies or to want sex with fat people. Fat is fat and sex is sex and fat sex is fine.
     
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  8. Aug 25, 2019 #8

    agouderia

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    There is nothing wrong with a faible for fetishes and all sorts of kinky sexy whatevers.

    The line is always - and that's also where my personal openminded-ness ends - that it has to be between consenting, independent adults. And not have degrading the object of your fetish as main content and goal.
     
  9. Aug 26, 2019 #9

    happily_married

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    Yes, consent is everything. There are so many different fetishes out there and as long as both partners agree I don’t see the harm in any of them, even if I don’t understand. I have a few of my own and I know people wouldn’t understand them. I try not to judge because I wouldn’t appreciate being judged for my fetishes.

    I do maintain that not everyone who likes fat girls or guys has a fetish. It’s treated that way by a large chunk of the general public but a lot of people just have a natural preference. No different than a preference for any other body type or ethnicity, etc. I have described it as “sexual attraction” because generally speaking I find a wide range of body types to be beautiful. I love seeing women who work out regularly, for example. But I just can’t get it going for them. And back when I dated them I worried I may have a problem because it was sometimes hard to, well, get hard.

    Even back then I liked fat girls but wished I didn’t. I came around though because I believe a natural preference backed by a stronger sexual attraction won the day. It felt good not to have to force things. It felt so much more natural and things improved for me drastically once I accepted my preference and outgrew my sensitivities to what others thought.
     
  10. Aug 26, 2019 #10

    AmyJo1976

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    Agreed. Absolutely nothing wrong with fetishes between consenting adults. My BF and I have plenty of them and try to fulfill each other's fantasies as much as possible :D
     
  11. Aug 28, 2019 #11

    LuvMBigger

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    I have been frequently asked if my attraction to BBW's was a fetish. It is always asked in a judgemental context of "fetish = bad". I respond by asking them to explain their distinction between a fetish and a preference. Nobody would describe the fact that I am exclusively sexually attracted to women as opposed to men as a "fetish" It's just a preference and no value judgement should be attached. So far, none of the people who have asked the question have come up with any reasonable explanation for why those preferences should be judged differently.
     
  12. Aug 28, 2019 #12

    goodman4ssbbw

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    I do not regard being an FA as a fetish. I do have some fetishes, however, this is not one of them.
     
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  13. Aug 28, 2019 #13

    Broseph

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    Been away for a week or two.. Nice to be back.

    This is a really interesting post and I'll throw my hat in the ring here. I used to think I had a "fat fetish" and that it was bad. The logic ran as LuvMBigger noted: I like X, I seem to be in the minority in liking it, therefore it's a fetish. Somehow I made it moral, too--fetish is bad. Probably because it's very easy to see different as bad, especially as a kid. And especially living in a culture that has many oppressive and harmful beauty/body standards.

    As I got older and read about fetishes, the logic shifted a bit, to: I focus on X instead of the personality, etc., thus I elevate fatness to something extravagant, magical even. This seemed to be another way to condemn myself, taking a moralistic stance on my sexuality. Here I wasn't just beating myself up for being different, but had added this don't-objectify-the-body-so-much-love-the-person hammer to my tool kit.

    Don't want to spray too far from the topic here, but this Second development of my youthful self-loathing highlights a cultural inconsistency I'm sure I'm not the only one to have noticed: "Beauty is on the inside" but "don't love or live in a large body". (The second was delivered in a more covert, but clear, way). The first effectively says size, looks don't matter--it's the personality, values, etc. that do; the second says, Whatever you do, don't live in or love a large body or bad things will happen. We say looks don't matter, then police people's bodies. End of side note. Back to thread topic..

    I don't really think of being an FA as a fetish. There is too much that comes along with it: cultural awareness, resistance to harmful jokes/perspectives/media, this dance with shame that many of us do, feelings of not fitting in. For me it is a big part of my identity, being an FA. As I write this, however, I realize that a fetish could also be a big part of one's identity, so I don't know. Maybe it doesn't matter if I classify it as a fetish or not, although, in my opinion, labelling it as a fetish seems to diminish my FAness. I guess the point is that I'm an FA and it's a big deal to me. To your point about dialogue--I think if it's constructive and honest, it's on point. Sometimes we (humans) argue and close our minds to other points of view or experiences that we haven't had. Anyway, that's way more than I planned to write.
     
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  14. Aug 29, 2019 #14

    Shotha

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    I totally agree with this and would like to add a couple of points.

    Being an FA is just a preference. People tell me that I've got a fetish, because I only date fat guys. So, why don't people, who only date slim people, have a fetish? I think that people, who want to tell us that we have a fetish, want to have their cake and eat it.

    I find fat guys with big bellies attractive. However, there's one good reason for my not viewing this as a fetish. On dating sites for fat gay men, there are literally millions of pictures of big bellies. They don't interest me at all. My preference is for men with big bellies not for disembodied big bellies.
     
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  15. Sep 14, 2019 #15

    knightmare870

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    I've been labeled as having a fetish for fat girls in the past. I have tried to be respectful and of other people's opinions, but it's wrong. It's not a fetish, it's a sexual attraction. You don't call gay people as being straight with a sexual fetish for the same sex people.
     
  16. Sep 14, 2019 #16

    BBW MeganLynn44DD

    BBW MeganLynn44DD

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    My husband has always liked larger women.What is wrong with that?It is like preferring a blonde or brunette.I am very happy being heavy and still gaining at times.He has encouraged me and happy to let him lead the way.
     
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  17. Sep 14, 2019 #17

    sarahe543

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    Those who mind dont matter, and those who matter dont mind.

    I couldn't care less if someone thinks being an ffa is a fetish. If they think I'm weird for only liking fat men they're not my kind of person! Same for many other things I like doing wouldn't describe them as a fetish, just preference.
     
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  18. Sep 14, 2019 #18

    AmyJo1976

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    I couldn't agree more! All my friends know what my preference in men is and they don't have a problem with it. It's kinda hard to hide with a 400+ pound BF also lol!
     
  19. Sep 14, 2019 #19

    sarahe543

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    Oh I know, like I've had friends who say stuff like you really like big guys eh? DUH! Kind of obvious ;)
     
  20. Sep 15, 2019 at 3:00 AM #20

    Shotha

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    When people ask me, "So, you like the big guys, do you?" I reply, "No, I like the fat guys."
     

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