First of all, I'm not pointing fingers at anyone. I also am not trying to make excuses for the behavior of fat admirers. I am hoping to have a constructive discussion about something that I have been trying to work out in my own head as I read around the other boards here at Dims. I know that there are fat admirers who are just callous. But it seems to me that sometimes, some of the posts that pertain to health, confidence and weight loss seem to contain....almost a zealotry. I guess what I mean is, I feel as if the FA/FFA is not really speaking to the fat person, as much as they are speaking to themselves. I always read into those type of posts a certain denial born out of the desire to shape the world into the fat admirer's ideal. I have seen the usual conflicts around here lately and it seems to me that maybe part of the problem stems from the fact that the reality of life for many fat people can rattle a fat admirer's sense of ease with their sexual orientation(or whatever you want to call it). I particularly feel that this is true when it comes to the issues of confidence and the health/weight loss issues. I admit that I have at times in the past read those things and felt a little rattled. And I also admit that, at least in my own head, in the past I have been guilty from time to time of a certain denial. So I am starting this discussion with my own mea culpa. I'm not really sure what my questions are....I guess it's just do you feel as a fat admirer that you sometimes put reality on hold in order to feel less threatened by the challenges that fat people face? Or do you go the other way and wallow in guilt? Do you think there's a balance to be struck that would make it easier to both appreciate BBW/BHM, yet at the same time create a more supportive environment from fat admirers? Is there anything else you want to say about this topic? Again, this is not to start a flame or blame war. This isn't to make fat admirers feel badly, either. I just always feel that there is something under the surface sometimes when you see a fat admirer who contributes to the boards in a more meaningful way than just "that's hot" but who at the same time seems to almost willfully be ignoring what is being said by the fat people. It's like we want to have the discussions, but only if we can keep the tough stuff out of the conversation. I just wondered if anyone else felt this way, I guess.